I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I thought it was a really unique premise where the author was able to have older, more mature characters but in a setting that lent itself to more youthful shenanigans. There was a lot I liked and some minor things I was picky about.

I loved the themes of found family and second chance romance. I also enjoyed the queer rep. I liked that there were so many people to support our main character, Charlotte, even when she wasn’t in a place to help herself yet. However, I wasn’t a huge fan of all the forced therapy throughout. At the end of the day, this was reunion weekend and it was meant to be a fun filled blast back to their college days. Having a support group in the middle of the cafeteria felt forced to me. I was also a little skeptical of the pacing. After all, she reconnected with Reece in less than four days. But knowing that it left their relationship open ended with room to grow makes it feel less implausible. One of the redeeming moments for this book was how the storyline wraps up with her boss. It was extremely satisfying that she finally quit and the way that it ended was true perfection. (Feels very relevant too now that some 2024 graduation speeches have gone viral for being equally demeaning).

Being in the same phase of life as the main character (and approaching my 5 year college reunion this year as well), this brought up a lot of emotions and had me thinking about where I am at in my own life compared to where I thought I would be 5 years ago. I am glad I was able to have this as a companion read during that time. Overall, this was a great quick read, that although it handled some serious topics, wasn’t too difficult to read in a few sittings. I would definitely recommend to anyone who is also in their mid 20s and contemplating their current life. It would also make a great pride month/summer read. 4 stars!

Thank you to Dutton, Ella Dawson, and Net Galley for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you Dutton Books the #gifted copy of But How Are You, Really!

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮, 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: 𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐰𝐬𝐨𝐧
𝐏𝐮𝐛 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞: 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝟒, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

This was such a unique read and I enjoyed so many aspects of it! It had so many different elements and it kept my attention the entire time. Charlotte does not want to go back to her five year college reunion. Her life is not where she thinks it should be, and her career in media has pretty much stalled. She has no desire to spend a weekend with her successful former classmates. But when her boss is invited to give the commencement address at graduating, which falls on the same weekend as the reunion, she has no choice but to attend. From there, Charlotte reconnects with people from her past, steps out of her comfort zone, and also confronts some past traumas in her life. I loved the friendships and chosen family aspects of this book. There were some tough topics and at times this book was a bit emotional, but I thought it was really well done.

Posted on Goodreads on June 1, 2024: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/144922955?ref=nav_profile_l
**Posted on Instagram - Full Review- on or around June 1, 2024: http://www.instagram.com/nobookmark_noproblem
**Posted on Amazon on June 4, 2024
**-will post on designated date

This book is so millennial (in a good way) and really encapsulates this late-20s experience of still not having your life together when (seemingly) everyone else does, and being a bit of a disaster bi.

Taking place at Charlotte's 5 year college reunion, she goes back on campus, a tomb of sorts, for her job. Her boss, a "thought-leader," podcaster, etc etc, was chosen to speak at graduation, which falls over reunion weekend. Charlotte is there to make sure everything goes smoothly and to live-tweet his commencement speech, hoping this'll finally lead to that promotion to the art department. It's still a far cry from the art's passionate about, but she'd be out from under her boss and at least be art-adjacent.

Being back at school means old wounds open, open wounds gape, and trying to just survive this weekend. She's lost touch with her friends, work's gotten too busy, and she needs financial security. She only has herself - she has no one to fall back on. But being back on campus means old ghosts come to haunt again. Worrying so much about seeing her ex-boyfriend, she forgets about her other male ex, Reece. A FWD, for lack of a better word, and a redeeming part of her senior year after an abusive relationship. The 3Ds support group is back together again, after 5 years, and nothing is the same anymore. Who they were in college is just a part of the past, they're scattered all over the country, and Charlotte's lost touch with almost all of them. This weekend is supposed to be about work for her, but it becomes so much more.

