A renowned developmental psychologist at NYU with a ton of research and writing behind her offers us a new look at what it means to be a boy and live with a boy in our times. She sounds the alarm that the way we raise boys, particularly at the young adolescent stage, hurts us all.

Right off the bat, I loved her insistence that boys crave friendship, intimacy, and expressing feelings as much as girls. It’s theory totally backed up with not just science, but fascinating interviews with actual kids in urban schools. Her point in the early chapters seems to be that somewhere around high school, boys turn away from friendships and try to rely on themselves. This is to their detriment, as their mental health suffers from their lack of closeness with their peers.

Way also doesn’t sling blame the traditional…uh, “way.” (I’m sure she gets that a lot.) She talks about guns and social media, but more from an anthropological than political stance. She’s more interested in the root causes and what we can do about it than which side of the aisle did it.

It gets really good with the “listening project.” She goes through a method of students and adults interviewing one another in the most active, open way. Not sure a school with rules on disclosure with students can implement it in the manner it was designed, but I loved the outcomes of the talks. And again, the point is to listen, to get to intimacy with the person you’re talking to. That’s got a lot of appeal for all those lonely kids out there.

While sometimes the academic tone pokes through, sounding like a dissertation, it flows well and entertaining and emotional in spots. Her use of self-disclosure is appropriate and not overdone.

Definitely useful, important, and thought-provoking for anyone who works with boys.

I think this should be a must-read really soon. We all know that toxic masculine traits are taught to our young boys. These boys grow up to be adults who don't know how to emotionally regulate and worse. It's nice to seem something come out and acknowledge that, as well as explore how to change that.