Thank you, NetGalley for an advanced ARC of this Non-Fiction Biography

This was an emotional read about the author's life growing up with a mother who had a personality disorder and other mental illnesses, her life was one of being lost. Abandoned and being blamed for everything and being a child who has been brought up like this the child will grow up not knowing who they are as well as not believing they deserve love etc.

I always think that people who write about their lives to share with the world are strong because putting themselves out their everything exposed for the world to see and judge is amazing, but I believe a Biography or memoir should never be judged but a look into the different life's we all face in this world and with each life story there is something to learn and take away (some relate, some will never understand but each word leaves a ripple).

I say do not read this if trauma and abuse, caused by mental health and also one self as well as learning to forgive everything and moving forward for a better future

This audiobook was interesting but not my favourite. I think I would have preferred it in print form, Memoirs, especially those around mental illness can be hard to critique because of the personal nature, but content aside, I had a hard time focusing on the story as an audiobook. Thanks to netgalley and the audiobook publisher for giving me the chance to listen to this one.

I love memoirs where the tension lies in wanting to author to succeed but being uncertain how they will overcome their circumstances. This book was not an exception to the rule as Salek easily captivates her audience with her story. It's hard to be critical of memoirs as any criticism can have such personal ties. For me, what was missing from the narrative was more mentions of the colors throughout their life. However, I do acknowledge and appreciate the magnitude of the narrative as is.

This book was very insightful and heartfelt. I was really captivated by the colors the author mentioned and could see and feel almost what the author felt as she was describing her past. The narrator did an excellent job narrating and making me feel as though this was happening to me.

Interesting book about a girl growing up in a world of mental health issues, abuse of various kinds, and trying to figure out how to survive in her world. The story goes through periods of chaos and recognizing something was different but not always understanding how or why. As the story goes through her adulthood she starts to realize the challenges of mental health and how her mom had suffered and at times how the system enables these disorders vs trying to help. Well written story.

The book chronicles Salek's journey from childhood to adulthood, growing up with a mother who suffered from untreated bipolar disorder. Through vivid and emotional prose, Salek paints a picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma she endured, but also her resilience and, ultimately, her path toward forgiveness.

I really liked this book. It was honest and raw, and it did not sugarcoat anything. The author was unapologetic in telling her trauma story, which is really brave. I could not help thinking of my young daughter as I read this book. I cannot imagine EVER treating my daughter like Salek's mother treated Salek. It just plain broke my heart.

The one aspect of the story that I was not so enamored with was the relationship to the colors. Salek possesses the unique ability to see people in colors, each representing their aura and experiences. However, I found that this ability was not fleshed out well in the book. Salek refers to each person by their color on multiple occasions, but she doesn't really explain what each color means to the reader. For example, her mother was either "brown" or "black." While intuitively, I can assume that "black" is negative, I have no idea what a brown aura means. A friend of hers is "purple." You can pull from the story that purple is good, but the exact meaning is never explained. This is true of all the main players in the book given colors.

Chaos in Color is not an easy read. As I mentioned above, it dives headfirst into the harrowing reality of childhood trauma, weaving a narrative that confronts abuse, neglect, and resilience with unflinching honesty. This is a crucial strength - the book doesn't shy away from uncomfortable truths, making it a powerful testament to the author's journey.

However, this raw portrayal comes with triggers. Descriptions of emotional and physical abuse may stir difficult emotions, and the overall weight of the story can be emotionally draining. Despite the heavy subject matter, the book portrays hope and the human spirit's ability to persevere. Salek's courage in sharing her story and ultimately finding forgiveness is truly inspiring. I would definitely recommend it for readers who can handle the emotional toll.

Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek is an autobiography that follows the author from childhood to adulthood. There are various types of abuse mentioned, including sexual, physical, and drug abuse.

The title of the text is symbolic. It represents every person as a color. For instance, the protagonist's mother is initially referred to as brown, not because of her skin color, but to symbolize her state when things are manageable. However, as the story progresses and things worsen, the mother's symbolic color turns black. The author uses color symbolism throughout the text. Furthermore, the story is quite chaotic, as the protagonist's life is chaotic.

The author expresses a deep longing for the simplicity of a normal childhood that echoes many children's experiences worldwide. She strongly desires mundane routines and predictable patterns that reflect a stable childhood. Her yearning is palpable, as it speaks to a universally understood need for a sense of normalcy and regularity in one's childhood years.

The weight of her mother's care rests heavily upon her young shoulders, fostering a sense of resentment that is hard for her to shake off. The responsibility thrust upon her is immense, far exceeding what any child should bear. She grapples with the conflicting emotions of caring for her mother and feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of the obligation placed upon her.

This book is a remarkable read, particularly for those with an affinity for biographies or for anyone seeking to find a connection with another's harrowing experiences. It offers an intimate glimpse into the struggles and resilience of a person who has endured a painful past. Readers who appreciate the raw honesty of a well-told life story or seek comfort in shared adversity will find this work an exceptional choice.

