A lot of this book was pretty bleak, and I kinda didn’t want the main character to be with the love interest because I didn’t want her to mess up his life, but I think it pulled through in the end.

ARC REVIEW ~ thank you, Netgalley!

*spoiler free*

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to be gripped by this book. The premise sounded excellent and refreshing, but the chapters were slow and long. I wasn’t able to find myself reading it and wanting to keep going. I ended up not finishing and skimming ahead to the end. Admittedly, the ending made me more intrigued and I will give this one another try in the future.

A 3 star review as I may have cheated and seen the end, but it was able to bring me back to the book. and a desire for it.

But How Are You, Really is a spicy romance with some real substance. Charlotte returns to her alma mater for her 5 year college reunion. In addition to the familiar "everyone else is doing better than me" feeling, she's also dealing with a toxic work environment, mental health issues, and trauma. There are plenty of stories where it feels like the main character pushes people away because it helps the plot develop. I appreciated that Dawson really explored why Charlotte did so. Yes, sometimes I wanted to shake her and yell "people love you and also Reece is hot!". But Dawson shows how Charlotte built walls around herself as a survival tactic. The characters that surround Charlotte are fun, messy, and real. Though I'm technically of the same generation as these folks, the 10+ year age difference felt like a different world sometimes (#eldermillennial). I loved that they were all doing their best to act with empathy and emotional intelligence. I think Charlotte and her friends might stick with me for a while.

This book shows the depths of trauma and how it can affect so many aspects of one’s daily life. I thought it was really well done.

Returning to her college for a reunion and commencement weekend, Charlotte is apprehensive, but happy for time with her best friend. She knows she will eventually end up running into two people though. Ben, her emotionally abusive ex who she absolutely does not want to see, and Reese, the guy she rebounded with and left with a wounded heart, who she kind of does want to see…

The trip is going well, especially as she is reconnecting with Reese, but real life is constantly knocking. An overbearing infant of a boss is hounding her day and night, leaving her best friend to wonder why she hasn’t quit yet.

The ways in which this weekend encourages Charlotte to not only step out of her comfort zone, but to confront old demons and make those real big steps to recognize traumas and triggers. I thought the characters were all incredible. There is a bit of steam, but a reasonable amount. All in all I thought this was a really great read. It didn’t make me cry, but I felt emotionally wrung out afterward.

Thank you to NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

Rating: 5 Stars ☆
Pub Date: 04 June 2024

“Charlie Thorne, always fine.”

Trying to find the words to write this review is difficult. To once again quote this book, “I needed this, it’s been a shitty few years.”

I so myself so much in Charlotte Thorne it was like looking into a mirror; the way Ella Dawson so perfectly captures the impossible yearning for a return to college days is astounding. The need to return to community, to being wanted, to belonging, was just so strong.

Charlotte’s fawn response and subsequent consequences are written just so realistically, and getting to both see her support system right in front of her when she can’t while at the same time being so in her hear that even we as the reader are blinded to the outside support, barraged by empty questions of “are you okay?” that can only be answered with an “I’m fine,” when the question we need to be asked is the titular But How Are You, Really-- it’s just beautiful writing is what it is.

“Enough of anything before today,” is a quote that will stick with me, and so will Dawson’s beautiful, witty, raw story. Everyone needs a Reece Krueger in their lives, someone who’ll show them the unconditional love they deserve, and this book is a light in the darkness for anyone going through a similar situation.

To end this review in the most honest way I know: this book made me cry. A lot. And that’s how you know it’s a damn good book.

This was SO GOOD. Charlotte is a beautifully complex character, and the people around her reflect that. While some of the other characters are not as complex as I would necessarily like, it might have been too much for the story if Ludermore and Ben were not as hateable as they were. I loved seeing Charlotte’s growth throughout the novel, especially how it wasn’t linear. Gotta love the feelings wheel laced throughout, too ;) I would love to see a collectors’ edition come out sometime with the colors for each feeling change throughout the book, whether it’s the color of the pages, the edges of the pages, etc. 11/10 definitely recommend, and that's really saying something as someone in their late teens who is not going to a college reunion anytime soon!!

