2.5-3 stars
This was an interesting story and at times I would get annoyed with the main character and her devotion to a man who really did not seem to care about her or her feelings. As the story progressed she has one friend who is a true constant in supporting her throughout this dynamic.

Enola is an aspiring writer, waving goodbye to the end of her twenties from her position as a barista at a hedge fund cafe and regularly showing up to her writing group without anything actually written, when she meets Him. He, though nameless, quickly becomes the central figure of Enola's every thought, nearly swallowing her whole, though her all-consuming love allows her to hand-wave off the red flags that turn into red billboards. Moss's prose is wonderful, and the speed and deftness with which she is able to conjure up a fully realized character is remarkable. The story kept me on my toes, as well—I tore through most of this book in a day. While the main relationship explored is that between Enola and Mr. Wrong, we also take a deep dive into the other core relationships in her life (namely, that with her best friend and her mother). This book broke my heart before firmly stitching it back together. While it was difficult to watch Enola go through some of the mistreatment time and time again, ultimately the catharsis provided at the end made the whole thing more than worth it.

Another worthy addition to the Sweetbitter-Fleabag-PerfumeAndPain-etc-verse, WHAT IT'S LIKE IN WORDS is a gorgeously written exploration of trauma, feminism, and the many nuances of unhealthy relationships.

Echoing what I've seen in a few other reviews of this: it reminded me of Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler (a high compliment)! This was everything I was hoping for based on the description. Similar to Adelaide, it felt like someone peered inside my brain and laid out my deepest thoughts and emotions on paper. The author clearly incorporated some of her personal experience into the story, as the descriptions of a first love were too accurate to be fiction. I also love the title - a clever play on the plot (what it's like to fall in love for the first time, but also the uncertainty of it and the emotion of it all).

This was an interesting take on looking back at a failed relationship. I was hooked from the start to see how it would all unravel.

What It’s Like in Words is a novel that evoked an enormous amount of emotion from me. I felt so much rage for the main male character, while also feeling compassion for Enola and a deep understanding for her best friend. The toxicity and manipulation was well characterized, and the storyline felt genuine and believable. This is one of my favorite books I’ve read in awhile.

I would like to thank NetGalley and Henry Holt & Co for providing me with an advance e-galley of this book in exchange for an honest review. Look for it now in your local and online bookstores and libraries.

What It's Like in Words by Eliza Moss is a powerful debut that delves into the complexities of love and self-discovery. The story follows Enola, a woman caught in a toxic relationship that challenges her self-perception and emotional growth. Moss’s evocative writing draws readers into Enola’s journey, and while the lack of traditional dialogue formatting may be jarring at first, it enhances the narrative's immersive feel. The book is emotionally intense and thought-provoking, making it a rewarding read, though it may not be for everyone. Overall, I’d give it 4 stars.

TW/CW: Language, drinking, use of c-word, smoking, drug use, domestic abuse, toxic relationships, death of parent, death by suicide, grieving, depression, anxiety, toxic family relationships</b>

<b><big>*****SPOILERS*****</b></big>
<b>About the book:</b>
Enola is approaching 30 and everything feels like a lot. The boxes aren’t ticked and she feels adrift in a way she thought she would have beaten by now. She wants to be a writer but can't finish a first draft; she romanticizes her childhood but won’t speak to her mother; she has never been in a serious relationship but yearns to be one half of a couple that DIYs together at the weekends.

Enter: enigmatic writer. Enola falls in love and starts to dream about their perfect future: the wedding, the publishing deals, the house in Stoke Newington. But the reality is far from perfect. He’s distant. But she’s a Cool Girl, she doesn’t need to hear from him every day. He hangs out with his ex. But she's a Cool Girl, she’s not insecure. Is she? He has dark moods. But he’s a creative, that’s part of his ‘process’. Her best friend begs her to end it, but Enola can’t. She's a Cool Girl.

She might feel like she’s going crazy at times, but she wants him. She needs him. She would die without him...That's what love is, isn’t it? Over the next twenty-four hours (and two years), everything that Enola thinks she knows is about to unravel, and she has to think again about how she sees love, family, and friendship and—most importantly—herself.
<b>Release Date:</b> December 3rd, 2024
<b>Genre:</b> Contemporary fiction
<b>Pages:</b> 320
<b>Rating:</b> ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

<b>What I Liked:</b>
1. Writing style
2. Unhinged woman vibes
3. The ending
4. All the quotes
5. Realistic view of toxic relationships

<b>What I Didn't Like:</b>
1. Dialog is confusing between characters
2. Side characters deserve more screen time

<b>Overall Thoughts:</b>
<b><u>{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}</u></b>

Trying to understand where the attraction between these two is. He avoids answers but mocks her for hers. She turns into brainless mush around him and calls her answers <i>silly</i> as though she's a child.

