Growing up in a Hasidic community in Brooklyn, Glass knew what her life would look like: she'd marry a man, get the level of education their rabbi (or, maybe more to the point, his rabbi) approved of and no more, be permitted to use birth control only in rare occasions, and keep her body and hair covered. For the rest of her life. She also knew what she wanted: to earn a PhD, to have some small freedoms to make choices for herself, to have a say in the number and timing of her children, and to be allowed to love a woman.

I've read enough about conservative religion in various forms to be unsurprised by a lot of what Glass writes about, but there are still things that...well. '"As a bride you have special mercy on your wedding day," Mrs. Levenstein, my bridal instructor, said as we sat at the folding table in her husband's study. "You can ask God for forgiveness, and he will wipe your slate clean, anything you have ever done wrong will disappear."' (loc. 371*)

At the time, Glass used this as permission to do forbidden things in advance of her wedding, but I'm fascinated for other reasons. First, the idea that this bridal instructor was running a successful business from her home—but the study was still considered her husband's study. Not theirs, let alone hers. And then there's this idea of wiping the slate clean; I'd love to know how widespread that is in Judaism (it's not something I've ever heard, but then, I'm not super well read on Judaism), but also...I want to know what kind of mental gymnastics it requires to both place a premium on women's 'purity' and to say that marriage will wipe away any sins. I sort of imagine that neither one's betrothed/husband nor one's rabbi would be likely to be so forgiving?

Or: "After a few more awkward phone passes, a call to Mrs. Levenstein, and another call from the rabbi, we arrived at our answer. We had not had marital intercourse last night. False alarm." (loc. 493) There's a lot of context to that quote that I'm leaving out, but the short version is that when everything is regimented, down to when you and your husband can and cannot physically touch, conversations get awkward. Glass describes living in some ways outside the law—because Hasidic law was stricter, and more specific, and it didn't really matter what the secular courts said if the rabbinical courts had different opinions.

'We were under a town-wide internet ban. As the internet became a standard feature of modern life, the rabbis decided that it was for the secular world, not for us. In special cases, such as for work purposes, one was permitted to use the Yeshiva Net provider, which allowed access to "whitelisted" websites. I had a dial-up DSL connection monitored by Yeshiva Net, which meant that when I first wanted to access the Rutgers University Library website, the Gap, or Children's Place, I had to call the Yeshiva Net office to ask them to allow those sites. When I called to ask if I could add Google to my list, the sleepy male voice at the other end said, "Mrs. Schwartz, many people find that to be a strong temptation. We don't allow search engines." How could I admit that I wanted to explore more temptations? He would ask to speak to my husband.' (loc.1656)

The ways in which the community operated outside the law come to define huge portions of the book, because according to Hasidic law (or the local interpretation of it), pushing the boundaries could lead to the loss of Glass's children—and it's only late, late in the book that she starts to understand that there's a whole 'nother set of laws out there, ones where your rights are not determined by whether or not you keep every strand of natural hair under your wig.

There's a lot to say here that there just isn't space for in this review. I'm reminded a bit of Brazen, but with Glass seeking to unpick her layers of trauma and context rather than just to shock the reader. It's a fast and fascinating read, and I'm glad Glass refused to accept that the status quo was the only way to go.

A note on Israel: This is a book that is, unsurprisingly, heavy on Judaism. It takes place almost entirely in the eastern US. Israel is mentioned a handful of times—Glass had family there, and she spent some time there as a young woman. It's not discussed in any detail. I read a revised ARC, so I can't speak for the earlier version, but Glass includes this paragraph in the author's note at the beginning: "Please note that this manuscript was written prior to October 7, 2023. There are references to Israel throughout this manuscript, and those references do not and cannot communicate the full context or complexity of that date. Nor to they communicate my feelings about what has taken place in the days, weeks, and months afterward. My heart breaks for the people of Gaza and the victims of October 7." (loc. 58) I am taking that at face value and looking elsewhere for my reading on Israel and Palestine; however, it may not be enough for some readers, and if that's you, I recommend passing on this book.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

This was a very interesting glimpse into the life of Sara Glass, who whilst still a teenager married within her Hasidic Community of Brooklyn's Borough Park. Prior to her marriage she was fervently in love with another woman- a scandal she kept concealed. Sara and her husband settled into marriage in Lakewood, NJ where the Hasidic Community was quite prevalent. I was fascinated learning of the many rules Sara had to comply with, overseen by Rabbis who her husband would periodically call for reinforcement. These rules comprised wearing long skirts, long-sleeved shirts, and a head covering such as a head wrap or a wig. Frequency of intimate marital relations and having an abundance of children were a main goal. Sara hungered to continue her schooling in the field of social work and psychology, hoping to earn her doctorate, with the hope of helping her sister who suffered with severe bipolar disorder. Such a high-minded career goal was roundly discouraged by her husband and the community.

