Wow. What a heartbreaking and hopeful story. Clare is a wonderful storyteller and I've read her books before. This was a unique style of work. I appreciated the raw words and how authentic the book was. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.

In her memoir, “I Promise It Won’t Always Hurt Like this: 18 Assurances on Grief,” the mystery writer, Clare Mackintosh, describes her journey through grief after her 5 week old twin son died in neonatal intensive care, and provides 18 promises that certain common elements of grief, (such as sobbing uncontrollably, depression at anniversaries, etc) will get better and will not always be as painful as they were initially. She includes examples from her own struggle with grief to accompany each of the 18 promises, as well as practical tips for getting through each one. As she indicates throughout the book, it is not intended to be a “self-help” manual, but instead is provided to offer hope to anyone still in the beginning of their journey through grief and to reassure them that it won’t always hurt as much.

The book is a thoughtful gift to her readers, providing a light at the end of the tunnel of grief. In her usual eloquent style, she illustrates common experiences of grief, shares her own experiences, and offers hope that life will get better. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has struggled through grief and has felt hopeless that life will ever offer happiness again.

Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for providing me an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

Thanks kindly to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This writing hit so deep in a way I didn’t expect. I wasn’t familiar with the author and her other works, or her viral Twitter thread on grief from which this book emerged.

The premise is simple. 18 short chapters, one for each year since her son’s passing, each speaking hope to grief. It’s a choose your own adventure read, so I chose chronological.

Mackintosh’s reflections are reassuring - your grief will change. It may not be as searing and all consuming for as often as it once was. And it’s okay to feel your own joy, and in the same breath be sad for your loved one’s life not lived. There is no right way to grieve. There is no right way to be.

While I often to find it difficult to express the sheer distress we sit with in intense moments of grief, the author can clearly express it. And to be able to write so articulately must be to relive some of that pain. I am truly grateful for that absolutely raw vulnerability she shares from. It helps people feel like we’re not alone.

I don’t think I’ve highlighted so much in a long time. Or cried so much when reading. The word choice is so apt. The language so poetic and pained.

I look forward to owning a hard copy and buying them for friends moving through grief. It is a resource I know many will come back to for years to come.

As someone who has gone through grief, I felt like Clare hit the nail right on the head. What an excellent way to describe the experience with all the nuances that accompany that journey. This was one of the best books I've read about the subject. I would definitely recommend and will be reading it again for sure!

5 stars
The moment I saw this book on Net Galley I knew I had to have it. The last year has been difficult. My wife and I don’t have children, so our four cats are our kids. They get so much love many people would call us nuts. I know better. These animal beings deserve as much love as human beings. Yes, they mean that much to us. We lost three of our babies in the last twelve months (to the day). Milly died on January 30, 2023, JT in October 2024, and little Gracie earlier this month (January 2024) after only three months of being our girl. Needless to say, we are grieving.

I like Clare Mackintosh a lot. I will never forget the gob smacking twist, perhaps the best twist in all of my reading career that she threw out there in her 2014 debut novel I Let You Go. So, bonus points for me that an author I already respect wrote this book. I respect her even more now.

Ms. Mackintosh and her husband lost a son. This was literally a life-changing event in their lives. Clare has been through hell and back. Well, almost back, as she points out you never forget. But it does get easier—words that all of us who have lost someone precious need to hear. Clare PROMISES that “It won’t always hurt like this.” By reading her journey towards that discovery I have found that I can trust what she is promising us. I’m sure she is right. It may take a long while, but we will gradually find some peace from our grief. Her words will help us through the unbearable pain, the flashbacks, the guilt, the tears, the anger, the fatigue, the pain of anniversaries, and more. Always remember though that you will never ever forget. That to me is a comfort and one of the most important things to remember. We will be able to revisit the good things without dissolving into tears.

What impressed me the most was the sheer courage it took Clare to write this book. In making her points, she shows us exactly who she is through her innermost thoughts and emotions, no matter how much she must have wanted to hide from some of those things. By giving us her absolute honesty and the truth, she risked us thinking ill of her at times. Not me though. I just respect her even more in “going there” in hopes of helping the rest of us. Her utter forthrightness regarding her feelings also allows us to forgive ourselves when we feel less than generous and righteous during our own journeys through grief.

If you are hurting, give this book a look. Even if you aren’t, one day you will be, and it might be helpful to read this one now just to know that there is help out there. Thanks, Clare. Thanks for sharing all you have learned to give us all a roadmap when we find ourselves grieving too.

