4.5 stars rounded up

Geeky YA romance with Dungeons & Dragons, tackling small town homophobia and leaving abusive relationships! This was really great and it grew on me more and more as I read. Darcy has two moms and has just moved with them from the city to a small town where they face homophobic backlash. Darcy is prickly, misses the city, is into D&D, and has a questionable long distance boyfriend. Art is a gangly teen boy who is very involved in a local gaming group. When the two are put together for an English project, there is clear chemistry. But things get complicated, especially when Darcy wants to start a Queer Straight Alliance at their high school.

There's a lot going on here but I think it's handled pretty well. Like the validity of being bisexual even if you date men (i.e. Darcy), the difficulty of leaving an abusive relationship, and way homophobic parents might be hurting their own kids. There are parts of the story written in the D&D game which was fun. I wasn't quite as invested in those as in the main narrative but they're still pretty engaging and add something different. There seems to be a lot of discourse about Darcy's decisions and whether she's likable. Here's the thing, I don't need my protagonists to be likable or make great decisions. Especially when we're talking about teenagers. Darcy and Art equally do some stupid things and are hurtful to people in their lives. Darcy is prickly- an angry, emotional teen girl and personally I think that's pretty relatable. This may not work for everyone, but I liked it.


I think this is a very solid debut novel and worth a read if it sounds up your ally. I received a copy of this book for review via NetGalley, all opinions are my own.

i was so hyped. the idea was awesome and the game world never faltered. the irl world did at points, though. i found Darcy's character to be understandable and sympathetic, and i felt the chemistry at points, but throughout I just kept thinking a few things: 1) the swaps into IRL especially were too sudden at a lot of points.. 2) i didn't really... feel that they worked amazingly together, nor did i really feel too compelled by Art (his sisterDawn was honestly a stronger character despite being a side one). thanks for the arc! 3.5

4.1 rounded down to 4/5.

"Who We Are in Real Life" by Victoria Koops is a journey that seamlessly blends the worlds of tabletop gaming and real-life struggles. With a captivating plot and characters that feel authentic, this novel explores themes of romance, friendship, and the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community.

The cover of the book immediately draws attention, setting the tone for a story that promises both adventure and emotion. The narrative follows Darcy, who has recently moved to Unity Creek, and Art, a quiet individual who finds solace in Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). As their lives intertwine, the story explores the complexities of relationships, identity, and standing up against adversity.

One of the strengths of the novel lies in its ability to weave gaming seamlessly into real life. Koops skillfully uses the Dungeons & Dragons game to parallel the characters' experiences, creating a unique and engaging narrative. Fans of Rainbow Rowell and Casey McQuiston will appreciate the exploration of romance within the gaming world.

The book tackles important and relevant issues such as homophobia, hate crimes, and the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community. The portrayal of Darcy's struggles in a new town and Art's internal conflict with his conservative father adds depth to the story. The inclusion of a queer-straight alliance (QSA) at school is a commendable aspect, shedding light on the importance of such organizations in fostering inclusivity and safety.

However, the novel does have its shortcomings. The depiction of emotional abuse and manipulative relationships, particularly with James, feels somewhat lacking. The glossing over of threats and abuse raises questions about the depth of exploration into these dark themes. Additionally, the resolution of the storyline with James appears rushed and incomplete, leaving readers craving a more comprehensive conclusion.

The game narrative, while intriguing, could become monotonous at times. Some readers may find themselves wishing for a quicker pace in certain sections of the book. Despite these minor drawbacks, the overall experience is a fun and enjoyable read, especially for those who appreciate stories centered around bonding over D&D.

In conclusion, "Who We Are in Real Life" offers a compelling blend of fantasy and reality, tackling important issues while providing a unique perspective on the power of friendship and love. Despite its flaws, the novel successfully captures the essence of the gaming community and the challenges faced by individuals navigating both the fictional world of Durgeon's Keep and the complexities of real life.

I really liked the premise of this book. As someone who grew up a gamer and likes nerdy stuff like D&D as well as queer, I thought this book would be perfect. And there were a lot of cute moments shared throughout between the main characters Darcy and Art. I also liked how we got the story through both their POVs.