This was a very thought-provoking memoir that shared Sara's internal struggle with suppressing her gayness, constantly frightened that her two children would be taken away from her. She shares details of her two divorces from husbands, dabbling in nightlife and gay sexual affairs, financial strife as a single parent, and persistence in obtaining her doctorate in psychology. Well-written, and a gutsy memoir to write when perhaps some people will question some of her life choices.

Thank you to the publisher Atria Books / One Signal for providing an advance reader copy via NetGalley.

This memoir of coming of age and escaping a high control religion is in the same vein as Unorthodox and Becoming Eve. Dr. Sara Glass was raised in a Hasidic community and becomes trapped in a loveless arranged marriage at a young age wile attempting to suppress her queerness. Eventually she becomes unable to continue conforming to strict religious rules and begins her journey towards self-acceptance. She then has to fight her way out while struggling not to lose custody of her children. Her story provides an unflinching look at the devastating effects of ultra-conservative Orthodox communities, and is riddled with trauma, heartbreak, and inner turmoil. Readers who enjoy memoirs about folks escaping high-control religious upbringing will appreciate Dr. Glass's experience.

Dr. Sara Glass's memoir, "Kissing Girls on Shabbat" shares with readers her darkest realities, greatest joys, and creates a small window into the world of ultra-conservative Orthodox Jewish communities. In a heartbreaking, inspiring story, Glass shares how she learned to stand on her own two feet when her religion and very family turned against her.

"Kissing Girls on Shabbat" is an inspiring celebration of learning to love yourself and becoming everything you've ever wanted to be. Thank you NetGalley and Atria Books for the ARC.

I was excited to read this book since it centered around a Jewish character struggling with queerness. I attempted to read it several times over several weeks but ultimately DNF’d it at 30%.

The Zionism in this book really jumped out at several points and made it difficult to read; i support anti-colonialism of all kinds. This book may be for someone else but it was not for me.

If you enjoy memoirs, you need to read this (with consideration for the content warnings below). I highlighted so many quotes during my read, but let's start out with this one: "As I stepped onto the campus grounds to begin my first semester, I understood why Yossi and the rabbis spent so much time discouraging young women from the path I had chosen."

Quick Synopsis: Dr. Sara Glass bares her soul and life story of embracing her queer identity and and protecting herself, her kids, and her family amidst her upbringing and ongoing control of the devout, Hasidic community. Tormented by her attraction to women and trapped in a loveless arranged marriage, she found herself unable to conform to her religious upbringing, she begins a challenging battle for divorce, and ultimately, custody for her children. Dr. Glass' journey to self-discovery and acceptance was riddled with challenges, inner turmoil, loss, heartbreak, trauma, and anxiety. Kissing Girls on Shabbat is not only a love letter to Glass’ children, herself, and her family—it is an unflinching window into the world of ultra-conservative Orthodox Jewish communities and an inspiring celebration of learning to love yourself.

My Review: I sat speechless for several minutes upon finishing Kissing Girls on Shabbat. I do not personally come from a Jewish upbringing, and Dr. Glass' raw descriptions of her experiences and reflections were mind-boggling. I am thrilled and impressed that she went through everything that she did and came out of the other side to tell this story. I'm honored to have had the opportunity to read this ARC and share it with others. This memoir is thought-provoking and evoked similar responses from me as did Educated (Tara Westover), Paris: The Memoir (Paris Hilton), The Girls We Sent Away (historical fiction, Meagan Church), and Counting the Cost (Jill Duggar).

