Betwen 3 and 4 stars rounded up!

Thank you Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for my ALC!

A remote community closed off to the outside world that maintains an aura of secrecy? A charismatic leader believed to be right at all times? Zero tolerance for criticism or questions? Members are required to "donate" all of their material belongings to the community, and are prohibited from owning anything once they are "inside"? Control maintained by keeping the members tired with non stop manual work? Members feeling they are never able to be "good enough"? Psychological and physical torture for the "disobidient"? 

Sounds like one of them "cults" everyone is writing about lately?

Not quite. Just a traditional Carmelite monastery - a secretive, ancient order of Catholic nuns that has been maintaining their "traditional ways" for centuries.

I have always been fascinated by remote, silent monasteries - I think since I watched The Name of the Rose as a child. For those of you who don't know, the movie features several unique and fascinating locations around Italy that brings you back in time into the Middle Ages. The most breathtaking of which is probably the Castle of Roccascalegna in the region of Abruzzo, also called "The Castle in the Sky '' thanks to its unique position right on top of a rocky ledge that overlooks the valley below. How romantic! I remember asking myself - would I be able to live in a place like that? To give up everything, to live in silence, contemplating the "higher calling"? (The short answer is "no", in case you were wondering 🤣)

So when I saw Cloistered, a memoir by Catherine Coldstream who spent 12 years of her life as a nun in the Carmelite monastery, available through @netgalley I jumped on the opportunity to learn more about the monastic life from someone who experienced it and lived to tell us about it 🤣🤷

It did not disappoint! Yes- there is a lot of musings on Dogma, and the spirituality overall, that could come off as a bit tidiouse for the readers who have no interest in theology. However, these stream of consciousness bits are important in explaining the author's state of mind before and shortly after entering the monastery. They also help "set up the stage" for the second half of the book where the proverbial shit's gets very real with all the little powerplays and psychological torture.

In the past monasteries were famously used by powerful men to "hide" women that were inconvenient to have around. Effectively serving as "religious prisons" of sorts - the monasteries have long been places of "last resort" for unwanted wives and disobedient daughters. Yes some entered because they were religious zealots, but not all. Far from it.

So what could possibly push a young woman from London who grew up in the 80's loving music, and books to convert to Roman Catholicism and join one of the most reclusive orders of nuns in history? Why would any woman today want to voluntarily put herself in what essentially amounts to prison?

In her memoir, Catherine Coldstream explores the idealism of the youth, the "monastic mind", and the pitfalls of human behavior which cannot be escaped in any closed off community. Even the one that is supposedly all about self sacrifice, love and acceptance.

As you have probably already figured out from the first paragraph of this review, the most shocking parts of this fascinating memoir (at least for me) are the very obvious similarities between the communities that are defined as "cults" today, and this institution that by all accounts is a legitimate part of the mainstream religion.

Just like cults, the monasteries today attract people that for whatever reason are struggling to fit in. It could be a trauma, a loss of a loved one, or a mental illness - there is typically something that makes it very hard for these individuals to "make it" in a mainstream society. The timing is also important - they typically join when they are at most vulnerable, and "malleable" in ways that both the cult and the monastic way of living "need" in order to create obedient members that do not dare to question too much. It was truly fascinating to "witness" Catherine's growth over the years, and her transformation at the very end moved me to tears. The type of experiences that she went through, in particular the cognitive dissonance - when you convince yourself that what you are doing is obviously "right" because the alternative is just unimaginable - were truly extreme. Yet she was able to rise above them and find her own truth.

A fascinating memoir, and a rare glimpse into the life of the cloistered nuns, complete with its unwritten "rules'', medieval outfits, and absolute rejection of any type of progressive changes. Beautifully written, and highly recommended by me!

A compelling memoir about life in a cloistered Carmelite monastery in Northumberland, England.

The author suffers a tremendous loss that completely throws her life into chaos and in seeking peace from that turmoil, she finds both God and what she believes to be her calling - joining the Akenside Priory and taking vows [though its not really as simple as that - it takes her almost a decade to finally get to take her final vows] and living a life of poverty, chastity, obedience, and silence. And I believe, that for some time, she was happy there. She found the peace from her father's death, learned to quiet her mind and immerses herself so deeply in the monastic world that she soon forgets what the outside world is really like [this comes into play later, when she decides to leave] and is convinced that she will live forever here at Akenside.