This book encapsulates so much of a queer college experience - finding a safe space at a queer-friendly organization, being best friends with your ex-girlfriend, creating a found family, etc etc. It felt like warm hug and reminded me of my days interning for the LGBTQIA+ Center at my old school, and the nostalgia felt like a warm hug. Reading this book during the month of my 5 year graduation anniversary (a coincidence!) hit even harder than expected.

I loved the way this book touched on queerness, college hookup culture, capitalism, abuse (of various kinds), found family, and healing. Charlotte goes through it, but through it all, she has so much love and support from the people she knows, even if she doesn't know how to ask for help.

Thank you NetGalley and Dutton for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

3.5 ⭐️. This book really reminded me of why I never want to attend my college reunion. The messiness!!

As someone who works in Student Affairs within Higher Education, I had to set down my reality for a moment to really appreciate this story and the ride it took us on. I overall really enjoyed getting to know these characters.....but like can we be honest Charlotte was a really, really bad friend, right?

ty to NetGalley & Penguin Group Dutton for an advance reading copy in exchange for an honest review.

Charlotte is struggling to get by: rent in New York is too expensive, she's not drawing anymore, she's isolating herself, and her paycheck is really the only thing keeping her at her job as an executive assistant to her demanding, douchebag boss Roger.

When Roger is invited to give the commencement address at their shared alma mater Hein, as his assistant Charlotte attends the whole weekend of alumni events where she meets old friends, old flames, and old wounds surface. And when everything seems like it's going to come crashing down, Charlotte has to trust the people who love her to hold her up. If only she'd let them.

I'm really struggling with how to rate this book because I don't think it's a bad book necessarily, but it just wasn't for me.

I'm not a person who DNFs books unless it's really egregious, but if I were, I would have set this book down, which is a shame because I found the last third the most enjoyable part.

The setting did not work for me. Maybe I'm a west coast state school girl but I didn't know college reunions were a thing. I also didn't find Reece and Charlotte's romance particularly believable or compelling, and it was much less interesting to me than her friendships with Jackie, Nina, and the Acronym crew. It almost felt like two books mashed into one--the lightness, ease, and speed of the romance did not mesh with the difficulty and potential depth of the late 20s depression/career rut/trauma reckoning. I wish it had focused more on the latter.

Charlotte discovers you can go home again- or at least to your five year college reunion and your found family- in this novel about a woman who needs a boost. She's burned out, estranged from her mother, hates her job, and generally feels less than, which makes the prospect of seeing successful peers really unhappy but she's got to go because her horrible boss is the keynote. Reece, the guy she rebounded with after a breakup, is a good guy who understands her quandary and accepts that she's bi. How will their reunion end? No spoilers from me but this is about Charlotte working through her issues. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. A good read I suspect will resonate with many.

Charlotte is a burned out, 20-something with a truly terrible job. A job that just happens to lead her to attending her five year college reunion, where she reunites with her old friends and several ex's, including her ex-fling, Reese, a golden retriever man who is also struggling to navigate his late 20's.

There was so much to love about this book. I think this story will be super relatable to a lot of people. The whole concept of a weekend long college reunion where you stay in the dorms and everything is a little wild, but it really took me back to a particular time and place in my life and had me feeling very nostalgic. There was so much queer representation and queer joy throughout the book, and I found myself wishing my alma mater had something like Acronym. You also get some heavy doses of found family (love the 3D's so much).

This book also touches on some pretty emotional topics: terrible bosses, toxic relationships, parental-rejection, etc. It definitely wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but there was enough good sprinkled in to really balance it out.

I do wish the book had been just a bit longer. I felt like there was some background info that could have been further explored, and I would have loved more of a look into this group's college years.

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Group Dutton for the ARC!

