There's a certain kind of life many of us are taught to chase – a so-called "ideal" that comes with stability, family, and a well-painted picture of happiness. For Oliver Radclyffe, he had all that and more. Raised in a privileged family, he seemed to have it all, and to the outside world, his life as a wife and mother of four was picture-perfect. But behind the scenes, Oliver was unraveling, feeling trapped in a body and life that didn't align with who he was inside.

"Frighten the Horses" isn't just another memoir – it's a candid, raw, and surprisingly witty account of Oliver's journey to embracing his identity as a trans man. The stress of hiding his truth took a toll, with his hair falling out, moods swinging, and a body that felt as if it were at war with itself. His transition story is as much a journey of mental awakening as it is a physical one, and it's told with grace and honesty. Oliver lays out the reality of transitioning without bitterness or anger; instead, he fills the pages with self-awareness, resilience, and a touch of humor that makes this memoir feel refreshing.

What sets "Frighten the Horses" apart is Oliver's voice – open, heartfelt, and anything but cynical. His story isn't about proving anything or fighting against anyone; it's about embracing who he is, even when the journey is messy and daunting. It's a beautiful reminder that the path to self-discovery isn't always neat, and sometimes, breaking free from expectations means breaking open parts of ourselves we didn't even realize were locked away.

By the time I finished the last page, I couldn't shake the feeling that Oliver is someone I'd genuinely like to know. "Frighten the Horses" left me feeling inspired, grateful, and more aware of the strength it takes to live authentically. This memoir is a must-read for anyone navigating their own path to self-acceptance or anyone just looking for a beautifully honest story of what it means to truly come into your own.

Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for the advanced reader's copy; all opinions expressed in this review are my own.

In Frighten the Horses, Radclyffe shares the story of his coming out: first as a lesbian, then as trans. He is honest, presenting his own experience, as well as the reactions of those close to him. Radclyffe does have a level of privilege that may be unrelatable for most readers, but I would still recommend this book to any reader.

I don't think you need to be trans to understand or relate to Oliver Radclyffe's story. I enjoy memoirs where the author has a revelation later in life that changes their future trajectory, and this book made me think about how my life drastically changed in my late 30s and early 40s. This was wonderfully written and refreshing to read. *Advance copy provided by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

Frighten The Horses is a truly interesting and honest memoir that follows Oliver Radclyffe through his journey becoming a trans man. I'm certainly not saying everyone should wait until they are well past teenage years to decide what gender (or non gender they wish to be) but Oliver gave his transition a huge amount of thought before he took any of the steps he did.

It is clear from the book that his main cheerleaders have been his children, parents and close friends- often the ones expected to struggle with such a change.

I found the whole memoir very interesting and only took exception to the parts where Oliver insists that English people don't talk about homosexuality or gender dysphoria. This memoir starts in 2012 - if he'd been talking about 1952 then I might have agreed but England is not a trans/homo-phobic society any more or less than any other country. Of course Oliver appears to come from a higher class than I and he obviously had different experiences but I deeply resented that anyone American reading this would think we are all bigots over here.

Apart from those infrequent references the rest of the book was well written, clear, concise and fascinating. I'd definitely recommend it.

Thanks to Netgalley and Grove Atlantic for the advance review copy.

Thanks to NetGalley and Roxane Gay Books for the ARC!

Oliver Radclyffe’s "Frighten the Horses" is a reflective and effective memoir on the author’s journey from cishet-presenting housewife to lesbian to trans man. It’s a complicated story in the simplest of terms, and that is its greatest strength.

Radclyffe resists so many memoirish tropes, avoiding existential drama in favor of experiential detail. He is less concerned with the hand-wringing of becoming a capital-S “Self” and more preoccupied with the handholding people need to be themselves. The book is richly shaded by his excellent ability to depict mundane anxieties—Is the Amazon algorithm going to be overtly queer if he searches for lesbian books? Or, as his parents wonder, will he be sent to a men’s prison if he’s arrested post-transition?

There are, of course, some complex themes, such as reflections on what it means to be a man—the distinction between violence and strength, and what it means to choose gentleness in the face of that ambiguity. Similarly, Radclyffe’s descriptions of dysphoria are really effective, focusing primarily on simple physicality and the discomfort of phantom limb sensations.

