"Kissing Girls on Shabbat: A Memoir" is an emotional and powerful read about Sara Glass’s journey to embracing her queer identity while leaving the strict Hasidic community she grew up in. The memoir dives into the struggles she faced, from a loveless marriage to the fight for custody of her kids, all while trying to stay true to herself.

I loved how Sara doesn’t just focus on the hard parts but also shows the sense of community and the good things that made leaving so tough. The writing is engaging and flows really well—it never feels dry. Sara’s courage is truly inspiring, and her story is both heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat is a memoir by Sara Glass about being raised in the Hasidic community. What makes this story unique is that the author also is attracted to other women AND she deeply believes much of what she has been taught and longs to be a good member of the community and to be in God's good favor.
Through the story, we journey with Sara as she tries to live the prescribed life while always sensing that she just doesn't fit.
I enjoyed that she doesn't demonize any in her circles and at the same time the reader understands the cost of the rigidity in the community. The story is written with a lot of empathy even for those who made her life extremely difficult. It is that ability to show the humanity of the various people that really makes this story stand out.
I would be interested to read more about her story past where the book ends. For example what is her faith life currently and to hear more about her transition into secular life. All in all a good read!
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest opinion. I am late in reading it and it is available to purchase now.

🎁 ✡️📚 𝓐𝓡𝓒 𝓑𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓡𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀🎁✡️📚
5/5 🌟

This memoir by Sara Glass just blew me away. Don’t let her delicate name fool you - Dr. Glass is an incredibly tough and resilient woman. In her memoir, she doesn’t hold back detailing her journey from a very young and devout Hasidic wife attempting to explain away her teenage love for another woman, to a successful, highly educated and competent parent, who came to embrace her own needs and identity.

Glass recounts her story in a brutally raw and highly emotional way. It gets dark at times, detailing mental illness, tragic events, financial insecurity and some downright appalling behavior which was shockingly considered acceptable within her Hasidic community.

Glass’ self-awareness and understanding of what she needed to do to become the person she truly was is impressive and awe-inspiring. Despite the risk of losing her family and children, she’s is a shining example of an individual becoming authentically themselves.

I just loved her honesty with those in her life, herself, and with her readers. If you liked 𝐔𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐱, you have to read this compelling and ultimately triumphant story. I hung on her every word.

Many thanks to @netgalley and @atriaone for this for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.

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An important memoir! I really enjoyed how Dr. Glass told her story. This was an engaging memoir, and I learned a lot.

I loved this book and found it sadly fascinating. I feel terrible saying that. Sara experienced some pretty traumatic experiences in her life, but I find the Jewish Orthodox life to be fascinating, so it is a conflicting feeling. I found the first half of the book to be more interesting and found that it had more passion, but I admired her tenacity and grit to be successful in life.

Thank you so much to Atria books for a Net Galley version of this memoir.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat was a really interesting read. I appreciated the exploration of sexuality within such a conservative religious community. Well-written.

This book hit just about all of my topics of interest: a memoir (!) about identity building and individuation (!) beyond the context of religious frameworks. Very compelling read - I do find it quite hard to rate memoirs personally, because who am I to be the judge, but this was a book that I found myself struggling to put down. This novel gives a more nuanced perspective of complex personal experience with a level of thoughtfulness I truly appreciate.

Content Warnings: Religious trauma (Jewish), Religious Misogyny / Conservative Misogyny; Sexual Assault; Marital Rape; Homophobia; Divorce; Poverty; Mental Illness; Suicide

Glass’s memoir is beautifully written and engaging to the point I read it straight through in one go. With its intertwining threads of fear stemming from oppression she faced from conservative Judaism as both a woman and lesbian and the impact of mental illness on her family, the book often touches on heavy content. However, the book is not bleak and offers glimmers of hope and triumph, including Glass’s pursuit of education and eventual custody of her children.

Really great story - learned a lot about the community and the strength of the author. Glad she i s able to live her life authentically.