Domestic violence comes in a variety of forms, and terrible damage can be done to people without ever laying a finger on them. Charlotte grew up with a verbally abusive mother, picked up a love-bomber turned abuser boyfriend, and is - mostly - only on campus for the five year reunion weekend because her boss-from-hell needs her there for his commencement address on the last afternoon.

Or, is she only there for him? Because *also* present on campus are the members of her chosen family, the queer college community, and the hot guy who was her rebound romance. All standing by to offer her support and encouragement. And the sparks between Reece and Charlotte are still there.

Disclaimer: I received this novel via NetGalley for review purposes.

This has romantic elements, but isn't a romance. It has some explicit sex scenes, but isn't erotica. Some heavy drinking, but is not about alcoholism (side note: a funfetti-tini sounds absolutely vile). Parts may be triggering to those feeling trapped in bad relationships, regardless of who they're with, but overall it's fun and encouraging.

Above all, it's about a young woman of twenty-seven figuring out her worth, how to stop repeating toxic patterns, and learning to heal.

When you go back to your college for a reunion you expect to be confronted by the past. When it’s two exes and more somethings get complicated.

I enjoined this book. It had some deeper topics but I enjoined the characters and was wishing for their success. I right away was pulled into their present and wishing for more glimpses of the past.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

I can't remember the last time I read a book like this, if ever.

This book was overwhelmingly relatable to me in some sections, and completely foreign in others. Which was a nice reprieve from spiraling as I began to have existential crisis' about my own relationships, time in college, current career and personal life paths, and so so much more.

I look forward to writing a deeper review once I've had more tideme to sit with my feelings of this book, but I truly think it changed me.

This was an incredible debut novel from Ella Dawson. I have since followed her on social media since reading this ARC and have enjoyed more of her research and reporting writing as well.

The theme of feelings as colors really intrigued me, and I keep looking forward to the next instance where the main character would liken her current feelings to olive green, etc.

3.5⭐️ Thank you Dutton for the ARC!
This wasn’t my favorite, but it wasn’t a bad read for me either-I just never felt super invested or invested in the story. That being said, I think this has great themes of diversity and some heavier important issues and great characters.

Read this book all in one day because I couldn't get enough of it! Ella Dawson's characters in "But How Are You, Really" are so vibrant; they jump off the page at you and become distinct with their own lives, personality traits, and backstories that you can't help but be invested in. Her protagonist, Charlotte, is stuck in a never ending cycle of anxiety and hopelessness when it comes to accepting love and help from those around her. I felt so seen by the way she was written, and felt as if Ella Dawson took thoughts right from my own head & put them into Charlotte's. Would absolutely recommend for a great story about not only loving yourself, but also allowing others to do the same. Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for letting me read this ARC!

I enjoyed this book a lot! I wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was, but it really caught me by surprise.

This was a fun and quick read! There was good banter throughout, an easy to follow plot, and excellent representation.

Spice: 🌶️

Read But How Are You, Really if you like:
-second chance romances
-books perfect for millennials
-books that take place over 72 hours
-a New England college setting
-college class reunions
-social media
-art
-small towns
-dogs
-ex-hockey players
-relatable & amazing side characters

The writing was smooth with just enough detail to make you feel like you were part of the friend group. The banter was fantastic. The plot was easy to follow and very well thought out.

I really resonated with Charlotte (FMC) on a mental health level. Especially, with her inner dialogue because I also suffer from intrusive thoughts. And I dissociate just like she does. And we both bite our nails from crippling anxiety. She also has a lot of self-doubt, like I do, and truly doesn’t think she deserves anything good.

Reece (MMC) and I are A LOT alike. I relate to him on such a deep level. I’ve also lost a parent to cancer. He talks about how he wishes his dad could tell him what to do with his life. I feel the same way about my mom. And we both cope with dark humor because it’s better to laugh about it than cry about it. We also had the same unhealthy coping mechanisms, which made me feel seen and understood. He is hands down my favorite character.

💘Charlotte + Reece FOREVER💘

The representation in this book includes:
-bisexual FMC
-lesbian
-gay
-pansexual
-nonbinary
-trans
-black side character
-anxiety
-depression
-pro therapy
-support groups for people dealing with trauma like homophobia, grief, loss, etc.