However, I was not able to immerse myself into the story very much. I honestly did not like Darcy and Art regarding their characters and the decisions they both make throughout the story. If anything I was more interested in Art's sister, Dawn, the most as she seemed the most level headed and likeable. I felt there wasn't a lot of background information to get me into the book. A lot of things were vaguely named so we don't know the name of the town Darcy moved to, the city she used to live in, the school she goes to, even the term D&D isn't really used and referred to as the "Game". It doesn't make the story feel very real. There were also moments that occurred in the story that were worded weirdly or just didn't make sense especially since there were times that a day would go by within the next sentence.

I thought I was going to enjoy the back and forth between "real life" and what was taking place during the "Game", but honestly I wasn't too interested in it. I understood the parallels between it and the real world, but they were very obvious and I felt like the in game "villain" being Roman's father was bland. These portions of the book were written very well though.

Thank you NetGalley and House of Anansi Press for an ARC copy!

Thank you to Netgalley, Victoria Koops, and the publisher for the digital ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

I was very excited when I saw this book and then read the description of what it was going to be about. As a queer person, as well as someone who has a deep love for D&D, this seemed right up my alley. Unfortunately, it really ended up lacking in most departments. If it weren't for its redeeming qualites and good writing in certain parts, I would have given it a 1/5, but I'll give it a 2.5/5 for the things I did enjoy.

And I'll start off with the good stuff. The writing when it came to the D&D campaign was amazing. It was very easy to read as well as get invested in. Koops does fantasy very well, and while there were times where I wish we could have learned more about the other characters that weren't Roman, it was understandable as to why, and I still really enjoyed the story. I loved the lore, and how things tied together, and it really came off as a beautiful game I would have loved to be a part in. I wonder if this was actually a story Koops got to play in, or if it was straight up made for this book.

Then I was taken out of that world and had to deal with the "shitty teen" trope in the form of Darcy.

Darcy really got on my nerves almost the moment we are introduced to her. It's understandable to be upset about a move, especially in these times when a teenager thinks the world really sucks. However, the way that she interacted with people, even The Moms, was just so unlikeable and cynical. The way that she treated her mom's and always called them by their names made it seem like they weren't a real family, like she was adopted instead of having spent all her life with them. And a lot of time when she get's in trouble with them is for something silly, so they don't really have a right to be angry with her, but when they are, it was over bad communication which is one of my pet peeves when it comes to books.

The way that Darcy treats Art, our other protagonist, is even worse and they are so terrible together. Darcy is Art's greatest bully, and he just puts up with it because... she's really pretty? Darcy gets offended by him easily, calls him a homophobe because he's not as educated as her when it comes to the queer community, and demands that he educates himself on a matter that has nothing to do with him when they're not even friends. This boy jumps through hoops to make her happy, and the only time that she IS happy is when she gets to talk about her own interests. Art doesn't get anything out of their relationship, (friend or romantic) and simply puts up with her because she's pretty and they're both nerds.

I wish this book had focused on just the D&D aspect, rather than getting justice for the minority of the queer community, because the book really failed to fix that in a satisfying way. Darcy is so passionate about the QSA club when it comes to defending it to Art, but otherwise it just seems like a "sidequest", as the two main character's would say in one of their less cringey lines. Darcy is constantly angry over the fact Art isn't as dedicated to the club's success as she is, even when he was very angry and wanted to do the right thing when his not-girlfriend got a death threat that no one does anything about. He's called a coward for not putting in the work, or defending at the very least his girlfriend, but no one else is standing their ground.

When it comes to the bad guy, Art's father Marcus, no one stands up to him. But it's only a bad thing because Art doesn't do it? His sister, Dawn, isn't persecuted when she doesn't stand up to him, and she has more reason to since she has doubts about her own sexuality. Even when the group that would make up the QSA comes forwards to try and appeal to the community, they only state facts and don't fight back and show that they mean business. LGBTQ+ rights have never been granted without a fight, and the group backs down and cries that they didn't get their way.