How she lives and all that happens that changes her mind, you will have to read for yourself as this is a story that best unfolds with no preconceived notions and notes. I will say that this is full of Catholicism, so if you are unfamiliar with that religion and all that it entails, this might be harder for you to read, but should absolutely not deter you - just be prepared to maybe have to look some things up, OR find a friend who IS familiar or has grown up in the church that could help you with some of the religious aspects of this book [I find that it is always amazing to learn about other cultures, because being a Nun with a vow of silence IS another culture IMO, and this one really steeps you in it].

Unflinchingly honest and richly detailed, this was one of the better "religious" books I have read in some time. If you have ever been curious about monastic life [whether personally or from a straight-learning POV], this book is for you.

I was also granted an audiobook ARC for this book and I highly recommend going into this book that way. The author narrates and she should look into the world of narration because she was simply amazing. With a straightforward way of telling a story, she has a soft, yet strong [not whispery, just soft, probably a product of her time in the monastery] voice that was just pure joy to listen to. If she ever decides to join the narration world and narrate other books, I will be first in line to read what she has narrated. Very well done.

Thank you to NetGalley, Catherine Coldstream, Macmillan Audio, and St. Martin's Press for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book is really for anyone that ever wondered what goes on behind convent walls. It is not as romantic as Audrey Hepburn in The Nun's Story, but as Ms. Coldstream demonstrates it is hard. The story takes Sister Catherine from her entrance until she runs away from the convent--literally (I'm sure this is very unusual). At first she seems to have stars in her eyes, but step by step she is made aware of the same petty problems that every "work" place and family has and as she adapts it seems to get harder and harder until she just can't do it anymore. The book shows Catherine's growth until she has outgrown her convent and other sisters. It is not all bad and the story shows both sides, but in the end all the in-fighting was just too much--in the epilogue the reader finds out she was not the only one. This book is an honest story of one woman's journey to finding her true self.

I'm not Catholic and have very little knowledge of the Catholic church, so I was very interested in this memoir about a young woman who was a nun but left.

While a lot of this was fascinating and I admire the author for telling her story, I can't help but think that this was geared to an audience more knowledgeable about the intricacies of the Catholic church than me. There was so much in this that I simply didn't understand, and I think someone with a better understanding of the structure of the Catholic church would appreciate this much more than me.

I adore memoirs read by the author and this is another great example. I enjoyed learning about the monastic history and traditions from the tidbits that were sprinkled throughout the narrative. I also enjoyed the author's unique perspective as having come from a non-religious family with music and art and then converted to such a strict religious order. Her descriptions seem so peaceful and idyllic and the brief sung lines were lovely. As with anything, humans are ultimately complicated and flawed and the author begins to see the cracks below the surface. The drama was compelling but I can see how heartbreaking it would be for someone who was expecting to simply serve as a nun to see all of this taking place. I guess a complaint would be that I had a hard time being as immersed in the story later on, when things begin falling apart. The beginning is so meditative and full of history and detail. I guess I wanted more information or explanations for the out of the ordinary events- maybe there were none to offer since none of this was supposed to be talked about. Overall this was fascinating. Thank you NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the advance copy in exchange for an honest review.

As a product of 12 year in the Catholic school system I have always been fascinated by the nuns that gave so much to us growing up. While we would ask them lots of questions, we never got more than the basics of how they got to where they did and the ins and outs of their lives. I always got the impression that the nuns that were teachers lived a more liberal life as well.

I really enjoyed this book, the author was honest and authentic. The writing style is almost prose like and the audio was good. Would definitely recommend to those who are interested in a deep dive into this world.

So intriguing, closed societies of the religious, contemplative nuns. Their rituals. The many steps, years it takes until final vows. How they live, their clothing, what is expected of the newly entered. The author felt she had a calling, felt close to God,yet after twelve years,before taking final vows, she would leave the order. This book explains why. Life inside and out of the Carmelite order.

An interesting look at the struggle of a young woman as she comes to terms with her unfulfilled expectations.

Audio is well done.

