This was such a tough read. The author perfectly executed what it's like being in an abusive relationship. This book is raw and real. It definitely put me in my feels.

my heart always hurts for characters like this. you never know who you are until someone hurts you enough to find out.

Thank you to Net Galley, the author, and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Unfortunately, this book didn't resonate with me. I couldn't get into the narration style. It jumped around a bit too much for my liking and felt scattered. While I can see why some might appreciate the emotional heaviness, I had trouble connecting with the characters enough to feel the full weight of it.

what a thrilling debut! thank you to the publisher for the e-arc (so sorry it’s late); all opinions are my own.

i love reading debut authors; it always kind of reminds me of spring flowers coming out after a long rainstorm. i think this book is no exception. moss comes out swinging with the first chapter and it surely is a ride from start to finish. i found myself captivated by enola, but i would also be lying if i said some of her actions didn’t make me want to scream. she was deeply flawed and incredibly complex, some may even call her “messy.” but saying all that, she was a great protagonist. i loved seeing her growth from chapter one to the end of the book and her growth was clear, even if there were some speed bumps in the road.

i definitely do think that this is a character driven novel. it’s very lit fic, if i had to put it in a category. saying that, there were some things that didn’t quite work for me, hence the three stars. i still enjoyed it, but not without its flaws.

i feel like with such a cast of supporting characters, there wasn’t a lot of depth to many of them, with the exception of Ruth. i think they were there for the sake of being there? it’s a bit like having a party, but not knowing anyone there, even though you see them often. it was surface level, i think. i got the feeling that maybe this book was about friendship and finding yourself, but i wonder how things would have played out if she focused on making better connections with Ruth’s friends or even her literary critique group instead of going back to that horrendous guy.

speaking of that horrendous guy (i don’t even know his name and i think it was mentioned once in the beginning?), he was awful, which made me feel bad for enola. she deserved better. but i can’t say that i wouldn’t do the same. having the rose tinted glasses on as you try to navigate a new relationship when it’s more than you signed up for. she tried her best to become Cool Girl, as the synopsis puts it, but this relationship unearths some uncomfortable truths for enola.

i think another thing that i wished was explored more was her dad and their relationship. i think just one conversation with her mom and everything seemed finished with that plot line. the dad really was a ghost haunting the narrative, but with a little seance, he was gone. i wanted more from that, but instead it was the other guy we were looking at.

it wasn’t a bad book at all. moss had sharp writing skills and she perfectly captured the high of being in love and forever chasing the high. it did remind me a little bit of the show “I Will Destroy You” though i can’t quite put my finger on it. i still enjoyed myself, i just wish certain things were explored a little more deeply.

Thank you Enola, bc girl I was in a SLUMP but your relationship with ~him~ had me way too engaged (and stressed) to stop reading.

This debut novel by Eliza Moss was an incredible depiction of just how obsessive a person could be about the wrong relationship, and how such obsession can drive someone to forget themselves and base their sole desires on the other person- who does NOT deserve it. It was written in such a way that you were in sync with Enola’s thoughts and feelings, that when he was gaslighting Enola, or manipulating her, or calling her sensitive or crazy, you felt it so intensely. Her thought spirals and anxiety were so potently written that I felt each one, and I spiraled with her. He was so unbelievably rude at times to her, and I felt it in my gut. Each time he alluded to the fact that Ruth was more beautiful, or Steph understood him more, or was Enola beach ready? My heart HURT. It was devasting to watch her grow more and more insecure, and see that insecurity lead her to spirals (and quite frankly crash outs). I really loved Enola. I was rooting for her every step of the way.

“I didn’t think about my pleasure, because it wasn’t my pleasure I was addicted to.”

“I would have cut my own arm, it meant he could heal my wound.”

“I had never felt sexy before, but I believed him, because at this point, I was what he told me.”

I have to say, the friendship between Ruth and Enola. I absolutely loved it. Ruth was such an amazing friend to Enola, even through her spirals and crash outs. We would all be so lucky to have a forever friend like Ruth.

“Enola, she said, he breaks you, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to put you back together again.”