The relationship between Ruth and Enola is confusing. I think they are ex's that were married and then divorced, but they act as though they were never even married. Enola texts Ruth about sleeping with this man.

The context between what happens & what is happening is just thrown in there and you have to break it up for yourself. Yeah, there is a few lines to separate the past to now but it doesn't help with know what time frame we are currently in and then bounced into.

Also are we not to believe this man right from their first meeting? He says he's allergic to kiwis but pulls one out to eat in from of her. I suppose he's starting the gaslighting early.

Love that this dude uses jokes to cover up his truths. He says he thought it would he harder to bed her than the 3rd date and calls her a slut while also saying it wasn't him that suggested the sex - she was a dog in heat wanting him. This man is a 35 year with a roommate and has a room a college student would have. Just get out sis you are better than him.

It's driving me crazy. It's mentioned that Ruth and Enola grew up together but they didn't have any other photos of them together because her mum burned them, but then it's mentioned that they have the same gap in teeth. But in earlier parts of the book it talks about them breaking up and marriage. Wtf is going on??

I hate all the back handed comments this guy makes that she is too blind too. Glad Ruth was able to see through it. Plus found it funny that his roommate made the cake (doubt he helped at all) and he gave her a CD as a gift, so he spent nothing on her. When she offers to make him one he insults her saying no thanks, but in a less kind way.

Now she's got bruised collarbone because she didn't want to go on holiday where he wanted.

So many moments where I was yelling at the book for Enola to wake up and realize that He is no good for her.

I loved Ruth and Enola's real conversation about how there aren't just two men for Enola and if it didn't work out with them then there is something wrong with Enola. Beautifully written and thought out.

<b>Final Thoughts:</b>
I think this book could have benefited from 2 pov's; Ruth and Enola. It made me sad that Ruth was your typical side character in a book with just enough to like her but not enough to know her.

I was glued to this book that talks if toxic relationships and healthy friendships we replace with toxic relationships just so we don't get judged on our choices. So many times Enola pushed Ruth away because she was worried about what Ruth would gave to say about him.

Loved the ending.

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<b>Thanks to Netgalley and Henry Holt and Co for this advanced copy of the book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Eliza Moss’s debut novel, What It’s Like in Words, is an unflinching dive into the complexities of toxic love and self-discovery. Told through the eyes of Enola, an aspiring writer on the cusp of thirty, this story captures the dizzying highs and devastating lows of falling for someone who is entirely wrong for you.

Moss’s prose is sharp and hauntingly evocative, immersing readers in Enola’s emotional turmoil. The novel’s fragmented timeline brilliantly mirrors the chaotic unraveling of a destructive relationship, keeping readers invested as Enola reflects on her choices and their consequences. Her struggle to balance her yearning for love, validation, and creative fulfillment makes her a flawed but deeply relatable protagonist.

What sets this book apart is its unapologetic honesty. Moss doesn’t sugarcoat the pain and confusion of loving someone who chips away at your self-worth. Instead, she skillfully captures the push and pull of such relationships, leaving readers frustrated, heartbroken, and rooting for Enola to find her way out.

That said, this isn’t a story for everyone. Some readers might find the cyclical nature of Enola’s decisions exasperating, but that’s also what makes the narrative so authentic. Moss forces readers to confront the uncomfortable truths about love, dependency, and self-worth.

What It’s Like in Words will resonate with anyone who has ever felt trapped in a love they couldn’t let go of. It’s a powerful exploration of learning to choose yourself, written with nuance and depth. Highly recommended for fans of Carola Lovering’s *Tell Me Lies* and anyone seeking a raw, emotionally charged read.

I have been looking for a book to scratch that toxic relationship itch ever since I read and loved Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies, and Eliza Moss’s debut novel, What It’s Like in Words, fills that void.

