Holy Hell!!! This book is brutal.

Aoileann lives in house on an Irish island with her vegetative bedridden mother and her stern and unloving grandmother. Her father only visits once a month. She has been kept secluded from everyone. She has never attended school. Her days are always the same. Taking care of her mother. The mother she's never really known because she's always been this way since Aoileann can remember. She hardly even thinks of her as her mother. She refers to her as It or Bed Thing. The care is constant and grueling.

The town treats them as outcasts. Whenever they see Aoileann in town they either ignore her, run away from her, or they spit at her. She doesn't understand why she is treated this way. She doesn't understand why her mother is the way she is. Her father and grandmother won't answer her questions or they speak in riddles only to confuse her more.

One day while doing her daily swim she meets a young mother and her baby. Aoileann becomes obsessed with them. Desperate for a new life, any life that isn't her own, her mind begins to break. She has had enough and will go to very dark places to get what she wants.

Eek! This book is not for the feint of heart. The body horror is harrowing. This is one of those books that I enjoyed but feel weird saying I enjoyed it. You know what I mean? And imagine my surprise when I went to see what else this talented author has written only to find .... rom-coms. Say WHAAATTTT? Talk about a 180. This woman has completely flipped the script from fluff to frightening. What an accomplishment. I haven't read her rom-coms but I would like to encourage her to stick with horror. I will consume whatever horrible thing she writes in the future with glee. 4 stars!

Thank you to NetGalley and Kensington Books for my complimentary copy.

This book didn't work for me, and it lost me early on. When I read sentences like, "After the freedom of sleep, I am once more confined to my life. The hideous animal squealing is the hoisting of her bed. On the other side of the wall, the ropes falter, agonizing inch by inch along the timber beam just under the ceiling in her room next door. The hinges bawl."

I can't read an entire book written like that. I thank the publisher for sharing it with me. I'm sure someone will appreciate this book; it just wasn't for me.

Do you like to be … unsettled? Do you like thinking to the character - “no, no, no, please don’t … yep … you did. You did that.” Do you love an atmosphere so thick and dreary it nearly chokes you? Are you not afraid to leave your comfort zone?

This book could have been horrifically disgusting, but the great thing about it is the restraint. It has a perfect balance of “rouse your imagination” yet also explains things in detail. Of course, this is entirely a tolerance thing. Some people likely found this book extremely disturbing, and others perhaps tame, but for me, it hit my thresholds exactly. I couldn’t stop reading it just as I also had a sort of lump in my throat the whole time.

What’s fascinating is the main character - she’s shunned by her small island community, abandoned pretty much by her father, and has been forced, since she was a child, to assist her grandmother in caring for her invalid mother. She has no education, no friends, no help. Her grandmother is not kind and they are also extremely poor. She’s had a raw hand dealt to her, so when the only shining light she’s ever seen shows up, no wonder she doesn’t know what to do. Her desire for love, for a parent to take care of her, gets confused with her sexual desire, something she’s never been able to express. The way this is handled is so realistic and understandable. At the same time she does stuff where you’re like “Nooooo,” you also understand she hasn’t been properly socialized into caring for others or herself, and the way this is shown and not told (there is never a hint that she is aware that how she’s acting is not normal) is expertly done. It’s a great deep delve psychologically into what a person whose suffered as she has would think like.

I can’t really talk about the other characters, as one is sort of just a sleep-deprived mother and the other, well, also a mother, but to get into her would be spoilers. But, yeesh. Body horror upon body horror.

The atmosphere and setting are some of my favourites in horror. Desolate island in the sea? Yes, please. Of course, this is not an idyllic setting - far from it - and the little hints that are dropped that make it all the more chilling of a place (mentions of past events, cultural tendencies) serve to broaden it further. The island is almost as much a character as the characters, as a great deal of the plot is tied to the island itself. Is the island causing the problems - is it a cursed place? Or does the desolation just get to people’s heads?

The writing is lovely and evocative and so immersive. A quote, if I may - “The island slices up from the ocean, thrusting skyward like the prow of a sunken ship. At the high end, the island runs out at sheer cliffs. At the low end of the island is a broad sandy beach. The sand is grey, like iron fillings.”

The ending was rather perfect if you enjoy open-ended. Despite the tone of the story and the events, it was also somewhat hopeful. I guess? By the end of it, I was sitting there with my mouth open in disbelief regardless.

