"No amount of outrage or anger from us seems to match the hate directed at us. Hate that we are supposed to readily accept as part of our existence."

IMMORTAL PLEASURES by V. Castro is a lot of different things: a historical revenge story, a dark meet cute, and a vampire erotica novel. Some of these elements really worked for me including the historical story surrounding an ancient Aztec vampire who was once a slave to Hernan Cortez. That part of the story definitely kept me interested and I honestly thought her erotica was much more on point than most that I have dabbled in.

Where the story kind of fell a bit short for me was the romantic "true love" aspect - just took away from the MCs motivations a bit for me and felt like too many storylines were being introduced. That being said, I absolutely loved Castro's writing in this one as usual. Her passion and heart for writing is captivating.

While this may not have been my absolute favorite Castro out there, it is still worth reading for the historical revenge aspect in itself. Also, I have a low tolerance for romance storylines so this might be RIGHT up your alley if you are drawn to that kind of storyline.

Thank you to the author, @netgalley and the publisher, @delreybooks for the e-ARC.

✴️✴️✴️

If you were suddenly a vampire, what is the first thing you would do?

I think I would begin by finding out if any of the tropes are real - can I fly? Does my skin shimmer? Can I "influence" people with my glamour? And then I would probably try to figure out where to get synthetic blood because sucking someone else's neck on a regs sounds kinda awkward. 🤣

💚SMASHBOT💚

Too much, just too much! Yet not enough horror. *sad face* I've only ever liked one of her books, maybe her writing just isn't for me.

CW: Very very explicit sexual content

TW: Sexual assault, slavery, abuse, toxic relationships, child abandonment

*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
Hundreds of years ago, she was known as La Malinche: a Nahua woman who translated for the conquistador Cortés. In the centuries since, her name has gone down in infamy as a traitor. But no one ever found out what happened to La Malinche after Cortés destroyed her people.

In the ashes of the empire, she was reborn as Malinalli, an immortal vampire. And she has become an avenger of conquered peoples, traveling the world to reclaim their stolen artifacts and return them to their homelands.

But she has also been in search of something more, for this ancient vampire still has deeply human longings for pleasure and for love.

When she arrives in Dublin in search of a pair of Aztec skulls—artifacts intimately connected to her own dark history—she finds something else: two men who satisfy her cravings in very different ways.

For the first time she meets a mortal man—a horror novelist—who is not repelled by her strange condition but attracted by it. But there is also another man, an immortal like herself, who shares the darkness in her heart.

Now Malinalli is on the most perilous adventure of all: a journey into her own desires.
Release Date: April 16th, 2024
Genre: Horror
Pages: 304
Rating: ⭐

What I Liked:
1. The cover of the book
2. The plot sounded good

What I Didn't Like:
1. 32 references to 🐓
2. It's all sex and barely horror
3. Insta-love
4. The description of all the sex acts

Overall Thoughts:
{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}

Honestly, who's in charge of the synopsis of this book? It starts with the longest paragraphs ever explaining this book.

First chapter we meet the author.

I'm not blushing - you are. *hides face*

"Beads of pre-cum call for me to lick it off, wear it like lip gloss."
Ewwwww.

I think I've stepped into the wrong book.

I don't know if I can make it through this book honestly. To people really enjoy reading this? I feel like I'm watching a porno but with my ears.

Then the guy finds out that she's a vampire and calmly lets her sit there and suck the blood out of his wrist. He doesn't freak out he's just like yeah dude you should have all of me. No! That's not how life works. People throw up red flags over having bad teeth. This guy he doesn't care.

Omg omg omg I can't. I just can't go any further with this book. This is the paragraph that broke me;
"While lying on my side , still drowsy, he greets me from behind with his erect cock, the wet tip sliding between my ass cheeks. As my pussy becomes wetter from his cock entering and exiting, he slides toward my anus. It’s stimulated until it pulses like a little sea anemone trying to catch prey. His one arm casts around my own, so that his wrist rests on my mouth. His other hand, coated with lube, continues to tease my little puckered hole, sending shockwaves of titillation to my toes."
No no no no!

Final Thoughts:
Dnfed on page 70.

I thought this was horror but it felt more like I was reading a porno erotica book. There is so much sex in this book. I really tried to pay attention to the story beyond, but it felt like the story was erotica with hints of horror.

