I had trouble getting into this book because Charlotte was relatable in a sad way. It can be hard to enjoy a book with such a depressing main character but she gets better in the end when she finally learns to stand up for herself. It's nice to see so many queer main characters and a Bisexual main character is such a rare thing so it was nice to see her succeed in the end.

Thank you to Dutton Books, Penguin, and NetGalley for the chance to read this book early and review it.

**Quick Thoughts:**

This book is for readers who enjoy chosen family, therapy speak, second chance romances, poetic writing, and getting the gang back together. There were many pockets of humor, love, joy, and relatable feelings that I found myself highlighting. Though it wasn't the perfect book for me, I’m glad this book was written and think that the right person will find a lot of comfort in these pages. I will read the author again!

**No Spoilers Plot:**

Charlotte goes to her college’s graduation weekend because her shitty boss is giving the commencement speech. She’s been in self protection mode for the last 5 years because of family trauma and a verbally abusive ex boyfriend so she’s been absent and her friends are kinda annoyed with her, especially when she’s constantly putting work first during this rare time together. She gets a second chance at being with nice guy Reece, but will running into her exboyf ruin it?

**My Feelings:**

This book didn’t quite do it for me overall. Personally, I like my queers to behave badly (I’m projecting) and I feel like many of the characters in the friend group always had the right answer and never made the wrong choice, that they were always mostly patient with Charlotte and waiting for her to catch up and meet them where they were. I think the author handled trauma and the ways we learn to cope with it well.

The two ex-boyfriends were in stark contrast, it was hard to find either likable. Reece was a little too sugary sweet for me, always patient and using his words and proving he went to therapy. I think I just like them a little messier. Then there’s evil villain Ben who has slicked back hair is probably somewhere stroking a cat and speaking in a transatlantic accent. The differences were extreme. It was hard to understand how she felt conflicted about their relationship and it ending for so long.

I didn't finish this book, I could have forced myself to finish it like I've done with books in the past, but that kinda just makes me dislike reading. So instead I gave But How Are You, Really a fair shot (I read over half), and when I still didn't feel motivated to keep reading, I just quit.

This book has decently vast representation. There are plenty of character's of different genders and sexualities, so if you want a book with a lot of queer characters, BHAYR definitely provides that. The author also manages to create all these queer characters in a pretty authentic feeling way, unlike some authors.. so points for that. This book also isn't just a romance, it puts a fair amount of effort into other things (sometimes to its detriment) such as exploring life after college. I actually think this aspect was done well and I enjoyed the realistic imperfections and exploration of insecurities with comparing your life to others.

But.. this book draaaags. Out of the 8 chapters I read, Reece wasn't even in 2 of them. About the aforementioned putting effort into non-romance things that is sometimes to the books detriment: BHAYR spends a lot of time giving commentary about queerness and other progressive topics and trying to be hip. I just find that to feel cringe, and also I'm not hear for that! I'm hear for romance! You might like that in your books, but personally I don't need references to 'baby gays', 'imposter syndrome', 'setting boundaries', 'triggers' and 'masculinity stuff to unpack [in therapy]' . None of those are annoying to me by themselves, but when there is a constant stream of them it feels more like I'm scrolling through TikTok rather than the thoughts/conversations of people in real life.

Adjacent to this is the fact that you'll struggle to get more than a few sentences without hearing a reference to Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande or some other musician or piece of media. This is something I personally despise in books, but that is of course very subjective.

Finally, let's talk about Ben. Ben is the MC's ex-boyfriend. He gets talked about a lot and it seems that Charlotte and him had a very toxic or abusive relationship, but it is so goddam vague. Now I fully admit that having only read half the book this could get explored later and then be okay, but so far, this aspect just rubs me the wrong way. The thing is it's been over 5 years since they were together and Ben is heavily brought up in the book as something that still strongly affects her. Now I'm not saying that an abusive relationship can't have effects lasting 5 years down the road, it definitely can, but my problem with this is that we aren't really told how abusive or what her relationship with Ben was. This issue isn't really actually explored at all. Details about Ben are super vague, their past relationship isn't fleshed out and the potential abuse isn't really elaborated on it's just repeatedly brought up that she has bad memories from him, so my question is: did the author really want to explore the lasting effects of an abusive relationship? or did they just want to have a progressive checkbox they could tick? To me, the 'abusive relationship' kind of gets too close to just feeling like a gimmick, which really puts me off.

