thank you netgalley for the arc!!

this is a weird book about weird things. if you like weird books and are willing to confront dark topics in ways that arent quite humorous but certainly aren’t reverent, this is the book for you! as other reviews mention it is written in a very stream of consciousness style, but i would say it definitely works for the book. the ending makes sense but also doesn’t, but it’s in a litfic way and not a bad writing way don’t worry!

i would recommend this book for sure, but it will not be for everyone :)

I’ll confess - this cover pulled me right in and I thought the premise sounded good. Unfortunately the execution didn’t work for me and I decided to DNF. Thank you to the publisher for the free book to review.

Thank you to NetGalley for the arc of this wonderful book!

Please Stop Trying to Leave Me by Alana Saab is a mesmerizing and thought-provoking novel that dives deep into the psyche of its protagonist, Norma. The story is a raw and candid exploration of mental health, queer identity, and the relentless pursuit of creative fulfillment.

Norma is a struggling writer who finds herself at a crossroads, both personally and professionally. Her life takes a tumultuous turn when she begins seeing signs from God through Instagram and Spotify, instructing her to break up with her girlfriend. Desperate to finish her manuscript, Norma seeks help from a new therapist who diagnoses her with depersonalization/derealization disorder. However, Norma dismisses this diagnosis, believing her experiences to be part of a larger existential crisis she refers to as "Oblivion."

As Norma's therapy sessions progress, she shares her unfinished manuscript with her therapist, hoping to untangle the dissociative threads of her life. Her narrative oscillates between her chaotic stream of consciousness and the fictional world she’s creating, blurring the lines between reality and fiction. This unique narrative style captures the reader's attention, making them question the nature of reality alongside Norma.

Norma's relationship with her girlfriend is central to the story. Her girlfriend, described as having a "crack of light in her eyes," becomes both a source of comfort and a point of contention. Norma grapples with the idea that her girlfriend might be the antagonist in her life story, causing her to question the authenticity of their relationship and whether she must leave her to complete her manuscript.

The novel is filled with moments of dark humor and profound introspection, offering a candid look at the challenges of living with a mental health disorder. Saab's portrayal of Norma's inner turmoil is both heartbreaking and relatable, making the reader empathize with her struggle to find stability and meaning in a seemingly chaotic world.

Spoiler Alert: As the story unfolds, Norma's quest for clarity and creative completion leads her to some startling revelations about herself and her relationships. The climax sees Norma coming to terms with her mental health and the importance of self-acceptance. The resolution is bittersweet, leaving the reader with a sense of hope and a deeper understanding of the complexities of the human mind.

In conclusion, Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is an evocative and compelling debut that explores the intricacies of mental illness, love, and the creative process. Alana Saab's innovative storytelling and deeply personal themes make this novel a must-read for anyone interested in a candid and humorous exploration of the human condition.

This is aa very SOFT dnf. I really like the stream of conciousness type writing. However, it is extremely difficult to get into because of the lack of quotation marks. It is very "Rooney" of the author but it fails here for me at the moment.

Thank you Netgalley and Alana Saab for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

It pains me to say but I did not enjoy this book at all. I the synopsis sounded promising but it didn’t deliver. To start there is 0 quotation marks which I hate. At times it was hard to know who was speaking and it kept jumping from topic to topic.

Norma was such a complex character and it was sad to see how mental health affected her but it was hard to understand what was real or from her writings. I lean more to it being real experiences. Norma was funny when she brought up little facts or had quick one liners.

However the random quote about donald trump and her dad’s comments about her nipples were disgusting. Again this hopped all over the place and the rape scene came out of left field but was so glossed over. I really wanted to love this but it fell short for me.

Lastly If I never have to hear the word oblivion again I will be a happy girl.

Norma gets a girlfriend. Norma has a breakdown. Norma gets a new therapist.

4.5 stars. I really, really liked this one. This original and impressively constructed debut is exactly what I want out of current fiction. Saab's writing takes on a life of its own and kept me glued to every paragraph.

I loved the creative and, I'd argue, meta way this book played out and played with reality. This one is not going to fade in my mind anytime soon. It continually struck a satisfying balance between serious and hilarious. I really, really wanted to know how the story ends.

Add this one to your library. My many thanks to NetGalley and Vintage for the digital review copy.

Thank you to Netgalley & the publisher for this arc copy.

I do not feel as though I can give this a rating. For some reason the story just felt very personal, and for that reason I would not feel comfortable rating it. If you enjoy reading about queer horror, but more along the lines of being disconnected from reality and finding yourself, then I do think that it is worth checking out.