All the descriptions of all the sex acts were just grossing me out. The way they're described is so extreme and just gross. I'm not a prude but I didn't sign up for this book to be so over the top sexual. I am not a reader of smut as it just gets so boring. Everytime I could learn about La Malinche it jumps right into a sex scene with the author. I'm not a fan of books that talk about how women are sexually assaulted and then the next chapter they have mind blowing sex. It's odd and I never know what to take from that.

This was my 3rd book from the author and I'm going to call it - it's my last book. Lots of people enjoy her writing and what a POC author has to say, those are the parts I enjoy getting to learn and read, but sadly this book pushes all that down to have a horny vampire.

IG | Blog

Thanks to Netgalley and Ballantine | Del Rey for the advanced ebook copy of the book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Out of the 388 books on my 'Read' shelf and 70 books I've gotten ARCS of through NetGalley, Immortal Pleasures has the lowest average rating from reviewers. Say it isn't so! I really loved The Haunting of Alejandra from V Castro last year and was really looking forward to reading this.

Unfortunately, I have to report that the average rating does reflect the book after all. There were a lot of things happening in this book, and none of them were done well. Underdeveloped characters, a truly batshit plot, and the most cringeworthy sex scenes I've ever read ( and SO MANY of them!). On the plus side, this book was so wack that I actually ended up kinda enjoying it?

I have no idea what happened here. Castro is capable of very good work, and I will still read more from her in the future.

Thank you NetGalley and Del Rey for an eARC in exchange for an honest review!

Sometimes I wish I was illiterate.

Immortal Pleasures was an experience. The premise is so good! The cover is good! I liked Castro’s The Haunting of Alejandra, and “an ancient vampire is on a quest for revenge, desire, pleasure, and love” sounded so fun. I was excited, but in the end I mostly felt bamboozled and a little unhinged and insane.

I’m not entirely sure I fully understood what was going on here besides the fact Malinalli is an immortal vampire, who is actually La Malinche reborn in the aftermath of Cortés’ colonization. She wants revenge and to repatriate artifacts from the Aztec Empire, and also she is so, so horny. So horny. Also, John Hawkins is here??? And he’s running an evil skincare brand with Cortés????? And Judas (like, from the Bible) makes an appearance. Because sure, why not.

This was a bizarre reading experience because honestly it was so bad that it was entertaining. Apart from the first couple of chapters, which were promising, each sentence made me feel like I had to be reading satire. And I mean, “seductive dark fantasy?” Okay! Sign me up!! I’m game!!! But this was baffling, and I’m still stuck on Malinalli using butter as lube before anal sex. I mean, there’s a lot of other sex happening but really, this is the one that is going to haunt me.

I cannot in good consciousness recommend this one unless you want to laugh-cry your way through 300 pages of whatever this is.

This was not for me. I struggled 3 times to get into this. I just couldn’t get through the few chapters. The writing felt clunky to me and forced.

This book was tough to get through. I put it down more than once, ambivalent about finishing it.

Our main character doesn't read like the independent, all-powerful, serenely confident immortal I think the author was trying to portray. Mostly, Malinalli gives horny, insecure, confused, angry, attention-starved human adolescent. And not a very smart one at that.

Our villain, Hernán Cortés, once the most legendary and fearsome of all the Spanish conquistadors, has inexplicably decided that his afterlife's calling is a business venture peddling beauty products.

There is also smut. It is pure comedy.

Explaining a certain song in order to portray the mood of a scene falls totally flat in the written word, dear. Please stop with the oddly-specific playlist. JUST DESCRIBE the mood.

Ultimately, neither the characters not the plot felt believable, relatable, or compelling in any way. A final stake in the heart (ha) -- several spots throughout the book where the author seemed to have missed a word or made a poor grammatical choice that an editor ought to have caught.

Malinalli is Le Malinche, the former Mexican interpreter for Hernán Cortés, who helped play a role in the Spanish conquest of the Aztec Empire. This story is a twist on if these two characters had really become vampires instead of dying and how their past history together would influence a bitter rivalry and quest for vengeance against the wrongs committed.

V. Castro had a great concept to bring history and a vampire story about her Latina roots to the modern world. She was very descriptive in her world building, and each of her characters had their own personalities.

I wanted to like this story. It seemed like an interesting plot, and the characters had potential, but it was hard to get into the story. It kept jumping around, and the flashbacks didn't seem to correlate with what was going on in the present. The main character, Malinalli, constantly had a rambling inner dialogue and seemed very naive for being a centuries old vampire. There were more nautical sea references during the erotic scenes than a sailor's retelling of one of his voyages.