This all lead me to feel bored and slightly annoyed. Reading through paragraphs and paragraphs that had nothing to do with Reece, Charlotte's job or moving the plot forward at all left me very unmotivated to keep reading. There are a lot of other romance books out there, I think I'd just suggest reading one of those.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton for providing an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Charlotte Thorne is a burned out, 20something, ‘disaster bi’ who has to go back to college for graduation weekend for work because her boss is the commencement speaker. Commencement also coincides with her 5-year college reunion and some familiar faces pop back into her world.

As a burned out, 20something post-grad who is trying to just survive without completely losing it and myself, I relate to Charlotte on so many levels. Working jobs you don’t love, losing interest in hobbies, losing touch with close friends - it’s all so real. Charlotte also experienced an emotionally abusive and toxic relationship during her college years that is eerily similar to the one I was in during my latter college years. Dawson does paints an incredibly realistic picture of what happens when you slip back into the role you person played during the relationship and how you fall into patterns of abuse in other ways. The conversations Charlotte had with her friends were almost carbon copies of conversations I had with some of my closest people. I don’t think I’ve seen parts of myself represented on a page this closely, ever.

Charlotte’s reflections on her sexuality were extremely thought provoking and gave me a lot to think about on both personal and larger levels.

Reece (out love interest) was sweet (almost too sweet?) and watching them meet each other all over again helped to lighten the underlying heaviness of the narrative.

I had some issues with the pacing and some of the characters didn’t feel fully fleshed out in terms of their relationship to Charlotte given that it was frequently mentioned that they were her best friends. Also, I would’ve loved to see more of Jackie and Charlotte and how their friendship evolved over the years! Jackie rules!!!

I related to Charlotte more than I expected to and I’m so grateful that I was approved for this ARC.
There is so much I want to say about this novel and I can’t get it out of my head.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC! This one was a quick read with great character development, especially Charlotte. This is for readers who enjoy coming-of-age stories.

*Thank you to NetGalley, and Penguin Group Dutton for an advanced reading copy of this book in exchange for my honest review*

I really enjoyed my reading this novel! Charlotte portrays so much of the feelings that come with change and the post collegiate life. This novel was way more intense than I expected. The characters were easy to relate too and the fmc Charlotte really translates well on paper. I liked the addition of the steamy scenes that weren't over done but painted a pictures of Reese and Charlottes developing relationship. I gave this book 3.5 stars.

I absolutely loved this story. Charlotte’s emotional journey over the course of a long weekend at a college reunion was intense. She dealt with past trauma, running into exes, shame over hating her job and level of success, guilt for breaking someone’s heart, and also the uncomfortable reality of cutting out her closest friends as she’d self-isolated for a period. There was so much happening in both her inner and outer worlds as she struggled to come to terms with how she’d buried so much in order to survive in an awful environment. I really connected with her almost immediately, and was rooting for her to finally chase something that would actually make her happy again. Reece was an absolute doll. He was on a bit of a journey as well, and I would have loved to have gotten a little bit of his POV at some point. I’d gladly read an entire series about their friends and acquaintances. Five stars. Instant favorite, Highly recommend.

Fantastic boon with a great protagonist and doom plot. The boss is also quite annoying and it all works . Thanks for the arc

RATING: 3/5 STARS

Love the premise of a college reunion romance but sadly the execution was not for me in this one.

4.5 stars rounded up! I always enjoy a good campus novel and a coming-of-age story, so I was especially excited to read But How Are You, Really. The story takes readers through a whirlwind seventy-two hours in Charlotte Thorne's life, when she returns to her alma mater, Hein University, for her five-year college reunion. Can Charlotte confront her past and pull her life together in the present—all in one weekend?

I absolutely loved this book! The characters are so well-developed—Charlotte in particular is a heroine you can't help but root for, and I think so many readers will be able to relate to her character, all in different ways. Ella Dawson perfectly captures the college setting, and I also really enjoyed the reunion aspect of the story. It was so fascinating to see Charlotte return to this formative place in her life, as she realizes that while the campus itself hasn't necessarily changed over the years, she and her relationships have, forcing her to navigate Hein as a new version of herself, rather than the person she used to be when she was there as a student, somehow reconciling those two different sides of herself and fully allowing herself to heal from her traumatic past. The relationships were another highlight of the story for me—the "found family" aspect was so well-done overall, but I particularly enjoyed the friendship between Charlotte and Jackie, and wanted to see even more of their dynamic! Dawson does an amazing job of conveying the idea that even as the shape of the characters' friendships have changed with distance and time, they all still have so much care and appreciation for each other, and it was heartwarming to see how much Charlotte's friends loved, supported, and encouraged her throughout the story. I also adored the romance between Charlotte and Reece—not only did they have such great chemistry (I was smiling at my screen every time they interacted!), but they communicated so healthily and truly brought out the best in each other. I didn't want the story to end, because I didn't want to leave them behind! I would have liked to see more a few more moments of their relationship in college incorporated throughout the flashbacks, too.