Writing wise- I was immediately taken back by the lack of quotation marks. But I did eventually get used to it (a seasoned Normal People lover). Also- I think not having Enola name ~him~ was such a cool and different artistic choice, and I think it gave so much weight to the fact that he was an all encompassing being in her mind. He had so much power. He was the only him. It was just very interesting, and powerful, to read. And I truly enjoyed it.

Thank you to Netgalley, Eliza Moss, and the publishers for a copy of the e-book for an honest review!🤍 I’ll definitely be on the look out for her next book.

We either are an Enola, used to be one, or know one.
There’s no in between. If you’re into toxic love & want to yell at a MFC for wtf she is doing & allowing, this is your book. Lmao. There’s childhood trauma, family drama, and a toxic man-boy to hate.

This was a quick read for me bc I had to know what is going to happen next. I honestly enjoyed the author’s writing & the synopsis up until the last chapter. It fell off for me then. Maybe I don’t get it, but it would have been a 4star read for me if it wasn’t for that.

Ps, Enola DID NOT DESERVE RUTH!

Thank you NetGalley, the publishers & author for this ARC!

I can’t remember the last time I got so worked up about any man, fictional or otherwise, but my god did this man make me want to throttle something. I understand that part of the value of the narrative was to make the reader sit in the same vicious cycle the FMC was subject to, but it was truly infuriating throwing red flag after red flag only for them to fall on deaf ears. That being said, I think this story could be triggering for people who have experienced toxic relationships, or a necessary wake up call for anyone still in one. I’m also relieved that there was a pretty tidy conclusion to the book after being jerked back and forth for hundreds of pages, but the fiction became apparent in some of the timing of the tidy little ending.

Other titles that caused me a similar balance of devastation and exasperation: Acts of Desparation, In the Dream House (memoir).

Thank you to Henry Holt & Co. for the opportunity to read and review!

frustrating flawed main characters whois deeply relatable and arrogant self absorbed love interest. situationships are like a car crash you can't look away from.

thanks netgalley and author eliza moss for allowing me to read.

This book was two fold for me. On one hand as I was reading it I really really disliked the main character Enola. She was annoying and didn't listen to anything any of her female friends said but constantly chose a man over herself and geez, get over him already! On the other hand, the ending was quite nice and what I hoped would happen, although it took the ENTIRE book for her to get there. I think the overall message of this one is pretty important and it becomes clearer and clearer as you read this one and watch Enola fall in love with a terrible man who manipulates, abuses, and gaslights her the entire time while also dealing with familial relationship issues and ultimately a huge daddy problem. It's a sad story to read but I'm sure this happens all the time to women.

What the writer does well in this one is make you, the reader, feel a bit off with Enola. At points I began to question what was happening and what the real story was. I was a bit gaslit by the story itself but eventually everything is untangled and you get an ending that is satisfactory.

2.5-3 stars
This was an interesting story and at times I would get annoyed with the main character and her devotion to a man who really did not seem to care about her or her feelings. As the story progressed she has one friend who is a true constant in supporting her throughout this dynamic.

Enola is an aspiring writer, waving goodbye to the end of her twenties from her position as a barista at a hedge fund cafe and regularly showing up to her writing group without anything actually written, when she meets Him. He, though nameless, quickly becomes the central figure of Enola's every thought, nearly swallowing her whole, though her all-consuming love allows her to hand-wave off the red flags that turn into red billboards. Moss's prose is wonderful, and the speed and deftness with which she is able to conjure up a fully realized character is remarkable. The story kept me on my toes, as well—I tore through most of this book in a day. While the main relationship explored is that between Enola and Mr. Wrong, we also take a deep dive into the other core relationships in her life (namely, that with her best friend and her mother). This book broke my heart before firmly stitching it back together. While it was difficult to watch Enola go through some of the mistreatment time and time again, ultimately the catharsis provided at the end made the whole thing more than worth it.

Another worthy addition to the Sweetbitter-Fleabag-PerfumeAndPain-etc-verse, WHAT IT'S LIKE IN WORDS is a gorgeously written exploration of trauma, feminism, and the many nuances of unhealthy relationships.

Echoing what I've seen in a few other reviews of this: it reminded me of Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler (a high compliment)! This was everything I was hoping for based on the description. Similar to Adelaide, it felt like someone peered inside my brain and laid out my deepest thoughts and emotions on paper. The author clearly incorporated some of her personal experience into the story, as the descriptions of a first love were too accurate to be fiction. I also love the title - a clever play on the plot (what it's like to fall in love for the first time, but also the uncertainty of it and the emotion of it all).