Overall, I felt like I had to push through this one to get to the end. It seems like it was left open to possibly have a follow-up adventure with Malinalli and Alex, so there may be redemption for these characters yet.

This story is written so beautifully. I love many of V. Castro’s books. This is no different. This was such a great take on vampires.

Thanks NetGalley for the Arc

This book was a tough one for me. There were times that it was a bit tough to follow and continue because the character would ramble and ponder a bit much. I feel like a lot of it could’ve been condensed. On that note, I really loved the story line, the history behind it and her fantastic way of making such a good idea behind a story based on her fantasies in her mind. I love that about Castro, she takes you to so many worlds and pulls you into her characters and their feelings. She put a lot of heart into this book for sure. There were some beautiful moments in the book and also some entertaining points. There were some parts that might offend people but I’m not judging any of the sex scenes, that part doesn’t bother me. I just had an issue with some of the repetition of the character’s thoughts. I rated it 4/5. Thank you NetGalley and publishers!

3.25/5

I was really excited for this book - I mean this book gives off Latinx Queen of the Damned vibes. It was an interesting , dark historical fantasy tale about avenging an Aztec Vampire, and the attention to detail was unmatched in this novel, as Castro makes it a point to provide historical details and context to characters, thus providing them with detailed and interesting backstories.

I think there were questionable writing choices at some of the spicier scenes, specifically at how certain body parts were described and believe it could've used another round of editing or something as the book felt incomplete at times despite me enjoying my read through of the book. It felt like more of a Paranormal Romance book as opposed to a Horror-Romance book.


Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Whew look at that pretty lady! So this is a dark historical fantasy set in a vampire filled world that is ruled by powerful matriarchs. As the cover and title honestly suggest, this is an erotic story as it seems most vampire novels these days and I found it okay. My fault as this isn't typically a book I'd read but the cover enticed me. The writing was a little weird and the plot itself lulled but hey I gave it a try and I now know who I can recommend this to :) MY ENEMIES!!! just kidding, probably my aunts.

This is a really cool take on a vampire story. Immortal Pleasures follows an ancient Aztec woman turned vampire. It's a mix of modern day and flashbacks to when she was enslaved and impregnated by Cortès and how she became a vampire. In the modern timeline, she buys and sells antiquities and is looking for love while also being hunted. I really like the world-building, the way this puts a different spin on the genre, and the complexities of the main character. And there is a lot of commentary on cultural artifacts and their relationship to colonization which is done reasonably well.

That said, there are a couple of things to be aware of. First, chapter 1 is extremely info-dumpy and lot of the content could have been more smoothly woven into the story. But I can forgive a first chapter being like that. The other thing is that this has quite a lot of explicit sex, but it's not generally written in a sexy way, if that makes sense. I THINK this might be intentional given the story, but there were descriptions that had me kind of cringing. I sometimes read erotic romance so I don't have a problem with the content (though some readers might), but the way it's written doesn't read like a romance novel. So heads up. Overall, I did like this, though it wasn't entirely what I expected. I think if you go in with the right expectations, it might work out better. And I would read more in this world if she decided to continue the story.

I’ve enjoyed V. Castro’s work in the past, but unfortunately Immortal Pleasures was a bit of a miss for me. The premise and gorgeous cover absolutely drew me in, and I was so ready to read about a vengeful vampire queen laying waste to the men who have wronged her. Sounds great, right?

Immortal Pleasures is not that. In the present day, we follow Malinalli as she seeks to find a pair of Aztec skulls that have a special link to her past. The skulls take a backseat when she meets Colin, a young Irish author, and the two spark a romance. That romance consumes almost all of the first half of the book, and I found it really hard to care about. I did enjoy the second half of the novel more than the first, but again a lot of time was spent on a rather unnecessary romance.

I did enjoy the writing style and the moments we spent in Malinalli‘s past. That part of the story was interesting, especially New York in the 70s, and I’m curious to see if Castro will revisit this world in the future. Even though this one didn’t work for me I’ll continue to read from this author in the future.

Thank you to Del Rey and NetGalley for a review copy.

I really loved the story line, it was really intriguing. But it was slow and then the end was really short lived. I enjoyed the history of the characters.