CWs: religious control, religious trauma, arranged marriage, forced marriage, homophobia, rape, sexual assault, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, completed suicide, strained family relationships, sexism, patriarchy, references to/personal events occurring in Israel, lack of sexual education, incompetent schooling/education of children, accidental pregnancy, termination of pregnancy, challenging labor/childbirth, divorce, strained spousal relationships,

Selected Quotes:
"My devotion to God and my deep, well-tended fear of his wrath didn’t leave much room for choice. Feelings were irrelevant. Sexual attraction was irrelevant."

"It felt strange, being on the outside of a conversation in which two men worked to determine if my vagina was penetrated. I wished I could provide insight either way. "

"In social policy class, I learned that not everyone was a Republican. "

"I was twenty-one years old, and I did not know what sex had to do with pleasure. Or for that matter, what this clitoris she spoke of even was."

"I needed to find out who I was after stealing my body back from God. "

"I could see her, the old me, in my rearview mirror, hair loose and eyes crinkling, and my God, she was beautiful. "

My most sincere and appreciative thanks go to the author, Dr. Sara Glass, publisher Atria Books, and NetGalley for access to this eARC in exchange for my honest review.

A grid post review will be posted to my bookstagram (@bostonkatreads) closer to release date.

Sara grows up in a large Haredi family in Brooklyn in which both her mother and one of her older sisters suffers from severe mental illness. Unable to receive any explanations for what's going on, Sara decides that she needs to pursue a career in psychology.

As a teenager, Sara becomes romantically involved with another Haredi girl but she knows that there is no future for them and she must marry a man. She goes ahead with an arranged marriage as is the practice in her community and has two children, but is desperately unhappy. Meanwhile, she is able to graduate college and pursue a social work degree.

The book details Sara's journey from Haredi Brooklyn through two marriages to men and to her growing realization that the her life and the lives of her children depend on her living an authentic life. The book is well written and highly engaging. While I knew how it would likely end, I was intent on reading every page.

I would count this book among the best memoirs of women leaving Haredi life. The author handles the story with compassion and great insight, including about herself.

Highly recommended.

Three comments for the publisher:
1) there are two places in the book where Glass calls Eli "Avi" Those need to be changed.
2) I read through some of the other Net Galley reviews and saw how unfair the ratings were, criticizing that the author wasn't anti-Zionist. This seems to be something she is going to face once the book is released and I hope you will help her. This is so unfair. The book is excellent.
3) my Goodreads review is listed under the name Cindy Stein

I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir of Dr. Sara Glass' life. It was so interesting to learn about her life growing up as a Hasidic Jew, and all the laws and rules she had to follow. Her story about her life following Hasidic Law, to become the best wife and mother she could, while making sacrifices for her own happiness, showed how much she cared about her family. Hiding her homosexuality in the Hasidic Jewish community was incredibly difficult, and I could tell throughout her memoir how much Sara just wanted to life her best authentic life, and I'm so glad she was finally able to and got the happy ending she deserved, and that she's now living a wonderful, happy life.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the eARC.

DNF at 22%.

In "Kissing Girls on Shabbat" by Dr. Sara Glass, the author offers a candid exploration of accepting her queerness within the context of being raised in Hasidic Judaism. However, my experience with the book was cut short due to concerns regarding the author's discussions of Israel.

In her author's note, Glass delves into the historical context of psychotherapy and questions the dominance of white male ideologies in the field. She touches on themes of decolonization and liberation, which initially intrigued me. However, as I delved further into the book, I encountered numerous uncritical references to Israel, including Glass's experiences studying there and her sister's marriage to an IDF veteran.

While Glass discusses themes of decolonization and liberation in reference to her own experiences, her silence on the issue of Israel's colonialism and genocide in Palestine felt glaring. Despite acknowledging the colonial roots of psychotherapy, Glass fails to extend this critical analysis to the situation in Palestine. This omission is particularly troubling given the ongoing violence, especially considering the book's publication timeline coinciding with recent events.

The author's failure to address the complexities of Israel's actions perpetuates a pattern of silence and complicity in these oppressive processes. As someone committed to anti-colonialism and solidarity with Palestine, I found this out of alignment with my values. While I acknowledge that the author may not have intended to endorse Israel's actions, her silence ultimately contributes to the erasure of Palestinian experiences.

