This book was super informative. The “typical” family is changing around the world, and that’s a good thing. Rigid, heteronormative definitions are on their way out as new generations redefine what community and family structure means to them.

I wish the cover was better, but the content itself is good and the narration is also good!

The concept of this book is so important - I was so excited to read this book. Sadly, it was not what I needed it to be. This book was about the importance of close friends, and it told numerous stories about close relationships that were not romantic. What I wanted from this was a book about the importance of friendships, why we don’t have or value friendships as much in our current society, and how friendship improves our lives. I also wanted more on how to improve friendships and find friendships in the current society we live in.
The relationships this book discussed were all so close, to the point that they felt impossible to find if you don’t randomly stumble upon one yourself. If you know the importance of friendship and want to find it, this book will not help you. If you have one of those relationships, then this book will be validating. But the book felt like it went too in depth in these stories for the requirements of the book.

I first received this audiobook via Netgalley but didn't finish before it expired so I have finally borrowed it from the library.

I... am not the target audience for this book. And I'm mad about it because I expected this to be a book about why we should invest in our friendships, and instead I got an intro to QPR for alloheterosexual monogamists. And that's fine and it is needed, but I didn't learn anything new, besides the fact that now I know I want to either marry a romantic partner or a friend for the legal benefits.

I don't want to be mean about this book, but most of this book is just telling the stories of different friend pairs who are in a queerplatonic relationship without calling it that. I also got the sense that the author wrote this book because she was trying to work through her feelings about her own friend breakup. Which again is fine, but there was selection bias in the stories, and I wished that there was 1. more representation of asexuals, and 2. an acknowledgement that aromantics exist. I don't think the author herself understands that asexuals can still feel romantic love, even though she mentioned reading Angela Chen's Ace. There was a part when a straight man was trying to figure out if he was gay because he was surprised that he felt love for his queerplatonic partner. And the list of questions that the two men talked through didn't consider the possibility of biromanticism, probably because they don't have aroace friends and don't know that romantic and sexual attraction are different.

I'm uncomfortable with looking at historical "and then they were roommates" and concluding that all of those friendships were definitely just passionate friendships, nothing gay at all. The fact is, we can't know how many Boston marriages were gay and how many were queerplatonic.

That's another thing: this book is for straight people but I think it would have helped to have some recognition that these deep platonic relationships are in themselves "queer." Maybe that's too much queer theory for a book for straight people, but tying this into the existing works to say that Cohen is presenting a "queering" of friendship would have been nice.

I think I'm just not the target audience. This is probably very helpful for straight people who have never questioned monogamy, who are lonely in their relationships but have never realized that they can still have best friends outside their marriages. It's a decent intro to the concept, but it needs more than what it gave us. It's too basic. I'm giving 3 stars due to my dissatisfaction.

Thank you to Netgalley and Macmillan Audio for the audio-ARC, even if it took me way too long to read.

This audiobook was not my favourite. The premise; that there are other important central relationships other than a significant other, is good, but the extensive research/case study and the length of the book itself made things less interesting. Narration was pretty good but also left me wanting a bit more. Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to listen to this audiobook.

In The Other Significant Others, NPR's Rhaina Cohen explores the transformative potential of choosing friendship over romance as a central life partnership. Through compelling narratives and insightful social science research, Cohen challenges conventional views on relationships, arguing that placing too much pressure on romantic bonds and undervaluing friendships makes our connections more fragile. This thought-provoking book invites readers to reconsider their expectations and embrace the diverse possibilities of fulfilling, platonic commitments.

My thoughts: I absolutely adored this book. It made me feel seen and understood, especially as someone still searching for love. It reassured me that my life is rich and fulfilling even without having found "the one." The book is well-written, and I thoroughly enjoyed the diverse stories it presents. I highly recommend it.

This is a book that gives you a lot to chew on. It redefines life partnership from the lens of several couples who see one another as platonic life partners, many of whom are LGBT+ identifying. It challenges the bounds of heteronormativity.

<blockquote><i>Others have shared with me the same intuition of what separates romantic relationships from even the closest of friendships...”Isn't a romantic relationship just friendship plus sex?” According to that equation, sex is what triggers a state change from just friends to more than friends.</i></blockquote>

As Cohen and her subjects ponder what differentiates friends from partners, she nails the societal expectation right on the head: sex. And rightfully so, she frames this oversimplified equation to be as ridiculous as it is. It took me back to a dimly lit counselor’s office where a woman who sat opposite me frowned, a glint of amusement in her eyes, as she derisively questioned how I could desire a relationship while being on the ace spectrum. “So you’re trying to date…to make friends?” I was mortified. I felt wrong. Othered. She couldn’t wrap her tiny brain around a romantic relationship sans sex. Ever since, I feel like I’ve been looking for something that can adequately put into words why her reaction was simultaneously so ridiculous and so upsetting to me. And it boils down to this absurd societal equation Cohen posits about romantic relationships—that sex is the defining feature.

She dresses this assumption down marvelously, even introducing an ace perspective in the form of Stacy, whose experience challenges societal heteronormativity at every turn. After recounting the story in which they tell their mom they are asexual, Stacy recalls a phone call with their dad in which he tells Stacy he gets it; they just don’t want a relationship. However, that could not be further from the truth.