Then comes the big fight between Darcy and Art when he finds out some of her secrets, and even though Darcy lied to him and didn't apologize for it, he's STILL the bad guy. No one is there to comfort him after she's betrayed him, but because Darcy was also a vicitm, he gets pushed to the side. Apparently Darcy can do no wrong.

Should he have defended Darcy against his dad at dinner if he loved her like he said? Yes. But the end of this book got me so heated when everyone is calling Art a POS for not standing up to his father when no one else wants to. And then in the end, even when he does, it didn't even help. The Mom's were the ones that ended up helping, Art's relationship with his father is strained even further (not that big of a deal), and the fact that they can have the QSA isn't even celebrated, maybe because they didn't really do much to earn it.

Again, I honestly wish this has just focused on the D&D aspect, or had made the homophobic plot a little less sporatic and die hard. If so, this book could have easily been a 4/5.

Thanks to Netgalley, Victoria Koops, and the publisher for the digital ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Solid 4 stars.

This was a really cute geeky romance more than anything else. While I wasn't as much a fan of the in-game chapters, I think they added a lot of appeal for table-top RPG players and fantasy readers.

Who we Are in Real Life covers a lot of themes including homophobia, abusive relationships, and the "forbidden lovers" trope without feeling heavy-handed. Art and Darcy have great chemistry, and after the first few chapters, I really enjoyed reading from their perspectives. Most of the other characters felt reasonably well-constructed too, with a handful of exceptions that got minimal page time.

Also, the cover is great. I kind of wish it had been presented as a graphic novel with the same style, though I know that probably wasn't the author's intention.

I'll definitely recommend this to my teens, it's an easy sell to my current group of patrons.

I want to give a big thank you to Netgalley and the publisher (Groundwood Books) for this free ARC in exchange for my honest opinion. (And oh boy is this opinion honest and honestly mine.)

I have so much to say about this book. I have over three pages of notes on Word - at least half of it covering the same subject: the romance.

Okay, first, what worked for me. The gaming. That's why I was interested in this book. And it is lovely. The sections of novelizing their campaign were well written, polished and descriptive. The irl gaming talk and segments were obviously drawing on the author's own enthusiasm and experience. If I could have stayed here, the book would have been four stars for me.

But, the 'real life' I did not find as polished or as well written, and then the drama started and just grew and grew until it took over the whole story.

This book deals with sexual assault, bullying, death threats, threats of suicide, cheating, abusive relationships, homophobia, ect. It all got to be just too much for me.

Then came the tent-peg romance. Darcy and Art. Our co-leads.

I did not like or support their relationship. I could have, but there were events that - due to Netgalley's spoiler policy - I will not get into here. Let's just say Darcy's actions were waved away without her having to take any responsibility for them. There were extenuating circumstances, yes, but that does not negate her poor choices - and I did not like the way the book seemed to push the idea that she made no mistakes and did nothing wrong.

All in all, I am literally heartbroken that this book didn't turn out better for me.

This was a fun read. As someone who plays dnd I was immediately hooked. It was cute and short. But don’t let that fool you. It does have some serious themes. Overall I enjoyed it very much.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

3.5/5 stars

Who We Are in Real Life tackles a lot for what is ostensibly a YA Romance novel. For the most part, it handles the challenges of subjects like small town queerphobia, unsupportive parents, toxic relationships, and the ordeals of being a teenager very well. However, there were several points where I found the constant swap between Darcy's perspective, Art's perspective, and the D&D campaign narrative hard to follow. Koops is trying to tell a lot of stories all at once, and there are moments in which the book gets ahead of itself, leaving the reader scrambling to understand what happened.

Overall, I enjoyed this book a lot. It was fun, cute, and made me want to pick up some dice. Roll for initiative!

This book is a fun read for DnD fans! Koops weaves gaming into real life, following Darcy and Art's journey. It tackles tough stuff—homophobia, hate crimes, and abusive relationships—but empowers and shows serious growth. Moving to Unity Creek shakes up Darcy's world, but her connection with Art, both big nerds, is heartwarming. Characters feel real, with biases and all. Despite some loose ends, it's a fun ride, celebrating DnD, personal strength, and growth.
Thank you Victoria Koops and NetGalley for letting me read this book.