In conclusion, "Kissing Girls on Shabbat" raises important questions about queer liberation and empowerment within ultra-conservative communities. However, the author's failure to engage with the issue of Israel's colonialism detracts from its overall impact. As a reader with anti-colonial and Pro-Palestine values, I chose to discontinue reading the book due to this significant oversight.

Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for this ARC.
This was quite a story, and a wild ride for the reader. My heart just goes out to this author. Part of the time during the book I was really questioning her choices. Maybe I partly still am. But realizing how cut off she was from a sense of self, from even an acknowledgement that she was, in fact, gay, --I really can understand a little what was so hard and what must have made her decisions so hard, and from an outsider's point of view, kind of nonsensical and self-destructive. I am so glad the book ended with our knowledge that she had come to know herself, found freedom, love, and even some peace. Great story.

I have been reading reviews of this book, and as someone who stands for calling out colonization mindsets and opportunities to uplift those being silenced due to colonization I cannot ignore the issues surrounding Israel and the occupation of Palestine so I will not be going any further with this read.

It’s always difficult to review a memoir. It’s sometimes hard to understand why someone took certain actions if you haven’t been raised in the same way as the author. Sara Glass was raised in the very insular Hasidic community in Borough Park, Brooklyn and did what was expected of her. Growing up in that community is all encompassing. It dictates your education, socialization and your entire life path. As long as you agree to the plan and conform, everything will be laid out for you and will be fine. Sara agreed to a loveless, arranged marriage. But she was fighting the whole time against who she really was and her husband’s increasingly restrictive rules. The book raises several difficult decisions Sara had to make about not only getting a divorce, but also walking away from the religion, family, and community in which she was raised. The more important question is how far would you go to make sure you could keep your children?

While Sara knows she is queer, she has to take many steps to really live her life in an honest fashion. In the interim she experienced a lot of trauma and had to give up her values, self-respect and feelings. Living the way she did required shoving entire parts of the human experience under the rug, keeping certain things and feelings out of sight, It’s hard not to have empathy. But it was also difficult for me to understand why she would continue to do some of the extremely harmful and dangerous things that she did, such as continuing to date someone who physically threatened her.

While there were some beautifully written sentences in the book, overall I did not think it was well written. While it was mostly chronological, in some places it jumped all over. In one paragraph the author talks about losing her license, and in the very next paragraph she talks about driving on back roads. There were several instances where I had to go back and reread because what I was reading made no sense in the context of what was just written. It could also be that the book tried to tackle too many topics, religion, sexuality and mental health, with mixed results. The book also constantly changed tenses, often in the same sentence, from past to present. There were numerous other errors, like leaving out words or forgetting to change the name of the person to whom she was married. I am hoping these mistakes will get corrected in the final copy.

Thank you to Atria/One Signal Publishers and NetGalley for providing me an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat is the memoir of a girl raised in the Hasidic community of Brooklyn's Borough Park as she struggles with her identity as a lesbian. This memoir is one of those that, once started, can't be put down, and the author is more than willing to explore the complexities of their trauma. This memoir is particularly well done, as Glass is a therapist herself with a PhD, and she is able to write through her own experiences and those around her with compassion and grace. While Glass was most definitely trapped at multiple points in her life, she does not blame those around her who may have been trapped themselves. While she steps away from her Hasidic/Orthodox Jewish life toward the end of the book, she still has a love for the religion that raised her. I really enjoyed this, and I would recommend it for memoir lovers everywhere.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to Atria and NetGalley for providing me with an eARC of this book in exchange of an honest review.

I don't like giving memoirs star ratings, and I forgot that it's required on NetGalley. So I'm giving it 3 stars on here, because it was ok, but otherwise, can't rate it.

What worked:
- The storytelling
- Very emotional
- Not as bad as HBB

What didn't work:
- Z1on1sm!
- Though the writing is good, something makes the book either too slow or too hard to get through. I had to put it down several times.

I enjoyed this memoir that speaks to the complexities of growing up gay in an ultra religious communities. This is a story that clearly shows Dr. Glass' love for her family and children. I was impressed with her perseverance.

3.5 stars, but rounding up to 4.

Thank you Netgalley & Atria Books | Atria/One Signal Publishers for the advanced reader copy.

Thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for the ARC!

Dr. Sara Glass’s "Kissing Girls on Shabbat" is a cocktail of a memoir, mixing discussions of religion, sexuality, and mental health to the point that the nuances of each occasionally disappear—it feels more like self-exposure than self-disclosure, and the result is a difficult read.