This was an interesting look into the community of Hasidic Jews. There were times I found the writing style a bit of a distraction as I felt some times to be more flowing and others more sterile and detached.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat: A Memoir by Sara Glass was as informative as it was moving. Over the years I have read several memoirs that were written by Hasidic Jews who chose to leave their close knit communities for a more secular lifestyle but none had touched me as much as the one that Sara Glass decided to share. Kissing Girls on Shabbat was well written. Here and there, Sara Glass included Yiddish phrases or names that she also defined and explained so as to eliminate any confusion. I was totally engaged in her story right from the beginning. For years, I have witnessed an influx of Hasidic families move from Brooklyn and establish themselves in the county where I reside. I do not live far from Monsey, New York. Unique clothes, wigs, beards, side curls and language easily allowed Hasidic men, women and children to be distinguished from others. Their lives are dictated by conformity, Rabbinical guidance, traditions and what they have learned from birth from the teachings of their parents, grandparents and Rabbis. Sara Glass was born into a family that was part of the Gur Hasidic community. Kissing Girls on Shabbat focused on Sara’s journey as she learned how to navigate the Hasidic way of living.

Sara Glass was known as Malka when she was growing up in Borough Park, Brooklyn. Malka had four older sisters and one younger sister. Malka grew up among her own kind, attended the all girl schools that Hasidic girls were expected to attend and fit into the expected mold that had been laid out for her since birth. A good Hasidic girl knew her role in life was to get married and have lots of children. Malka had conflicting feelings about that. She struggled greatly with her own sexual orientation. Adding to Malka’s struggles was the fact that both her mother and one of her sisters suffered from mental illness. This knowledge affected Malka greatly as a young girl. It made a big impact on her arranged marriage and in the subsequent years in her life that followed.

When Malka was nineteen years old, she met Dassa. There was an undeniable attraction between the two women. Malka gave into her desires but guilt played a big role. Good Hasidic girls were not supposed to be attracted to other women. There was no such thing as gay women in the Hasidic community. Then her three older sisters stepped in. Malka was sent to meet the matchmaker where the “shidduch process” or arranged marriage through a matchmaker began. Malka was matched with Yossi Schwartz, a twenty-six year old Hasidic man who came from a good Hasidic family. Yossi and Malka went on five dates. Over the course of those dates, touching was forbidden. There was little eye contact between Malka and Yossi. On their sixth date, Yossi asked Malka to marry him. Before Malka accepted Yossi’s proposal, she expressed her desire to earn a PhD in psychology. This had been a goal for Malka since she was a young girl. When Malka’s beloved sister, Shani, had been diagnosed with a mental illness, Malka wanted more than anything to earn a PhD in psychology so she could help others who were struggling with mental illness. Yossi agreed to Malka’s request. Malka accepted Yossi’s proposal because that was what was expected of her. Before her wedding, Malka visited a bridal instructor. Her name was Mrs. Levenstein. One of the roles of the bridal instructor was to explain the act of intimacy that would take place on the night the couple married. Mrs. Levenstein used an empty tube of toothpaste and a bendable pencil shaped toy to explain to Malka what to expect from Yossi during sex and what she would experience. Malka was naive and so unprepared for what was expected of her.

Malka and Yossi moved to Lakewood, New Jersey where a strong Hasidic community existed. Malka was all of 19 years old. She didn’t know her husband very well at all. Yossi and Malka had a son and daughter together. Malka had also experienced one miscarriage. She dressed modestly with her skirts at least four inches below her kneecaps and made sure that her elbows and collarbone were covered. Good Hasidic women covered themselves so not to evoke temptation. The longer Malka was married to Yossi the more demanding, distant and ultra religious he became. Over their years together, they sought out marriage counseling through the Rabbis and approved psychiatrists. Malka and Yossi ended their marriage with a divorce. One of the stipulations of the divorce that Yossi insisted upon was that his son and daughter would be brought up in strict accordance to the Hasidic tradition. If Malka deviated from this, Yossi would get complete custody of the children.

