I tried to read this book and I just couldn’t get into it. I ended up put it down halfway through. Being a parent is tough. I get it. I’m a parent. But wowza these two parents were extra annoying. I have a 5 year old and 7 year old. My boy plays dress up with his sister. He wears her dresses, plays with dolls, wants lipstick. All the things. He also loves dinosaurs, plays with trucks, collects cars. You get my point. Let kids be kids. I’m all about letting Claude wear his bikini all summer. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I would never in a million years let my 5 year wear a dress to school. Or a fairy custume. Or a dinosaur costume. Come on. When they started asking their five year old if he wants to be a girl. I was fed up. Seriously if I asked my 5 year old he would want to be a dragon or something. Anyway I was not a fan of the book. I have absolutely nothing against trans people or gay people or anything of that sort. I feel like everyone should be free to be who they are but my point is why would you let a five year old be making these types of decisions. If I saw this behavior I would just roll with it. They might grow out of it or not but why make a big deal about it at suck a young age.

Thanks you netgalley for the advanced readers copy.

Laurie Frankel's This Is How It Always Is is a thoughtful and heartwarming look at how a family deals with the challenges of raising a transgender child. I really appreciate how Frankel takes the time to explore how each member of this closeknit group handles different situations as they arise.

This amazing cast of characters could prove quite a challenge in audio, but Gabra Zackman does an incredible job of bringing a uniqe voice to each of them. Zackman delivers a stunning performance!

What a lovely story, and I was sorry when it was over. I could have happily listened to another six hours about the lives of the Walsh-Adams family. Plus I'd have loved to read Penn's novel! So creative.

I think if there ever existed a handbook for how to navigate parenting a trans or gendercomforming child, or just parenting in general, this may be it. For me though, this one was difficult, triggering yet compelling thanks to the audiobook narrator who provided just the right tone for this story about extremely flawed people trying to do their best. As someone who has grown up with and still living with extreme gender dysphoria, it was sometimes viscerally upsetting with the ways the actions of caregivers were unconscionable and selfish in the name of caregiving. But the writing and the narration struck this ideal tone of a relatable fairytale about a family trying and stumbling and afraid and vulnerable and learning and growing together. The thing that's keeping me from giving this 5 stars, despite the stellar voice in text and narration is that there is the inherently unavoidable lens of white privilege and even financially convenient twists of the narrative that took me out of this at times. First, the whole moving a massive family on a single stable income to a different part of the country, more or less overnight into a perfect situation. Which massively undercuts the reality of the situation of a majority of families of trans children, especially in America. But more so the second instance, when Rosie takes her child to Thailand on a medical volunteer gig. I cringed at the whole white saviour complex of Rosie's, even though the whole point of that part of their journey is that Thailand is a beacon of what an uncolonized old world can provide for gender diversity. While Poppy seems to clean mostly the necessary lessons, Rosie ends up solidifying as a character who gets praised for a brand of white feminism that I am often at odds with. Regardless, this book does a lot of heavy lifting that is necessary in the Western society and I'm glad it exists even with its flaws. Thanks to Netgalley for the audiobook because I'm not sure I'd have stuck with the print version.

"This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel is a Stunningly Beautiful Story!

Did I fall in love with the cover first? I didn't read the synopsis and I didn't know where it would take me, but I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. If I were to tell you how much I loved this story, it wouldn't be enough...

"This Is How It Always Is" is a uniquely original and unexpectedly beautiful story with engaging writing and a soft, quiet narrative. It's about a family of seven: five boys, mom Rosie, who is a doctor, and dad Penn, who is a writer. The youngest child, Claude, is different from the other four boys. He feels different, sees himself differently, and when he's five years old, he tells his family that he wants to be a girl when he grows up...

I couldn't stop listening to this story as it carried me along like another member of their family. I adored all of them for their resilience and their immovable displays of love that start at the top, with Rosie and Penn, and trickle down to youngest child, Claude. This is a couple who loves each other, their family, and each of their children in equal measure. Their relationship as a couple is the heartwood that supports the weight of their family.

Mixed within this story is a fairytale told to the children by Penn each night at bedtime that lends a metaphorical tone to the story. Children love fantasy and magic, and Penn loves subliminally playing to the crowd. Did I mention that Penn was my favorite character and his words of reason were magic to my ears?

"This Is How It Always Is" isn't just a story about one topic, one family, and one different child. At its core, Rosie and Penn are making decisions concerning their children. It comes with the territory and even with the best intentions, it's a tough place to be. This component brings shocking realities to the story.

The audiobook was the best choice for me and my love of the story. Hearing Gabra Zackman narrate this family's story in her soothing voice was exactly what I needed. Why did I wait so long to listen?

