3.5 stars

But How Are You, Really follows Charlotte as she is forced to attend her 5-year college reunion as she catches up with old friends she has fallen out of touch with, reconnects with an old hookup that she ghosted, and is forced to confront her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, all in one weekend.

Overall, I liked the main character Charlotte and the themes of reconnection, regret, and healing from trauma. I also really enjoyed the commentary about the difference between how people present their lives on social media and what their day-to-day lives are actually like. If you like the genre of literary fiction featuring women in their 20s that are trying to Figure Out Their Life, you’ll probably enjoy this too. I didn’t rate it higher because it didn’t stand out enough for me personally. There are moments I really, really enjoyed but also parts that felt repetitive and made the book feel longer than it was. I wanted a little bit More to happen. However, I did enjoy reading it overall and I would definitely read more from this author.

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the arc!

3 Stars This one is for all the millennials who are still figuring it all out (myself included). But How Are You, Really is a book about trauma, healing, communication, and reconnection, all set during the reunion weekend of a fictional college. It's Charlotte's five year college reunion and she hadn't planned on going, but her boss is giving the commencement address, so the entire thing becomes a work trip. She connects with old friends, including her old hookup who had the potential to be more before Charlotte ended it. Though this book touched on some heavier topics, it felt like there wasn't much conflict or it all got resolved fairly quickly. Some more conflict would've helped with the plot and the pacing.

Thank you to Dutton and Netgalley for the ARC of this book.

But How Are You, Really is an alumni campus novel that follows a group of friends, back together for their five year reunion. They were all so excited to be back together and experience their glory days again.

The main character, Charlotte, had experienced some type of trauma from her ex-boyfriend, Ben. She spends most of the book looking over her shoulder for him and actively trying to avoid him. The reader is not exactly sure what happens until the later part of the story.

If you're one who likes to know exactly what and how the main character is feeling with lots of inner dialogue, then this book should be right up your alley! We are in Charlotte's head head, listening to her thoughts for most of the book. That part was okay but it did get a little repetitive as the book goes along

I never went away to college, so it was a good time reading about the college experience. I think it was descriptive and told the true story of what life on campus was like. I felt like I was really there with them.

There were quite a few themes weaving throughout this book. The group of friends we're following all had some sort of family misstep and formed their own found family unit. But as life happens you sometimes lose touch with even the people you love the most. As this group reconnects you can feel their bond and the way in which they pulled each other through.

Charlotte is dealing with a lot in her life. We walk with her as some of her darkest times come to the surface. This is a story of survival, finding your self-worth, and learning to lean on the people who love you the most.

Charlotte didn’t plan on attending her five-year college reunion, especially since she’s not exactly proud of how her life has turned out in the time since graduation. However, when her problematic boss (a Hein alum) is selected to give the commencement address, the long weekend becomes a work trip. As soon as she’s back on campus however, Charlotte finds it all to easy to fall into old habits, hanging out with friends she hasn’t seen in years and flirting with Reece, the hook-up (with potential) that she ended before it could get real.

Overall, I found myself really enjoying the tone of this book. Graduating myself around the same time as Charlotte, all of her references had a way of bringing back the nostalgia. Factor in a Massachusetts liberal arts college, and it was feeling like she was describing my school, until she mentioned Route 1!

I think that a lot of people might find this book healing, just because so much of the messaging focuses on clear communication and acknowledgement of feelings and the author practices what she preaches! That being said, since there wasn’t a lot of emotional/interpersonal conflict (or it was resolved really quickly), I personally would have liked to see a little more to spice up the plot and help with the pacing.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton Books for the ARC, provided in exchange for an honest review.

But How Are You, Really is a late-millennial story of trauma, regret, reconnection, love, and self-acceptance. I'm an Old, but found it relatable and nostalgic.

“Let’s be twenty-one again. Let’s pretend Barack Obama is still president.”