My thanks go to Ms. Clare Mackintosh, Sourcebooks, and Net Galley for granting me an advanced copy. Opinions are mine alone and are not biased in any way.

Memoir - Essays - 4.5*

It's always hard to write any kind of review about someone's experiences. That being said, this was a powerhouse of a book.

Macintosh is known for her mystery novels, but she is very active in social media and on the 18th anniversary of the passing of her son she posted a number of statements about grief. She got such an overwhelming response that it became the impetus for this collection of essays.

I chose to read this book because I recently lost my father and I enjoy Mackintosh's fiction novels. The book is presented as a series of promises about grief and that even though the focus centers around Mackintosh's loss of one of her twins, grief - as an experience is universal.

She states that grief is a solo, personal experience and that to compare how you feel or what you go through to anyone else's journey is a recipe for failure. She shares diary excerpts, thoughts, vignettes and detailed accounts of what she experienced. There is so much emotion captured here. You endure with Claire, you revisit your own pain and come out the other side with some understanding.

I feel privileged to have been able to read about someone's deeply personal journey. This book will be helpful to many. My only caveat is that while it's billed as a book for anyone experiencing grief, it truly is more suited to someone who has lost a child.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for my ARC of this book.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 STARS

I really needed this book. I’m pretty sure i was approved for it the day after the two year anniversary of my father’s death. This was unexpected coming from Clare Mackintosh because of course she’s known for her thrillers but she did a phenomenal job writing about grief and what it entails. I cried and I smiled but most importantly this book helped and I’m so grateful for that.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this ARC.

I was given this book by NetGalley for an honest review-
This was an awesome book on dealing with grief. The author lost her baby at 5 weeks and the feelings, the tears, anger and all the emotions she dealt with. Although they aren’t the same for everyone there is hope it won’t always hurt like this. Along with her story of dealing with grief she shares ways to deal with it and help to find if needed.

As a fan of Mackintosh’s fiction, I knew her book on grief would be something special. She shares her personal experience of the loss of her infant son and a parent to illustrate her journeys with grief. In doing so, she shares eighteen promises to provide a light to others experiencing loss.

The desire to write this book came from the positive response she received from an internet post about her grief and by one of her promises “that one day you’ll be able to pay it forward.”

While Mackintosh is candid about her experiences, she assures that everyone’s journey with grief is different. This is also shown in the way she grieves for her son who she had a mere precious five weeks with and her father who passed away when she was an adult.

I appreciated that she acknowledged the complexity in dealing with the loss of people with whom we may have had less than ideal relationships with, even though this isn’t necessarily the case in her own experiences with loss. She speaks of dealing with grief as a climb to survival with its peaks and valleys; its sometimes secure handholds and its often precarious footholds.

I intend to revisit this book again and again and to share it with those who may find comfort in its beautiful wisdom.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Thanks to Sourcebooks for providing an Advance Reader Copy via NetGalley.

Loved this one so much! Thank you NetGalley for this ARC. I loved the 18 promises and how the author named each chapter a different promise!

I received an e-arc of this book through Netgalley.
I am drawn towards books on grief since my sister passed away in 2020. This book is definitely for people who have experienced grief otherwise I don't think it will be as heartfelt or distinctive. It's true that we want to hear that we are not alone in our grief even as the majority of the world seems to continue as it was before, but we are forever changed.

I’ll be honest, I have not read a Clare Mackintosh novel before. However, I know I’m now going to be picking up more of her novels. I loved her writing style in this memoir, and she wrote with such feeling. This book really had such a good outlook on grief and didn’t feel like other “self-help” books. It didn’t make me feel like my grief was something to try to push past. She really made me feel like it was okay to sit with my feelings and acknowledge them, while not letting it consume my entire being (at least not for too long).
Most of the book was about her grief relating to the loss of her son, which I can not relate to. However, she was able to really describe and talk about grief as it pertains to all types of relationships - not just grief as a parent who lost their child.
After reading this book, I felt like I’d just completed a therapy session. I felt understood and lighter than before. It feels good to feel seen and to know that you are not alone, even when you feel so alone in your grief. I look forward to reading more of Clare’s writing.

Thank you for allowing me to read an advance copy of this book!

I promise it won’t always hurt like this by author Clare Mackintosh is a great book for working through grief! I never knew how much I needed this book until I started it. It healed things in me an appreciate the author’s delicate touch to the grieving process. I recommend this book 4.5/5!