This is how you write about a polemical topic and balance it with sensitivity, understanding, and compassion through a loving and thoughtful family of seven. This is how reading can awaken an awareness about the impacts of being transgender from a child's, parent's, and sibling's perspectives.

"This Is How It Always Is" is a well-thought-out, thought-provoking, and stunningly beautiful story that brought tears to my eyes as I smiled. I recommend this amazing book to everyone who can read!

5⭐

Thank you to NetGalley, Macmillan Audio, and Laurie Frankel for an ALC of this book. It has been a pleasure to give my honest and voluntary review.

“A novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. This is how a family keeps a secret...and how that secret ends up keeping them. This is how a family lives happily ever after...until happily ever after becomes complicated.”

I’ve had this book on hold on and off since 2019. I finally read it and I regret not starting it sooner! This book filled me with so. much. emotion. The love I have for 3 year old Clyde though👸🏼🥺 It is a beautiful book of family dynamics and strength, and opens doors for important conversations.

If you’ve been holding out on reading this, go read it now! IMO everyone should read this book ❤️

“Maybe it’s not being Poppy that’s hard, it’s staying Poppy.”

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for this Advance Listener Copy. All opinions are my own.

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for an advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

5 stars

One of my favorite books. I had read it years ago. It was touching and endearing. Highly recommend.

Excellent narration by Gabra Zackman

Thank you to netgalley and Macmillan Audio for allowing me access to this book in exchange for my honest opinion. This was such an interesting read.

I've had This is How it Always is on my TBR for the longest time, but have never gotten around to it for some reason. When I saw that NetGalley was offering it in audiobook form, I decided it was finally the time to give it a listen! I'm so glad I did because it inspired lots of deep thinking and thinking of "what would I do?"

The book is about a family of 7... Rosie and Penn have five sons. Claude is the youngest. But from the time he is 5, he loves wearing dresses and talks often of wanting to be a princess. Rosie and Penn are loving and caring parents and really only want what is best for their child. The question is, in today's society, what exactly is best for a child? Of course, most of us agree it's to let the child be free to be who they are and to love and accept them no matter what. But you can't control the actions of those outside your family and how do you best protect your child in this world?

I feel like this is the kind of book everyone should read. I do understand the criticism that this should have been written from the POV of a trans child, but I also think that parents need stories from parents' perspectives as well (I don't think any one book can cover everything we need to learn on a topic and we need to be reading multiple sources).

There are definitely some moments that I felt were unrealistic/idealized, especially near the end of the book. But ultimately, I feel like this book does much more good than anything and reading it can really only inspire greater understanding of perspectives and more open conversations.

This novel is about a family of six. Four boys, with a mother who is a doctor and a father who is a writer. Their fifth child, Claude, feels more themself when they wear dresses. The novel focuses on family dynamics around Claude / Poppy's life from age 3 to 10, as the children and parents figure out together exactly who Poppy and they all are by examining gender identity. This book is filled with many painful and touching moments as the family navigates life. I thought that the characters came alive on the page and each one of them had a transformation as the story went on. I listened to the audiobook narrated by Gabra Zackman. They did a wonderful job reading this book. The narration was perfect and I feel something for all of the characters as the narrator brought them to life.

“I wish for my child, for all our children, a world where they can be who they are and become their most loved, blessed, appreciated selves.”

WOW. I picked this up for the pretty cover (the blue one with wings) but I stayed for the heartbreakingly real story. This is a story that touches on the very heart of what I hold dear - raising transgender and/or gender neutral kids. Loving, respecting and, above all, listening to them. This one was almost too much. It was so beautiful and so tough. I cried, I wanted to stop, but I stuck with it and the book was so moving, I'm glad I stayed.

I did this as an audiobook, which was good, because it meant my hands were free to wipe my tears. I loved it.

A huge thank you to the author and publisher for providing an e-ARC via Netgalley. This does not affect my opinion regarding the book.

4 my first audiobook stars

I have finally embarked into audiobooks! I savored this one over walks in the park and listening in the car. I’m excited that I’ve found a new way to enjoy books. I liked how the narrator, Gabra Zackman, read the story and I had no trouble keeping the characters straight.

Previously, I read “One Two Three” by this author and really enjoyed it, so I was excited to see this one as an offering in NetGalley.

This one is the story of a family of seven: parents and five children. All boys, until one day, the last child decides he wants to be a girl. The story is a deep dive into how this affects all of them, how the parents cope differently, and how each sibling deals with things. There are also interesting insights into how schools deal with this, some good, some bad.

The family starts in Madison and then decides to move to Seattle to find a more welcoming environment for Claude, or now Poppy. Things are further complicated when they keep Poppy’s secret in the new town.