If you:

✨are a millennial
✨went to college between 2008-2016
✨have generational trauma
✨miss college, but for who you were not what it was
✨have moved across the country from all your friends and wonder if you’ll ever have that kind of community support and understanding ever again

then this book is for you.

This book is a memoir of every confused, scared, still-figuring-it-out, what-am-I-doing-here millennial. A roadmap to working through trauma, accepting that you messed up and then fixing it. Learning to accept your whole self. Queer self-love at its finest. I love it here.

Rarely have I disliked a book that should have been so up my alley this much, but even if I hadn't, the pacing dragged to the point where I might have struggled to finish anyway. Thanks to the publisher for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

We're only six months into the year (barely) and this one will probably make my top ten reads of the year. I'm a sucker for a college book and as someone who just hit their 10 year college reunion as well, this one really hit close to home. I was sad to say goodbye to these characters when the story ended. I'm excited to continue to read Ella Dawson's words forever.

This book is chock full of queer millennial ennui and it's an excellent, relatable summer read for just about anyone in the generation. There is a lot of "real stuff" in the book with stories about family alienation, job and career stress, etc., but also, being back for their college reunion means that there's a lot of nostalgia and fun, as well.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advance copy of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

While I normally don't go out of my way to read anything with the second chance romance theme, I am so glad I did in this case! Charlotte is too relatable as a "burnt-out bisexual", I am so glad she got the happy ending she deserved.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson was an excellent read. The phenomenal storytelling had me feeling every single emotion Charlotte was feeling.
The topics discussed in this story were realistic, raw and overwhelming.
I loved everything about this book.

Thank You NetGalley and Dutton for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this ARC!

Charlotte is a “burnt out bisexual” just trying to survive. Her mental health is not in the greatest shape, and she gets asked “how are you, really?” Well, really her boss sucks, her college ex boyfriend sucks, and she hasn’t really kept up with her queer chosen family after graduation. She doesn’t want to go to her 5 year college reunion, but her boss is giving a speech and she’s got to go. Once she gets there, it’s like she went back in time to 5 years ago. She relives all the good— and the not so good— parts of college. She even meets up with her really sweet (and incredibly hot) ex-not-really-boyfriend. A lot can happen in 3 days.

This book gave me so many feelings! First off, Reece and Charlotte are my favorite. Reece is one of the best written men I’ve ever read. The “spice” between them was good too! The ex boyfriend Ben sucks so bad and I wanted to punch him through my kindle. It kind of brought me back to a similar situation I was in. And the annoying boss also made me wanna fight. The queer friend group is top tier. Every side character is written so well, I felt like I was there and I knew them too. The mental health representation in this book is so real.

This book is so real and important. I really enjoyed it. I appreciate how real Charlotte’s story is. I don’t want to spoil the story too much, but this book will stick with me for a long time. Read it! I definitely recommend it.

This was SUCH a fun book, but also deep in ways I was not expecting!

One thing that I did not expect was my ability to connect so closely with our main character, Charlotte. Sure, we are both bi, so that's a given, but she also has a lot of unresolved trauma related to relationships, issues with her parents, a boss that is a total dickhead, and struggles with anxiety. I think this book may have been written with me in mind?? LOL!

I loved the author's ability to handle both depth and light, steamy fun. This is not something that a lot of people are able to do skillfully, so when it is done well, it's a breath of fresh air. I am obsessed with these characters and so surprised that this was a debut. I will eagerly be awaiting Ella Dawson's upcoming releases.

Thank you for the gifted copy! :)

It's probably on me for assuming that a book about millennials would be written heavily in a millennial writing style but largely for this reason I couldn't buy into the vibes or the prose. I enjoyed this story as a homage to the collegiate friendships that grow out of ostracized queers reinventing themselves as different versions of ostracized queers (speaking from personal experience? maybe) and to the inherent bisexual panic of being kind of in love with a lot of your friends. However, I wasn't a huge fan of Charlotte's work subplot and it felt like there were too many characters to keep track of.