Things I thought were done very well:

The reframing of indigenous/settler interactions through the reclamation of La Malinche as a woman who did what she had to survive. The use of Cortés as the symbol of conquest was written so well, especially in relation to the oppressive nature of language translation (reminded me a lot of Babel and the “every act of Translation is an act of betrayal” idea). The chosen settings were a great way to highlight the juxtaposition of the settler/indigenous relationship.

What missed the mark for me:
At times it felt like there was just too much going on. With biological warfare against vampires and the involvement of the beauty industry and literature and etc etc. I understand the implications of including all of these themes but it just felt overdone. The “spice” was also a bit of overkill for me. I acknowledge Malinalli’s sexual prowess as part of her character but it felt like the spice scenes were random and sometimes unnecessary!

Overall I do think this book is worth reading, ESPECIALLY if you love stories reclaiming indigenous narratives through horror and fantasy!

Immortal Pleasures is a hard book to review; there’s a lot I liked about it, but it was also kind of jumbled and strange. It features various real historical figures, plus one from the Bible, fashioning them here as centuries-old vampires. We have Malinalli (famously known as La Malinche), Hernán Cortés, John Hawkins, and Judas, all battling with or against each other in modern-day Dublin and London. It’s a fascinating premise for a book, even if the execution is a bit different than I’d hoped.

Most of the book is told from Malinalli’s perspective, 500 years after she became a vampire in 16th century Mexico. In extended flashbacks, we get to see what her life was like as a human in the 1500s, forced to work alongside Hernán Cortés as a translator. After becoming a vampire, she didn’t want to inflict harm the way the Spanish invaders had; she simply wanted to retreat and undo the wrongs done to her homeland. But now, in the 2020s and working to reclaim stolen artifacts, she’s in Dublin to retrieve a pair of Aztec skulls from her lifetime. Malinalli is looking for love, with two consecutive love interests here, but she’s also being hunted by an evil man from her past: none other than Cortés, now a vampire himself.

The first part of the book is rather slow and feels distracted from the main plot. Malinalli finds a human boyfriend, Colin, while staying in Dublin, and it slows down her mission to get those Aztec skulls back. Much of the first 40% of Immortal Pleasures focuses on her ill-fated relationship with Colin. It’s very noir, with tons of gratuitous sex scenes that feel oddly uncomfortable. I read a lot of romance novels, many of them with steamy scenes, so I’m not opposed to on-page sex in general. But here (as in another recent book, The Emperor and the Endless Palace), the sex scenes feel voyeuristic and weirdly depicted. Honestly, a lot of the parts with Colin and their sexual encounters could have been eliminated or at least cut down a bit.

There are two real plots in the modern-day portions: First, Malinalli is finding herself all these centuries later and hoping to finally find love; and two, Cortés is hunting her down with a battle looming in the near future. Both plots will converge eventually, with a mysterious vampire named Alexander there to join forces with Malinalli.

I liked a lot of the history and reexamining of historical figures here. There is some great discussion around colonialism, reclaiming what’s been stolen from Indigenous cultures by invaders, continued racism, female sexuality, and more. However, so much of Immortal Pleasures starts to feel very random. Reimagining La Malinche and Hernán Cortés makes sense; throwing in John Hawkins is an interesting if unexpected choice; adding Judas (yes, that Judas, from the Bible) to the mix is kind of baffling? As the battle draws closer and the story reaches its climax and end, it kind of all falls apart. Like there was too much going on, too much being woven together, with ends that feel too sudden or convenient… I wasn’t sure how to feel by the end.

All in all, Immortal Pleasures offers up really interesting ideas and discussions, but the way it all comes together is at times perplexing, at times uncomfortably strange, and at times just too convoluted. I enjoyed it to a degree, and will continue to think about certain aspects of it, but I can’t say I’d want to reread it.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. And I really wanna take a moment to emphasize how thankful I am to receive copies from publishers, even when I don’t end up liking the book. Reading and reviewing is my favorite thing to do and these copies make that possible. 💜

My Selling Pitch:
Imagine reading Hernan Cortes teams up with his gay bestie, John Hawkins, the father of the slave trade, to launch his vampire facial skincare line. Also featuring Judas, yes like from the Bible Judas, as our insta-love interest to little miss girlypop shoves a stick of butter up her asshole so it can wink like a sea anemone.

And being like, yeah, this should be published.

Truly, one of the worst things I’ve ever read. It will probably be my worst book of the year, and it is so firmly on my do-not-read list.