Now, if you are at all sensitive to stuff involving children, perhaps avoid this one. That being said, I am sensitive to that stuff, but somehow I could handle it, so maybe give it a chance.

It’s very dark, quite sad, and definitely horrific, but it's also exceptionally written and utterly addictive.

Totally worthy of the award. I loved it.

Where I End is a modern gothic horror about a young woman named Aoileann who becomes obsessed with an artist named Rachel and her baby. As she becomes more and more involved with Rachel, Aoileann’s resentment for her housebound mother grows.

TW: Major warnings for physical abuse, abuse of a disabled person, child abuse, and SA.

I don’t know how to feel about this book. It’s been a while since I’ve read a horror novel that disturbed me this much, mainly because of the sadistic nature of the main character. Living inside her head was not a pleasant experience, but the story was compelling enough to keep me pushing to the end.

I’m conflicted about what to rate this book; anywhere between 2.5 and 3 stars feels right. I loved the atmospheric setting of the island. I really got a sense of how isolated our characters were in this secluded part of the world, and of the evil surrounding them. At the same time, I found some of this novel to be a little over the top as far as gratuitous cruelty goes. I think Aoileann’s rage and psychological turmoil could have come through without all the scenes devoted to torturing her disabled mother/fantasizing about ways of harming Rachel’s baby. That’s just my two cents; maybe I’m not the target audience for this type of story.

2.5 stars rounded up.

Thank you to Kensington Publishing and Netgalley for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

On a secluded Irish island, young Aoileann lives a shunned and cursed live, alone with her grandmother, caring day in and out for her unresponsive mother, which she only names 'the thing'. After encountering a foreign woman with her newborn child, her whole perception shits, ridden with longing and a newfound desire, she starts unravelling what happened to her mother and to herself, stepping on a dark and twisted path herself.

This book truly captured me from the very beginning and held on until the end. That is partly because the writing is absolutely beautiful, haunting and symbolic, but also because the story just draws you in and holds you captive - because you want to know, what happened? To Aoileann, to her mother? The story unfolds very slowly but also with increasing intensity. It is definitely not an easy or light read and you should check some triggers beforehand. We delve deep into the protagonist's mind and witness her cruel thoughts and twisted desires, which are appalling, but also strangely understandable for a creature brought up without any love and affection. A product of her surrounding.
The book is a haunting picture of suffering and tackles topics like abuse, denial and post-partum depression.
I was a bit let down by the final reveal, it was just not satisfying enough for me and some parts were a bit hard to just go along with.

Altogether a great read - 4.25 stars

Thank you so much NetGalley and Kensington Books for the ARC!

where i end is a claustrophobic, twisted novella that masterfully depicts the tragedy of postpartum depression, ostracism, and being trapped in a loveless home - a well deserved winner of the shirley jackson award. a deeply disturbing insight into some of the darkest parts of the human soul, this book was difficult to keep reading but impossible to put down. there were a few scenes that made me physically recoil. the characters and relationships were complex - i found myself feeling pity and disdain for each of them throughout the book. i loved the setting - a strange little  coastal town that reeks of quiet malevolence. it was almost another character in itself. i thought the prose was also stunning and insightful, with several standout lines. i will definitely be thinking about this book for a while.

thank you to netgalley and the publishers for giving me access to the e-arc in exchange for a review :)

Profoundly disturbing horror that digs deep under the skin. Almost unbearably cruel and bleak, but also impossible to put away once I started reading. I though, maybe, there would be some moment of grace, but there is none. Unflinching and sharp as flint.

Masterfully grotesque and haunting.
I didn't know what to expect reading this Gothic, atmospheric descent into madness...! I could not put it down (though my insides were screaming to throw it across the room)!
This one will stick with me.
Please read trigger warnings, cause hoo boy this one was a doozy!

Thank you to NetGalley and Kensington Books for this advance reader copy.

@kensingtonbooks @erewhonbooks @sophiewhite

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Where I End is a traumatic and wild ride, y'all. I honestly am not even sure where to begin with this one!

Right off the bat, the setting is absolutely haunting. Set on a remote Irish Island, the imagery is bleak, gray, depressing, cold. Immediately, I had zero desire to ever visit this harsh and unforgiving place.