Heart-wrenching and moving but also inspiring and capable of evoking hope that everyone can transform their life and thrive even out of trauma. I loved the synesthesia the author feels and the metaphors with colors she often uses to describe the situations in her life. I also liked the narrator, she has a beautiful, warm voice, which perfectly depicts images with its sound.

Chaos in Color vividly captured Layla’s life involving growing up with a parent plagued by mental illness and her own childhood trauma. Layla shares the difficult and painful parts as well as the hopeful and joyful times in their midst. She opens the reader’s eyes to the complexity of wanting connection to parents and also desiring safety and normalcy. It’s a compassionate story without releasing people from the impact and responsibility for their actions. The story also highlights the issues with the healthcare and child protection services systems. It’s an important read for everyone to grow in understanding and compassion for those who struggle with major mental health issues as well as an encouragement to push for change and improvement in our systems in order to promote true help and support for struggling humans.

This was an interesting memoir but not quite as engaging as I would hope. Maybe the disconnect for me was that the author didn't read it. I find that memoirs that are read by the author have the authenticity to the words and no matter how great a narrator you have there is just something lost. 

The authors younger years were plagued by the ups and downs of her mother's erratic behavior due to bi-polar disorder.  Her father was in her life for quite a while but ultimately allowed her to live with another family terminating his parental rights. She was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and despite not much stability in her life wound up getting her PhD in Psychology and now helps others heal from trauma.  Interestingly as an adult she gets married and soon discovers her husband is also plagued by mental illness that almost leads them to divorce, but through forgiveness and the work that she has done on her past  they were able to find a way forward. 

This book has some uplifting moments and it's amazing that she was able to pull it together to get her degree. I appreciated her take on forgiveness and how she processed the trauma she suffered and was able to reconnect with her father and siblings.  The way she sees people as different colors is also fascinating.

Unfortunately I just tried to open this up and it appears to be archived. Was unable to read this But I had really been looking forward to it after reading the reviews. I hope to purchase a copy in the future.

The author wrote about difficult topics in a simple near effortless way that allowed readers to understand. I appreciate that. For those that have grown up in situations with a parent or guardian that needed to have issues addressed but didn't- this can be a heavy read.

‘Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness’ written by R. Layla Salek PhD and narrated by Ferdelle Capistrano. This is a moving memoir of Layla, who shines light on mental illness and her journey through the complexities of growing up with a mother who suffered from bipolar disorder. As the title indicates, Layla suffered through chaos in colors as she associated some people with colors- her mother, brown; her father, green, her husband, a rainbow, her daughter, yellow. She does indicate that she doesn’t always associate a person with a color and she isn’t aware of any reason why some people have a color and others do not.

Layla suffered abuse, neglect and trauma at the hands of her mother that she carried with her through her entire life. Layla takes us on a journey of her childhood through adulthood that is raw and very personal. Throughout her life, she experiences love and support from various individuals.

I enjoyed the poetic prose at the beginning of many chapters and especially loved the following – the entirety of Chapter 18.

Orphan of 4 families. An only child with 5 siblings. A motherless child with 3 mothers. One person but several aliases. Homeless with multiple homes. An academic failure with a PhD. A trauma victim healing others trauma. Alone with many friends. An insecure child with boundless confidence. … Suicidal while loving life. White trash and high society. Affluent but still feels poor. Voiceless with a respective voice. A motherless daughter mothering a daughter. A teen with bad behavior teaching behavior to teens. A psychologist who distrusts psychiatrists. An expert who feels like an amateur. A person who creates order from chaos. Serious with a wicked sense of humor. Scared but fearless. A childlike adult. Anxious but laidback. A person with an active mind and a lazy body. A person who lusts for consistency but has a taste for chaos. Repelled by mental illness but attracted to pain. A problem becoming a solution. A victim of trauma but never a victim. Born out of darkness into a rainbow. A daughter who abandoned her mother but craves a mothers love.

(Please excuse any errors in quoting the Chapter as I typed from the audio.)

I feel this summarizes a great portion of the raw footage that Layla shares with her reader about her life.

This is a wonderful memoir and I commend the author for being so transparent and raw in sharing her experiences. Despite her traumatic childhood, she has achieved great accomplishments. As a behaviorist, she has dedicated her professional career to helping children with mental illness and autism. (She founded Susie Bean Gives in an effort to help families that can’t afford services that their children need in order to live healthier, happier lives.)

Thank you, Layla, for sharing your life with so many. I can only imagine how many people you will help by sharing the raw footage of your life. Thank you again for sharing and for dedicating your life to assisting with mental illnesses.