In terms of things that didn't resonate with me as much, I agree with some of the points other reviewers have made about the book being very "millennial"/Buzzfeed vibes. That didn't necessarily take away from my overall enjoyment of the story, but I think people who are part of that audience will probably relate to it even more. Still, I feel like the themes Dawson portrays are universal, and will still resonate with so many readers beyond that group! Overall, I thought But How Are You, Really was a fantastic debut that I could see myself re-reading again and again, and I can't wait to see what Ella Dawson writes next. Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC.

this fell rather flat to me. i didn't prefer the plot at all because i wasn't invested in any of it. howeverrrr, i adored the characters' development and charlotte's arc in particular. but this was mainly just boring to me. it was so slow and dragged. i enjoyed the idea of this but the execution was, imo, sorely lacking.

A solid 3 star book, 4 maybe to the right reader. This was a quick, fun read with some life lessons added to the mix.

<b> What to Expect</b>
🍭Buzzfeed Vibes.
🍭Millennial lingo.
🍭Bisexual heroine
🍭Second-chance romance
🍭Burned out millennials
🍭Chosen family

The Plot- Charlotte is a burnout millennial who has been invited to attend her 5 year college reunion. Having nothing to really show for success she is dreading the idea of rekindling with old friends/connections. Everyone around her seems to have their life together. You follow Charlotte as she revisits the past and gain a fresh perspective on her future with the people around her.

My Thoughts-This was a decent book. The plot was a great idea but I think it wasn’t carried out in the best way. Overall, this was an okay read. Heavier than I expected. Charlotte’s character development was top tier. At the beginning of the book I really could not stand her “woe is me” persona. By the end of the book I was proud of her. The other characters were written beautifully. You really felt like you were apart of the gang . The characters are definitely people you want in your corner. It was very heartwarming to see a friendship like theirs portrayed in this book. One thing is I really wished this book was written with multiple povs. I think the reader would feel more connected to the story. The writing was decent I did feel bored at times and I had to push through. Sometimes the writing felt a bit repetitive. BUT I really liked how everyone in this book communicated. No miscommunication trope 🙅‍♀️

🗣️I would recommend this book to the right audience. This is my first book from the author and I will def check out her work in the future.

This review was posted on my Goodreads account.

<b> Playlist </b>
🎶Anti- Hero- Taylor Swift
🎶Brooklyn Baby- Lana Del Rey
🎶Dont Let Me Get Me- P!nk
🎶We Are Young- FUN
🎶 Champagne Problems- Taylor Swift
🎶Drops Of Jupiter- Train
🎶Raise Your Glass- P!nk
🎶 Still into You- Paramore
🎶 Riptide- Vance Joy
🎶Good As Hell- Lizzo
🎶 Friday I’m in Love- The Cure
🎶Sorry Not Sorry- Demi Lovato
🎶 Elastic Heart- Sia
🎶 Slow Hands- Niall Horan
🎶 Blinding Lights- The Weekend
🎶As It Was- Harry Style
🎶Radio- Lana Del Rey
🎶Slow Dancing In A Burning Room- John Mayer
🎶Daylight- Harry Style
🎶Adore You- Harry Style
🎶Fight Song- Rachel Platten

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for this advanced copy! You can pick up a copy of But How Are You, Really? on June 4, 2024!

I heard many great things about this book and started it with very high hopes as I love a good coming of age, queer story. However, this book fell flat for me. I got a few chapters in and realized I didn’t feel a strong connection or appreciation for any of the characters, didn’t see much plot development, and struggled to get myself to read. I decided to DNF around 30% through.

While this book wasn’t for me, I think readers who enjoy books with queer stories, second-chance romance, and/or hockey romances would enjoy it!

As someone who is nearing her own 5-year college reunion (yikes), this book meant a lot to me.

