My husband and I read this at the same time and were shocked at just how much of it described both of our parents! This book opened our eyes to so many things from our childhoods and how we were raised. I have recommended this book to so many people i know because it helped us so much.

Thanks to NetGalley and Hatchette Book Group for an ARC copy of this book!

I found this book to be rather helpful and informative for non-professionals and professionals alike. Having read a few of their referenced book before, and, because I am a therapist, I didn’t find much of the information new. However, I do like that all that information can be found in this one book. I also think that the suggestions at the end of the book are helpful, although, may leave some folks wanting more. However, I think healing from a narcissistic parent is something one should do along side a trained professional, so the suggestions are a good place to start.

What I didn’t like so much was that the anecdotes (I believe there are four people) were hard to follow. I wish there was a little more differentiation and repetition of this difference throughout the book. I’d say to myself, “Oh, I’m reading about Rebecca again. Who was she? What kind of parent did she have again?” I also think the book lacked in helping people who are currently in non family relationships with a narcissistic person. There was a lot of referencing to someone who has grown up with a narc parent being used to, familiar with, and finding themselves in yet again another narc relationship. The book focused primarily on adult children of narcissistic and emotional immature parents.

Who it’s for: New clients or people unfamiliar with narcissistic parent dynamics; Someone who wants one book (not 2 or 3) about this topic with actionable suggestions;
Who it may not be for: Someone who has already deep dived into narcissistic abuse literature; Someone who has already read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents; People looking for a book about being in a relationship with a narcissist (spouse, friend, family member).

This was a useful read to work through a bunch of things I am still carrying from childhood. I think it is important for everyone to read, but especially those who were or are in toxic relationships with their parents or loved ones.

An absolutely heartbreaking but important book to read if you think you may have or have had a narcissist in your life. The book debunks popular tiktok psychology of what a narcissist is and drills into the different types of narcissism and how it can manifest in different ways and affect people in different ways. The book explains each type well and then also how to move past it but also doesnt claim to be a full self help book. The book strongly recommends psychology, getting help, and protecting yourself through the process.

I would recommend this book to anyone struggling to heal from Narc abuse or neglect. While a lot of the topics discussed in this book are similar to what already exists in other literature in the subject, I thought that the exercises and some of the topics were unique to this book. It is easy to read and understand, and I think that this book is a good resource for anyone starting out on their journey of healing.

I think this book is good for people that haven’t read a lot if books on growing up in a dysfunctional family. It helps to validate feelings of inadequacy when parents are harmful to their children . Personally, I didn’t learn anything new. With that said, I have read my fair share of books on this subject so I was hoping to find new information. I would recommend it, purchase it, and share it with patrons looking for self-help.

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"You're Not the Problem" by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna is an insightful and empowering exploration of narcissism in the family of origin. This book delves into the often-overlooked impact of being raised by narcissistic parents and offers valuable strategies for healing and breaking free from toxic patterns.

Villiers and McKenna provide a compassionate and sympathetic approach to understanding the language and behaviors of emotional abuse within family relationships. Through client narratives and sample scripts, they illustrate the immediate and long-term impact of these behaviors, helping readers recognize and address the trauma they may have experienced.

What sets this book apart is its focus not only on personal healing but also on societal change. By shedding light on the perpetuation of narcissistic and emotional abuse across generations, the authors empower readers to challenge these destructive patterns and create healthier relationships.

"You're Not the Problem" kept me engaged and enlightened throughout, offering valuable insights that resonated deeply. It's a must-read for anyone looking to understand and overcome the legacy of narcissistic parenting, and I highly recommend it to anyone on their journey of healing and self-discovery.

NetGalley ARC App

An Amazing read, full of information for anyone. Sometimes these topics are hard to talk about but this book gives so much for someone to learn to understand and find tools to regain the inner power.

A sometimes painful but incredibly healing read. Thank you Helen and Katie for this invaluable, compassionate, and empowering gift to all adult children of narcissistic and emotionally abusive parents. The gratitude I feel is beyond what words could ever express. I wish I could download this book directly into my brain so I would never forget a single word.