This was an interesting take on looking back at a failed relationship. I was hooked from the start to see how it would all unravel.

What It’s Like in Words is a novel that evoked an enormous amount of emotion from me. I felt so much rage for the main male character, while also feeling compassion for Enola and a deep understanding for her best friend. The toxicity and manipulation was well characterized, and the storyline felt genuine and believable. This is one of my favorite books I’ve read in awhile.

I would like to thank NetGalley and Henry Holt & Co for providing me with an advance e-galley of this book in exchange for an honest review. Look for it now in your local and online bookstores and libraries.

What It's Like in Words by Eliza Moss is a powerful debut that delves into the complexities of love and self-discovery. The story follows Enola, a woman caught in a toxic relationship that challenges her self-perception and emotional growth. Moss’s evocative writing draws readers into Enola’s journey, and while the lack of traditional dialogue formatting may be jarring at first, it enhances the narrative's immersive feel. The book is emotionally intense and thought-provoking, making it a rewarding read, though it may not be for everyone. Overall, I’d give it 4 stars.

TW/CW: Language, drinking, use of c-word, smoking, drug use, domestic abuse, toxic relationships, death of parent, death by suicide, grieving, depression, anxiety, toxic family relationships</b>

<b><big>*****SPOILERS*****</b></big>
<b>About the book:</b>
Enola is approaching 30 and everything feels like a lot. The boxes aren’t ticked and she feels adrift in a way she thought she would have beaten by now. She wants to be a writer but can't finish a first draft; she romanticizes her childhood but won’t speak to her mother; she has never been in a serious relationship but yearns to be one half of a couple that DIYs together at the weekends.

Enter: enigmatic writer. Enola falls in love and starts to dream about their perfect future: the wedding, the publishing deals, the house in Stoke Newington. But the reality is far from perfect. He’s distant. But she’s a Cool Girl, she doesn’t need to hear from him every day. He hangs out with his ex. But she's a Cool Girl, she’s not insecure. Is she? He has dark moods. But he’s a creative, that’s part of his ‘process’. Her best friend begs her to end it, but Enola can’t. She's a Cool Girl.

She might feel like she’s going crazy at times, but she wants him. She needs him. She would die without him...That's what love is, isn’t it? Over the next twenty-four hours (and two years), everything that Enola thinks she knows is about to unravel, and she has to think again about how she sees love, family, and friendship and—most importantly—herself.
<b>Release Date:</b> December 3rd, 2024
<b>Genre:</b> Contemporary fiction
<b>Pages:</b> 320
<b>Rating:</b> ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

<b>What I Liked:</b>
1. Writing style
2. Unhinged woman vibes
3. The ending
4. All the quotes
5. Realistic view of toxic relationships

<b>What I Didn't Like:</b>
1. Dialog is confusing between characters
2. Side characters deserve more screen time

<b>Overall Thoughts:</b>
<b><u>{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}</u></b>

Trying to understand where the attraction between these two is. He avoids answers but mocks her for hers. She turns into brainless mush around him and calls her answers <i>silly</i> as though she's a child.

The relationship between Ruth and Enola is confusing. I think they are ex's that were married and then divorced, but they act as though they were never even married. Enola texts Ruth about sleeping with this man.

The context between what happens & what is happening is just thrown in there and you have to break it up for yourself. Yeah, there is a few lines to separate the past to now but it doesn't help with know what time frame we are currently in and then bounced into.

Also are we not to believe this man right from their first meeting? He says he's allergic to kiwis but pulls one out to eat in from of her. I suppose he's starting the gaslighting early.

Love that this dude uses jokes to cover up his truths. He says he thought it would he harder to bed her than the 3rd date and calls her a slut while also saying it wasn't him that suggested the sex - she was a dog in heat wanting him. This man is a 35 year with a roommate and has a room a college student would have. Just get out sis you are better than him.

It's driving me crazy. It's mentioned that Ruth and Enola grew up together but they didn't have any other photos of them together because her mum burned them, but then it's mentioned that they have the same gap in teeth. But in earlier parts of the book it talks about them breaking up and marriage. Wtf is going on??