All of the machinations of falling in love with and not being able to leave someone who is so inherently bad for you are splayed bold and bare and across the pages of this candid and unabashed novel of a young woman who is inexplicably drawn to the wrong guy despite it being his mission in life to hurt her. Laced with shame and regret, but also told with a smidge of that rosy hue, aspiring novelist Enola takes us through her noxious relationship with a narcissist. Enola is suffocatingly in love with a man who is the opposite of everything a solid and supportive partner should be … so why can’t she leave him? She asks herself this over and over again as she goes through their relationship with a fine tooth comb, reexamining the countless times he belittled her and made her feel small, and questioning what is it about this guy that makes her feel crazy. When will enough be enough for Enola to realize that SHE is enough?

Anyone who has ever breathed in the fumes of toxic love or felt its claws gripping you by the neck don’t need this book explained to them. They know what it’s about and will see themselves on these pages, swimming desperately toward the shore, but always finding themselves pulled back out into the dark and drowning sea. Leaving a destructive relationship is a process and a personal journey, and no two people will walk the same path, as evidenced by Enola in this harrowing book. However, there is a common thread that seems to run through all bad love stories, and it is by telling and sharing these stories that we can come together and triumph over the things that almost did us in.

Books like What It’s Like in Words help remove the shame of loving the wrong person off the victim, and instead place the blame where it belongs - on the perpetrator. This novel is frank and self-effacing, with a protagonist who makes no qualms about the fact that her love interest is arrogant and demeaning. Even though Enola can’t see that her partner is horrible for her, he is written in such a way that it is glaringly apparent to the reader, and you will find yourself rooting for her to stand her ground and finally leave him for good.

What It’s Like in Words is a journey of a thousand tiny steps with a young woman coming into her own and discovering her worth. It is an eye-opening, reflective ride through hell, and a courageous and committed testament to learning how and why to choose yourself.

Recommended to fans of Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies.

3.75

This book gaslit me, and I feel entitled to compensation. 

Enola's life is a meaningless wreck. She can't finish her manuscript, she isn't speaking to her mother, she misses her father, and she's never been in a serious relationship but is desperate to be. When she meets an older writer whose condescension makes her desperate for his approval, she falls into a toxic relationship with him that will bring all her past traumas to light. 

The story is told in several timelines, with Enola reflecting back on their relationship as well as living it in real time. I struggled with rating this because it really pissed me off, but it was really well done. The writing was beautiful and thoughtful, but this man MADE ME SO ANGRY. And Enola's choices were painful, no matter how much they made sense for her character. It took me a bit to get into it, but once I got swept up in the cycle of abuse along with Enola, I finished the rest of the book in a night. I think anyone who's struggled with finding themselves in their work or losing themselves in a relationship will find this story uncomfortable but relatable. Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the advance copy in exchange for my honest review.

Omg this book!

It was a hard read bit I am sure this happens more than you think!

Powerful, thought provoking and just a great read!

Thanks NetGalley for letting me read and review

Enola is closing in on her thirties and she doesn't have much to show for it. No writing career, no romance, a tenuous (at best) relationship with her mother. She meets a writer and completely falls under his spell, neve knowing when (or if) he'll call, not knowing what their relationship really is. Enola is completely and totally wrapped up in this relationship.

What Moss did here, feels like a feat. Enola is messy and confusing and the writing shows that. But it's deftly managed and we are drawn into Enola's perspective, just as confused and tortured by the relationship as she is.

There will be a lot of people that are not a good fit for this book but I think many who give it a chance will find it truly satisfying. For those who don't mind a complicated protagonist and lots of unreliable perspective, this debut novel will be a treat.

What it’s like in words follows Ebola, a woman who is approaching 30 years old feels like she has not accomplished what she has set out to. She wants to be a writer but cannot finish a first draft and she wants to be in love but has never had a serious relationship. This is when an enigmatic writer enters the picture and Ebola instantly swoons. However it seems there is a dark side to this man, he doesn’t answer for days, hangs out with exes, and has dark moods. But Enola feels like she’s a cool girl and a go with the flow girl so she sticks it out longer than she probably should. This book is for the girls who have tried to love/change a man that just wasn’t a good person. This book was heartbreaking, eye opening, emotional, beautiful, gripping, and intense. We learn over the course of this two year relationship this man is a narcissist and manipulative. However you feel like you are in Enola’s seat. You’re being gaslit and manipulated just as Enola is, which is part of what makes this writing so powerful.