Thank you #NetGalley and #Greenleaf Audiobooks for the opportunity to listen to this early audio version in exchange for a review. All opinions and thoughts are those of my own. #ChaosinColor #NetGalley

Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek PhD was the author’s opportunity to share her journey through childhood with an untreated bipolar mother and a father who eventually abandoned her. Layla possessed the rare ability as a young child to see people as different colors. Her mother was always brown in Layla’s eyes. In Layla’s defense, she had no say in who her parents would be or what kind of life her parents would provide for her. Chaos in Color was Layla’s harrowing journey through a life that included more trauma than any child should ever have in one lifetime. Layla experienced abandonment, neglect and both physical and emotional abuse. Her unconventional life led Layla on a path of discovery, dependency and a search for answers and normalcy. Her life was plagued with anger, sadness, awareness and ultimately yielded to acceptance and forgiveness. Layla learned the hard way that distance was required for her to live and grow. Chaos in Color portrayed the pain and confusion Layla experienced throughout her childhood.

During the 1970’s and 1980’s resources for Indigenous people were limited, especially options for diagnosing bipolar disorders and the proper treatment for it. In all the years that Layla’s mother suffered with bipolar disorder, no one offered any assistance or advice. No one came to their rescue as they both struggled with the havoc it caused. The clinics that were accessible to Layla and her mother prescribed Valium. That was the only drug made available and only compounded the problem by inducing sleep. It frustrated Layla as she grew older that Valium was the only drug that was prescribed to her mother.

Fortunately for Layla, there were people in her life who influenced her in a positive way. Some of those people were people her mother left her with and others were people Layla herself chose to spend time with. Perhaps one of the most influential people in Layla’s life were her father’s parents. She spent many summer vacations with them and cherished the time she spent with them. Partly due to those positive influences on her life, Layla not only attended and graduated from college but went on and earned a PhD in psychology. She chose to pursue a career working with children with mental illness and severe behavioral issues. Layla married and had a family of her own. The process of working through her own trauma continued to be ongoing throughout her adult life and was not always easy.

All of my emotions were spent by the time I finished Chaos in Color. At times I cried but I also found parts where I found myself laughing. I listened to the audiobook that was well narrated by Ferdelle Capistrano. Mental illness is something that must be taken seriously. It affects so many people. Attention must be given to not only those experiencing it but also to their caregivers and innocent children that might need protection from it. If someone had intervened when Layla was a young child, who knows how different her life might have been. Despite all the challenges Layla faced, she persevered and was able to make her life better for herself and her family. Understanding eventually led Layla to forgiveness. I really appreciate that Layla Salek shared her story. It was hard to listen to in parts but overall it was very informative, inspiring and insightful. I highly recommend this memoir.

Thank you to Green Leaf Audiobooks for allowing me to listen to the audiobook of Chaos in Color: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma and Forgiveness by R. Layla Salek, PhD through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

This audiobook was a long slog for me. I didn’t really like the narrator and the voices that she did, so that is part of the low rating, but the rest is due to the content of the book itself. I want to start with, I really empathize with the author and the generational trauma and abuse and neglect that she endured. I totally understand why she would feel ambivalent toward her mother and other family members. I also get why she would have a strong reaction to her husband being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. However, I found the style of writing to be a bit overwrought, the pacing to be quite slow and muddled, the stream of consciousness thing to be chaotic and at times really immature, and worst of all, I felt like the author espoused some really strongly negative attitudes toward mental illness that could promote stigma. As a psychologist, I do feel she should know better than to print something like “I hate mental illness.” No duh, lady, no one with mental illness is thrilled about it either, but it is a reality for so many, and feels like so much more a part of the person than for example, cancer. Overall I appreciate her being so open about her very tough childhood and young adulthood, but the book is aptly titled - it is very chaotic.

Wow! This is a memoir written by the author about her life growing up with a family who suffers mental illness. She suffered a great deal of trauma and chaos.

This book is well written and eye opening. It starts when the author is very young and walks through adulthood. She worked though such a great deal of trauma to get to the other side.

As this was an audiobook I will mention the narrator did a great job in sharing the story. She was easy to listen to.

A telling of a woman’s 70s/80s childhood (and beyond) trauma. So many intense and dark experiences. And, although scarce, there were also lifesaving, happy, and hope-filled experiences. With inner strength and others’ unconditional love, she persevered.

Trigger warnings.

As with 99% of the memoirs I read, I listened to the audiobook. The author did not narrate which I was afraid would make it not as good as it could be; however, the narrator did an exceptional job and also kept the pace nicely.

What kept my attention was the author’s combination of rawness and grace with which she explained her memories. Her situations resulted in, at least, tears, anger, confusion, fear, begging, praying, loneliness, mental anguish, physical pain, depression, anxiousness, major fatigue, or a combination. Yet she had a constant desire to not necessarily judge but to understand the whys. And, a deep desire to help not only herself but others.

Her struggles do not completely go away, which is all too true for many. But her story truly provides hope and proof of resilience.