3.5 stars. There are some really good parts of this book. The author wants to be very kind, and he is. I guess you're not going to change people by yelling at them or telling them that they're wrong. It just felt a little...i don't know. Too emotional? Too touchy-feely?

The author is a Christian but doesn't quite talk about faith entirely - does it shape his worldview? Yes, I think so, but he circumvents it at times.

It's not a home run, but it's a good attempt.

Wow! Phenomenal book! I was only halfway through it when I preordered it so I could read it again and digest it a little more once it came out. This is the book every man needs to read. It is compassionate while not pulling any punches. It tenderly addresses the heart of every man while also calling men to courageously step out to be who they were meant to be. I will gladly be sharing this title with anyone who will listen to me!

"The Sex Talk You Never Got" by Sam Jolman, is an eye-opening and deeply insightful book that I wish I had as a young adult. Jolman masterfully bridges the gap between what society tells us about male sexuality and the authentic, often neglected realities. Through personal stories and expert psychological insights, he offers a compassionate guide to understanding and embracing one’s sexual identity. This book provides much-needed clarity and encouragement, fostering a healthier and more empathetic conversation about male sexuality. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to reclaim the heart of their sexual self. Loved it!

This book belongs aside Jay Stringer's <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39987490-unwanted">Unwanted</a> and Zachary Wagner's <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/121103516-non-toxic-masculinity">Non-Toxic Masculinity</a> as refreshing new books on a Christian pyschology/spirituality of masculine sexuality in a post-#MeToo, post-purity culture milieu. In this book, we see the insightful and attentive tenderness of Jolman as Christian counselor, seeking to walk with men in a self-discovery of oft-silenced sexuality.

His portrayal of the "madness of being oversexualized yet sexually undernurtured" through examples and stories helps to realize the depth to which our stories of shame have shaped our actions in the world. He shines light into the ways contempt and envy lead to perceiving sexual pleasure as a drive rather than a desire, and how this destroys the essence of healthy sexuality. Jolman's is a call to playfulness, to awe, to seeing beauty, to innocence, to kindness.

I was a bit surprised by some of his language at first ("get laid", "being a dick", "bullshit"), but I think it works with his (probably mostly millenial) audience. It took him awhile to gain my trust, and the first half of the conclusion seemed especially weak, but the book is definitely worth a read for guys wanting to think more deeply about living fully into God's goodness. It went straight into my best reads of 2024 list.

Jolman's approach to sexual purity is especially refreshing in a culture that seems to find no meaning in the act of sex or in sexual relationships. He frequently discusses and attempts to redefine the concept of beauty from a Christian perspective. If we are unable to experience beauty and awe in our lives, then we are unlikely to experience a fulfilling sex life with our spouse or view the opposite sex in a way that is appropriate and pure.

I thought this was a good synthesis of John Eldredge's view of masculinity and Sheila Wray Gregoire's view of healthy sexuality, two things which don't frequently overlap.

Awkward. Secretive. Hard to understand. These are ways that Christians, including myself might describe their conversations on important sexual topics. But author Sam Jolman is hoping to change the way we think about and interact with our sexuality in his new book "The Sex Talk You Never Got."

Written from the author's perspective as a therapist, Jolman unpacks some of the most sensitive sexual problems faced by Christians to provide us with the "sex talk" that we never received from our parents. Jolman is engaging and provides numerous examples to illustrate important concepts like beauty, awe, and purity. The book is written to be approachable rather than condemning, focusing on the root of sexual sins and how to receive forgiveness rather than simply providing a practical layer of advice that would serve to cover our problems.

Jolman's approach to sexual purity is especially refreshing in a culture that seems to find no meaning in the act of sex or in sexual relationships. He frequently discusses and attempts to redefine the concept of beauty from a Christian perspective. If we are unable to experience beauty and awe in our lives, then we are unlikely to experience a fulfilling sex life with our spouse or view the opposite sex in a way that is appropriate and pure.

While I do not have many criticisms of the book, the complex nature of the subject would be best served to have a richer diversity of sources, as a few authors tend to be quoted quite frequently as one gets deeper into the book. I also believe that profanity used by the author was unnecessary and distracting. In addition to these aforementioned academic criticisms, a more detailed section on how a struggling Christian could receive therapy or counseling might be helpful and relevant to laying the groundwork to sexual purity.

Reading this book provided me with a sense of hope that God truly could speak into my life and overcome areas of pain, guilt, and difficulty related to sexuality that have been hard for me to deal with. Approaching one's sexuality -- and life as a whole -- with a greater sense of awe and beauty is a worthwhile goal that brings us closer to God and enhances an authentic masculinity truly needed in men today.