Thank you for this ARC!

Getting used to the stream of consciousness, type of writing style was very interesting. I really had to pay attention to the words on the page for me to follow the storyline and peace together the narrative, the writing itself to the subject matter I would say it is a book that isn’t for everyone, but I did enjoy reading it

DNF @10% in. Definitely not the writing style for me. Stream of consciousness is so hard to nail and I just find that it doesn't allow me to feel connected to the characters in the way I want

Wow!
✨Rating 4:5 ✨
Simply amazed at how intriguing this story is ! The book takes you on the ongoing mental struggle Norma is facing . The author uses different POVs in the story and I have to admit I was having difficulty , but this tactic really added more depth to the story.

This book I had to put down , not because I didn’t want to finish it but because it was making me question my own thoughts. It felt like I was watching a movie where you have to Google the meaning for every scene ! The author forces you to make predictions as you go . The therapist silence definitely makes the reader uncomfortable.

Norma is all of us and she’s easy to connect with due to all the things she is battling! I personally loved her dialogue because it’s very raw and humorous even .

This was a must read ! Thank you for the opportunity and I am looking forward to reading more from Alana Saab.💕

This one just wasn't right for me. At best it was some mildly interesting stream of consciousness crafting narrative, and at worst it was indulgent and triggering in the most distasteful ways. Your mileage may vary based on how much you identify with the narrator POV but personally I was turned off very quickly.

There are some books that you read once and know they'll stick with you forever. Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is 100% one of those books. I thought I knew what I was getting into when I picked it up -- My Year of Rest and Relaxation is one of my favorite books, after all. I'm a sad lil twentysomething disaster; I devour sad girl fiction like some people devour beach reads.

But Please Stop Trying to Leave Me absolutely tore me to shreds. Told in alternating stream of consciousness therapy sessions and the main character, Norma's manuscript, this book is a meta, lyrical, artistic look into one woman's mental breakdown and her slow path to recovery. I am normally not triggered, but Saab's book is one of the rawest things I have read in years. Often when reading, I had to put the book down and step outside just to ground myself, and that, to me, is where the power lies. I have very rarely seen mental health depicted so accurately and achingly in fiction, and the way Saab tackles Norma's mental state, in all its complexity, is haunting.

Though Norma enters therapy to figure out why the universe wants her to break up with her girlfriend--and how she can possibly finish her semi-autobiographical manuscript if she does so--it becomes readily apparent the manuscript is not the issue at all. Instead, it's so much broader. It's about how to come to terms with a nonsensical world, how to heal from a trauma so buried that it cannot be touched, and so much more. And because of this, it's not a book I'd readily recommend to everyone. It's not a book I think I'll be able to read again. But it's a book I am so thankful to have been able to read.

Thank you to NetGalley; Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor; and Alana Saab for gifting me this e-ARC in exchange for my honest review. Alana Saab's writing is remarkable. I cannot wait to see what she comes out with next.

This is so good. It shows how complex it is to navigate mental illness and chronic illness is on your own for so long and to finally have professional help and not know what to do with it. I think the author did an amazing job talking about the different challenges of mental illness and how they intertwine with attachment and relationships. It was well-written and heartbreaking and very moving.

Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is unconventionally structured, following main character Norma as she writes her way through therapy and attempts to process her past and layers of trauma. Part love story, part psychological exploration, the story shifts continuously from Norma’s short stories to her inner dialogue during therapy sessions.

The stream of consciousness style works well here - although sometimes difficult to follow, it mirrors the experience of the narrator struggling with derealization and anxiety. Saab’s debut is gritty and painfully authentic, but glimmers with hope throughout.

Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC!

Heartbreaking, heavy, and haunting. These are the three words that immediately came to mind after finishing PLEASE STOP TRYING TO LEAVE ME by Alana Saab. This is one of the most unique novels that I’ve read in a while—mostly because of the structure. The reader is in Norma’s world. We spend a lot of time in the main character’s head as she tells her story through therapy sessions and short stories. It’s a 400 page novel, but certainly didn’t feel like it. I inhaled it in just a few days—it reads quite quickly. Norma is erratic, unhinged, and quite the unusual character. One may even label her as an unreliable narrator, and I definitely wouldn’t argue that. Norma’s new therapist has diagnosed her with depression/derealization disorder, and the reader is by her side as she navigates this diagnosis. We witness the weeks of therapy, medication use, and her struggle to finish her manuscript. As she shares bits and pieces of her manuscript, we learn more about her difficult childhood and traumatic past. At first, I wasn’t quite sure about Norma, but she slowly grew on me. You can’t help but feel for this woman and root for her. PSTTLM takes a deep dive into mental illness in this modern world, which I found completely unsettling, moving, and eye-opening. It’s a very impressive and smart debut, indeed. Give it a shot if you’re in the mood for something deep and profound.

