I loved this book. First published 2017, I remember vaguely when it was a Reese Witherspoon book selection the following year. I didn’t have an interest at the time but I am so glad that I was given a chance to listen to the audiobook via NetGalley now. I think in the years between I’ve become more aware of transgender issues. This is the story of Rosie and Penn and their five sons. Rosie is an ER doctor and Penn is the stay at home partner who is a dreamer and a writer. They are wonderfully accepting and seek out the best guidance when the youngest has gender dysmorphia. But even as parents they can disagree on what is best.

Claude/Poppy is bright and probably understands and talks more grown up than is realistic, but I accept that for the story’s sake. This is a sweet and loving novel. It gently leads and educates, taking some of the fear away from the discussion of what it means to be transgender. It deals with the realities of school systems, whispers, gossip and threats. The relationship with the other children feels very realistic. Not all are happy with the move to Seattle. The story ends when Poppy is in fifth grade so it is too early for surgeries and hormone blockers even though they are mentioned for future consideration. Sadly I think if it were written now politics and various states laws would have to be included in the story too.

The narration by Gabra Zackman was lovely. I love the cadence of the writing and the passages where it would go back and forth between characters saying and doing things in quick succession. But I can see others didn’t like that style of writing as much. The story hit my heart especially as I thought of a few students who’ve gone through my elementary school. (4.5 Stars)

I thought this was such a remarkable, eye-opening listen about gender dysphoria. A really touching story about a child and a family, navigating the world of being a transgender.


Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the chance to listen to this!

There are so many things about this book that are wonderful. The subject matter is so important. There are so many families living a life full of questions and fears (mostly due to public judgement) while doing everything they can to being loving and supportive. They know how mean and cruel the work can be, and the sad reality is children are no exception to the rule. I think this book really shed a light on what their reality is. To be honest, I did struggle at times with the audiobook. I was able to connect to the characters in some ways, but felt something was slightly missing that would have really pulled me in and kept me fully engaged. Perhaps because it was a little slower pace than what I usually read, but that being said it is an important and meaningful piece.

I do think overall it was a good book and thank NetGalley, Laurie Frankel and the publisher for the advanced copy of this audiobook.

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel is such an amazing novel that will have you feeling all the feels. I had read the book when it was initially released and have been waiting to go back and reread or listen, so this audiobook was perfect. Rosie and Penn are the parents to five boys. Claude is the youngest and when he is five he tells his parents he would like to be a girl when he grows up. The family tries to keep this secret from the world, but it can't stay hidden forever. A super emotional and heart wrenching novel of family, and growing up and fitting in and doing the best you can for your child. It's beautiful and wonderful and was great to hear read aloud!

I loved this book.  The prose is a bit quirky but it fit with the story and I really enjoyed it.  I loved the ambiguity of the discussions the parents have and I love Poppy. The parents and siblings are brilliantly written in their struggle to help their child/sibling navigate through a world where when you don't fit into a mold it can be a dangerous and scary place to live.  The internal struggle of raising a transgender child is brought out in the open, how it affects all members of the family, and how secrets can't be kept forever.  Parenting isn't easy and this book illustrates the difficulties in navigating gender dysmorphia. This book and these characters will stay with me for a long time.  It also makes me hope that one day, perhaps, this author will publish the story of the Prince and the Night Fairy that the father tells his children as a bedtime stories throughout their childhood.  The narration is wonderful and full of emotion. I don't know how or why I missed this when it first came out but I'm so happy it found me again.

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for this audiobook ARC.

Laurie Frankel’s many fans will be delighted by a story that reverberates with her particular brand of sardonic wit, memorable characterization, and a satiric take on contemporary family life and gender relations that both skewers and sympathizes. As her title suggests, no matter the great many changes, some truly radical, that have affected men, women and families since the mid twentieth century, for some things, “this is how it always is.”

Rosie and Penn are impressively enlightened parents of five boys. They are often misjudged by friends, colleagues, and even strangers, because the size of their brood suggests that they are hapless traditionalists, even though Rosie is a respected and very busy researcher and Penn, a writer, is the primary caregiver. Except for the pregnancies, scrupulously planned and timed by Rosie, they are committed to co-parenting.

What happens, then, to this fully strategized and structured family set up when Claude, the youngest, starts wearing dresses in toddlerhood? Becomes more inclined toward the feminine as he grows up? His parents and brothers are intelligent, educated, and, as mentioned, more enlightened than most. They support his choices and are happy to have Claude choose the self he wants to be.

The dilemma that is no doubt especially hard for all who take pride in liberal, non binary thinking, is that they are not comfortable with going public about their own family. How their urge to protect Claude from the less-enlightened “out there” becomes increasingly about their own anxieties and how they look, is something many will relate to, become angered about, laugh and cry over. This is a re-issue that was one of Reese Witherspoon’s Top Ten of 2017, but, even with 7 years gone, this is still pretty much “how it always is.”

This book reaches in, takes hold of your heart, and doesn't let go even after you've finished reading it. It's a beautiful love story to family and being true to yourself whatever that looks like for you. It's acceptance at the origin point and understanding that life is not about accepting what is, but about accepting all the change that is life. It's about the choices you make for yourself and learning to love what makes you different and letting others love all of you too. Everyone should read this book. Not everyone will get it, but I think we can all find relatability in the message. The audiobook is fantastic and Gabra Zackman does an amazing job narrating and giving a voice to all of the characters.

