A story full of feelings. I know that many people are going to identify in some way with that plot. Where it teaches us to accept us as we are. And to accept others in the same way.!! Thanks Netgalley for this amazing ARC title

“Is it always “or”?
Is it never “and”?

—STEPHEN SONDHEIM, INTO THE WOODS

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

—WALT WHITMAN, “SONG OF MYSELF”

This is how Laurie Frankel starts her novel and this is the whole essence of this book. Its a story about a little boy who wants to grow up and be a little girl. Its about his/her parents who love him/her just as he/she is. About his/her brothers who only cares about his/her happiness. What this book taught me more than anything else is that its time we started thinking about persons instead of their gender. Its equally okay to let a girl wear pants as it is to let boys wear skirts. Clothes and jewelllery do not make your identity. They are just tools to accentuate your uniqueness.
I have always thought that limiting one’s oppurtunities just because of being a girl was unfair but I have never thought of the flip side. A girl wearing pants and being a working mom or doing things only men used to has always been criticised and a lot of discussions have been there regarding womens rights but at the same time the reverse of a boy doing things only a girl used to do has been termed as unacceptable by these same people who raise their voices for equality. It just goes on to show that gender does not make or break a person.
The narration was also lovely imbued with the perfect amount of emotions required to keep the listener hooked
This was such a mindblowingly wonderful and insightful novel that it would be crime if you missed it.

What a beautiful contemporary story. One of my top books this year. My heart is swollen. A rare 5-star

“No one will know who you’re supposed to be.”
“No one ever does.”

A family has a secret, but not one they really want to keep. It’s just never the right time or place. They’re not ashamed of their secret, they love their secret unconditionally. But when does a secret turn into a lie?

Penn and Rosie have five children. They’re incredibly accepting and loving parents to all of them, but their youngest is different. Claude isn’t really Claude. Claude wants to be a princess. Well, Claude is a princess. And a night fairy. Claude is actually Poppy. And when you’re five years old, it’s easy to start out fresh somewhere else where no one ever knew that Claude existed so that Poppy can just be Poppy. But what happens when everyone finds out about Claude?

This book follows the family through Poppy’s fifth grade year. During that, there are fairy tales, social challenges, joy, heartache, and acceptance.

I really enjoyed this book. I went into it not knowing anything about it, but I was delightfully surprised by its premise. It shows that no matter how accepting you are of your queer child, you don’t magically understand which step is the right one to take. There is no real right answer. There are only options.
I’m not sure that using Thailand as a vehicle for finally speaking to a trans adult about Rosie’s trans child was the optimal choice. It didn’t seem like a last minute decision by the author though, at least.
I really wanted to jump into the book and give Poppy a hug. I’m really happy with the ending. It felt like the end of a good 90s/00s live action Disney Channel movie.

I would recommend this book to teachers, mentors, and other adults who regularly interact with children who already have some background knowledge about trans individuals. If you read this with little to no background about trans people, some of the terminology could be overwhelming despite how much the author tries to make it simple to understand.
Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with the audiobook.

Rosie & Penn have the family situation most people dream of. Rosie is a doctor and Penn a writer. Someone is always home with their five kids in a great house in a nice neighborhood. They have friends and family and an easy, relatively uncomplicated life.....until one day the youngest of their boys, Claude, shares that when he grows up, he wants to be a girl. Suddenly, even with the most competent, supportive parents at the helm, life for the whole family becomes a lot less black and white.

I thought this book took a very interesting, grounded approach to what is still a pretty misunderstood topic. I think people tend to believe that there are basically two kinds of parents for trans kids: (1) Those who allow their children to begin to transition (especially this young) are these uber liberal carefree parents who just allow the kids to run with their feelings without boundaries and (2) People who don't support their kids, who tell their kids it's a phase and to get over it, and are just heartless. This book walks right down the line in the middle and demonstrates the struggles that even supportive, well educated, balanced parents can run into. I loved the way the author shared Rosie's back and forth between her opinion as a physician and a parent. I loved the way this was sometimes in opposition to her husband's opinions. I loved that the author did not shy away from the consequences of both allowing Claude to be Poppy and those of allowing him to experience how difficult that can be.

I did find a couple things to be kind of incredulous. For example, I understand where she was going with the Thailand thing but I think there are so many practical issues that would make that next to impossible. I also didn't love that Rosie- for all her attempts to really understand her child- seemed to be very unaware of her own behavior. There were dozens of times during the novel that she has to leave work early, come in late, not come in at all, then take several days off all of a sudden, but then when her boss has a conversation about it she denies it and essentially says she's a model employee. The boss definitely had a couple unreasonable asks, but the point about her attendance was valid and when Rosie flat out denies it, it kind of makes the whole conversation kind of silly when I think the point was probably that it's difficult to balance work life and home life.