Rosie is a great mother and doctor, and her husband, Penn, is a writer and a stay-at-home Dad. He’s also a great fairy tale teller, and I loved the story within a story with this one. The family grows and changes over the years, and the complexity is very authentic.

I found this to be a fascinating story to listen to, and I’m so glad I discovered it!

I absolutely adored the audiobook version of “This Is How It Always Is” by Laurie Frankel. I’ve had the audiobook (and the physical book, if I’m honest) on my TBR/TBL for a few years now.

The narrator has a wonderfully smoky voice and uses different voices for each character, which adds to the enjoyment of the story. She speaks in a way that is very calming and does a good job of conveying emotion through her narration.

The story is stunningly beautiful. The characters are realistic, compassionate, supportive, and loving. The plot is applicable to current events and includes believable reactions (both supportive and not-so-supportive) from folks surrounding the main characters. The dialogue is spot-on, especially the depiction of teen boys’ comments and brotherly ribbing. The parents are wonderfully supportive and understandably bewildered, balancing their child’s needs and wants with their own understanding that they often don’t know what the “right” decision is. But their guiding light is always the love they have for their children, and the power of that truly shines through.

This was a no-questions-asked 5 star review for me.

Many thanks to NetGalley for the opportunity to listen to the audiobook for free in exchange for an honest review.

This book was hard for me to get through. I found it uninteresting and a lot of unnecessary fillers throughout the book.

Beautiful book. Well narrated. It’s about love and unconditional support and kindness and doing your best as a parent. Moving story. Highly recommended.

The narrator of this book was fabulous. She truly made me feel every emotion! I didn't love this one as much as I thought I was going to but I would still recommend. I think it is extremely well written + it is an important story to tell!

I have had this on my TBR for a very long time, so when I saw there was an audiobook, I was excited to listen to it. I got 54% of the way through and realized I just wasn’t interested. It is not a bad book, which is why I’m giving it 3 stars, it is just too slow moving without much of a plot for me to enjoy it.

This is How It Always Is is an important novel that needed to be written. While there was a chunk of the book that felt like it was slow moving, it didn't frustrate me, and I still wanted to keep going. A story of a family's journey with supporting their gender nonconforming child, this book reflects on issues faced by trans and gender nonconforming people, while providing an example of the way a family can love and support them. It was heartwarming and had a lot of depth to it. Worth the read and especially the listen. The narrator of this one provided a calm and steady presence throughout.

This book is a phenomenal book, and I loved every moment of listening to it. This brought up a lot of controversial topics, and the dilemmas that parents go through for their children. As a parent myself, it definitely made me think about what would happen if I was placed into this situation, and I would hope that I would handle it with the grace of our protagonist. This book should be a "must read" for parents. Absolutely LOVED it!

One of the best books I have ever read. This is a book about family and loving people for who they are. It's a book about parenting and meeting each child where they are at. It's about love. Love that is easy, love that is complicated, and love that challenges you in every way. I adored Penn and Rosie and the team that they were in their marriage. The way they supported one another and all their five children, including Poppy, who loves wearing dresses, and carrying purses, and no longer wants to be called Claude, captured me and made me want to be part of their family. It's about when to keep secrets that make you feel safe and when to stand proud even though you're scared to. The therapist in this book is perfection. While the audio is fantastic, I just loved every word and cannot wait to reread with a highlighter and pen so I can capture all the magic that Frankel put in this novel. This one should be a must-read for everyone. Five resounding stars!

Challenging, emotional, relatable.

Ultimately, this is a book about parenthood and love. About how we love our children SO HARD. About how we never know if we are making the right choices. About how we have to let them out into the world even though it’s a harsh place. I don’t have 5 children or a child that is questioning gender. But what these parents go through and strive for, they are exactly what every parent deals with, just in a different arena.

This quote perfectly sums up the book for me:
"You never know. You only guess. This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future. And if you screw up, if with your incomplete, contradictory information you make the wrong call, well, nothing less than your child’s entire future and happiness is at stake. It’s impossible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s maddening. But there’s no alternative."

There are so many lessons to be taken from this book. It’s a reminder that no matter how different we are externally, we are all the same internally. What matters is the heart. What matters is who we are rather than what we are. It’s also a reminder that every beautiful creation deserves love.

Don’t go into this book focused on the gender dysphoria aspect. It won’t do you or the story any justice. This book is SO MUCH more than whether this story is about Poppy or Claude.

🎧 Beautifully executed in both formats, you can’t go wrong with the print or the audio. Narrator Gabra Zackman’s performance is nuanced but subtle. This expertly allowed her portrayal of deep emotion to shine through in a foundational and meaningful way. My one wish: that the (oh so important) author's note was included in the audiobook.