This was a raw and honestly funny depiction of what it is like to go back to a college reunion for a bit, especially when you are not in the place that you thought that you were going to be in life. I loved that the author chose to reflect that college wasn't necessarily the best time of someone's life, but that you got to meet your favorite people, because that seems like more of the universal truth. Charlotte is a very relatable main character that you want to hug (even though she doesn't want a hug) and shake at the same time. The author handled very delicate subject matter with a kind of grace that I wish more people employed. The ending scene wasn't necessarily my favorite, but I still appreciated it and smiled.

This book is a beautifully written and important story describing one character’s recovery from trauma. This book was a heavy read and often felt more like literary fiction than traditional romance.

Charlotte is attending her college’s 5-year reunion, which is occurring the same weekend as graduation. She has plans to reunite with friends she’s lost touch with and avoid her terrible ex-boyfriend. She also must help her horrible boss to prepare to give the commencement address, because he’s dangled the chance for a transfer to better department in front of her.

I am so impressed with this author. I felt basically the full spectrum of emotions while reading this book. The author perfectly captured the nostalgia for college, while also conveying the sour aftertaste when those college memories are tainted by traumatic experiences. The book poignantly illustrated the shame associated with being in a toxic relationship and how that shame can keep people quiet. The themes related to mental illness, burnout, and financial precarity were also well-written.

This book also felt uniquely bisexual to me (spoilers ahead). Charlotte reminisces about her mom being overjoyed when she started dating a man in college. When Charlotte left her abusive ex in college, he spread rumors about Charlotte cheating on him with a woman. Charlotte is vulnerable to manipulation by her boss because she is unable to rely on financial support from her biphobic mother. I think this book will be painfully relatable for many readers, given that the CDC found in 2010 that 61% of bi women have experienced intimate partner violence. I found reading the difficult parts of this book deeply cathartic.

Charlotte’s friends were supportive and felt so real. Reece (the love interest) is wonderful, and I can see how he will be a good partner as Charlotte heals. Basically, this book broke my heart and then patched it back together again.

Highlights:
- college reunion
- very millennial & very bisexual
- M/F Romance
- healing from trauma
- second chance romance

Content advisory: reference to prior emotionally abusive romantic relationship; reference to a sober character’s prior alcohol addiction; reference to emotionally abusive and homophobic parent; reference to biphobia stereotypes; reference to emotional abuse from a supervisor in the workplace; description of depression and panic attacks; brief references to prior suicidal ideation.

The premise of the story is good: a 5-year college reunion and get together of friends. The characters were well developed, but the story was a little slow to get going. Charlotte had so many issues as did some of the other characters. The first half of the book was somewhat tedious and I thought I was headed to the longest weekend ever, but the second half of the story was much better. Ultimately, I enjoyed this book. Thank you NetGalley for providing the ARC.

Thank you Netgalley and Ella Dawson for an arc in exchange for an honest review.

The first half felt repetitive and I grew bored as the story slowed down. I wanted to dnf but pushed through and I’m glad I did because the second half of the book was great!

Watching Charlotte suffer from work burnout and feeling like she isn’t where she should be was so relatable. Her boss was the worst and I loved her queer friend group and how she wasn’t ashamed to be bisexual. I usually hate second chance romance but the author did a good job. Her ex sucked but I’m glad she had a chosen group of friends by her side to show support !

3.25⭐️

ARC kindly provided by publisher via NetGally in exchange for an honest review.

This book was full of millennial vibes, queer rep, and found family with a touch of life lessons and love. The romance plot felt a bit secondary to our bi FMC’s character arc which i enjoyed, however it caused some parts of the story to be a bit disconnected. I would definitely recommend for anyone who relates to being a burnt out people pleaser who finds their voice!

But How Are You, Really managed to pack a lot in - friendship, love, abuse, found family, etc. - but I never found it to be too much. Charlotte was going through a lot for most of the book, and I sometimes found it hard to read, which may have been intentional. Since she tended to put up walls to protect herself, I sometimes wondered how well I really knew her. On the flip side, I felt like I got a really clear picture of the other characters close to her in the book.

One thing I particularly enjoyed was the setting at a college's joint reunion/graduation. It was fascinating to see the characters relive some of the positives from their college experience and grapple with the difficult experiences.