Trigger warnings: homophobia, trauma, loss of a parent from cancer, manipulative & controlling traumatic relationships, grief, addiction, neglect, abuse

Final words: I don’t have a single complaint besides that I will never be able to read it for the first time or fall in love with these characters again. Reading this book was therapeutic and nostalgic. 🩷💙💜

Thank you to Ella Dawson, Penguin Group Dutton, NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for a honest voluntary review!

#ButHowAreYouReally #NetGalley

But How Are You, Really was well written and pulled me into the story from the beginning.

Everyone that graduated from school, high school or college, knows how it feels to dread any sort of reunion - to worry that you'll be the butt of the jokes about how everyone is doing since you last saw each other. To worry that you're the only one in the whole class that is doing terribly, that you're the only one that hates their job/life/etc is the worst feeling in the world and this book seemed to capture that worry perfectly. Add onto that the stress of a boss that does all he can to tear you down and you've got one heck of a stressful weekend.

For Charlotte Thorne, the stressful weekend is compounded even more by the looming threat of dealing with exes and her Slack messages flooding her notifications. Charlotte surrounds herself with her chosen family (friends that she hasn't spoken to in months because life gets busy) and does her best to enjoy the Alumni weekend at the college she graduated from only 5 years before. She falls back into her friendships easily, almost too easily, and she realizes as the weekend progresses that maybe life can be made a little better with the help of her friends.

This books feels like it's telling a story about how we as people tend to get stuck in cycles throughout our lifetime and that sometimes, the best way to move forward in your life - to be successful - is to break those cycles (or at least try).

This book was great, entertaining and heartfelt - I would have rated it 4 stars but honestly, there was some smut in the story that I didn't really feel like fit - I wouldn't have missed the smut at all if it had been fade-to-black as opposed to shown. It's a solid, and quick, read that I can see myself re-reading when I want to read a book that has characters that I genuinely enjoy.

(3.5 rounded up)

There was SO much authenticity and realness here. Grappling with who you are in your early career-stage is hard and tumultuous and terrifying.

I resonated with Charlotte on so many levels, and thought the representation of how trauma responses feel from the inside was very on the nose.

I didn’t, however, resonate with this college experience so I felt some disconnect there. This was over all enjoyable, but at times I just felt it was all a little self indulgent? But again- this academic experience was quite far from mine, so I know the tone was partially reliant on that.

Wow I loved this book! Great character development and writing. So glad I got to read this book and definitely recommend it!

Thank you NetGalley and Ella Dawson!

this is a sweet, deeply feeling story. I felt the nuanced emotions connected to a life that feels stalled out, and the memory of one that held its own joys & sorrows.

the representation of people and community in this book was deeply beautiful, joyful, and complex. there were so many valid & validating emotions to feel when reading this story, all while also being a cute & fun romance.

overall, this was a unique & emotional story that I truly enjoyed.

thank you for the arc :)

But How Are You, Really was a stunning debut novel for a couple of reasons but largely for its perfect consistency.

Throughout the novel, we follow Charlotte Thorne–a bisexual twenty-something with an underwhelming life consumed by her utter lack of work-life balance and unresolved trauma. So to start, it’s relatable.

Charlotte is thrust back into the world where she had her greatest self-discovery followed by her worst identity crisis–her college years (again, relatable to a fault). The novel is chock-full of perfect little pieces that speak to a wide range of experiences within adulthood. Ella Dawson does a phenomenal job of exploring the intersections of trauma as it relates to childhood trauma, domestic abuse, workplace exploitation, and resulting hyper-independence. She executes these intersections in consistent increments so that readers can naturally follow and understand the thought process of our protagonist.

Now, this is not just about the doom and gloom of adulthood and trauma. There is so much love in the romantic and platonic sense here. There is found family and there is the rekindling of old flames. There is (good) sex and there is understanding and there is healing. All of these aspects were interwoven beautifully into the plot and kept perfectly consistent.

Ultra special shout out to Dawson’s purposeful use of the color wheel motif. Such a slay. As always, I will be purchasing the physical edition once it’s released on June 4, 2024.

Thank you, NetGalley for the Advanced Reader Copy!

This book was a nice surprise. What caught my attention first was the cover, I think it’s really unique and pretty. Of course I was intrigued by the blurb and was really excited to start it. Overall it was cute cozy book with a good main character. I liked the found family aspect and the queer representation which was well done.