I suspect the writing style found in "Frighten the Horses" will be divisive. Radclyffe’s prose is characterized by the same kind of solid, workmanlike masculinity that he seeks to embody throughout his life, which makes the writing both approachable and—perhaps to its detriment—unaffected. Gender and sexual identity are often such volatile topics, particularly in memoir, so there’s something entrancing about the author’s pragmatic, almost methodical, journey to understanding himself, even if it precludes dramatic narrative turns.

Most admirably, this is just such a generous book. I think memoirs often depict an untouchable narrator, steamrolling the people around them to discover their truest self, but Radclyffe never does that. He never demonizes anybody, and he’s very compassionate in his understanding of the cost of coming out. For example, he’s forthright about his ex-husband’s cruelty, but he also seems attuned to the insecurities that animate it. Elsewhere, we read some very pointed and painful conversations, but there’s rarely—if ever—a dichotomy between who is “right” and who is “wrong.” Instead, the author gracefully depicts these moments as unfortunate timing—a shame that this is where these lives intersect. So many memoirs fail from a lack of perspective, but Radclyffe brings it in spades.

I have a feeling "Frighten the Horses" will fly under the radar, but Oliver Radclyffe has written a memoir that will resonate with the readers who find it, and I hope it signals an authorial future filled with many more books.

I have completely fallen in love with Oliver Radclyffe’s writing. He has a spectacular voice, with blunt humor, dazzling intellect, and so much love and hope for his life and future. In this memoir, he walks the reader through his journey of self discovering and gender affirmation. He opens the book with his queer light bulb moment in 2011, and then moves both forward and backwards in time to tell his story. I struggled a bit with the inconsistent timeline, especially in the beginning of the book when it jumps around the most. But I understood the importance of each time period to Oliver’s journey. And I appreciated his honesty in exposing these vulnerable moments. I also loved how he turned to books to help him figure himself out. I desperately want a full reading list. And I now want to get more involved with queer support groups after reading Oliver’s amazing experiences with them. Overall, this was an honest and heartfelt memoir that left me both emotionally raw but also hopeful for queer adulthood. I highly recommend it.

“Few people can live in denial for their entire life without eventually reaching a breaking point.”

Frighten the Horses opens with a vivid scene of Radclyffe at the barber sharp, internally beaming with pride that he was “man enough” to make it on to his barber’s Instagram page. After I read this, I just knew this book was going to be a hit.

Radclyffe seemingly had it all: a loving husband, four healthy children, a house in the suburbs. But that was part of the problem… He was playing the role of devoted housewife, attending PTA meetings and hosting dinner parties, while struggling with his internal narrative. He grew more and more distressed until one random day in September 2011, it all came crashing down and he realized he couldn’t keep up the act anymore.

Inside these pages, readers witness Radclyffe’s transition from a straight, cisgender housewife to a lesbian housewife to a queer man. The journey is messy at times but absolutely mesmerizing for readers as we watch Radclyffe grapple with his identity and step in to the man that he was born to be.

This memoir is a striking and incredibly touching reminder that it is never too late to step in to your truest self and find your voice. I would recommend it to anyone looking for an authentic account on trans experience.

Thank you Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for the digital copy in exchange for an honest review. Available 09/17/2024!

I love reading queer memoirs and I don't think we can ever have too many. Radclyffe's journey is singular, and he takes the reader on a journey through the many stages of his life from biker to wife to mother to coming out as a lesbian and eventually stepping into his identity as a trans man. He doesn't shy away from discussing his own learning and relearning, his initial prejudices to his newfound understandings. A very interesting read from someone who, despite enormous privileges, has been through some shit. Thank you Oliver for writing this book.

I am so glad to read this story of trans identity which is essential reading for everyone. Thank you to this writer for telling his truth and being so open about gender identity and transition. We can all learn from reading this book.

When I read about this book, I thought it’d be too much. Lesbian and trans story together.. I almost gave up near the start however I ended up enjoying it! I picked it up initially because I wanted to understand about transsexuals and the book didn’t disappoint. I was sad it ended.

Radclyffe’s memoir details his experience of navigating his queer identity, moving from a married mother to a lesbian to a trans man. Trans masculine memoirs and books remain rare, and some may find valuable representation with this text, particularly given its additional intersectionalities. I also cannot ignore the courage it takes to share one’s vulnerable moments in any memoir, but especially in one like this where the author has already had to overcome much.

However, I found the writing overall bland and thus had difficulty maintaining interest in the narrative. It felt like readers were being told everything rather than shown. There are long explanations in the form of dialogue take place, for example, which feels less like authentic conversation and more like lecturing.