This story pulled me in from the beginning. The story of a family that loves and supports each other. However, the parents were too willing to give in to their children from the small things to the big things. They were supportive. However, it became too much for me to be able to stay drawn in.

I'm so pleasantly surprised by this book, I usually know I can count on the Reese's picks but I really appreciated the family dynamics in this one and that it showed complexities around gender identity. The author really explored so many layers and shades of grey from the perspectives of the parents and their failures and wins navigating their various family situations. It felt very real and opened up different layers for me around transness/gender/the binary. I thought it had a good sense of humour and even the most unlikable characters didn't seem to be written as assholes for the sake of assholes. It reminded me of the pressure cooker feeling I felt reading Little Fires Everywhere.

This Is How It Always Is is a thoughtful, moving depiction of life for a transgender child and their family. I loved getting to know everyone in the family, especially Poppy, Rosie, and Penn. The storytelling was incredible and intentional - nothing felt like unnecessary fluff. I particularly enjoyed Penn's fairytale and Poppy and Rosie's trip to Thailand. Frankel is an excellent writer and the narrator did a wonderful job.

I loved how support live Poppy’s parents were as she decided what she wants to be and how she wants to embody the gender she chooses. I love how it shows the kinds of debates that I’m sure go into making decisions when you have a child whose life will look so different. I also loved how they normalize the debates over what’s best for their child - Penn makes a comment that all parents make decisions that will change their child’s life and every time they’re making the best choice they can.

This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel delicately navigates the journey of a trans child, showcasing the importance of acceptance within a family. The characters are beautifully portrayed, and the story, though emotional, is ultimately uplifting. With its powerful message and relatable characters, it's a solid 4.25-star read. A must for anyone seeking a touching tale of love, understanding, and embracing authenticity. I will definitely be reading more of Frankel's works..

I really enjoyed this audiobook. I listened to it while I was at work. Honestly, I wish I could give it more than five stars. It’s a story of a transgender child, and their family. Poppy is a transgender girl and it tells the story of her growing up and realizing who she is, and the good and bad struggles that she faced. I truly loved this family and accepted who she was. There is however some transphobia and homophobia present in this book so please check the TW before reading this. I definitely recommend this 100% this was such a lovely book and I’ll definitely be rereading in the future

This was one of those comforting and satisfying novels. I can only hope that many others can have the love displayed within this novel. I know that this is loosely based on the author's own life. I can only imagine the parenting dilemmas featured in this novel that the author themself likely came in contact with. From the questions coming from a young child, to googling of vaginoplasties, to deal with homophobia, and puberty and the challenges it brings. It was a breath of fresh air to read of novel where the parents and empathic and loving as they move through these dilemmas. There were some loose ends but in a way that there will always been loose ends within our lives as we age and grow. I read this on audio and feel that this enhanced the reading experience.

This book was really ahead of its time. I read this when it first came out in 2017 and these issues were not talked about nearly as much back then. I feel like the topic of transgender children has become much more accepted or at least brought up in recent years, for better or for worse. I would hope that if Poppy's story took place today, many people in her life would have reacted differently, but I suppose it's still possible that they would not have. Love the development of the characters in this novel. They are a family you want to root for.

I like the narrator of the audiobook. She is very easy to listen to.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

This book had me in tears.

How do you raise a transgender child in today's world in a way that is supportive, keeps them safe, and at the same time raise your other children and make them feel that they are as important as your trans child? This story shows how a family sticks together, supports each other and celebrates differences. How though you want to be supportive and protective, you can remove the ability for and individuals growth and self realization because you have placed them in a bubble.

The book needed to be written. It is needed for those families that are navigating this world and for those of us that are attempting to be supportive and positive additions to those families and individuals. There were terms used that I had never heard before, prompting me to do research of my own.

This was an absolutely beautiful story. Thank you Laurie for writing this.

(Reviewing e-audiobook received through Netgalley.) Beautifully written about how parents react and try to protect their trans child. Adds more depth and humanity to some of the current divisive discussions in the news and politics. Lovingly shows family drama as well as the weight of family secrets and how that affects relationships. I also appreciated Gabra Zackman's narration. As some other reviews have said, this family's experience with this issue seemed greatly affected by their privilege but that is also part of the story.

This book is beautiful and heartbreaking, from the moment Rosie and Penn meet to the satisfying ending of this novel. I loved the woven story of Penn's fairytale and how it reflected their youngest child's growth. I found this story at times difficult to read as the family navigates such difficult topics as gender and acceptance, balancing with love, but still so worth the tears.

An incredible book about family, love, and gender identity. This book is beautiful and is the perfect book club read to start important discussions.

This book oh this book.... At first it sounded so good and the words melted together like cheese but as I kept reading little things bothered me. Such as Penn & Rosie; the perfect married couple team. Give me a break! I was struggling with how awesome they were to all their kids even more so to their youngest child. They were just too accepting to everything she wanted and did. Parents are not like that. Okay maybe one parent but not two.

The tone of the book was also annoying to me. The way the words rolled off their tongues. 5 years do not talk the way they are portrayed in this book. These kids talked well beyond their ages.

There were also tons of spelling errors. Sentances that were missing words or just seem to make little sense to me. Interesting concept but bad execution.