This was a really fun read. As a DnD player, I loved the way Koops interwove DnD into Darcy and Art's mentalities, mirroring their DnD quest with real life. The book embraces some challenging topics, and does have some intense homophobia and hate crimes, as well as abusive relationships and sexual violence, but is empowering and showcases a lot of vulnerability and growth.

Darcy and her two moms are moving to the small town of Unity Creek. Darcy has to leave behind her school, her friends, her boyfriend, and her DnD group - in short everything that makes life worth living. Art has lived in Unity Creek his whole life, and when he gets paired up with Darcy in English class is intimidated by her - until he learns that she is just as big a nerd as he is and is into tabletop RPGs and DnD.

I really liked both of these characters. I think Koops has done a good job of capturing and creating fully fleshed out characters with lots of complex feelings and emotions. Art comes replete with a set of biases from his upbringing and Darcy has her own. Watching these two grow throughout the book was a lot of fun, and they are very sweet together.

As mentioned above, the book does tackle some very big topics. The hate crime is scary, and as we hear time and time again is a reality in lots of places in North America. The book doesn't really give much resolution for the crime, it's more hinted that the family gradually adapts to living in Unity Creek. I wanted to see a bit more of the family coming together and supporting each other through that.

The other one is the abusive relationship. I won't go into much detail for the sake of spoilers, but the conclusion of that felt somewhat rushed and without a proper resolution in my mind. I get that the book can only be so long, and leaving it where it did made sense to a degree, but it felt sort of like it was left hanging.

All that being said, I adored the book, loved the bonding and mutual love of DnD, and the strength of individuals found through playing games and allowing that confidence to bleed over into IRL.

Highly recommend you check this one out!

Anyone in need of a sweet, short read to lift their spirits should read this book. It's a meeting of reality and fantasy RPG roleplaying that blend so harmoniously that the MCs can hardly tell the difference between the two. It kept me entertained and wanting to see what would happen between the MCs and their in-game OCs every page through. This is a must-read for any nerd worth their d20.

Content warning, this book contains blatant homophobia, domestic violence, emotional abuse, and light swearing.

I liked this book; it was a cute book that dealt with some very serious themes. Honestly, this is the kind of book I would have loved in high school. Somehow, I've never played D&D, and this book kind of made me want to try (if my husband reads this, he's going to kill me 😂).

Darcy is a fierce character who starts out hating that she's moved to a small town but grows and builds her own community. At first, she and her parents experience terrible prejudice, including a brick thrown through their window. While there is no physical violence, there is a lot of fear and hate in the community. This isn't resolved by the end of the novel, but there are steps taken to make the town and high school safer places for queer people.

The violence in the book comes from Darcy's boyfriend/ex James. At first, he's described as a teen dream bad boy, but as the story progresses, he turns out to just be a bad guy. Honestly, this part was a gut punch to read because I was in a relationship like this. James does a lot of "you can never leave me" type things, including grabbing and pushing Darcy around. I hope other readers who read those sections realize there is help out there.

Darcy and Art were such little cuties. I loved that he just wanted to make her feel happy. He so quickly invited her to his D&D session because he knew it would bring her joy. He also planned a LARP (live-action role play) date, and it was just so sweet. Of course, there are multiple obstacles for them to overcome, and I think the author does a good job of explaining how growing up with homophobic ideals can really create cognitive biases that affect your worldview. Art doesn't think he's homophobic, but he also doesn't understand (at first) why when Darcy is bullied, she doesn't report it.

One of my main issues with the book was the timeline. There were multiple times where the time didn't make any sense. Darcy starts school on a Friday, and Art offers her a ride home, but forgets. The story then continues to say that Art apologizes the next day at school... which would be a Saturday. I loved the D&D campaign inserts but in some places, it interrupted the story abruptly and it was too harsh of a cutaway. There could have been more world and character building in these spaces to make it less harsh.

Overall, I thought this was a good story that expands on how harsh it can be for a queer person to be in a community with no support. It also has some smoldering kisses which doesn't hurt.