<blockquote><i> "I think sex and partnership have been so tied together that some assumptions were made that I don't even want a partner."</i></blockquote>

People jump to this conclusion a lot when encountering ace-spec people, so it was exciting to see it captured so aptly on the page. Many people today can't wrap their minds around an ace person wanting a romantic relationship. Because of this, Stacy’s perspective was invaluable; it further peeled back the layers of societal assumption and ignorance.

I am, however, a little ambivalent about the lack of clarity regarding Stacy’s representation. On the one hand, Stacy states themselves that they still desire a partner, despite not experiencing sexual attraction. Cohen defines asexuality and its numerous forms in depth, as well as noting that Stacy experiences sensual and romantic attraction. Still, there is very little effort to divide Cohen’s definition of platonic life partnership from Stacy’s desire for a romantic partner. Platonic is not romantic, and to lump Stacy and their desire for a romantic relationship in with the rest of the couples featured in this book poses a very murky conclusion that just so happens to bolster the friendship + sex = relationship equation Cohen attempted to undermine. Ultimately, Stacy’s desire for a romantic relationship would not align with the platonic life partnerships represented here and I wanted to see clearer commentary regarding that. I worry that readers not acquainted with asexuality will automatically assume that ace people that don’t have sex can only ever have platonic relationships, when that cannot be further from the truth.

Overall, I really enjoyed Cohen’s thoughts and exploration of her subjects. I did struggle a bit with the dry writing in parts and also felt that a lot of the research cited was incredibly outdated. Once I started paying attention to the sources in the second half, there was on study cited from 2020 and the rest in the latter half were sometimes ten, twenty, thirty plus years old. I understand that this topic likely has a scant amount of research dedicated to it, so it may have already been slim pickens, but there is a great amount of significance that citing current studies can have in establishing credibility.

The root of Cohen’s thesis, however, is strong—platonic partnerships (in addition to a myriad of other relationships) are a valid and necessary part of every person’s life. They not only lead to happier and healthier lives physically and mentally, but they keep people from putting excessive pressure on marriages where society’s obsessive ideal of a spouse being the sole person to fill one’s cup persists. To remedy this, she sheds light on a new category of relationship—platonic life partnership—and deftly explores that these relationships come in all shapes and sizes, coexisting with a multitude of friendships, other platonic life partners, and even spouses. It’s an important exploration into a little-known topic that likely resonates with anyone who has had an intense friendship that was difficult to classify. For those of you, I would highly recommend you pick this up.

<b>OVERALL RATING:</b> 4 stars.

<i>A big thank you to Netgalley and the publisher, Macmillan Audio, for providing me with an advanced copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review!</i>

The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center by Raina Cohen discussed in depth something I've been thinking about for a while and I was thrilled to find her book exploring this idea.

Humanity has been forming families in many different ways throughout time - according to the needs of their era, location, number and requirements of resource management within the values of their cultures. In my own life there have been many more models (successful!) than two birth parents and resulting children. Depending on lives and deaths, there have been aunts and/or uncles raising whatever extended family children were orphaned, abandoned or kicked-out. There have been grandparents, second cousins and long losts of all sorts needing and accepting parental roles throughout history. Brothers and sisters have been life-long partners, and best friends have also forged life-long partnerships. This isn't new. But it is time that our western culture carve out a legal space for individuals outside the man-woman-bio kid model assumed (and so required in order to be covered) by most of our legal systems.

Kudos to the author for beginning the conversation, getting it out there for people to think about in a different way - whatever raises humans up in love, safety, respecting the rights, liberties and equal standings of ALL others is what is needed. It's a start we've needed for a long time.

*A sincere thank you to Rhaina Cohen, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and independently review.*

4.75ish stars

This was an interesting, thoughtful, and well-written book. I thought the premise was intriguing when I initially requested it, and I wasn’t disappointed with the book itself. The writer does a great job of exploring the depths and nuances of different types of friendships and other meaningful relationships that aren’t romantic in nature, and she does so by considering a diverse range of people, situations, and circumstances. Some of the information discussed wasn’t necessarily new, but it was all presented and woven together into a cohesive narrative that I thoroughly enjoyed, and it did give me a lot to consider. I think other people could also similarly enjoy this book and will be recommending it to a few people in my life.

Shocking and familiar at the same time, this audiobook felt deeply personal and gave me hope for my own future. I don't prioritize dating these days because I am so content and happy with the friendships and platonic connections I already have, but of course sometimes romantic loneliness sneaks up on me and I feel an unsettling, encompassing fear that I will "end up" alone. This audiobook put those fears to rest. Through real life accounts of platonic life partners, Rhaina Cohen shows us how meaningful and fulfilling (and at times life saving) friendship can be. My one concern before starting this book was whether the "best friends who were roommates until death" stories would be recounted in a way that erased queer identities, but Cohen interviewed folks spanning age and religion, gender and sexuality, and treated their stories with reverence. It so easy to think of having a "best best friend" as something childish, but I really loved the stories of best friends who continued to priortize each other and own homes together and rasie kids together well into old age. Friendship is so so integral to human life and yet there is not nearly as much emphasis on the importance of friendship than other institutions like marriage, nor is there many legal or academic precedents regarding platonic life partners; Cohen's aim was to raise awareness of this lack of protection and I think she succeeded. Definitely an approachable and relatable read if you want to dabble in nonfiction; I would recommend this to anyone who hurts more after friendship breakups than romantic breakups. Or anyone who doesnt want to be scared of "ending up" alone. You aren't alone💛

(Thank you to @netgalley, @rhainacohen and @macmillan.audio for sending me the audiobook to review. All thoughts are my own.)