Ella truly made me care for all of these characters, even if we didn't see enough of them (the scarcity added to the authenticity of a college atmosphere). She made us understand all of their struggles in AND out of this LGBTQIAP+ community and their struggles in this stage of life. She didn't just show you what they were going through mentally, she helped you understand WHY all of these things happened. I also LOVED that these characters communicated their feelings!!! (or at least tried to)

This book felt devastating but also like a warm hug and I will gladly support this author and get a physical copy when it is published.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This was an amazing read! Charlotte is incredible as our main character. I think a lot of people can find some aspect in her that they can relate to, and to watch her go through a flurry of emotions from breaking down to building herself back up from some of her past and current traumas was just beautiful to read about. Charlotte and Reece also stunned me, their interactions were an absolute highlight of the book and I loved reading about how Charlotte felt about Reece. Seriously, I tabbed and highlighted so many lines because I just swooned at every moment between them. My only minor critique is that I would have loved to see more flashbacks of their relationship in college as well as learned more about Reece himself, a moment through his perspective would have been so fun to read.

On that note, I also loved how past flashbacks were interwoven throughout the story. Charlotte could walk into a room or sit somewhere and we'd see a moment of how she was in that exact spot years prior; reading about those moments where the surroundings are the same but the people within them are different and grown up really impacted me and got me thinking about the person I'd be when I get to Charlotte's age, which is something I haven't felt when reading and I found very special.

The other characters throughout this book were written wonderfully, Jackie and the other 3Ds are the kind of people everyone wants in their chosen family, and it was so heartwarming to see a friendship like theirs portrayed throughout the story.

Absolutely loved this book and the writing, my Kindle notes are filled to the brim because of all of the beautiful quotes and lines I marked. 5 stars, this is an amazing debut novel and I'm already looking forward to more of Ella Dawson's writing!

The writing is fine, but I was really bored. I stopped after chapter 1 (11%). Fans of slow character-driven books should be pleased, I think, and should be an easy three stars, four for the right readers.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin for the ARC.

This book started out slow for me but once I became invested in the characters, I couldn’t put it down. The journey that Charlotte goes through is frustrating, but rewarding, and she experiences a lot of growth throughout the duration of the story. I didn’t quite know where the story was going at first, but then about a quarter of the way through I began to see it was about her relationship, yes, but also he experiences at college and unpacking her past trauma with her ex and mother, as well as her current trauma with her boss.

Charlotte Thorne not only hates her job, but she has feelings for her ex hookup, Reece Krueger. For her five years college class reunion, her boss has instructed her to live tweet his commencement speech. Intending to only work, Charlotte instead runs into old friends and foes. One of which is Reece, the guy she couldn’t quite connect with after an abusive ex. Is now the time for them to build a relationship? And will Charlotte stand up and make a change or continue to drag her way through life?

I didn’t expect the romance aspect to start right off the bat, but I’m not complaining. It’s a nice break from the miscommunication trope. Charlotte’s experience with Ben got me right in the heart as a survivor. When she got sick after seeing him, I felt nauseous right along with her. It’s hard to not get attached to the characters in this book. I wasn’t sure about Charlotte and Reece at the beginning, but they definitely grew on me and seemed great together by the end. It would have been nice to see Reece’s POV, but I still enjoyed this book.

If you like second chance romance, a touch of spice, and multilayered stories, “But How Are You, Really” is a good read for you :)

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this advanced copy!
4.5/5 stars for But How Are You, Really.
I really enjoyed my experience reading this novel! Charlotte portrays so much of the feelings that come with change and with the struggle of dropping relationships that don’t make you happy!
In this book, Charlotte returns to her Alma mater for her 5 year reunion. I really liked this plot.
I thought her and Reece were so cute!!
Another thing I loved was the parts about drifting from friends after graduating or moving away, or even just growing up!
Overall, I really enjoyed the plot and most of the characters were well written and relatable!
Definitely give this a read once you have a chance!

I was very fortunate to receive an advanced reader copy from NetGalley but all thoughts are unbiased and my own!

This was a cutesy read for me and was enjoyable! I also didn’t realize this is the authors debut (how cool!) I would say it was a pretty quick read and there were some points that had a bit too much detail when it comes to setting the scene, but I also felt in terms of plot some aspects were a bit underbaked. I loved the queer representation in the book and I also loved how chosen family was portrayed - no matter where you go or how long it’s been they will still be there and love you! I thought that was pretty refreshing. I thought the author described the post graduation of the race to accomplish everything both professional and personally so well. It’s hard when you see the people who started the same place as you “having it all” when you’re going through it.

However don’t think I necessarily was the target audience for this read. I would describe the target audience as people who would go berserk to be featured in a Buzzfeed video. It was a bit too “millennial core” at times, but I don’t think that takes away from the overall story.

Overall, I enjoyed it! Would I recommend it to everyone, no. But, there are some people in my life who I think would really enjoy this read.