I am writing this review through two different lenses; one as a Certified Sexuality Counselor, intimacy coach, and sexual health practitioner; and the other as a queer, relational anarchist living in an intentional community.

For other relational and sexuality counselors, coaches, and educators, Dr. Nasserzadeh provides an incredibly thorough paradigm shift for working with clients. Her extensive experience and research with folks from myriad backgrounds and geographic locations truly provide a global perspective on connection, intimacy, and the practical logistics of love. Filled with case studies, accessible exercises, and external resources, she provides you a smorgasbord of options for your own life and those for whom you care. Dr. Nasserzadeh stays grounded in her perspective, often challenging dominant culture and societal expectations of love and sex. I predict this book will quickly become assigned reading for people in relational care around the world.

My only critique relates to the monogacentric tilt of most of the conversation. While it is clarified that she works with clients from all different relationship structures, most of the language and exercises are geared towards couples practicing presumed or explicit monogamy, or at most, hierarchical polyamory. As someone who doesn’t personally practice in this way, I found myself having to reframe some of the exercises and ideas to be more applicable. My primary internal edit was to replace the use of the word “coupledom” with simply relationship or connection. That being said, I don’t believe anyone would have trouble applying this book or what it posits to their own life in most cases. I would also encourage folks to apply some of these practices to other significant relationships, not just romantic ones.

This book will challenge many core beliefs and myths about love (or the “temporary insanity of hormones”) that many of us hold as absolute truths. There were numerous times throughout the book that I found myself cheering for the ideas that Dr. Nasserzadeh brings to the table, challenging us to allow love to show up as a distinct, independent character in our lives and relationships. We all have the ability to care for ourselves and others with the pure, deep love that most seek, but we must be realistic about the work and collaboration it takes for that love to emerge. With time and effort, I believe many will find peace and healing with the messages this book contains. But as Dr. Nasserzadeh said herself, “...nothing you learn about in this book should be left to chance. It is all about choices.”

Love by Design offers a fundamentally different view about love and how you can create and sustain it in a long term relationship. The ingredients might seem self-evident at first glance but there is so much depth and substance to each ingredient that after reading each chapter, you wonder how you actually show up for your partner in that regard.
Another aspect of this book that stands out and makes it quite different than most books on this topic on the market is that it's not a quick read that you can summarize all its points in just 3 pages. I found the material quite dense and filled with illustrative examples, insights, exercises and practical tips. For sure, someone who reads and really absorbs this book cannot look at love the same way as before. It offers a tectonic shift in how we conceptualize and manifest love.
Since Dr. Nasserzadeh has worked in multiple global settings, her wisdom and experience is far reaching and that's why I believe many people can relate to what she is offering in her book. I can't wait to read her future books since she seems to have a lot to offer to the world.

Love by Design intricately weaves a compelling narrative on love and intimate relationships, offering profound insights into what actually is rhetorical secret to a lifetime of love. The author’s thoughtful exploration delves into the six ingredients of everlasting love, providing readers with a blueprint for navigating the intricate design of a loving relationship. With a perfect blend of wisdom and warmth, this book is a must-read for anyone seeking a deeper understanding of the dynamics that shape our most cherished bonds.

Embark on a revolutionary journey with "Love by Design" by Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, a groundbreaking guide that challenges conventional notions of love and offers a fresh paradigm for building enduring connections. Based on two decades of extensive research and global couple interventions, this book introduces the Emergent Love Model, reshaping our understanding of successful partnerships. Delve into the six core relational ingredients – Attraction, Respect, Trust, Compassion, Shared Vision, and Loving Behaviors – that lay the foundation for lasting love. Driven by the belief that successful partnerships transcend traditional notions of love, this book provides practical exercises and reflection prompts to help couples redefine romance and cultivate a love that stands the test of time. A must-read for those seeking to transform disillusioned or disconnected relationships, "Love by Design" is a compass for nurturing a fulfilling and enduring coupledom.