Overall, I really enjoyed this one and I think that it would give people so much to think about if they were willing to read it. I would love for this to reach people who maybe aren't super supportive of the trans community but are willing to try to understand. I sincerely believe it would help people understand the day-to-day reality in the way that Amy Ellis Nutt's "Becoming Nicole" does. Highly recommended.

I loved this book. First published 2017, I remember vaguely when it was a Reese Witherspoon book selection the following year. I didn’t have an interest at the time but I am so glad that I was given a chance to listen to the audiobook via NetGalley now. I think in the years between I’ve become more aware of transgender issues. This is the story of Rosie and Penn and their five sons. Rosie is an ER doctor and Penn is the stay at home partner who is a dreamer and a writer. They are wonderfully accepting and seek out the best guidance when the youngest has gender dysmorphia. But even as parents they can disagree on what is best.

Claude/Poppy is bright and probably understands and talks more grown up than is realistic, but I accept that for the story’s sake. This is a sweet and loving novel. It gently leads and educates, taking some of the fear away from the discussion of what it means to be transgender. It deals with the realities of school systems, whispers, gossip and threats. The relationship with the other children feels very realistic. Not all are happy with the move to Seattle. The story ends when Poppy is in fifth grade so it is too early for surgeries and hormone blockers even though they are mentioned for future consideration. Sadly I think if it were written now politics and various states laws would have to be included in the story too.

The narration by Gabra Zackman was lovely. I love the cadence of the writing and the passages where it would go back and forth between characters saying and doing things in quick succession. But I can see others didn’t like that style of writing as much. The story hit my heart especially as I thought of a few students who’ve gone through my elementary school. (4.5 Stars)

I thought this was such a remarkable, eye-opening listen about gender dysphoria. A really touching story about a child and a family, navigating the world of being a transgender.


Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the chance to listen to this!

There are so many things about this book that are wonderful. The subject matter is so important. There are so many families living a life full of questions and fears (mostly due to public judgement) while doing everything they can to being loving and supportive. They know how mean and cruel the work can be, and the sad reality is children are no exception to the rule. I think this book really shed a light on what their reality is. To be honest, I did struggle at times with the audiobook. I was able to connect to the characters in some ways, but felt something was slightly missing that would have really pulled me in and kept me fully engaged. Perhaps because it was a little slower pace than what I usually read, but that being said it is an important and meaningful piece.

I do think overall it was a good book and thank NetGalley, Laurie Frankel and the publisher for the advanced copy of this audiobook.

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel is such an amazing novel that will have you feeling all the feels. I had read the book when it was initially released and have been waiting to go back and reread or listen, so this audiobook was perfect. Rosie and Penn are the parents to five boys. Claude is the youngest and when he is five he tells his parents he would like to be a girl when he grows up. The family tries to keep this secret from the world, but it can't stay hidden forever. A super emotional and heart wrenching novel of family, and growing up and fitting in and doing the best you can for your child. It's beautiful and wonderful and was great to hear read aloud!

I loved this book.  The prose is a bit quirky but it fit with the story and I really enjoyed it.  I loved the ambiguity of the discussions the parents have and I love Poppy. The parents and siblings are brilliantly written in their struggle to help their child/sibling navigate through a world where when you don't fit into a mold it can be a dangerous and scary place to live.  The internal struggle of raising a transgender child is brought out in the open, how it affects all members of the family, and how secrets can't be kept forever.  Parenting isn't easy and this book illustrates the difficulties in navigating gender dysmorphia. This book and these characters will stay with me for a long time.  It also makes me hope that one day, perhaps, this author will publish the story of the Prince and the Night Fairy that the father tells his children as a bedtime stories throughout their childhood.  The narration is wonderful and full of emotion. I don't know how or why I missed this when it first came out but I'm so happy it found me again.

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for this audiobook ARC.

Laurie Frankel’s many fans will be delighted by a story that reverberates with her particular brand of sardonic wit, memorable characterization, and a satiric take on contemporary family life and gender relations that both skewers and sympathizes. As her title suggests, no matter the great many changes, some truly radical, that have affected men, women and families since the mid twentieth century, for some things, “this is how it always is.”

Rosie and Penn are impressively enlightened parents of five boys. They are often misjudged by friends, colleagues, and even strangers, because the size of their brood suggests that they are hapless traditionalists, even though Rosie is a respected and very busy researcher and Penn, a writer, is the primary caregiver. Except for the pregnancies, scrupulously planned and timed by Rosie, they are committed to co-parenting.

