Member Reviews

This book gave some great tips on how to work, live, and collaborate with others while still staying โ€œTrue to You.โ€ I was able to take some of the tips and hopefully have better relationships with those around me.

It does mention therapy a lot so if you donโ€™t like thst type of book it might not be for you.

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One of the rare self-help books that actually provides real, useful advice for specific things you can do to set boundaries and exert more control over your own life instead of turning it over to pleasing other people.

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TRUE TO YOU by Kathleen Smith Is subtitled "A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself." Smith is a is a licensed therapist, a mental health writer, and an associate faculty member of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family. She explains and advocates for the Bowen Theory in her new book and does suggest a few other books which explore this theory. While there are some interesting ideas (e.g., every family is an emotional ecosystem and the person who is the most accommodating carries the most anxiety), it is disappointing that the references to research are rather limited (only about three percent of the text). Smith also includes a half dozen pages of "growing" questions (e.g., How do I over-function or under-function at work when I am distressed? OR How can I make time to develop my own thinking or let my mind wander?) to help readers think about "how to be more of a self in [their] relationships and challenges."

For readers curious about ways to establish boundaries and to develop new relationship patterns, Core Concepts and Diagrams are here
https://www.thebowencenter.org/core-concepts-diagrams

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Thank you to NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for an honest review!

This was a great self help book and I will definitely be recommending it to others.

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๐€๐ง ๐ž๐ฑ๐œ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ-๐ก๐ž๐ฅ๐ฉ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ญ๐š๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ง๐ฎ๐ ๐ ๐ž๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฌ๐๐จ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ง ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐›๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐š๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐œ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ. ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ข๐ง ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐›๐ฌ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐จ๐ง๐ž, ๐š๐ฌ ๐ข๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐œ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ก๐ž๐š๐ฏ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐จ๐ง ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฉ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž, ๐ซ๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฅ๐ž๐œ๐ญ, ๐š๐ง๐ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐ข๐ž๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ซ๐ž๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก ๐š ๐›๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ๐š๐ง๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐จ๐ง๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ฆ. ๐–๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฆ๐จ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐‘ป๐’“๐’–๐’† ๐’•๐’ ๐’€๐’๐’– ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ ๐ข๐ง ๐ฐ๐ก๐ข๐œ๐ก ๐ƒ๐ซ. ๐’๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐š๐๐๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ž๐ซ; ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐š๐ฅ๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  ๐š๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐๐ž๐ซ, ๐ข๐ญ ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ž๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ€™๐ซ๐ž ๐œ๐ก๐š๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ƒ๐ซ. ๐’๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐š๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง๐ž ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ก๐ž๐ซ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฌ๐ก๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐ซ๐จ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ (๐š๐ง๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก) ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ! ๐ˆ๐Ÿ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ€™๐ซ๐ž ๐š ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ-๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค๐ž๐ซ, ๐ˆ ๐ž๐ง๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐š๐ ๐ž ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ซ๐ž๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐, ๐ฉ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ž๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ง๐ž๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐š๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฅ๐ข๐Ÿ๐ž.

๐’ฏ๐’ฝ๐’ถ๐“ƒ๐“€ ๐“Ž๐‘œ๐“Š ๐“‰๐‘œ ๐’ฆ๐’ถ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐“๐‘’๐‘’๐“ƒ ๐’ฎ๐“‚๐’พ๐“‰๐’ฝ, ๐‘€๐’ถ๐’ธ๐“‚๐’พ๐“๐“๐’ถ๐“ƒ ๐’œ๐“Š๐’น๐’พ๐‘œ, ๐’ฎ๐“‰. ๐‘€๐’ถ๐“‡๐“‰๐’พ๐“ƒ'๐“ˆ ๐’ซ๐“‡๐‘’๐“ˆ๐“ˆ, & ๐’ฉ๐‘’๐“‰๐’ข๐’ถ๐“๐“๐‘’๐“Ž ๐’ป๐‘œ๐“‡ ๐“‰๐’ฝ๐‘’ ๐’œ๐‘…๐’ž! ๐’œ๐“๐“ ๐‘œ๐“…๐’พ๐“ƒ๐’พ๐‘œ๐“ƒ๐“ˆ ๐’ถ๐“‡๐‘’ ๐“‚๐“Ž ๐‘œ๐“Œ๐“ƒ.