In the years that followed, Malka was met with lots of challenges. Her children always remained her prime concern. She loved her children dearly, unconditionally and wanted them to grow up to make their own choices and decisions with her guidance. Malka continued to explore her sexual orientation. At some point, she came to the realization that she was a lesbian but she suppressed her own desires for the sake of her children. Yossi continued to have a say in how Malka and her children lived. Would Malka ever be able to live the life she wanted? Will she be able to embrace her children and let them choose how they live their lives?

Kissing Girls on Shabbat: A Memoir by Sara Glass was one of the best memoirs I have read in a while. I was very impressed with how strong and determined Sara Glass became after experiencing so many years of confusion, conformity, surrender, denial and acquiescence. She was divorced twice which was very unusual in Hasidic culture. Sara Glass earned her PhD and came to realize her dream of becoming a psychologist as a reality. Kissing Girls on Shabbat examined a magnified view of Hasidic life through Sara Glass’s eyes and experiences including how same sex relationships were viewed by the devout Hasidic community. It portrayed the themes of mental illness, suicide, sexual assault, trauma, divorce, family, sisters and same sex relationships. I really enjoyed reading Kissing Girls on Shabbat by Sara Glass and recommend it highly if you enjoy reading memoirs.

Thank you to Simon & Schuster Atria/ One Signal Publishers for allowing me to read Kissing Girls on Shabbat by Sara Glass through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

This was a really difficult memoir to get through.

But expressed in such a beautiful heartbreaking way.

I really appreciated the footnote Glass left at the end of her experience with driving without a license. It was nice to see that acknowledgment of privilege.

Thank you to Atria for this digital arc!

Thank you NetGalley, the publisher and Dr. Sara Glass for an ARC.

In "Kissing Girls on Shabbat: A Memoir", the complexity and agony associated with strict conformity and striving to shape oneself into what other people demand of oneself are discussed. Dr. Glass travels the path of self-acceptance, doing what her ultra-orthodox community expects her to, until she realizes that the world she was living in would not allow her to be who she truly is. Dr. Glass learns through marriage, divorce, child custody disputes, and death that just because she was raised in a certain way, it does not mean she has to live that way forever. Though she keeps her religion dear to her heart, she discovers that it should not control her life but rather coexist happily with her true self.

Reviewing memoirs is always difficult. How do you put a rating on someone’s experiences and history? Instead, I ask myself whether the author showed their vulnerability and expressed honesty. Sara Glass laid herself open to criticism regarding her sexuality and life choices. We all figure out life and at times it can be very painful. As readers, we see Sara’ evolution as she figures out who she is as a woman and what she truly desires. Sara’s journey is powerful to read as we realize that not only is society judgmental of her but also her entire community of family and fellow Hassidic members.

I found this book be genuine. It was filled with self-doubt, love and chutzpah.

This is a vulnerable memoir about a Jewish woman who is battling with her true identity of her sexuality. In this book this woman went through so much; sexual assault, religious abuse, death, and suicide. Religion is an everything in my life but this puts into perspective how some can be positive and also negative.

I am wrecked, emotionally wrecked that is, by my most recent read “Kissing Girls on Shabbat” by Sara Glass. The author grew up in Boro Park, a part of the strictest Hasidic Orthodox group (Ger), facing the struggle of being attracted to women but knowing that staying a part of her community meant marriage to a man and babies. Her community meant stability, rules to follow, and family. So that’s what Sara does, gets married and tries to become a social worker in order to understand the mental health issues around her. Those issues affect Sara’s mom as well as one of her sisters, and they are woven throughout the story.

This is a heavy book, though some things seem to be glossed over (likely for the author’s protection or those around her). It is absolutely accessible to the non-Jewish reader, with explanations for the big things (and the little things can be Googled if you want). To be honest, there are so many content warnings in this book - I definitely recommend checking those out on StoryGraph before diving in if you’re a sensitive reader (like me). Sara Glass is open and honest, including about her mistakes, and because of that I had to put it down a couple of times. Despite its heaviness, it is definitely a book worth reading - a story that needs to be told. I wasn’t surprised at all to see in the acknowledgement section that Shulem Deen was mentioned as a mentor, it fit into that same vein as his memoir “All Who Go Do Not Return” about leaving Hasidic Judaism as a man (another great read!). Thank you to Atria Books and Netgalley for the advanced e-copy.

