I requested this for consideration for Book Riot's All the Books podcast for its release date. After sampling several books out this week, I decided to go with a different book for my review.

I enjoyed my time with this book, I flew right through it and it was an easy and fast read. I appreciated the writing but it’s not my favorite, and I probably won’t be purchasing a physical copy. I definitely would pick up another book from Ella Dawson though and I look forward to more books from her.

I wish Charlotte did not go back to the college where she buried many many demons to find herself and happiness. I wish she could have done that before she started to question her value and identity. I wish she could not care so much about what others think about her, her job, and her artistic drive.

Charlotte went to homecoming hoping that people she should not see wouldn't show up. Also she went there because her mansplanier boss was going to give the commencement speech. This was less than an ideal situation, but here she was walking through the same streets, entering the same dorm, going into same hideouts. What started to be the worst time of her life could actually be the best thing ever happened to her.

I woohooed out loud when Charlotte sent that one tweet. It was a slap to all misogynistic and ageist men out there. Most of the male bosses need this kinda slap delivered to them on a "golden platter" because they wouldn't accept it any other way.

Summer 🤝 Fall in this ideal September book, a perfect blend of beach read and campus novel. But How Are You, Really is a sleeper hit of the summer, toeing the line between romance and lit fic and perfectly capturing the "lost or left behind" vibes many experience in their 20s. I am lucky to share an alma mater with the author, and I uniquely appreciated the love letter to college life she crafted. I pictured my own campus, laughed and cried at all the (not-so) subtle references, ( @brosandprose I caught them all), and sort of felt like I was time traveling.

Alongside its hilarious one-liners and heartwarming friend/found family themes, this book also has its heavy moments. As both a romance reader and also a psychologist, I think the mental health and trauma representation in this book outdoes most of the genre. BHAYR showcases the messy, bumpy reality of healing, that it's rarely linear, and that most people don't have sudden epiphanies that lead to quick resolutions (something that bothers me in many romances). Overall, this is a really wonderful debut with a ton of heart, definitely deserving a read as you craft your fall TBRs.

Thanks to @duttonbooks and @netgalley for sending this one to me early, and to @brosandprose for the literal time capsule you created.

Thank you NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to review this title. A fairly easy read, a bit of self reflection tossed in. Three stars.

Full of heartbreak and angst, it's easy to forge a deep connection with the characters in this book, which makes it all the more satisfying to root for their happily ever after.

4 stars

I did not expect to enjoy this one as much as I did! I almost thought it was going to be a YA book because it takes place at a college campus but thankfully it turned out to be an amazing story of growing up, true friendship, and old friends.

Charlotte comes back 5 years later to her old college during commencement weekend as an assistant to the graduating class commencement speaker. Rather than living out her dreams post graduate, she’s miserable in NYC, overworked, barely able to pay her bills, and has a boss that is more like a child than a mentor. Hoping that working this graduation weekend will be the key to her promotion and leaving her POS boss behind, she sets forth for a weekend reunited with her college friends and old haunts.

Her best friend lives across the country, the friends close by are all moving forward in life and work, and her abusive ex-boyfriend is also attending the reunion putting her on edge and reliving an awful part of her past. The last few years she’s let her self esteem be eroded and allowed her life to get crushed by the grind of entry level position expectations. Even years later the sight of her ex and the sound of his voice physically assaulted her with the memories of all she endured to try and be the perfect girlfriend. The boy she rebounded with post the awful ex is also there and while they had such amazing chemistry the first time around, the damage from her ex was too much for her to take him seriously. Rather than try to move forward, she runs away from him at graduation never to be seen again until she gets a second chance at reunion. They have an amazing few days and her guard finally drops around him but she is still stuck in her own head about needing this awful job and pushes away everyone who truly loves her.

I connected so hard to Charolette. She’s a bisexual who truly opened up in college and was finally able to be her true self without small town judgement or her parents expectations. She found her family in her college friends and after an intensive blast from the past being back on campus together she finally realizes people care about her, people love her, and people want her to put herself first. And that’s exactly what she does by the end of the book! I was so proud!

While at times I felt Charolette was too stubborn for her own good, and there were moments that went on for far too long and others went too quickly, it was a nostalgic read. I really loved how much this story dived into trauma, grief, disappointing family members, and true friendship transcending all obstacles. For anyone playing the comparison game, newly graduated, or looking for a tender second chance romance, this one is for you!

This book was a lot. It explored the way someone revisiting their past can improve their livelihood, they just had to go through the trauma of it. Charlie and Reece were undeniably soul mates, just took a bit longer than anticipated.