What happens, then, to this fully strategized and structured family set up when Claude, the youngest, starts wearing dresses in toddlerhood? Becomes more inclined toward the feminine as he grows up? His parents and brothers are intelligent, educated, and, as mentioned, more enlightened than most. They support his choices and are happy to have Claude choose the self he wants to be.

The dilemma that is no doubt especially hard for all who take pride in liberal, non binary thinking, is that they are not comfortable with going public about their own family. How their urge to protect Claude from the less-enlightened “out there” becomes increasingly about their own anxieties and how they look, is something many will relate to, become angered about, laugh and cry over. This is a re-issue that was one of Reese Witherspoon’s Top Ten of 2017, but, even with 7 years gone, this is still pretty much “how it always is.”

This book reaches in, takes hold of your heart, and doesn't let go even after you've finished reading it. It's a beautiful love story to family and being true to yourself whatever that looks like for you. It's acceptance at the origin point and understanding that life is not about accepting what is, but about accepting all the change that is life. It's about the choices you make for yourself and learning to love what makes you different and letting others love all of you too. Everyone should read this book. Not everyone will get it, but I think we can all find relatability in the message. The audiobook is fantastic and Gabra Zackman does an amazing job narrating and giving a voice to all of the characters.

This story pulled me in from the beginning. The story of a family that loves and supports each other. However, the parents were too willing to give in to their children from the small things to the big things. They were supportive. However, it became too much for me to be able to stay drawn in.

I'm so pleasantly surprised by this book, I usually know I can count on the Reese's picks but I really appreciated the family dynamics in this one and that it showed complexities around gender identity. The author really explored so many layers and shades of grey from the perspectives of the parents and their failures and wins navigating their various family situations. It felt very real and opened up different layers for me around transness/gender/the binary. I thought it had a good sense of humour and even the most unlikable characters didn't seem to be written as assholes for the sake of assholes. It reminded me of the pressure cooker feeling I felt reading Little Fires Everywhere.

This Is How It Always Is is a thoughtful, moving depiction of life for a transgender child and their family. I loved getting to know everyone in the family, especially Poppy, Rosie, and Penn. The storytelling was incredible and intentional - nothing felt like unnecessary fluff. I particularly enjoyed Penn's fairytale and Poppy and Rosie's trip to Thailand. Frankel is an excellent writer and the narrator did a wonderful job.

I loved how support live Poppy’s parents were as she decided what she wants to be and how she wants to embody the gender she chooses. I love how it shows the kinds of debates that I’m sure go into making decisions when you have a child whose life will look so different. I also loved how they normalize the debates over what’s best for their child - Penn makes a comment that all parents make decisions that will change their child’s life and every time they’re making the best choice they can.

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel delicately navigates the journey of a trans child, showcasing the importance of acceptance within a family. The characters are beautifully portrayed, and the story, though emotional, is ultimately uplifting. With its powerful message and relatable characters, it's a solid 4.25-star read. A must for anyone seeking a touching tale of love, understanding, and embracing authenticity. I will definitely be reading more of Frankel's works..

I really enjoyed this audiobook. I listened to it while I was at work. Honestly, I wish I could give it more than five stars. It’s a story of a transgender child, and their family. Poppy is a transgender girl and it tells the story of her growing up and realizing who she is, and the good and bad struggles that she faced. I truly loved this family and accepted who she was. There is however some transphobia and homophobia present in this book so please check the TW before reading this. I definitely recommend this 100% this was such a lovely book and I’ll definitely be rereading in the future

This was one of those comforting and satisfying novels. I can only hope that many others can have the love displayed within this novel. I know that this is loosely based on the author's own life. I can only imagine the parenting dilemmas featured in this novel that the author themself likely came in contact with. From the questions coming from a young child, to googling of vaginoplasties, to deal with homophobia, and puberty and the challenges it brings. It was a breath of fresh air to read of novel where the parents and empathic and loving as they move through these dilemmas. There were some loose ends but in a way that there will always been loose ends within our lives as we age and grow. I read this on audio and feel that this enhanced the reading experience.

This book was really ahead of its time. I read this when it first came out in 2017 and these issues were not talked about nearly as much back then. I feel like the topic of transgender children has become much more accepted or at least brought up in recent years, for better or for worse. I would hope that if Poppy's story took place today, many people in her life would have reacted differently, but I suppose it's still possible that they would not have. Love the development of the characters in this novel. They are a family you want to root for.

I like the narrator of the audiobook. She is very easy to listen to.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.