a funny thing happened with this arc. before i cracked the book, i received an email to download an updated version. the updated version included a note acknowledging what's been happening in Palestine since October 7th, 2023. frankly, i didn't wander into a memoir about a hasidic jewish woman's journey to queerness without expecting a few mentions of israel, but i had thought that perhaps part of that journey would include a dissection of pro-israel indoctrination as you cannot be pro-israel and also be pro-liberation. the fact that this author neglects to mention that the genocide israel has been perpetuating against palestine started prior to and has gone on much longer than 2023 feels like a deliberate and telling exclusion.

as far as the memoir itself, due to my own religious-related traumas i always find myself compelled to read stories where religion intersects with things like queerness, gender, misogyny, abuse, sexual assault, etc. what i don't like is when these perspectives still deify the religion/governing power/country/etc. that still continues to perpetuate various acts of violence against people for the same reasons the author is being critical.

i felt like this book stringently lays out the author's life of abuses and brainwashing (please note, i'm extremely anti-religion and i believe ALL religions participate in this) and the author still holds her belief system as sacrosanct (which i don't get nor do i think she did a good job explaining what there is to love about a belief system that forces women to be baby factories and states that men must make decisions for women, even calling 911 for life-saving medical care). the more disturbing part of this book for me was the reverential way israel was spoken about. it just felt like a book that was either written by a person still deep in the throes of stockholm syndrome or written by a person that has some learning to do.

either way, i didn't have a good time and i wouldn't recommend this one.

A heart-rending, raw, emotional story of a woman caught up in communal expectations and finding her way out of that and into her own identity. The title and cover suggest a fun coming-out story, so don't be fooled - there's lots of trauma, and this is more about self-identity, self-esteem, and power than squarely about queerness. Sara tells her story with such personal vulnerability that many people will see themselves in aspects of her story even if they don't share her exact circumstances. In a move I especially appreciate, Sara is careful not to perpetuate stereotypes by being clear about having support from some members of the community who are horrified by the abuse she experiences, even while others with more power in her life think it's fine. This is an excellent addition to the genre of OTD (off the derech [path], a common term for people who leave Orthodox Judaism) memoirs.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat by Dr. Sara Glass
*COMING OUT JUN. 11 2024*
Star Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Spice Rating: N/A.
Trope(s): N/A.

HAPPY PRIDE & SHAVUA TOV, BOOKSTAGRAM! ✡️🏳️‍🌈
This poignant, timely, insightful memoir by Dr. Sara Glass is the perfect thing to add to your shelf this Pride Month.

In Kissing Girls on Shabbat, Dr. Glass details her story as an ex-Hasidic Jew, and her experiences navigating queer identity, motherhood, custody battles, divorce, and familial tensions. She is witty, deep, heartfelt, and thoughtful in her retelling of her life story, and brings light to the experiences of queer religious Jews who have so often felt unheard, unseen, and unwelcome.

Guys, I am not kidding, you all MUST pre-order this book, RIGHT NEOWWWW!!! You will be hard pressed to find something half as compelling as this story, and it is told with absolute artistry, clarity, and care. As a relatively secular Jewish person, there is so much I learned about the experiences of so many queer Jews from religious circles who are not always afforded the kind of acceptance and support they SO deserve. Dr. Glass has a strength I cannot explain, you simply must read it for yourself. BARUCH HASHEM FOR QUEER JEWS! YOU ARE SO LOVED!

An incredibly vulnerable and open memoir about an Orthodox Jewish woman and her journey to divorce her husband and explore her sexuality in a Sapphic relationship despite knowing it goes against all the rules of her religion. Great on audio read by the author herself, this was so enlightening, with great mental health rep and perfect for fans of authors like Melissa Broder or Heidi Shertok. Many thanks to NetGalley and Simon Schuster for an early digital and audio copy in exchange for my honest review!! An excellent choice for Pride Month reading!