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I hope that all of you can find gem in this self-help guide about how to live less focused on othersโ€™ reactions and more confidently by your own rules and principles. This means to be true to yourself, in the guidance of the Truth.

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This book is so incredible! As a therapist, once in a while I will dip my toes into self help books. This really is amazing & easy to digest for those looking to do self healing.

This is based off internal family systems and is quickly becoming a popular therapy practice model. Would recommend to clients, friends and colleagues.

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Readers will be able to decide if this book is for them just as soon as the title is read. Anyone who feels that they may indeed people please too much (and perhaps to their own detriment) will find much of value here.

Readers get to learn about Bowen family theory and will understand why people pleasing is so prevalent and, equally, why it may be important to not completely succumb. One thing that I liked in this book was that points are made through the use of vignettes of clients engaged in the therapeutic process. The book is written in a very easy to understand way and will, I think, be welcomed by its target audience.

Many thanks to NetGalley and St. Martinโ€™s Press-St. Martinโ€™s Essentials for this title. All opinions are my own.

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Although the writing style of this book didn't connect with me as much as I hoped, I know its themes will resonate with a lot of readers. There were definitely a few nuggets and takeaways throughout. Thanks to St. Martin's Press for e-mailing me an advanced copy of this book - pub day is today!

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Excellent read and guide to how to set boundaries and stop being a people pleaser. SO well written so interesting a book I will be recommending.#netgalley#truetoyou

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Boy was this book made for me and probably a lot of other women who find themselves putting others before themselves.
"It's incredibly rewarding to live a life where people know what we're about. A lif where we look forward to getting to know ourselves."
True to you is just that...a book about how you can find out what you want, what you need, who you are or who you want to be, and own it. So many people find themselves being different people to each friend depending on what they think the person wants. You may be giving that person the version of you that they want but in the end your not being honest or fair to yourself.
Many years ago I made a promise to myself to be the silly, wild, crazy, and sometimes inappropriate person I am. If people don't like these things then we probably shouldn't be friends. This way everyone who I surround myself with is a true friend. I can be myself and my friends can be themselves.
True to You will get you thinking and learning how to put yourself first which for a lot of women is difficult.

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We need relationships but we need to be individuals too. Smith uses systems thinking to see the whole of relationship issues. The first part of the book looks at relationships and how we try to keep things calm by sacrificing our selves. I like that she give examples, stories that are composites of her therapy clients. The second part of the book deals with growing into the mature state of directing our selves as individuals. I really appreciate the review of chapter main points at each chapter end as well as practical exercises to personally investigate that chapter teaching.

As a people pleaser much of my life, I learned important ideas and strategies from this book. Investigating the family relationship systems was important to me as it revealed the basis for my actions. I like the insights into how we lose self and then what it looks like to act as an individual. I appreciate learning how to respect the people with whom I have relationships yet maintain my own individual person.

This is a book containing a great deal of actionable ideas and strategies. It is a good one to work through and there is lots of work to do. Reading and discussing it with a trusted friend may be the best was to incorporation the information into one's life.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

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"True to You: A Therapistโ€™s Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourselfโ€ by Kathleen Smith, narrated by Christine Lakin, is a compelling audiobook exploring human relationships and self-identity. Itโ€™s packed with practical advice from Smith, a seasoned therapist, on breaking free from people-pleasing habits and building inner strength. Lakinโ€™s engaging narration brings Smithโ€™s insights to life, making complex ideas accessible and relatable. With its emphasis on authenticity and resilience, this audiobook is a valuable resource for anyone navigating personal growth and seeking more fulfilling relationships.