The book’s premise is ripe with potential and fraught with trauma—Glass’s long-unfolding understanding of her queerness within her conservative Hasidic community—and I admire the author’s willingness to excavate almost unbearable pain for the sake of sharing her life with readers. The prose lumbers bluntly through emotional abuse, fear of divine retribution, and Glass’s work as a therapist.

With each passing chapter, though, it begins to feel like many of these situations are still too raw of a nerve for Glass to address within the confines of this particular medium, reading more like a list of painful events than an emergent narrative. It might be a therapist’s responsibility to help people reclaim the past, but I wonder if it’s a memoirist’s responsibility to recognize when parts of the past can’t be reclaimed. There are so many topics here that it’s difficult to see the book’s themes, and the obfuscation happens at the author’s expense.

This tension between Glass’s therapeutic expertise and her personal experience escalates until it warps the distance of hindsight into forced perspective. Much of what could be subtext is immediately examined or explained, often caricaturing a past self’s beliefs as irrational, rather than accepting and grieving them as a rationale. For example, Glass writes that while in labor, she sidestepped her decision-making rights because “I would not allow protocol to get in the way of the real rules. Decisions needed to be made by the man.” It seems that the absurdity of the sentiment is easier to stomach than the tragedy of it not being experienced as absurd, and recurrent moments like this suggest that Glass’s desire to make a point takes precedence over compassion to herself.

The approach might be a necessary precondition for the book to exist as a testament to Glass’s triumph rather than a revival of her trauma, but it begins to read like a case study more than a memoir—self-analysis instead of self-reflection. I’m sure the book will still resonate with many readers, but I always feel sad when it seems like an author doesn’t fit well in their own memoir. If writing is not a kindness to the self, how kind can it be to its readers? Lest that sound too critical, I think this is a story worth telling, but I wish it had the breathing room afforded by, say, an ongoing podcast series, where the weight of the written word wouldn’t hang over every moment.

Regardless, all memoir is something to celebrate, and I look forward to seeing the kinds of conversations "Kissing Girls on Shabbat" inspires upon its release.

Dr. Sara Glass discusses her journey in trying to keep custody of her children while being true to herself. She struggles to admit that she is gay and is trying to abide by the very Orthodox and religious life her family and ex-husband expect of her.

I really learned a lot about how denying yourself can have a huge impact on your children. I also connected with Sara feeling like she did not fit in and found it easier to agree with everyone around her rather than fight for herself. I was very proud when reading that she did take charge of her life and tried to make a better life for her kids.

Thank you NetGalley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

In the same vein as Unorthodox, Becoming Eve, and Educated, Dr. Sara Glass masterfully tells her authentic story about being her authentic self.

A few spots in my ARC still needed come editing, as the names were not the same (for example the beginning of the paragraph her husband would be Eli, and at the end he was referred to as Avi)

By their nature, memoirs are difficult to assign a rating to. You're essentially judging someone's ability to tell their own story, after all. That wasn't a problem with this book, in which Dr. Glass invites readers to take a peek into a world many of them may not understand in order to show how she got from where she was to where she is.
I do understand, sort of. I have some firsthand knowledge of the kind of life she lived, and I can empathize with how difficult it was to let go in order to remain true to herself and to show her children that there was another option. The thing I appreciated the most about her story was that she showed not just the parts that made it necessary to leave, but she also showed what made it beautiful, the sense of community that made it difficult to give up. I think this approach will work for anyone, regardless of how familiar you are with the world she grew up in.
The writing was engaging, it was told in a linear way but without the rote "I was born on this day and then did this thing, rinse wash repeat" style of many memoirs.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this, and thank you to Dr. Glass for writing it.

Kissing Girls on Shabbat is the memoir of Sara Glass, a queer woman who grew up in the Hasidic Jewish community in New Jersey. She tells the story of how she was raised in the ultra orthodox workd, her two marriages to men and how she eventually came to accept that she was a lesbian. Her story is amazing, she has been through so much but despite it all, she didn't give up and fought to make sure that her children grew up to understand the importance of living an authentic life. I truly loved this book and I highy recommend it.

Thank you to Net Galley and Atria Books for the e-ARC.