Thank you NetGally and Dutton for the advance copy of But How Are You, Really

This book took me a little bit to get into but once I did the story grabbed me in a way that was unexpected to say the least. Capturing the emotion of growing and learning, there are parts of this book I feel will stick with me for days. A solid book overall!

Thank you to Netgalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the advanced copy!

3.5 rounded up to 4 stars! This was a really solid book!! I liked how it touched on growing up and growing pains. It felt really realistic about the post grad life. The found family aspect and friend group were a great part of the book and added to the story. The growth from Charlotte was really special to read about and she felt like such a different character from beginning to end.
I also love a second chance aspect so seeing her rekindle and connect with Reece again was super sweet.
Overall, this was a great read especially for someone in the post grad era trying to figure out where life will take them.

Thank you again to Netgalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the advanced copy!

I felt neutral toward this book. I appreciate and relate to Charlotte’s journey of working past her trauma to get the life she deserves. That was well-portrayed. But it felt like so much of the focus was on Reese, and I would have liked to see more self-exploration outside of the context of romantic relationships. I felt disconnected from the plot at points and found myself skimming through much of the first half. Overall, there were meaningful lessons about learning to rely on others and not self-sabotaging out of fear. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the e-ARC.

This was a pleasant read. I had tweeted on my twitter that the main character being a burnt out bisexual woman is relatable to me and as I progressed in the book, I found more things to relate to in her.

Charlotte's character development was very well written. How she matures from someone afraid of vulnerability to someone who learns to open up to people, lets her walls down and listens to people who want the best for her was satisfying to see. (Especially the part where she gets back at her asshole of a boss and stands up to her abusive ex).

Loved many things about the book, one of them was the bisexual rep. The bi flag on the cover is just BEAUTIFUL!! And the word bisexual was used on page!! And what I appreciated the most was that bisexuality was not represented as binary!! Just the simple inclusion of non binary people was so refreshing to see. (Originally I would have given this book 4 stars but I am adding another star for that and the bi flag pin on the cover).

I also loved the feelings chart. Loved how she assigned colors to the feelings she felt.

And the exes to lovers romance between Charlotte and Reece! Oh it was adorable!! I so enjoyed the tension and the sweet bickering between them. Reece was another reminder that you can only find men like him in fiction.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

“But How Are You, Really” is a refreshing, real story that will send your heart through so many emotions! Dawson’s novel captures the essence of attending your high school reunion, and all of it’s possibilities that can occur.

Ella Dawson's BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY perfectly captured the essence of millennial ennui and the risk of burning out when your career has just begun. (Note: I’m in my early twenties so while I haven’t lived this myself, I choose to believe this book depicted the subject well and this is what lies ahead of me.)

Perhaps my favorite aspect of BHAYR is that it's set during a college reunion. The setting is just ripe for drama (and it was.) I also love that it features a dual timeline in the past. The suspense of uncovering how all of the relationships in the story have evolved (or crashed and burned) never fails to hook me and this one pulled me in.

That being said, the characterization in this book pleasantly surprised me! (Which is good because it’s heavily character-driven.) The various friends, partners, and exes were distinct and relatively fleshed-out characters. It would’ve been easy to reduce several characters into stereotypes based on their identities, but I didn’t see much of that - even from the antagonists.

I adored Reece so much. His personality and dialogue were so charming throughout the book. I declare that 2024 is the year of golden retriever boy energy and I’m putting Reece on top. However, I also thought Reece bordered on too perfect. I understand that he functions as a character foil the hot mess that is Charlie, but he needs more flaws than just living at home with his mom in his late twenties. Throw him a bone! (Is that too many animal puns? The readers will get it.)

Overall, BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY was a sharp and decadent debut from Ella Dawson. 4 stars!

Thank you so much to Dutton for providing me a copy in exchange for an honest review.