This is a trip. I haven't read anything like it before, or anything that so accurately depicts depersonalization and derealization. As someone who has experienced it and did lots of intensive therapy to resolve that as my automatic stress/trauma response - this is what it's like.

With an unreliable narrator that you will alternately relate to and also think might be a terrible, privileged jerk, you're sucked into the stream of consciousness delivery, the sarcastic take on a lot of people around her, a fear of loving and what it means to be loved, and the inevitability of oblivion.

A strange, at times horrifying, and delightful trip.

I requested this book for the cover and I was not disappointed.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher, Vintage, for letting me read an eARC of this book! The release date is Tuesday, June 25th.

This book had a lot going for it to be honest. I thought that having an unlikeable main character struggling with her mental health was right up my alley but unfortunately it’s not. The writing is captivating so that’s what made this a hard decision to make on how to rate it and if I should DNF or not. Sadly the writing wasn’t enough for me to save this book as I DNF’d this one at 35%. I really loved the idea behind the plot of the story and I thought that I’d love the unlikeable FMC, but it didn’t work for me. The FMC was just too unlikeable for me to the point where I wasn’t rooting for her and it was frustrating to read. The FMC is seeing a therapist throughout the over and reading their sessions together made me cringe so hard and also got me so frustrated. The MC was so wrapped up in her own delusion that she couldn’t see what was the cause of her issues, and she wasn’t self-aware enough for me to enjoy the read.

Overall I think this book missed the mark for me, but I do still recommend it to others as I think this was just a me thing.

Maybe this book wasn’t for me.
While beautiful…it felt too flowery for me.

I felt like I was grasping at an abstract.

This is a tough one to rate because it had some really good parts but it also had some really bad parts. I really enjoyed the genre bending and the structure. An almost diary of sorts with a very unreliable narrator.

The actual writing was very good but the tone often got incredibly annoying, condescending and pretentious. I could forgive it up to a point because it is depicting a mental illness, quite accurately too. However there are so many parts that are truly eyeroll worthy, especially in the first half of the book (I almost DNF-ed it multiple times). Some of the observations about the modern world are very obvious and come from a very privileged point of view and a lot of the meta/fourth wall breaking elements are cringe. I’m also not entirely sure if I like the last short story/the epilogue(?) when it’s from the pov of her girlfriend. I love the concept but I’m not entirely happy with the execution. It falls a little flat imo.

This is in essence a book about trauma and derealization and the very rocky and hard process of healing and it does this very well and, to my experience, very accurately (even with all the dramatics) (the dramatics are a very honest part of the experience actually). So I did appreciate this a lot. When the trauma is that bad, getting help is a very frustrating process and to build up trust with your therapist takes a very long tedious time and I think this was showcased incredibly well.

There are a few scenes in this book that viscerally burned into my memory and will probably not leave anytime soon, specifically the speculum scene and that moment of remembering a long buried trauma.

Keeping all this in mind, the narrator herself was still just a very annoying person, mental illness and trauma or not. I didn’t really like her for most of the book, except for a few rare glimpses.

Which leads us to why I’m so ambivalent about the very last part of the book. The narrator from the pov of her girlfriend sounds like a genuinely awful toxic even abusive person. And yes, the effects of your body adjusting to SSRI meds can be very volatile but the way her girlfriend was dealing with it was very reminiscent of the way victims in abusive relationships act. But in the book it’s portrayed as romantic and healthy and that gives me a bit of an ick.

Overall, I’m glad I got to read this one, despite all its flaws. Not a bad debut.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for the ARC.

(Heads up for CSA content warning)

4.25 stars

Norma is a writer struggling with her manuscript after a mental breakdown, so she goes to therapy to try to Get Better while dealing with signs from the universe that she should break up with her girlfriend.

I absolutely love mental health books, and this one is a really interesting take on depression, depersonalization/derealization, and anxiety. I loved that this is told in a combination of therapy sessions and short stories written by the main character. Did not like that there are no quotation marks, but I got used to it. I think it could have been maybe 50 pages shorter because it was starting to get repetitive. I enjoyed the way it ended, and I think this is a good addition to queer mental health fiction.

Thank you to NetGalley and publisher for the opportunity to read and review.