This is a book I will always cherish. It's a resource I'll keep coming back to for as long as my healing journey takes me.

Thank you to the Author and publisher for giving me an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This was a great read. I found the writing & information easy to comprehend without it being it being super technical and above my level. It really helped put some of my past/present relationships into perspective by discussing the traits/ tactitics used by Narcissists. I really appreciate how it talks about the toll narcissitic abuse takes on its victims and what that can look like later in life.

This book is full of valuable information about narcissism and it's effects on family members. It's practically written and easy to understand where you'll gain valuable insight on how to worth through and move forward with these relationships as well as healing yourself. This book is full of knowledge that will help alot of people navigate their relationships with narcissists. I really enjoy self help and psychology type books, this one did not disappoint.

Thank you NetGalley and Hachette Books for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.

I was so excited when I saw this book and I knew I needed to read it! Wow. Chapter 1: Is Your Parent a Narcissist? The first quote could have been written by me. I truly never understood why I wasn't good enough in my mother's eyes. I felt like nothing I ever did was going to make her love me, and believe me I tried and tried until I was exhausted. I feel like my mother is the combination narcissistic parent. She was highly critical and would not talk to me for days if I disagreed with her. I tried so hard to be whatever my mother wanted me to be growing up, that by the time I became an adult and it was time for me to go to college and figure my future out, I had no clue who I really was.
"You're Not the Problem" was SO incredibly helpful for me to read. It really opened my eyes. Sometimes I would feel so alone in my thoughts and not feel like I was good enough. This book really helped me see the light with stories and examples. If you've ever had a narcissistic parent in your life, I highly suggest reading this book!

"You're Not the Problem" by Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna is a vital resource for anyone grappling with the aftermath of narcissistic parenting or relationships. Drawing from personal anecdotes and therapeutic insights, the book sheds light on the lasting impact of emotional abuse while offering strategies for healing. As someone who has experienced the challenges of navigating relationships with narcissistic individuals, I found the validation and understanding provided by the authors immensely reassuring.

While the book provides valuable insights and practical strategies for healing, I wished for more concrete advice on navigating day-to-day interactions with narcissistic individuals. Despite this, the accessible writing style and engaging narratives make it a worthwhile read for anyone seeking to understand and overcome the effects of narcissistic abuse in their lives. Overall, "You're Not the Problem" serves as a beacon of hope and understanding for those on the path to healing.

Thank You Netgalley for my advanced copy in exchange for my honest review!

Like other books related to trauma or mental health, this one took some time to go through. I have previously read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I think this book is for much of the same audience, except that I liked this more. I appreciated that there were so many journaling activities, and that this book actually explained what people mean when talking about "reparenting the inner child." I also just appreciated that this book so clearly spoke to the self-gaslighting that I often do. This book is a great resource for many people.

Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette for this ARC.

I was very surprised at the range of examples of behavior. You could really apply it to other relationships you have. Siblings, friends, employers, associates, etc. to see which relationships are toxic and how to create boundaries to make your life more healthy. Very positive reading!

Thank you to netgalkey and the publisher for the ARC!

I am a big fan of self help and education myself on how people work and develop. This addresses narcissistic behavior but I think people will be surprised to learn how applicable this is. If you’re in therapy this may be a good way to understand past relationships

Loved this one! Oh my, I loved this one so much!
It was such a validating read! Validating and healing at the same time.
Did you grow up with a narcissistic parent? Must read!
Did you live with someone who is a narcissist? Must read!
Seriously, this one is next level read on the subject.

A must-read for all children of narcissistic parents. Complete with examples of real-life situations that hit terribly close to home, and clear explanations of psychological theory and clinical experience. 10/10 would recommend.

Helpful book with concrete examples. I started with "How They F*k You Up" - wow, that Venn diagram is illuminating! "You're Not the Problem" is a helpful reference. I feel really seen by this book!

A helpful overview not only of what narcissism is, but also the toll it takes on other people and how to understand the cyclical nature of narcissistic relationships.