The real talk about how financial independence is tough growing up without stability was so incredibly real and I had to take a step back because it’s unfortunately a flaw that happens in life.

Truly happy to be able to have been able to read this.

“But How Are You, Really” by Ella Dawson is an engaging exploration of the challenges and complexities of life after college, especially when you’re still finding your way. Charlotte Thorne, our burnt-out bisexual protagonist, is relatable and real, capturing the uncertainty many of us face in our late twenties. Returning to Hein University for her five-year reunion, Charlotte is forced to confront not only her past but also the future she’s been avoiding.

Dawson does a commendable job weaving together themes of identity, mental health, and the messy, beautiful reality of chosen family. The nostalgia of revisiting old college memories, mixed with the stark contrast of present-day struggles, gives this book its emotional depth. The character development, especially Charlotte’s journey, is well-executed and satisfying, making her transformation feel earned by the novel’s end.

While the pacing occasionally drags, and some plot points feel predictable, Dawson’s ability to blend humor with heartfelt moments keeps the story grounded. The reunion setting, filled with both cringe-worthy and heartwarming moments, adds a layer of relatability that will resonate with anyone who’s ever questioned their life choices.

Overall, “But How Are You, Really” is a thoughtful and entertaining read, perfect for those navigating the ups and downs of early adulthood. Dawson’s debut novel is one to check out, especially if you enjoy character-driven stories that delve into the complexities of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Five years after her college graduation, Charlotte is not quite where she thought she would be. She’s burnt out from her punishing job as an assistant at a media company, she’s too tired to connect with her best friends and her relationship with her mother is non-existent because she doesn’t support Charlotte’s bisexuality. When her boss is invited to give the commencement address at her alma mater, she has no choice but to go back to campus for the reunion weekend. When she arrives, she’s immediately confronted with the friends she’s ditched and falls back in step with Reece, the hockey player she rebounded with after a traumatic break-up. Over the course of 72 hours, Charlotte attempts to have a good time as old demons come creeping back.

As someone who also graduated college five years ago, this section of the book was incredibly relatable. Dawson nailed the dichotomy of being excited to reconnect with old friends but dreading the constant defense of your life choices.

Charlotte’s love life is a huge component of this novel. Going into it, I didn’t quite realize how big a role romance played in this novel, but I loved Charlotte and Reece’s connection—he was just such a lovely character. There’s fantastic queer representation throughout and I adored the found family vibes.

While Charlotte is going through a hard time (I particularly felt for the way her work challenges were linked to her family trauma), the hard moments were balanced with lighter sections. The timeline of the college reunion kept the storyline moving, although there were a few times where we lingered in Charlotte’s inner monologue for a tad too long. As a campus novel connoisseur, I loved how this was essentially an adult campus novel.

A strong debut novel that will resonate with a lot of readers.

Going back to her alma mater for a reunion is one of the last things Charlotte Thorne wants to go. After all, it's not like her post-college life is that glamorous. She's working what feels like a dead-end job, her love life is nothing to write home about, and she's estranged from all her friends. But her job depends on her going to the reunion. Surely she can keep it all together for a weekend?

BUT HOW ARE YOU REALLY was fun! While I struggled to get into it at first, I ended up being thankful I pushed on because I enjoyed this book. Ella Dawson fleshed out the book with a hugely relatable found family of characters, from Charlotte to Reece to Jio, Matt, Nina, Jackie, etc. It's always impressive to me when an author has a big secondary cast and no one comes off as a cardboard cut-out. Everyone had real issues, even the ones who seemed perfect at first glance. And at its heart, BHAYR is about just that: pulling back the curtain and meeting people where they're at, realizing that burn-out happens, real life and love don't often work out how they do in the movies, and that taking risks is always worth it.

I spent most of the book wanting to hug Charlotte. She had an incredibly abusive relationship in college and straight out of it, fell into a rebound situation with Reece, an incredible guy. Once reunited at Hein, it's immediately obvious that the same old chemistry is there. But Charlotte is struggling with a lot--being out and estranged from her parents, her horrible boss, her lackluster job, etc. The weekend reunion ends up being just what she needs: a wake-up call.

I think what I loved the most was the found family that existed within the pages of But How Are You, Really. I wasn't expecting it but it reminded me of some of the family-by-choice I'm lucky enough to have in my own lives--people who were there for me when my blood family failed me. Everyone needs a Jackie, a Jio, etc. All of the interactions between the friends felt super poignant. Needed. Important.

And the ROMANCE. Wow, was I a huge fan of Charlie and Reece. Everyone has that one who got away and as I read further into the book, it was apparent that Charlie never should have let Reece go. But she also had and has a lot of healing to do before she's ready to pick up where they left out and that felt really honest and true to life.