So sad. If you’ve ever lost someone you didn’t think you could ever live without, read this book. The fact that it is a True story makes it even more sad. I can’t imagine living without any of my children. It may not always hurt like this but it does still hurt. My heart goes out to Ms. Mackintosh for the list of her son.

Thank you to Netfalley, Clare Mackintosh and Penguin Random House for this arc in exchange for my honest review. To be published on March 1, 2024

I believe I read this at the perfect time in my grief journey. It shone a light on experiences I had that I never put into words. The chapter titles are based off a poem and I need to print it off and put it somewhere in my house to read every day.

I cried through most of the book and had to take breaks, but I’m going to buy this book the second it comes out. I’m going to buy it for any loved ones who grieved along with me or will in the future. It was so raw, beautiful, and hopeful.

I received this from net galley in exchange for a review.

I am no stranger to Clare Mackintosh, however, this is the first time I have met this side of her. To say I have a new found respect would be the understatement of the year.

My heart is completely and totally shattered.

I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, is a survival guide for those who have lost someone they love. Grief, is a terrible emotion. It never goes away, it does not dull, instead you adjust and learn to live with a hole in your heart that can never be filled.

This book is personal, its touching, its angry, its raw.... its everything those of us who have lost someone, can relate to and I am so grateful to have been given the opportunity to read Mackintosh's memoir and felt comfort in knowing everything I have and still do feel, is very much real and I am not alone.

Sending love and hugs <3

Synopsis :

New York Times and international bestselling mystery author Clare Mackintosh makes her nonfiction debut with this deeply felt memoir of unfathomable loss, and infinite hope.

"Grief has run through my life like thread through fabric; at times gossamer-thin and barely there, other times weaving thick, clumsy darns across the rips. In my grief I am a mother, a child, a sister, a wife, a woman, a friend. I am also a writer."

When Clare Mackintosh lost her five-week-old son, she soon discovered there are no neat, labeled stages of grief like so many books insist. The shape of each loss is different; when a parent, relative, or friend passes, we grieve the person in all their beauty, their humanity, their imperfections. For Clare, there was no preparing for the anger and excruciating ache of knowing her child's life would remain unlived. This is the book she needed then.

Inspired by a viral Twitter thread Clare wrote on the anniversary of her son's death, this deeply honest, compassionate memoir will bring solace and encouragement to anyone who finds themselves walking with grief, whether for a season or for several years. It is for those who need a little voice saying: I Promise It Won't Always Hurt Like This, for the people who love them, and those who understand that great loss can be a window through which we see how powerful, and unending, love can be.

Extraordinary. Delving into the matter of grief and responses to it, I requested this title from Netgalley. It so perfectly described the rawness of emotion after her child's death. So many books unwisely suggest that grief is something that will disappear with time and we continue to accept that if we're still mired in our sadness weeks, months, or even years later, that there's something wrong with US. There isn't. This book is marvelous, even as it tells the story of heartbreak and loss. Definitely recommend.

What a powerful story of loss and grief, but also hope. I wasn’t familiar with the viral twitter thread about the loss of the author’s son, which inspired the writing of the book, but I will be checking it out.

I have always loved Clare’s work and admired her approach to talking about grief both within her books and publicly. As someone 11 years into the loss of my Mum, I wasn’t sure if I needed or would benefit from reading this but can’t say enough how thankful I am to have read it.
Grief is so individual, but also a universal experience. The reassurance of many things I’ve felt is very comforting to read, and I cannot recommend this book enough to anyone on a grief journey. Thank you Clare.

This book is a mixture of a self-help book and a personal story. The author generously shares her thoughts and experiences of the most personal of nature to illustrate each of her eighteen promises about grief.

I wish this book had been around when I lost my son, I am sure it would have helped when I was forced to join the club that none of us want to belong to, but sadly it didn't. Reading it from the perspective of someone who is someway along the journey probably prompted fewer tears, although there were many moments when Clare Mackintosh's raw pain took my breath away, The promises to my mind were all true; I'm not sure I would have believed that back then, but this is a book you can return to and read the chapters that you need at a particular moment.

This sis a book that really helps in making sense of the myriad of emotions and issues that linger and console us that we are not alone. I am now going to act on to the author's advice to rehearse some answers to the question 'How many children do you have?' Thank you Clare Mackintosh!