Through Enola’s perspective, What It’s Like in Words explores the nature of memory and relationships (familial, friendship, and romantic) with emotional intensity and, at times, gut-wrenching relatability.

I appreciated a lot of the stylistic and narrative choices the author made, like keeping the romantic interest nameless, having a somewhat unreliable narrator, and using non-linear storytelling. I loved the way the narrative slowly unveiled pieces of Enola’s past.

I also think it can be tricky to write characters that are writers, but Moss did so convincingly and to the benefit of the narrative, and the concept worked well with themes around memory and self-determination. I also found the writing itself to be quotable, and I was highlighting a lot as I went.

The themes here are definitely on the darker side. In terms of themes and style, this almost feels to me like a cross between Genevieve Wheeler’s Adelaide and Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends. Fans of either would probably enjoy this book. In general, fans who enjoy psychology- or relationship-focused fiction with flawed main characters would enjoy this one.

*Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt & Company for the complimentary eARC for the purpose of an honest review!*

This was somewhat of a Sally Rooney copycat, even down to the "creative" use of grammar and punctuation. The writing style was probably the primary thing that didn't stick for me, but I also quickly became fed up with the protagonist's choices. The story is a good, realistic portrait of the slow decline of a relationship into abuse, but didn't add anything very new to the genre. I wouldn't consider this a romance novel, but I'm also not sure how else I'd shelve it.

This book put me into a book slump. My mouth literally dropped at some of the things that happened and the gaslighting..wow! This has to be one of the most heartbreaking and frustrating books I’ve read in awhile. Will i recommend this? Absolutely. But I do feel like a book of this magnitude needs to be handled very cautiously.

What It’s Like in Words is a heartbreaking examination of narcissistic abuse in a relationship, and it packs a massive emotional gut punch. The narrator, Enola, is nearing 30 and feeling adrift in her life when she meets “him” at her writers group. She falls in love with him quickly, but it’s clear from the beginning that he doesn’t have feelings on the same level as hers. He gaslights her and criticizes her and ignores her before apologizing and drawing her back in, starting the cycle all over again. It was such a Taylor Swift-coded book for me, so here is a description of Enola’s relationship with him, as told in Taylor Swift songs: “I Knew You Were Trouble” --> “Say Don’t Go” --> “tolerate it” --> “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.” The Swifties know.

Enola is the heart and soul of this book, and when I say that she was absolutely infuriating, I mean it in the most loving way. She was so believable and sympathetic and utterly frustrating in the way she let him walk all over her but yet I UNDERSTOOD. It’s a true testament to Eliza Moss’s writing and character development that I was so drawn in, feeling every emotion Enola felt and justifying her poor choices right alongside her. Moss uses Enola’s utterly devastating experiences with him to bring her to a deeper understanding about herself, and to finally acknowledge the childhood trauma she’s been carrying for decades. It’s a journey to the best version of herself, through her worst experiences.

It’s hard to get a book like this right, but Moss does. She gets it exactly right, and it’s so emotionally resonant and profound. Thank you to Henry Holt and Co. for the early reading opportunity.

Some comps: Tell Me Lies, Adelaide, and A Very Nice Girl.

"What It's Like in Words by Eliza Moss is an intense, dark, and compelling debut novel that shares what happens when a young woman falls in love with the wrong kind of man. Here you will meet Enola who is almost thirty and she is anxious that she hasn't met some life goals yet. She desperately wants to be a writer but can't finish a first draft; she thinks often about her childhood but won't speak to her mother; she has never been in a serious relationship and is seeking out the comfort one could give her. Emma falls in love with a writer from her local writing group and starts to imagine their life together. The issue is he is aloof and - at the very minimum - nonchalant with her feelings. Emma's feelings grow, while he pushes her away, begs her back, plays mental games, and unravels any stability Emma was hoping for.

I really enjoyed many aspects of this book. I think this would be a great book for anyone that enjoys literary fiction because the depth of the emotional expression here made the story truly stand out to me. The characters although frustrating at times were well developed, multi dimensional, and possessed strong voices.

Thank you to Henry Holt, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for the opportunity to enjoy this book before it's release on 12/3/24.

This book was a very tough read about Enola, a girl in a very toxic and abusive relationship. Enola's boyfriend abused her, and she unfortunately tolerated the relationship. The whole time I was just hoping for Enola to see her self worth, and realize how worthy she is of deserving the right love. The book was well written, but it's definitely a tough read.