2/5

thank you to net galley and the publisher for providing me with an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

EHH. this was just ehh to me.. when i saw this was a bisexual disaster post-grad story i was so excited but this fell so flat for me :/ i just did not feel the bond between charlotte and reece. i think this story taking place over a weekend detracted so much from it since as readers, we weren't entirely familiar with the bonds between the characters already. reece and charlotte shared an extensive history, yes, but at times things were referenced from the past that i felt could've been developed more. this story would've benefited from taking a past/present pov approach. also reece just gave me bad vibes...... it felt like the author was trying really hard to create this Perfect man but like. maybe im a hardcore man-hating lesbian but this bland "nice" white guy was not doing it for me.

i wouldn't pick this up again :/

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson

I’m so grateful to have received an uncorrected proof/e-arc of this book!!

I loved this, okay, where do we even begin?

This was a very well-paced book, with rhythmic and flowy (and yet easy-to-read) prose. A very character-centered story.

Charlie is such a wonderful and real character. She is messy and overwhelmed and so deeply loveable. It’s hard not to become deeply attached to a character when you see so much of yourself in them.

Reece is potentially one of the best-written men I’ve ever encountered. He is vulnerable and genuine and brewing with compassion.

Their dynamic is complicated, but it is ever-evolving and based on true care for one another.

Every side character, is dimensional and well-developed. these characters are raw and queer. Ultimately, they feel so real. Any person who has related to mental health issues, mental illness, or complicated family dynamics, will find a part of themselves in these characters.

Dawson touches on a number of heavy topics with love and patience. She shows the beauty in found family and building your own community.

The messages are poignant and can speak to anyone navigating uncharted territory in their lives. It speaks to the terrifying new stage of life known as “your twenties” and the fear of time passing and falling behind. The characters explore the existential fear of social milestones and a lack of plan. This felt like a love letter to living slowly and happily. To knowing when you deserve a better hand than the one you’ve been dealt. Yo recovery and self-forgiveness.

Side note: the acknowledgments are so lovely

Loved this, loved these characters, loved the relationships, love love love love

An amazing read. The incredible storytelling allowed the reader to feel the deep emotions of the main character. There were so many dynamics that played out in this story - friendship love, romantic love, processing trauma, celebrating queerness, and more. While tackling all of those topics may have been overwhelming for some authors, this book told a cohesive yet complex story.

Thank you to NetGalley and PENGUIN GROUP Dutton for an ARC.

This is a five star story. There is so much commentary on life here that is interesting and likely relatable to all adults 5 yrs or more out of college. Even a couple of decades after graduation, I found so much of this true to life. So many of the people we meet in this book are a mirror of what I would find should my graduating class gather for a reunion today.

And while I (an elder millennial) sort have it together now, I definitely didn’t have it together at Charlotte’s age (27). So her feelings of imposter syndrome when interacting with current year graduates and her embarrassment about the state of her own life when interacting with seemingly successful classmates absolutely rang true to me.

However, this book s u f f e r s from an overabundance of inner monologue. At one point I even thought I had somehow accidently paged back bc Charlotte was having exactly the same thoughts she had just a few pages before. And sure, it’s well written and irl it’s 100% normal for many, especially those suffering from anxiety and PTSD as Charlotte is, to circle the drain, analyzing and dissecting the same issue again and again. But it just doesn’t read well in a book. It slows the action and stymies the reader’s interest.

So five stars for the story and two stars for the pacing. Let’s split the difference and call this one three stars.

oh DEAR GOD this book was made for me (i struck it lucky with my picks today, really).

where do i start!!! this book was the perfect mix of hot, gay, sad, lost, and horny, which is quickly becoming my favorite genre (lmao)—the perfect mix of romance, 20s lost-ness (this is not a word), and deep, deep introspection. if you guys have seen my review of ‘why did you stay?’ then you probably know why the premise of this appeals strongly to me (i don’t wish to rehash). just know that i am supremely grateful to ella dawson for writing a story as touching and heartfelt as this.

this comes at such a perfect time—i’m a month away before the 5-year anniversary of college graduation, and i get how charlotte feels so ‘behind’ and lost, seemingly last in a race she never signed up for. i loved how real this felt to me, and how communicative their entire friend group was. there’s a big premium here on the value of leaving both jobs and people who aren’t healthy for you, an added bonus to this already beautiful book. ella also talks about finding your own family, especially in the context of being queer when you have 3Ds parents (iykyk), which i just loved. god, this book was so SO special.

in truth, this felt like a romance to me (i’m actually SO thrilled lol), except more complex, real, and down to earth. god, i fell in LOVE with reece here. clearly a 5/5 for me for hitting all the right notes—i can’t wait to read more of ella’s work!!