Pre-reading:
Sorry to this cover, but she looks like an AI Sim dislocating her hip. Vampires are so back, baby. I know nothing about this book only that it involves vampires and that I’ve been seeing it everywhere.

Thick of it:
I wanna go to Ireland.

Immediately no. DNF. It’s giving YA dear diary. It’s giving performative woke. (But you know who doesn’t DNF books? This stupid bitch.)

Sun of Blood and Ruin primed me for this lol. What are the odds?

This writing is so stilted.

There’s nothing sexy about this.

This feels like Ali Hazelwood’s Bride, but way worse.

I know I am extremely biased, but tell me this isn’t Colin O’Donoghue.

Oh, the insta lust is insane.

This is so cringe.

This is author insert wish fulfillment.

This is unreadable. I’m at 5%. Oh no.

Bee movie pussy. Get me out of here.

This is so poorly written.

How does he suck you with his eyes and his stubble, girlypop? (You gotta appreciate the irony of me nitpicking grammar when I write like this.)

This is so bad. I might actually DNF.

What do you mean bull rider precision? There’s no precision to bull riding.

I feel like saying pots of gold exist about the Irishman is not great optics.

Oh look, his name is Colin. They didn’t even try to hide it. This is Colin O’Donoghue. And like I get it. I’m also obsessed with that man.

Your great revenge plan is paying people for artifacts they stole? Make it make sense.

This book thinks it’s sexy and feminist, but it is not.

copal

I like how she’s like he’s a good man because he owns an old bookstore, and I’m like girlypop, have you met extreme horror men?

That’s funny. I was literally wondering if Tabasco came from Tabascans, and then I was like don’t write that down. That’s so out of pocket, Samantha. Don’t be culturally insensitive. But turns out I’m just an etymologist.

Do you think she can eat period blood? (This is never addressed and that feels like a crime.)

You’re joking. The villain is Hernan Cortes. Who okayed this book?

She’s a sex worker because she’s a #StrongIndependentWoman. She’s got AirPods.

And girlypop just left her defenseless and passed out on a bench. #Feminism.

This is unreadable. (Take a shot every time Samantha hits a wall in this book and writes this and yet continues on.)

Imagine you’re the publisher and you’re like yeah, I’m gonna publish a book where Hernan Cortes checks his email.

Wow, he has a gay friend? What an ally. I hate it here.

I’m sorry his gay friend John Hawkins. The man who established the slave trade.

I have no words. How was this published?

Oh my god, and now he’s Jeffree Star.

You’re telling me someone read Hernan Cortes and John Hawkins team up to make a skincare line out of vampire juice and said send it to the presses.

How is this not satire?

She paid her $400. She can definitely make more than that in a week. What do you mean?

I literally don’t know how I’m gonna finish this.

It’s just the constant sexual assault commentary that thinks it’s saying something, but it’s not. It’s all virtue signaling. The fake feminism. I’m getting so angry, and it’s written so horribly. It’s like worse than Wattpad. And you can tell it thinks it’s being really woke and making an impact.

I will be shocked if this is not my worst book of the year.

I’m not a zombie girl.

huipil

caciques

macana

Imagine being a hundreds of years old vampire who’s been seducing men her whole life and still being like what if he thinks my titties are ugly?
Then you eat him, girlypop. Do the math!

I don’t care how you look.
I would hope my man cares how I look. I’m the greatest good he’s ever gonna get.

I am literally begging you not to use anatomical terms in sex scenes. It’s gross.

I HATE IT HERE

Wish I was a freight train baby 🎶

Again, if this is not my worst book of the year.

WHAT IS THIS

Her Achilles heel is nipple play? What’s going on? This isn’t serious. This is so unserious. What’s happening?

How are her fangs not getting in the way of the dick sucking? I’m confusion. Is he that little?

Oh, they’re just instantly in love. OK.

Oh my god, this may be the worst thing I’ve ever read. I read a book about fucking a pumpkin spice latte, and this is worse.

Wow, you drank his blood and now you’re getting him drunk? He’s gonna be a super cheap date.

The sound that just left my mouth was inhuman. What do you mean sea anemone buttholes. What

Is Colin going to die and this is her villain origin story or like what? Also, just make him a vampire. Don’t be a fucking Edward.

This book is literally just sex scenes

Damn, I love Cholula too. I didn’t know that was also named after a massacre. What did Frank do?