A queer character-driven contemporary fiction with a splash of romance and found family? How could you go wrong?

This is a book with strong themes of self-discovery that feels like a comin-of-age book even though the characters are in their thirties. It's a good reminder that we're constantly works in progress, and I loved that. This book also felt so deeply cemented in the millennial generation, which I always love to see. It handled a lot of really tough topics with grace, and I loved the emphasis this book placed on the importance of friendship, queer community, and chosen family.

Was this the best book of the year? No. But was it full of interesting characters that I rooted for the entire time? Absolutely.

But How Are You, Really, is for every person who has ever dreaded going back to their hometown or their college town, dealing with the endless questions about what they're doing with their life. It speaks to the experience of figuring out where you're going when you're young and the options seem daunting.

From the cover and description, I didn't expect there to be so much romance to the plot but I enjoyed it and the bisexual representation was so well done.

But How Are You, Really is a quick read and an interesting character study. There's not a ton of plot to the story but it's relatable and honest.

I was so excited to get a chance to read this story based on the premise and the cute cover! I've never read anything by Ella Dawson before but I'm very excited to read more books by her after this one. It was very captivating and I didn't want to put it down! Perfect for anyone looking for a romance book that's quick and fast paced! Thank you so much for the chance to read this!

3.5 stars

I'm not sure this book was entirely for me. It took me much, much longer than normal to get through this book. I normally get through books in like 2-3 days and this one took me a good month. I'm a mood reader who goes in blind, so that could also have something to do with it.

I felt like it was a super slow book and I had no idea what was going on. The plot seemed like it had no plot. Does that make sense? Like we're literally following around Charlotte at a college reunion where everyone hates their jobs and has no money (I mean, it takes place in 2018 and the book is very millennial-which I loved and connected to).

The characters were all great and open and mostly all queer in some sense. the second-chance romance part of it was sweet and I really would love to be friends with all of these people in real life.

It wasn't a bad book. The writing was wonderful and relatable and I'm glad I read it. I just wasn't motivated to keep going and it made it drag on and felt like a chore to finish. I'd recommend reading the blurb and other reviews about it before picking it up so you're giving yourself some sort of mp to where it's going instead of wandering lost in the woods like me.

I had high hopes for this one but I found that the book was not for me. Ultimately, I found many of the characters unlikable and the plot somewhat slow for most of the book. While the themes of self-discovery and confronting the past are present in the narrative it was hard for me to connect when I couldn’t empathize with the main character. I have no doubt that there are people out there who will enjoy this novel and I will be recommending it others even though I didn’t connect with it.

But how are you really is a queer adult romance that explores the many challenges college grads face starting their lives after graduation. It balances college nostalgia with a story about breaking a cycle of abuse. Most people will find a character in this book to relate to. I wish we had an epilogue to see how the loose ends tied up.

much-needed bisexual representation, huzzah! love this story of reunions and reconnections, will be adding it to my pride lists asap.

Loved this one! Dawson captured the liberal arts experience so well. Definitely more of a romance than I was expecting but it was HOT and had me giggling and kicking my feet. Complements Old Enough by Haley Jakobson well - if you enjoyed that book I’d definitely recommend!

It's like a gut punch that never stops coming. Charlotte and friends are a little older than me, a cusp Zoomer, but I think the fears and struggles of post college life for low income, queer kids with shitty parents stay pretty resonant. The middle sagged a bit for me, but overall, this hit hard as I get ever closer to my own 5 years post graduation. I loved seeing so much on the page communication between characters and friendships that felt real, with all the frustration that comes along with the love.

This was a quick read full of buzzy millennial/Gen Z tropes, but when it got down to the serious heart of it I just felt like it fell short. I was grateful for the ending, but even as someone who has dealt with her share of trauma I found myself frustrated with, rather than empathetic toward, Charlotte. And juxtaposing a steamy romance with these heavy topics just left me with a bit of whiplash. Ultimately I’m not unhappy I read it but I will have forgotten it by tomorrow.

This was a nice quick read. I thoroughly enjoyed Charlotte's character development. There's nothing I love quite like flawed characters. I feel like the story could have benefitted from having multiple POVs, but that could just be me.

