Sometimes it’s bookish serendipity when a book lands in your lap at the most perfect time. I didn’t know I needed Mackintosh’s book right now, but her honest approach to grief and her realistic advice are just what I needed.

If I’m being honest, I’ve felt guilty grieving. There is so much hurt in our world, young children are dying of cancer, friends have lost their husbands, friends have lost their siblings, and people are dying much too young and too soon. I was lucky enough to have my dad in my life for 51 years. I know how special that is. But, Clare Mackintosh reminded me “loving other people doesn’t make it easier to lose someone; it simply gives you a reason to keep going.”

In her book, a much different book than her previous ones, Mackintosh writes of the debilitating grief after their five-week-old son, a twin, died from meningitis. You might know Clare Mackintosh for her compelling and thrilling crime mysteries. A former police officer, she left the force after her son died and began writing. But, writing this book never crossed her mind until she wrote this Twitter thread on the anniversary of his death in 2020 went viral and it gave her the idea for the book.

Mackintosh honestly shares the deep despair she felt after her son’s death as well as how she dealt with the death of her father. Surprisingly, grief is universal, but it is also unique to each person who is missing someone we love. So, even though I haven’t lost a child, I could still relate to her emotions and struggles.

In college, I lost two of my closest friends in separate accidents one year apart. As a newly married wife, I lost my father-in-law and seven years later my mother-in-law. As a young parent, my nephew was killed in a car accident. I’m not a stranger to grief and each loss has affected me in different ways. In December, my father passed away peacefully after 91 years of a wonderful life. Honestly, some days, I don’t even think about it, and others I’m crippled by the loss and can’t stop the tears from flowing.

“Grief was my own grim reaper, looming over happy times, reminding me how easily they could be snatched away.”

What I loved about this book is that it felt like I was having a conversation with the author. It wasn’t preachy or condescending or clinical. She shares the guilt she felt after her son died just 5 weeks after his birth, never leaving the NICU while his twin brother was living and growing. She was angry and felt like she must have done something wrong to cause his death. Her work suffered and somehow she still had to parent another child in the NICU. Mackintosh realized that she and her husband grieved differently, but both were deeply sad and struggling. She became overwhelmed with the simple tasks of life and some days had to let her grief take over. She was loved by friends and family, some who said and did the right things and others who didn’t while also knowing they meant well but infuriated her.

“…we have to give in to our emotions-sadness, anger, tearfulness-and this is equally true of happiness. Don’t analyze it, don’t try to measure or justify it. Just feel it. It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s just as okay to feel good.”

Mackintosh left nothing unsaid and had me in tears multiple times because she put into words exactly what I had been feeling. I don’t wish this experience on anyone and yet, each of us will have to grieve the loss of someone we love at some point in our life. Mackintosh’s 18 promises are a guide for the hard days ahead and remind you that the sadness doesn’t ever end, but it does get better.

“Experts can help us build a toolkit for grief, but we’re the only ones who can try each tool out and see what fits.”

If you’ve experienced a loss or know someone who has, this book will offer hope, encouragement, validation, and a way to navigate the hard days.

Not for the faint of heart if you are hurting, probably best read some time after the death of a loved one, but then it is well worth it.
Emotional and heartfelt.

Although several of this author’s books are on my TBR, I’ve never read her work before. This is a departure from her fiction writing and it must have been a difficult project for her. This grief guide is, in a word, perfection.

In this memoir, she is extremely vulnerable and transparent. Her baby boy died at 5 weeks old. I can only imagine, through her heartbreaking story-telling here, how this must feel.

While this book won’t help someone “get over it” (c’mon people, stop using this phrase, it’s rude and mean and not at all helpful), the 18 assurances are comforting. The writing is stunning and I’m considering buying the audio.

I started reading this book six months after I lost my Dad and in many ways it was an answer to prayer to help my grieving process. I have never know what it is to lose a child and I cannot begin to even imagine the the gambit of emotions that one goes through who has. In this book Claire Mackintosh bares her soul as she shares the battles of dealing with the loss of a child and the war that truly never ends. Through her grief and experience you can find strength and resources to help in your own battle with grief. As she
mentions it is something that never goes away and at random times out of the blue it will side swipe you out of nowhere. Through her honest struggle you can see how to respond to those who are going through the loss and if you are the one who has lost a child how to cope with it. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone does it on their own time table. This is a book that I recommended to my niece six months after she lost her precious baby girl at nine months due to cord strangulation. It gave her hope that she wasn’t the only one and that out there was someone who could understand to their core what she was struggling with. Grief and loss is a universal event that in my opinion isn’t discussed enough in the western culture and this a book that needs to be read and discussed.

This is a book that I will come back to in the future. The author’s perspective and candour on grief was beautifully honest and moving.

This book is fine in small doses. It can definitely be read out of order in regard to chapters. It’s feels surface, rather than deep understanding. Definitely not something to help process emotion or sit down and read for hours.

A meditative journey through grief. It is a book about sorrow and about hope. Beautifully written.
Many thanks to Sourcebooks and to Netgalley for providing me with a galley in exchange for my honest opinion.