Thanks to NetGalley and House of Anansi Press for the ARC.

this book was super similar to chaotic good by whitney gardner, and i mean that in the best way possible because i adored that book when i was in high school. both are very nerd and pop culture-centric in a way that is endearing, while still dealing with larger issues and a side of social drama typical of high schoolers. i think the strongest point of this book for me is its characters, because their points of view are so clearly defined and easy to balance with one another and with the campaign scenes as well. speaking of, i really, really enjoyed the campaign scenes! they were such a nice touch.
the conflicts were also handled fairly well, even if the main conflict’s ending felt somewhat anticlimactic. it was almost gently put aside to focus on the romance of the story, but that feels somewhat realistic, if that makes sense, so it doesn’t bother me too much.

Overall, this was a quiet and unexpected story. Art writes game summary notes but they are told like a story, inserted between IRL parts. It made for a nice story-within-a-story, but a few bits are odd like how his character falls for Darcy's character and I couldn't help but wonder how weird for other players to read his recaps where he's going into the romance between the characters, which is very different than any D&D game I've played. Also, it feels unlike other books that have D&D games in them where the game was more action and game-like, but the way the recaps were written, this was more a focus on internal-feelings with a detailed-novel-like feel. I did enjoy how Darcy gives everyone IRL stats, so she's often thinking about RPG in everyday life. I liked how the element of Art's Dad and the school board were handled and I liked the group of friends who gave them support. Art and Darcy both had to grow as characters which was nice.

Good mix of reality and fantasy, especially for D&D fans, but the plot has a lot of different controversies to tackle - homophobia, domestic violence, absent parents. The story was slow-moving at times, but overall well-written and enjoyable.

Thank you, NetGalley, for the ARC.

This book has so many of the things I most like to read: queer characters, found family, and multiple POV. And it features Dungeons and Dragons! What more is there to want!

Honestly, I really delighted in reading Who We Are in Real Life. A young queer characters moves to a smaller, more conservative place, and receives an olive branch in the form of a D&D session invite. I thought the story was sweet, honest, and really endearing and I highly encourage folks to pick it up!

I'm grateful to NetGalley and House of Anansi Press Inc., Groundwood Books for granting me an advanced readers copy in exchange for a review!

Actual Rating: 3.5 stars
Darcy doesn’t think that she’ll find friends after her Moms make her move to a city, but what she doesn’t exact was to find Art. A boy he age who also plays RPGs, who wants to hang of it with her. Through him, Darcy finds a whole new group of friends who help her get through life’s struggles.
This book was a lot better than I thought it would be. But after reading, I’ve realized that this book is perfect for D&D lovers and people interested in starting their D&D journey. The book explains RPGs simply, and makes it easy to understand and makes examples out of Darcy and Art’s game. I absolutely loved the combination of fiction and fantasy in one book, it truly was one of a kind and an absolute gem to read.
Thank you to NetGalley and Groundwood Books for a eARC of this book.

Can a game of D&D bridge the gap and bring people together, both in game and real life?

Darcy moves to a small town with her two moms and finds it difficult to make friends due to the constant exposure to homophobic commentary, often directed at her mother being the new doctor in town. In comes Art, a quiet kid who invites her to play D&D, and finds he is torn between his new friend and his conservative father, the influential figurehead of the town. As tension rises in real life, so does their D&D campaign. Can love and D&D bridge the gap?

I’m a big fan of D&D and all things fantasy, so I was charmed by the nerdy dialogue throughout the story. I live in Texas, and the conservative setting mirrors my own. It can get uncomfortable at times, and some dialogue containing sexist remarks and homophobic language can be off putting. For this narrative, it’s seen as essential. I also find the Young Adult tag confusing, seeing as this reads more like a Middle Grade book. Nonetheless, fans of D&D will enjoy the dual narrative and campaign, and its ending holds a good message on unity.

Thank you to Netgalley and House of Anansi Press Inc. for this ARC.

Thank you for the digital ARC!

THIS WAS SO FUN! I love that as D&D becomes more mainstream, books like this can be written to show the importance of finding community, and that tabletop RP games are an excellent way to do that. This definitely has FANGIRL vibes, which I loved. Readers will connect with themes of bonding over shared interests, queer identity, and the sweetest relationships/friendships.