As someone who has long been fascinated by both marriage and friendship, the premise of this sounded like something I would absolutely love. And while Cohen shared plenty of interesting individual stories, I didn't find much of it to be new or profound. Ann Friedman and Aminatou Sow's book, Big Friendship, was one of the first books of this kind (and I enjoyed it much more). If this is your first time reading something about centering friendship, rather than only romantic relationships, this might be new and fresh for you. (But I also found the interviews with Cohen to be more than efficient at gleaming her main thesis, and a lot less of a time commitment.) I did enjoy Cohen's narration and would pick up another book by her in the future.

I absolutely loved this book! As someone on the hunt for more books about friendship, I found this one hit the mark. The importance of friendship in life satisfaction and social health cannot be underestimated, and this book is the perfect answer and introduction to the topic.

Thank you to NetGalley and to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I honestly feel like this whole book was just to justify the way people live and it’s kind of frustrating. I understand the legal side of it can be frustrating but it felt like that was such a small portion of the book. Majority of it was just explaining that friends can be more of a significant other than a romantic partner. I’m too much of a “you do you and I’ll do me” type person I guess because I don’t quite understand why it’s such a big deal.

I enjoyed this book, but it wasn't fully what I expected.

I thought the narration was great. Since it was a non-fiction, it was very easy to listen to.

I enjoyed the book itself, and the content, but I almost felt like it could have been a TedTalk. It felt a little on the long side for the information that it contained. I found it to be more story telling about deep bonded friendships than anything else.

It was a nice read, but I didn't take as much out of it as I wanted to.

I absolutely believe in the importance of non romantic friendships and the importance of investing in these relationships. Given all that, I expected to absolutely love this book.

Unfortunately I did not. I instead found this one quite dry. The research and case studies just felt very obvious and not particularly interesting.

Again, I love the intent behind this book, but the execution left me wanting more.

Disclaimer I received a copy of this book from the publisher.

I love love loved listening to this book. Rhaina Cohen is a wonderful narrator, and the way she read this was incredibly engaging. Reading about the friendships Cohen presents made me reflect on my own friendships, and even start to see them in a different light. This book is going to be incredibly important to the people who read it.

Thank you NetGalley for allowing me to listen to this book. This book had a lot of information for me to ponder. The stories that she shared were interesting and thought-provoking. I will definitely look at relationships more broadly having read this book and will recommend it to others.

I really enjoyed this book! I like that it talked about non traditional families and made me realize that there are so many different ways people can live their lives in a fulfilling way. The typical “life” or “journey” would be to be married with kids, but this showed me to be less judgmental with people who live their lives in different ways. Your life is yours and you should do what makes you happy, even if it isn’t the standard way.

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for a digital advanced copy of this audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

What an interesting book! I generally like to listen to my non-fiction books before I buy them to decide if I will buy them or not. I will say, I will likely buy a physical copy of this when it comes out. There are parts and concepts I would love to revisit and ponder more.

Rhaina Cohen narrates her own book, which I always love. She brings a lot of insight both personally and from her journalistic endeavor to uncover the lives and complexities of folx who have "other significant others". I love that she takes time to explore the social, cultural, and historical influences that have shaped compulsory coupling, marriage, and non-marital relationships. I love deconstructing social and cultural beliefs. Toward the end I found the discussion about how this impacts law and politics to also be thought provoking. The personal is political.

Rhaina did such a good job gathering information and a variety of different examples to show how this phenomenon can look from many different angles. She handled difficult topics with great care.

Who it could be for?:
Anyone who feels alone in their big feelings for their best friends. Those who need validation in challenging the status quo of compulsory coupling. LGBTQIA+.

Who its not for?:
Socially conservative people. People who believe cis-het marriage is the only legitimate form of coupling or marriage.

This was not really what I thought it was. It was a fine book but was mainly about LGBTQ rights. I didn’t mind listening to the stories but a lot of the stories now don’t seem relevant as most of this has now changed. But I understand it’s important to be knowledgeable and make sure these rights are here for all.

This book was s sociological examination of relationships that AREN'T marriage. It was fascinating and honestly, a topic I have never thought about. We all have friendships, but sometimes these friendships are more meaningful than any other romantic relationships we may have. Cohen dives deep into these unconventional relationships and how society does them a disservice by not acknowledging them with the proper status, language, and legal privileges as those defined by marriage.

I was riveted by the various stories of specific relationships highlighted by Cohen and it opened my eyes to what partnership truly means.