I’ve been a fan of Clare Mackintosh’s fiction books and was intrigued by her debut into nonfiction. It won’t always hurt like this is incredibly moving and powerful and I’m sure will go on to help many who are grieving. I really appreciated her introduction where she makes clear to the reader to only read what resonates with them and isn’t too painful to read. I read this like a book and I’m glad I did. I know there are chapters I’ll go back to in a future time of need.
Thank you to the author, Netgalley and Sourcebooks for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.

This didn't work for me as a generalized reflection on grief because it's really specific to the author's loss of her infant son. I would have wanted to hear reflections on losing one twin and how that changes in raising the remaining twin. I really did not get anything out of this but maybe another reader would if they have suffered the loss of a child.

Thank you so much Clare Mackintosh for writing this book. I lost my dad in 2015 and I still grieve so much. This book really talked to me and I recommend anyone dealing with grief to read this book!

A reminiscing on grief and the processing of it. Mackintosh takes a very personal approach, sharing her stories of loss and grief to help readers relate. this was a moving book, although very heavy because of the nature of the subject,

A book that will hug, soothe, cocoon and carry you through grief.

Thanks NetGalley and Source Books (non-fiction) for the ARC.

Clare Mackintosh needs no introduction. She is a celebrated thriller author and we are all big fans of her. When she lost her 5 week old son over 18 years ago, the kind of grief she experienced was simply unimaginable. As she grieved, she realized how it was not linear, rational or fit into any stage. The book she needed then is the gift she has chosen to give us now.

I am no stranger to grief. I have a 7 year old son, but with secondary infertility, I suffered 2 failed rounds of IVF back in 2022. My loss might not be tangible, like losing a baby or a miscarriage. But it’s still a loss, I have grieved, felt it's weight heavy on my heart and to this day end up with painful hot tears at random times, imagining what it would be to hold a toddler in my arms right now, a sibling to my son.

I really appreciated the format Clare adopts in the 18 chapters which discuss the various aspects of grief. The chapters start with snippets of Clare’s own life experiences - which made it very authentic, adding that personal touch, as we understand just how raw, visceral and unspeakably impossible her grief was.

As Clare clarifies, this book is no guide or manual for how to handle the heartache, anguish or helplessness you may feel as you grieve. But it will hold your hand, shine a torch through the darkness, help you by validating and normalizing the pain, the ‘why me’s, the most horrible of thoughts and crushing feelings.

It is rather a promise in so many forms, as it reassures you that - you will emerge on the other side, find purpose, shun the fear, the anger, guilt and exhaustion, that you will not be jealous of others’ happiness, or feel pathetic on anniversaries or uncomfortable with unanswerable questions, slowly discover your happiness again, that you will learn to coexist with the brokenness, you won’t forget and finally that it will not hurt you like this forever.

I went through my own catharsis, cried, came to accept my loss and grief as I read this.

If grief has ever touched you (I hope not), then this book can bring you great comfort.

As someone currently enduring the grieving process, this book was perfect for me. Clare Mackintosh is raw and truthful, showing a side to an author that readers normally do not get to see. The perspective and the anecdotes provide a humanness that allows a reading to feel connected to other humans. It is definitely a book for the healing.

Loved this so much. It was a great book even if I myself have not gone through a similar grief process. I think the author did such a good job of making it relatable.

Its been almost two years since I lost my 10 year old niece and this is the book I have been needing since that loss. Thank you Clare Mackintosh for putting grief on the page in a way I could absolutely resonate and for giving me hope.

. Almost everybody has had some significant loss in their life, whether it would be loss of parent, spouse, child, friend, etc. Loss effects everybody differently. In this book we see how Clare handles her loss. I think this book is relatable at some point to everyone. Thank you netfalley and the publisher for the arc in exchange for a review.

Requested this so I can read it at some point. Not sure how I'll feel about it or what kind of state of mind I will need to be in to properly process and enjoy this. But this saying is. Somewhat relevant to my life at the moment.

I have been a long time fan of Clare Mackintosh’s thriller/mysteries and always admired her writing. I am also a widow and have read a lot about grief. In this work, Clare combines her excellent, sometimes humorous writing with helpful, optimistic words for grievers. I will recommend this to anyone I know who experiences loss. Thank you Sourcebooks and Thoughts from a Page Patreon group for the advanced reader copy.

I have read several books about grief over the past sixteen months and this book has helped me the most. Author Clare Mackintosh lost a five-week-old son almost 2o years ago. I lost my 22-year-old son in 2022 and my life will never be the same. Mackintosh assures us, the parents of deceased children, that we too, can survive this nearly impossible path in life. This book is for anyone who is struggling with grief. Have the tissues near by. You WILL cry.

I highly recommend this book. Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. This book was released 19 March 2024.

We lost our nephew last year and when I saw this was written by Clare Mackintosh (I love her mysteries!) I knew I needed to read this... for me, for my sister and for the rest of our family who misses Jake.

It's a very emotional read but I think helpful as well I even listened to the audio version which Clare read it herself.

Thank you Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review. All opinions are my own.

Publication date: 26 March 2024