I hate all the back handed comments this guy makes that she is too blind too. Glad Ruth was able to see through it. Plus found it funny that his roommate made the cake (doubt he helped at all) and he gave her a CD as a gift, so he spent nothing on her. When she offers to make him one he insults her saying no thanks, but in a less kind way.

Now she's got bruised collarbone because she didn't want to go on holiday where he wanted.

So many moments where I was yelling at the book for Enola to wake up and realize that He is no good for her.

I loved Ruth and Enola's real conversation about how there aren't just two men for Enola and if it didn't work out with them then there is something wrong with Enola. Beautifully written and thought out.

<b>Final Thoughts:</b>
I think this book could have benefited from 2 pov's; Ruth and Enola. It made me sad that Ruth was your typical side character in a book with just enough to like her but not enough to know her.

I was glued to this book that talks if toxic relationships and healthy friendships we replace with toxic relationships just so we don't get judged on our choices. So many times Enola pushed Ruth away because she was worried about what Ruth would gave to say about him.

Loved the ending.

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<b>Thanks to Netgalley and Henry Holt and Co for this advanced copy of the book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I have been looking for a book to scratch that toxic relationship itch ever since I read and loved Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies, and Eliza Moss’s debut novel, What It’s Like in Words, fills that void.

All of the machinations of falling in love with and not being able to leave someone who is so inherently bad for you are splayed bold and bare and across the pages of this candid and unabashed novel of a young woman who is inexplicably drawn to the wrong guy despite it being his mission in life to hurt her. Laced with shame and regret, but also told with a smidge of that rosy hue, aspiring novelist Enola takes us through her noxious relationship with a narcissist. Enola is suffocatingly in love with a man who is the opposite of everything a solid and supportive partner should be … so why can’t she leave him? She asks herself this over and over again as she goes through their relationship with a fine tooth comb, reexamining the countless times he belittled her and made her feel small, and questioning what is it about this guy that makes her feel crazy. When will enough be enough for Enola to realize that SHE is enough?

Anyone who has ever breathed in the fumes of toxic love or felt its claws gripping you by the neck don’t need this book explained to them. They know what it’s about and will see themselves on these pages, swimming desperately toward the shore, but always finding themselves pulled back out into the dark and drowning sea. Leaving a destructive relationship is a process and a personal journey, and no two people will walk the same path, as evidenced by Enola in this harrowing book. However, there is a common thread that seems to run through all bad love stories, and it is by telling and sharing these stories that we can come together and triumph over the things that almost did us in.

Books like What It’s Like in Words help remove the shame of loving the wrong person off the victim, and instead place the blame where it belongs - on the perpetrator. This novel is frank and self-effacing, with a protagonist who makes no qualms about the fact that her love interest is arrogant and demeaning. Even though Enola can’t see that her partner is horrible for her, he is written in such a way that it is glaringly apparent to the reader, and you will find yourself rooting for her to stand her ground and finally leave him for good.

What It’s Like in Words is a journey of a thousand tiny steps with a young woman coming into her own and discovering her worth. It is an eye-opening, reflective ride through hell, and a courageous and committed testament to learning how and why to choose yourself.

Recommended to fans of Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies.

3.75

This book gaslit me, and I feel entitled to compensation. 

Enola's life is a meaningless wreck. She can't finish her manuscript, she isn't speaking to her mother, she misses her father, and she's never been in a serious relationship but is desperate to be. When she meets an older writer whose condescension makes her desperate for his approval, she falls into a toxic relationship with him that will bring all her past traumas to light. 

The story is told in several timelines, with Enola reflecting back on their relationship as well as living it in real time. I struggled with rating this because it really pissed me off, but it was really well done. The writing was beautiful and thoughtful, but this man MADE ME SO ANGRY. And Enola's choices were painful, no matter how much they made sense for her character. It took me a bit to get into it, but once I got swept up in the cycle of abuse along with Enola, I finished the rest of the book in a night. I think anyone who's struggled with finding themselves in their work or losing themselves in a relationship will find this story uncomfortable but relatable. Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the advance copy in exchange for my honest review.

Omg this book!

It was a hard read bit I am sure this happens more than you think!

Powerful, thought provoking and just a great read!

Thanks NetGalley for letting me read and review