Our MC, Aoileann, is a deeply damaged teenager. She has never left the island, never known anything other than the shadow of the life she is living, helping her grandmother to take care of her mother who she refers to as "the bed-thing". The atmosphere in their home is unsettling and creepy, and the visceral descriptions of the steps taken each day to care for the bed-thing made me shudder, especially because of the lack of compassion or care. As Aoileann decides she wants more and develops and unhealthy obsession with a newcomer, everything starts to unravel.

This book made me uncomfortable beyond words. I had physical reactions to some of the scenes in this book and there were a couple of times I wanted to put it down and walk away from it. And I absolutely LOVE when the written word does that to me. That's what reading is supposed to be about and this one nailed it.

If you love gothic vibes, deep unresolved familial trauma and scenes that will make you squirm, Where I End is definitely for you!

This quiet small island has different customs and our main character is often exiled due to her nature and her family. Not only that but her mother is bed bound, so she is often helping taking care of her. Suddenly a woman and her child get to the island and our main character wants more. the extends she will go to leave her current life are intense. Unhinge behavior yet understandable. It has you question the real nature of this character which is where the horror lies

Young Aoileann has never left the island. Her days are spent caring for her bed ridden mother alongside her grandmother who seemingly has little love or comfort to offer the teenage girl. When a woman and her baby move to the island Aoileann becomes enthralled, an innocent distraction from her mundane existence. This distraction soon turns to an unnerving and bizarre obsession.

Wow is this story layered and disturbing and gave me the ick. This is as bleak as it gets. Every second reading had me on the edge and I had to know how the events would play out. Though I felt a little dissatisfied with the ending; the poetic prose, isolated and dreary atmosphere made this a worthwhile read.

You are inside the main characters head the whole time and forced to experience the world through her emotionally stunted perspective. You feel the raw anger and frustration of this character and how that manifests itself. I am intentionally being vague, there’s way more going on in this story but I suggest going in as blind as possible because there is a lot going on that is better left to be experienced without any indication.

Overall I highly recommend. For all my friends out there who like their fiction visceral and bleak. This one’s for you. But please do check for trigger warnings as there are some content that might be disturbing to readers. You can always DM if you want specifics.

I must not forget to mention that Sophie White’s writing is top tier, I basically highlighted every other passage. Thanks a bunch to the author, publisher, and netgalley for the arc copy in exchange for my honest review.

“I want to stay. I want to watch. I have never seen abundance like Rachel. My mother is desiccated. My grandmother is implacable like stone. Our island is an arid ruin. I want to see how life-giving works.” ⁣ 
 
Where I End is a somber, strange, and unnerving little novel that enraptured me from start to finish. Due to the manner in which the plot unfolds, there are many questions left unanswered until the final chapters, which kept me flipping pages, desperate to know what would happen. I appreciated the way novel combined psychological and body horror to create an atmosphere of increasing, creeping dread. ⁣ 
 ⁣ 
Aoileann is quite the complex protagonist, as although she is suffering from her lack of a caring family dynamic and desire to experience familial love, her quickness to resent her incapacitated mother and increasingly disturbing behavior in forcing her way to getting closer to Rachel, the new arrival on the island, she is not always entirely sympathetic. Throughout the course of the novel, Aoileann gradually becomes more sadistic, both toward her mother and Rachel’s baby, both as a way to take out her resentment and unhappiness on someone and to free herself of anything that could hinder her plan to become a daughter-like figure to Rachel. In alignment with the rest of the novel, the ending is quite sad but poetic in a strangely lovely way. ⁣ 
 ⁣ 
Thank you so much to Erewhon Books and Netgalley for providing me with a digital ARC in exchange for review. I thoroughly enjoyed Where I End and would recommend the novel to readers who enjoy exploring the darker side of motherhood and family dynamics, as well as books that employ an eerie and sinister tone that doesn’t fail to make them uncomfortable. The U.S. edition of Where I End is available 9/24.

It's a creepy book I'll give it that but, it's also strangely recognisable. As someone who's lived with a terminally ill parent, I felt the same conflicted feelings that our main character displays. I don't know if this was White's intention but I feel like it was. The book leaves a eery feeling for the average reader but I'd say a dreadful lingering one for those readers that have been in a similar situation.
I think this book displays the idea of "living loss" in the best but most fucked up way possible.
Besides dealing with grief, the book also deals with motherhood, sexuality and island seclusion. If any of those sounds up your alley and you don't mind a bit of skin-crawling horror then I'd definitely recommend this novel.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publisher for allowing me to read this e-arc in exchange for an honest review!