Pulque

Cenote

I know I’ve complained about this already, but it’s so repetitive and boring and unreadable.

In nothing but like literally the world’s most standard outfit.

I can’t believe it’s not butter.

God, this is unreadable.

I just-the performative woke is unreal. Like this is why people don’t like it and resist it so much. It’s like insufferable vegans.
You’re also just shrieking to an echo chamber? Like no conservative fuckbag is picking up a book (full stop lol) about an Aztec vampiress. You don’t need to teach the libs that the patriarchy exists.

Take a shot every time these Aztec books bring up jaguars.

He said it once while drunk lmao.

Are we sure this isn’t by the lady who wrote Sun of Blood and Ruin because it’s the same energy? (It is not, but I fully checked.)

Why are these men just carrying around syringes?

He’s known you for like literally five minutes, and she’s like why won’t he tell me his #TragicBackstory? It must be because he’s just such a discerning character. I hate this book.

You have essentially unlimited money and you chose a third-floor walk-up.

I know they told us he’s somebody other than this, but I’m literally only picturing Alexander Hamilton, and it’s making it funny, and if you’re like Sam, that’s so out of pocket, I want to remind you that the villain of this story is beauty guru Hernan Cortes in 2024.

If this Max guy is also a history dude, and I’m just not picking up on it, don’t @ me. I went to public school.

Update: I got curious and googled historical J Alexanders and like maybe he’s this guy Julius Alexander because they mentioned deserts? But I was also thinking Alexander the Great and his library, but where is the J? I don’t know who this man is. I don’t know history. I am just a girl. I am literally just a girl.

He’s Judas. JUDAS.
Literally who published this? Fired. Absolutely fired.
I-
She wrote vampire Judas fanfiction. Are you fucking kidding me. This is unreal.

Paper straws? C’mon.

Tarot card sin

She said Jesus was a vampire. Oh my god, this book is unreal.

I’m the map. I’m the map. 🎶

It’s always a fucking J name.

It’s the way I would love to make a snarky comment as my selling pitch using his name, but it’s like such a spoiler because this comes out of left field, and like I can’t rob people of that, but like oh my goddddd. (Don’t care. Did it. This book can rot in hell.)

This does kind of make me want to read the Bible though and just annotate the shit out of it because I think it would be so funny to read it like a novel, but also I don’t know how long it is, and I don’t think I have that in me. Too much church growing up. It’s like reading and Shakespeare. Fuck your religions very much.

Who else realizes church is literally just like obsessive book club? Religion is so bonkers to me.

That reads a lot like the fetishization of an indigenous person if they can’t communicate and you’re saving them and they thank you by having sex with you. That’s weird.

Same Addie LaRue bullshit history montage through a character’s backstory. It's lazy!

She’s hot shit? This book is hot shit. Like Taco Bell bathroom hot shit.

There is so much crying in this book without any emotional weight.

Yeah, queen, spit on him! I hate it here.

Judas has a foot fetish.

This is truly the worst book I’ve ever read.

Chapter 16 was way too long without a break.

Does girlypop know bears hibernate cause it’s sounding like no.

Also, we have a running joke that every single book I read has bears in it, so I think I need to start keeping track because this is nuts.

I just want you to know what I’m reading and it’s a sex scene between Judas in a black sabbath T-shirt while he fucks an Aztec translator who has a custom Spotify sexytimes playlist with Purple Rain on it. People read this and paid money for it.

It reads like that Never After series but like way worse and the bar was already in hell for those books.

You’ve known each other for like two days.

Imagine homeboy would rather bury himself alive than be with you, and you’re still like wow, this is a romance for the ages.

Where have you been, Loca? Is anyone else getting Jacob Black vibes? No, just me? OK.

Imagine you’re going to have a showdown with your evil enemy, your greatest nemesis of all time, but you’re like first, I gotta show him my chest tattoo and sweet abs. No homo though.

Is Spain really respected though?

She’s not setting up for a sequel right now. Oh my god.

Post-reading:
I really just have no words for how bad this was.

Calling this author insert Wattpad fanfiction is insulting to Wattpad, but it’s the closest I can get to describing it.

It’s a historical retelling that’s completely tone deaf. Turning the father of the slave trade into a homosexual for diversity points and giving him a redemption arc is inexcusable.

The sex scenes are gross. They use anatomical terms. They compare body parts to sea creatures. They shove butter up assholes. I could’ve gone my whole life not reading that.