2⭐️
This memoir chronicles the author's quest for a meaningful life in the aftermath of her father's passing. It leads her to embrace life at Akinside Priory, a Roman Catholic order of nuns who take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience (Carmelites). What she initially anticipated as a path to peace and purpose, however, leads her into a life of suffering.

The narrative delves into her initiation as a novice, followed by twelve tumultuous years marked by mental and physical abuse within the order, ultimately leading to her decision to reintegrate into secular life.

As someone who was raised (unwillingly) in the Catholic Church, I found this read intriguing. Initially I expected a scandalous exposé on the harsh realities of life within an extreme Roman Catholic monastery (because let's face it, it must be grim), the author does touch upon such grim realities: from being informed that the fleas in her cell were a form of penance, to the restriction on physical contact with fellow sisters except on Christmas and Easter, and even encountering physical altercations with nuns (yes, you read that right, wild stuff), all while enduring a life of near-complete silence and seclusion.

Unfortunately, I did not enjoy the writing style. I struggled to maintain focus as the narrative felt overly dry and dragged on for about 150 pages too long. The tone of the book also felt somewhat off, with the author seemingly positioning herself as a martyr. This left me feeling that parts of the story were being omitted. (Sister Catherine, the vibes are way off!) However, the depiction of convent life is exactly as I expected, aside from nuns jumping one another (again, wild).

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martins Press who provided an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

This book is both beautifully written and informative, resembling poetry in its prose. It eloquently reflects the author's life as a nun. If you have any interest at all, I highly recommend picking up this book.

There were so many things I really enjoyed about this book/audiobook! It was fascinating to peel back the curtain and get a glimpse of what life as a nun is like. There were a lot of really beautiful descriptions, and I feel like I really do have a better understanding of what it might be like to live as a nun.

The narrator was also the author in this case, and I think she did an excellent job of bringing her writing off the page. One thing I personally don’t love is when there is singing in audiobooks. There were only a few small sections, and her singing voice is beautiful, I just don’t personally love that in an audiobook.

I really was not expecting to identify so much with this book, but as she began to realize that parts of the religion and the way people were acting did not add up, I found myself really identifying with her. I feel like so many people are going through this right now, and it was really interesting to hear a Catholic perspective.

Overall, this book was informative, I enjoyed learning about the author’s life and getting to hear about it from her perspective.

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for the advanced copy of this audio!

3.5 stars rounded down

This memoir details Catherine Coldstream’s journey into becoming a nun in a silent monastery as well as her path out. I picked this book up based on the title, cover, and premise alone and was not disappointed as it gave me a glimpse into the life of a nun - something I knew absolutely nothing about prior.

I thought Coldstream did a fantastic job narrating this audiobook and I particularly enjoyed any parts where she sang. She was an engaging and personable narrator.

While I appreciated the point of view this memoir provided, I did feel it was a bit long and dragged at times. I found myself sometimes losing focus or finding things to be a bit over my head - however this could be due to me not having a religious background. Overall I’m glad I read this and I would recommend to anyone who is interested in learning more about religion and monasteries.

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for early access to this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

Fascinating. I held onto every word like a life raft. By the end I was quite emotional. What a journey this book is! It was deeply moving. The author has such a way of describing people and places that you feel like you really know them, like you are really there. The book was excellently read by the author herself, with poise, emotion and humor. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Catherine Coldstream.
And thank you to Macmillan Audio, for the ARC. This is a book, and a story that will be with me for the rest of my life.

Thank you to Macmillan Audio and NetGalley for a copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.

First I would like to start by revealing that I also was gifted an ebook copy of this book. I was diligently reading it but just felt like I couldn't get through all of the details and story. It was highly interesting to me as I am a Catholic and my son is in the Seminary, so I was excited to hear more about the religious life, and from a female aspect. Ms. Coldstream did an excellent job in writing and making you feel like you were there sitting beside her in her cell and praying along her side. But I hit a slow down in the book, the details bogged me down and I was waiting for the "ball to drop". So I requested the audiobook and got through it the following day. Of course, the action in the book started to speed up and the peak of what I was expecting to happen surfaced.
I enjoyed this story and the audiobook , narrated by the author was a joy. A sad story of how the institution failed a person and I pray that changes have been made to the system in our current day.