I enjoyed this more than I thought I would!

The bad: I was a little confused why this book took place in 2018, but I can also appreciate that there is a specific cultural vibe the author may have wanted to capture by setting this in 2013/2018. The romance felt rushed (but it was over a weekend so what can you do) and I think I would have appreciated understanding Reece & Charlotte's connection more. I also wish the conflict at the end was bigger -- I need an epilogue where Ben and Roger are fully canceled.

The good: My favorite part of this book far and beyond were all the friendships. I thought they were all so thoughtfully developed and I loved that each of them stepped up in their own way. Reece was the perfect book boyfriend, and I don't think we'll ever be able to find a man like him in real life. But good for Charlotte. Lastly, the way that Charlotte talks about her bisexuality is so perfect and thoughtful, and I really appreciated it.

this book is about charlotte who is feeling kind of stuck in her life and is hoping that a promotion at her job will help with her rut. we get to follow her time at a college reunion that she has gone to for the weekend and see her reconnect with old lovers and friends.

this book was fine. it was a quick read which was nice but it wasn't my favorite. i did love the writing and everything but I felt like the plot had no plot? I'm not sure how else to explain it, it felt like a lot of back and forth and just filler information. i didn't really think this was a romance it read and felt more like lit fic with a hint of romance but the romance wasn't the main part of the plot. however it was a solid read just a bit forgettable in my mind.

A painfully real depiction of returning to college - and those you knew there! This novel hits close to home for those of us who identify as "bi mess" and is a great read!

I really liked the mix of characters in this book, but I just had a hard time getting into it. I love the premise of going back to stay in the dorms again, and the reunion aspect was fun. But the overbearing boss/spineless assistant trope dragged on for too long in my opinion. There were much more interesting details to these stories and characters I would have rather focused on.

I didn’t know how much I truly needed to feel until I read this. I found myself truly emotional many times during this read and I’m not sure how to describe it but that truly felt good. Veryyy relatable for me and I wasn’t emotionally prepared for that. Loved the writing style as well! I’d be in heaven if I knew there would be more to this story👀🫶🏼

The universal feeling of dread when someone asks you: how are you? What have you been up to? Before you can answer, your brain swirls with other questions. Is my answer good enough? Am I doing enough? Am I enough?

Charlotte struggles with this throughout the book, in a way that’s relatable and grounding, as she comes back to her 5 year college reunion and reunites with her best friends. Work has been a bit much for her lately, so she might’ve been out of touch. Combine that with her ex’es coming back for the weekend, and it should be a rumpus party, right?

Charlotte’s struggles are relatable and timeless, with each character providing support in the most beautiful way possible. I, like Charlotte, didn’t want the weekend to end. Pick this up if you’re looking for a great lit-fic, romance, or need a little support from the friend crew in your life as you figure everything out, one step at a time.

I unfortunately misunderstood the description for this one and thought it was a sapphic romance, and while there were some elements of it, the main romance is between the MC Charlotte who is a female and Reece who is a male. That is 100% on me as it’s said she was bisexual and I just assumed Reece was a female. That said, once he was brought into the book I stopped reading as I was struggling to get into it anyways.

I just really love queer people. This book was beautiful. Trauma and grief and struggle are handled so gorgeously. The group that Charlotte surrounds herself with is the absolute definition of found family. They all felt so built out and so real. They communicated like true friends and went through their character development so naturally. While definitely touching on heavy topics, it keeps it just light enough to not feel too dark. I loved this cast of characters, I love Charlotte, and I loved this story.