This one was more than I bargained for, and dealt with much more abuse and trauma than I anticipated. That being said, it addressed the issues well and I was glad I read it.

Charlotte, the main character in the story, returns to her college for her 5 year reunion- not because she wants to go, but because her toxic boss is giving the commencement speech. Charlotte isn't where she wants to be in life: A dead-end job that she can't afford to quit, estranged from her homophobic mother, sidelining her friendships for work commitments, and not processing the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship in college (which stems from her emotionally abusive mother and continues into her emotionally abusive boss).

Her friends all see it and try to help, but Charlotte is in denial.

That starts to change when she reunites with Reece, the sweet hockey player she had a fling with before graduation. Through their relationship and reconnecting with her friends, she starts to see her own value and begins to find her voice again.

While I had difficulty relating to the reunion stuff (I've never attended a college reunion-my college life wasn't like the book suggested), the mental health struggles for Charlotte felt real and accurately portrayed. Often, people get so used to relationships, they don't see them as abusive until someone in the outside can convince them its not normal (and not what they deserve).

TW: verbally abusive relationships, homophobia, suicidal idealation, intrusive thoughts

Charlotte Thorne who is apart of the LGBTQIA+ community returns to college five years later because her boss, who she can't stand, is giving the commencement address at the graduation which just so happens to be on the same weekend of her classes reunion. Being on her college campus again for the first time in four years has Charlotte facing her past while also making hard decisions about her future. One of my main reasons for applying to receive this ARC is because of the title, I immediately knew that there had to be something about mental health awareness in it, being an LGBTQIA+ book was definitely a bonus as well. While I feel as though this book represented both communities in a positive light and that Charlotte's voice is strong and immediately draws the reader into her story I also felt like I just did not fully connect with her character. Immediately I felt as if I was drained from reading the book which for me personally is never a good sign. I also enjoyed the second chance trope that was added into the book, but for me I have never been interested in a main character who is very clearly trying to hide from their past. While this book was not my cup of tea I do believe that it will be someone else's and I highly recommend it to anyone who is willing to give it a try.

Thank you to Dutton for the copy! In the kindest light, But How Are You, Really could be regaled as half-decent, and at its worst, in no better terms, unremarkable and pitiful. There are high hopes in the synopsis — glimpses of navigating queerness and class struggle threaded between yearnings for lost love. And while this sense of suffering is terribly communal, the depictions of it unfortunately comes off as pedantic and one-dimensional.

Charlotte leads the narration of her emotional rut, stunted career path, and eventual arrival to her 5-year college reunion. The event stretches the majority of the plot and is primarily driven by her reconciliation with her ex-boyfriend whom she deeply regrets fucking up with. For the most part, Charlotte's woes (mainly about her job, self-worth, relationship) feel somewhat convincing, but they still lack a sort of inquisition / depth that would have allowed her character's complexity to materialize fully. The malaise is palpable yet rarely introspective, which in turn leaves the reader feeling trapped in the main character's self-pity. Frankly at this point, millennials themselves should know that the trope of "burnt out millennial" is overplayed and underdeveloped, but still, Ella Dawson persists.

There are other aspects of the book though that do feel worthy of appreciation: the parts that shone light on how emotionally abusive relationships operate and how we revert to our previous selves in the face of our abusers. The story feels the most tender and genuine here — Dawson peels back the layers and it feels like an undressing. There's a certain care that must be taken in telling a survivor's grief, and Dawson allows it to be a cathartic release rather than a confession of guilt. On one hand, these moments prove that Dawson's storytelling can be both delicate and compelling; on the other, it leaves the reader wondering why this perceptiveness isn't maintained across the entire story.

I think my biggest issue with this book was that it all felt too on the nose, a bit too Pinocchio in its understanding of what it wants to be and its appetite to emulate that aspiration. That's all to say this felt more like an attempt to integrate the author's journal entries from college with a mimicry of what Emily Henry would produce had she not fleshed a whole plot out. This book struggles in persuading readers of the primary romance while expecting that they will root for a couple with little to no motivation. It flails in its efforts to be facetious and cunning, attempts that ultimately feel embarrassing when they fail.