All in all, a great read.

Thank you so much to Dutton books for a copy of this book!

"She didn't want to be alone anymore, bubble-wrapped by isolation so that no one could hurt her or let her down."

I was really excited to read this book but I had started this book back in May and after the first chapter I just took a pause and didn't go back until now.. I will say the first part of the book was rather slow for me and the long chapters did not help. There were a lot of characters and things happening that it was hard to focus on what was going on. I also didn't know that there were 5 year reunions for college (or any reunions for college that is). But one thing I thought the author did do a well enough job with is how Ella felt like she did not have it all together as she wanted to appear. I felt bad for Ella with her horrendous boss where she felt like she could not leave her job (a message to all - YOU CAN). Her friends seem to be very supportive in her and just want her to be happy and they clearly know that she is not.

I was rooting for her relationship with Reece. He just seemed like a genuinely good guy who was smitten with Ella after seeing her again. And poor Ella she was not sure if this was just a weekend fling? Was this the real deal? Did he really like her? She just knew she did not want to get attached to this man and to this relationship if it was just going to end in heartache. But it turns out like her friends Reece wanted Ella and to make it work between them.

I am torn with how I want to rate this because the first half was really hard to get through and then the 2nd half (or pretty much when her and Reece started their hook up) was SO much more enjoyable and went by so quick!

Check this book out if you are feeling nostalgic for your college life, second chance romance & want to see a grand way of quitting a job - give this a whirl!

3.75

I had no idea what to expect from this book when I started, and even considered DNFing a few chapters in because it’s not the kind of book I usually read. But I am so happy that I did. This was a wild ride but at the same time i found it completely relatable. Charlotte Thorne is going to stay with me for a long time.

I have no clue why anyone would go to their five-year college reunion unless they are forced to like Charlotte by her boss. Faced with ex-lovers, former friends, dead dreams, and the unhappiness of her current life, Charlotte’s reunion with her past self and current self is a catastrophe waiting to collide.

But How Are You, Really is funny. The humor comes from how real-life messes can be funny. I’m not saying that Ella Dawson doesn’t drop some funny scenarios for Charlotte to deal with, but most of them are just from things that have actually happened to me. I’m a clutz too so I feel Charlotte on so many levels.

There are some dark topics covered in the story because no one follows their dreams without some drama involved. Be prepared. There is also lots of steam and a sweet romance weaved throughout.

I liked this romance. I do know that this book proved me right: never go to your five-year-reunion. (chuckle).

I didn’t make it too far into this book. I just didn’t find it was able to draw my attention. Definitely like the premise of the high school reunion, I just didn’t connect with this FMC.

More than bisexual chaos, what about "just chaos"?
I will never understand Americans' obsessions with reunions and what is everyone doing with their lives.

But this was for sure a "it's not you, it's me" problem.

Loved how well this story captured growing apart and growing back together. as someone in their late 20s, it was so relatable to see reconnection with old friends.

Thank you to Dutton Books and Net Galley for a copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

Interesting, raw and real. It took me a while to finally get through this novel because I felt like the inner monologue was repetitive and a touch chaotic. However, I can understand that it can be a reality for some to think in that way.

The concept of this book was very unique to me – a narrator stuck in a dead-end job with an abusive boss heads back to her five-year college reunion to face some hard truths about her college life (and current life). I really enjoyed that aspect of it, of Charlotte coming to realize that she doesn’t have to resign herself to being treated like crap. It was very accurate to the feelings of the tolls emotional abuse have on your self worth, and I commend the author for that accuracy.

That being said, I think where I struggled was the dimensions of the characters. I felt like I didn’t get a good enough glimpse at Charlotte and Jackie’s friendship to understand why they were friends; it seems like Jackie was just annoyed with Charlotte and Charlotte treated Jackie like crap. Reese also felt very flat, I didn’t understand how their sexual attraction morphed into the unrelenting love it ended up being. I expected a lot more involvement with Ben as well, but it seemed like he was only present like twice despite being a topic of conversation every chapter. The concept was great, but the characters just sort of fell flat more me and it was a drag to get through in the middle.

Lastly, the queerness in the book sort of felt weird to me. The name “Acronym” sort of made me cringe, and she talked a lot about her queer identity and made it her whole personality. It felt very much like a view from the outside in on what it is actually like, because more often than not queer communities are a lot more subtly stated (but maybe that is just from my own experience, who knows).

Appreciated the bi rep here, as well as the millennial-seeking-meaning angle to workplace drama in this coming-of-age friends-to-lovers romance. cw: emotional abuse, controlling/abusive relationship