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True to You by Kathleen Smith is witty, bracingly honest, deeply humane and piercingly insightful!
A very informative book that I absolutely enjoyed reading!

Thank You NetGalley and St. Martin's Essentials for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

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I really enjoyed this book! I think it is a must read for overthinkers + people pleasers! I found myself highlighting a ton. The author writes in a very conversational way which I really liked. I'd recommend this to anyone even those who don't typically read non-fiction.

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Very informative and easy to follow. As someone who is a constant people pleaser, this book can help establish the boundaries you need to live and happy, and successful life.

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โ€œTrue to Youโ€ is, as the title suggests, a guide to figuring out what you want and protecting that via boundaries and kind but assertive communication. Itโ€™s accessible and, though written by a therapist, is free of a lot of the psycho-babble that makes similar books a challenge to read. Dr. Smith uses examples from clients to offer actions and exercises that can help us be more responsible for our selves and less responsible for others.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.

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Kathleen Smith's "True to You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself" is a refreshing and insightful self-help guide that speaks directly to anyone grappling with the pressures of modern life. This book is a beacon for those feeling the weight of burnout and seeking a path to a more authentic existence, less tethered to the expectations of others.

Smith, drawing from her rich experience as a therapist and grounded in Bowen family systems theory, dissects the common human tendency to borrow confidence, calmness, and beliefs from our relationships. The book opens with a relatable premise: the discord between the composed facade we present to the world and the turmoil we often feel inside. This theme resonates deeply, as many readers will see their struggles reflected in Smith's candid anecdotes and those of her patients.

The book excels in its practical approach. Smith doesnโ€™t just identify the problem; she offers actionable steps to address it. Whether it's redefining career success away from parental expectations or learning to let go of overfunctioning for others, Smith provides clear, compassionate guidance. Her advice is rooted in solid research and enriched with personal and professional anecdotes, making it both credible and engaging.

One of the book's standout features is its accessibility. Smith's writing is warm and approachable, devoid of the jargon that often plagues self-help literature. This makes complex psychological concepts understandable and applicable to everyday life. The comparisons to "Burnout" by Emily and Amelia Nagoski and "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab are well-deserved, as Smithโ€™s book complements and builds on these works, offering a unique perspective on the intersection of self-care and social dynamics.

While the book is highly informative and practical, it occasionally leans heavily on examples from therapy sessions. These are undoubtedly useful but can sometimes feel repetitive. A broader range of examples might have enriched the narrative further.

Despite this minor critique, "True to You" is a valuable resource for anyone looking to reclaim their sense of self in a world that often demands conformity. Smithโ€™s insights into our social nature and her strategies for interrupting anxious relationship patterns are particularly timely and relevant. By the end of the book, readers will feel equipped to build more authentic relationships and live by their own principles, fostering a solid sense of self amidst life's turbulence.

In summary, "True to You" is a four-star gem in the self-help genre. Kathleen Smith offers a thoughtful, practical guide to shedding the mask of perfection and embracing a life true to oneself. Highly recommended for anyone ready to stop pleasing others and start being authentically themselves.

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As a therapist, I rationally know how to set boundaries, but to implement them is another thing. Reading a book written by a therapist about the importance of therapists utilizing the skills we teach everyday was a breath of fresh air. I have read a few books written by therapists that seemed very invalidating, but this book was helpful and supported by Bowen therapy. I enjoyed the attachment theory portionโ€”it makes perfect sense how people pleasing goes hand in hand with your attachment style.
Thank you NetGalley for giving me an advanced readers copy for an honest review

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True to You offers a compelling blend of storytelling, research, and practical advice for therapists looking to break free from people-pleasing habits and embrace authenticity. Through her expertise, Smith provides valuable techniques for setting boundaries that can improve our connections with others and with ourselves.

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