Woof. I just finished this and just stared at the wall for 10 mins.
What a wild, insane, heartbreaking and disturbing read. The writing was so beautiful even if it was equal parts disturbing and upsetting. This is true horror and I love how tight the tension was throughout. I feel like this story and main character will haunt me for months on end and I mean that as a compliment. My only complaint and it's a small one because I thought the book still wrapped up really well, I wanted a bigger punch of an ending, which honestly probably would have made it TOO disturbing and sad lol. This was great and I will pick up whatever Sophie White writes next.

A truly disturbing book, oozing dread on every page. This is the horror of existence.
This is a horror story about mothers.
Recommended to anyone that enjoys dark, macabre stories that have a strong vein of reality to them and a strong stomach for the worst that humans can do. CW on everything in this one.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.
#netgalley

Rating: 4.5/5

Where I End is an eerie and atmospheric novel. Sophie White knocked it out of the water. You feel the haunt in your bones.

Something is not right with the island. Aoileann has been kept isolated because of a family secret and her bedridden mother creaks throughout the house. In Aoileann's unravelling of these family secrets and newfound hope comes a horrific ending. This book is unnerving, bleak, and unforgettable. The symbolism of loneliness, mental illness, and family trauma is beautiful and poignant. A fantastic read!

**Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for this ARC!**

Thank you so much to NetGalley, Kensington Books, and Sophie White for approving me for my first ever arc in exchange for an honest review! This book has been on my radar for quite some time now and I’m so grateful that I was finally able to read this eerie and unsettling story.

Aoileann lives on a small, isolated island taking care of her bedridden mother who creaks along with the house throughout the night. Aoileann is frustrated with this constant caring for her mother, but will soon find a newfound hope when a fresh outsider arrives on the island and catapults the story towards an intense and horrific ending.

I thought this book was absolutely incredible. This book gave me everything that I wanted and more; expertly crafted horror with a sense of dread that continues to build, elements of surprise as long-held secrets are finally revealed, and a deep amount of complex, underlying emotion. Sophie White does a great job of utilizing quiet and subtle horror to construct a tense atmosphere and a devastating climax. I couldn’t stop thinking about these unlikeable characters even after finishing the book, and I’m sure I’ll be thinking about them for a while after. This is definitely a heavy read and will not be for everyone (check trigger warnings), but if you enjoy deeper books that are dark and disturbing, Where I End is the perfect read. I also recommend this for anyone who is a fan of folk horror, complicated families, and small island isolation. Where I End by Sophie White is publishing in the US on September 24th and I highly recommend checking it out when it does.

I'm sad that I had so many things going on when I started reading this book. It was a bit slow to start, but I really enjoyed the style of writing and the overall story. I plan to finish it soon. I was reminded heavily of Shirley Jackson's work, so I would recommend this if you enjoy her works.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Aoileann, a young woman living in an Irish island with her grandmother and the silent, bed-bound mother she doesn’t know, struggles with her monotonous life, filled with secrecy and resentment. Until a mainlander and her newborn baby appear, and show her a different side of mother/child relationships that Aoileann is desperate for, and will do anything to claim for herself.

I went in expecting to love this book, mostly because of the badass Erewhon Books cover, but it just wasn’t my thing. The overall atmosphere is so oppressive, it seeps out of the writing. The settings are harsh and bleak, the characters ugly and cruel. Aoileann’s mother is described in detail, as is the routine of caring for her, and I mean, her body, the bathing, the taking her to the loo and changing her diaper - everything was so vividly portrayed, I do not recommend reading while you’re eating. There were also things done to people that made me squirm.

And I mean, this is a credit to the author, really! I don’t think this makes it a bad book; it’s just that it was too much for me.

It was definitely an interesting exploration of the uglier side of motherhood, of the pressure on women to not only have children but to love every part of the journey, to ignore every bad feeling; of society’s quickness to judge and condemn instead of offering help; of feeling Othered in your community and even your family; of how “evil” can be made.

This book was devastatingly horrific. This is a compliment. I have not been this enthralled and horrified by a book. It is no wonder that this book has a Shirley Jackson award.

I am so very disturbed.

Well done Sophie White. I'm adding more of your books to my TBR.