The book grossly mishandles rape and sex work. There’s even a scene that feels like the fetishization of an indigenous person because they can’t communicate and he needs her to save him.

The romance is bonkers. It’s insta lust and insta love. Twice. It’s definitely a choice to have your love interest be Judas. I’m not religious. I’m very actively anti-religion because I find it so hateful and harmful to everyone involved. I think you’re gonna have the communities that believe in him pissed for how he’s represented. There is definitely a salacious and kinky little conversation to be had about turning Jesus into a vampire and doing a forbidden romance with Judas, but this author was not equipped to do so. Hand that one to Tiffany Reisz. I’d read the fuck out of that.

The book is repetitive. It reads with a YA voice, but it’s clearly adult. The world-building sucks. There’s no rules for vampires. Everything is in there just for the vibes.

There’s nothing redeemable about this book. I can’t dunk on it enough. I am embarrassed for the publishers that this was produced. I’m just baffled because this had to go through so many people to get published and no one looked at this and was like maybe not?

Also, I was under the impression that this was a horror book. There’s nothing horror about this. This is literally just a historical paranormal romance and a shitty one at that.

Who should read this:
No one
Historical retelling girlies

Do I want to reread this:
Fuck. No. I want everyone who pushed this book forward to tell me what they saw in it. I want everyone who gave this book more than one star to tell me how they justified that after reading about sea creature buttholes. Twice.

Similar books:
* Bride by Ali Hazelwood-paranormal romance, urban fantasy
* The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V. E. Schwab-magical realism historical romance
* The Never After series by Emily McIntyre-Disney villain dark romance retellings, cringe but fun
* Sun of Blood and Ruin by Mariely Lares-magical realism historical romance, Aztecs VS Cortes
* Wings Once Cursed and Bound by Piper J. Drake-urban fantasy romance, magical artifacts
* Blood Debts by Terry J. Benton-Walker-YA urban fantasy, queer, performatively woke

This book has so many things I love-- a strong and badass main character, a vendetta, and spice. Unfortunately, the grammatical errors, typos, and lack of organization really hurt the flow and readability of this novel. The plot point of the two male love interests felt like two different stories jammed together and some of the one-lines tried to come across as zingers but when they were executed during a sex or fight scene they just seemed to fall flat or even make me cringe or laugh. All these issues constantly took me out of the story and the world V. Castro was building. I don't want to harp on this point and I'm sure many of the errors have been resolved before publication!

I would still recommend this book, especially for those who love open-door/explicit sex scenes and vampires! This book is sexy. Malinalli is headstrong and so easy to support -- you want her to succeed in both love and revenge. The two love interests are hot, hot, HOT and the villains are despicable and truly horrific. Castro has also created some spectacular side character vampires that Malinali has encountered throughout her travels. Personally, I would love to see this in a movie or TV form, especially the epic final battle. With this book and The Haunting of Alejandra, I'm a lifelong fan of V. Castro and can't wait to see what she writes next.

Thank you to Del Rey and NetGalley for an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This is a tough one to review. I am a huge V. Castro fan and love what I’ve read of her work thus far however, this was far from the case for Immortal Pleasures.

In theory, the idea of an ancient Aztec vampire woman reclaiming her name and story to set the record straight is intriguing as hell, but this story was not that at all. There were glimpses of our MC’s Aztec origins and her misconstrued role as a translator for Spanish colonizers however, those flashbacks were essentially used to lay the foundation for Mali’s present-day hatred for our fictional (and IRL) antagonist Hernán Cortez. Truthfully, her “human-day” flashbacks elicited the most emotion from me as a reader, and that’s where the bulk of the story should have lived.

Instead, this story lived in current day London (and Ireland, maybe?), felt incredibly disjointed, and often read like three different stories - one of which was an over the top, steamy romance that quite frankly, diluted Mali’s character and reduced this strong Aztec woman to the very stereotype I suspect Castro meant to counter. Additionally, it felt as though Mali’s story attempted to span one too many time periods. Once we entered biblical times, I truly had no idea what was happening (and not in a good plot twist kind of way).

Unfortunately, this one was a miss for me. It may be that I was not the intended audience for this particular piece of work, but it was just too overreaching without a clear point of focus. That being said, I will likely continue to read from Castro’s backlist, as she has done some great work representing the Latinx culture in literature. Pro tip: I highly recommend Mestiza Blood and Queen of the Cicadas for strong Chicana representation!