Afterlight is a profoundly moving novel that illuminates the silent grief experienced by mothers of stillborn children. The narrative centers on Frieda, a free-spirited florist raised in a strict Catholic environment during the 1960s. Her life takes a dramatic turn one late winter afternoon when she meets Otto, a married man, on a frozen river. Their relationship evolves from an initial stormy encounter into a profound love affair, culminating in Frieda’s unexpected pregnancy—an event that scandalizes her close-knit community.

The novel explores the significant personal and societal challenges Frieda faces, as she is compelled to keep the existence of her child a secret. Despite eventually marrying and having a son, the sorrow for the lost child lingers throughout her life. At eighty-one, after the death of her husband, Frieda confronts her long-suppressed grief and decides to share her story.

Inspired by true events, Afterlight delves into the experiences of numerous women from the 1950s to the 1980s, unveiling the deep-seated trauma inflicted by societal expectations, organized religion, and prevailing social norms. Robben’s evocative storytelling not only brings Frieda's personal struggles to light but also reflects a broader narrative of buried female trauma. The novel stands as a poignant exploration of the enduring effects of societal and religious pressures on individual lives.

The author shows a deft touch in each of the two timelines. In the present day, he movingly depicts Frieda’s grief at the death of her husband, Louis, and the many little decisions a bereaved person is expected to make at such a time: where should the loved one’s ashes be scattered, evenwhat shape should the scattered ashes form. ‘Everything Louis once was, everything I once loved, is a spot of dust that steadily grows into a circle.’

Frieda also experiences a profound sense of dislocation, forced to leave the home she and Louis shared and move into sheltered accommodation. She tests the patience of her son, Tobias, who has taken on the task of clearing the house, by making what seem to him odd requests for certain items. We only learn the significance of these items later, along with the reason she lashes out in a moment of anger and why she becomes so distressed when a moth is drawn to the light of her window.

Staying with that image, you could say the young Frieda is drawn to Otto like a moth to a flame. Unfortunately, it’s clear from pretty early on she’s going to get burned. I could see why Frieda might be attracted to this older, self-assured man who initially seems to treat her with courtesy and respect. However, it wasn’t long before I began to view his actions as those of a man trying to have his cake and eat it, and one unwilling to take full responsibility for the consequences of his actions.

It might be the swinging 60’s in London but in the Netherlands, especially amongst the Catholic community, the treatment of an unmarried mother seems like something from decades earlier. Frieda is presented with an impossible choice and, when she refuses, is shunned by her family and forced to fend for herself with near fatal consequences. There are heartbreaking scenes as Frieda is treated as a social pariah even by those whose vocation you’d think would be all about compassion. I found the cruelty with which she is treated quite shocking.

As Frieda discovers, in the age of the Internet, you can find out just about anything. It provides her with a chance to find the answer to a question that has haunted her for so long. I confess, that answer left me a little tearful.

Afterlight is a beautifully crafted, moving novel that also reveals a shocking hidden story of injustice.

A very moving, very poignant story from Jaap Robben, translated from the Dutch. Elfie is 81 and has just lost her husband Louis. She is trying to get settled in an assisted living facility. Her son Tobias and his wife Nadine are helping her move and settle her affairs. Nadine is pregnant with their first child. Then slowly we realize that Elfie has a huge secret past. This is the premise for this heart-wrenching story centering around unwed mothers and their woes in 1960's Netherlands. At the same time, this novel beautifully captures the pains of losing a loved one and having to face up to life on your own especially at an advanced age. There is a bit where Elfie wants her own old pillow that had me rushing for the tissue box. I loved the character development and the writing even more than the plotline. I found it a bit bizarre that the young Elfie could have been so naive about worldly affairs but I guess those were different times. I also found it amazing that Western society in those days tended to be so conservative, I always presumed it was a trait reserved for the Eastern World. A short, easy, riveting read that had me stuck to the book till the end.
Thank you Netgalley, world Editions and Jaap Robben for the ARC

Actual rating 3.5 stars.

I needed to like this book so much. I wanted to promote it because it was originally written in Dutch (my mother tongue) and translated into English, and the blurb sounded so intriguing. An 81-year-old woman who just lost her husband and thinks back to that winter of 1963 when she fell in love for the first time. With a married man. And becomes pregnant.

I’ve seen so many images of that winter, one of the coldest ever. The Big Freeze, a year in which the Eleven Cities Tour was skated. Two hundred kilometers through wind and freezing cold, over canals and rivers, along bridges, and on again over the river. This tour was called the hell of 63. This was all I thought about when I started reading the book.

So, I was convinced I would love Frieda's memories. That particular winter, the love story, the pain. But in fact, I liked the present time far more. At 81, Frieda is in need of care and after the death of her husband, she can no longer live alone. So, she moves to a nursing home. Then she starts thinking of her first love and the baby she carried, which no one knows about.

This story shows us so clearly how hard life can be when it's almost over—being washed by so many different people who suddenly see your naked body only a few other people have ever seen. People who fuss and make decisions for you. Shame because of the things you don't remember or can't keep up with. But also the beautiful conversations between a twenty-something nurse who lost his mom and those recognizable cringy conversations with her son Tobias, who is constantly running for his mother but whose actions never seem enough. Because loneliness hits hard.

I really loved the present time but connected less to Frieda's past, even though I felt her pain. And I understand the importance of her story because secrets back then were shoved into a dark corner where no one would ever find them.

But about that hellish winter, I wanted to read about … That was only one chapter of the book.

So now I’m in doubt. Because when I was halfway through the story, I longed to read more. And I shed a tear (or two). But I also skim-read some parts. For now, I am rounding my rating down. I might change my mind, though.

GOD that was heartbreaking. incredibly beautiful book; was very attached to all the characters by the end, especially elfie of course. quite a heavy read but worth it; it’s going to stick with me for a while. took me some time to get properly into it, but once i got into it it was basically all i could think about.

A powerful read; would recommend if you like books that deliver realistic characters. Very much enjoyed the writing style of this piece: slow enough that you don’t feel like there’s sections of the book that you could do without. Every choice and decision feels intentional.

Not the greatest story. Three stars. I will try it again. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. I hoped for something better.