I have been looking for a book to scratch that toxic relationship itch ever since I read and loved Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies, and Eliza Moss’s debut novel, What It’s Like in Words, fills that void.

All of the machinations of falling in love with and not being able to leave someone who is so inherently bad for you are splayed bold and bare and across the pages of this candid and unabashed novel of a young woman who is inexplicably drawn to the wrong guy despite it being his mission in life to hurt her. Laced with shame and regret, but also told with a smidge of that rosy hue, aspiring novelist Enola takes us through her noxious relationship with a narcissist. Enola is suffocatingly in love with a man who is the opposite of everything a solid and supportive partner should be … so why can’t she leave him? She asks herself this over and over again as she goes through their relationship with a fine tooth comb, reexamining the countless times he belittled her and made her feel small, and questioning what is it about this guy that makes her feel crazy. When will enough be enough for Enola to realize that SHE is enough?

Anyone who has ever breathed in the fumes of toxic love or felt its claws gripping you by the neck don’t need this book explained to them. They know what it’s about and will see themselves on these pages, swimming desperately toward the shore, but always finding themselves pulled back out into the dark and drowning sea. Leaving a destructive relationship is a process and a personal journey, and no two people will walk the same path, as evidenced by Enola in this harrowing book. However, there is a common thread that seems to run through all bad love stories, and it is by telling and sharing these stories that we can come together and triumph over the things that almost did us in.

Books like What It’s Like in Words help remove the shame of loving the wrong person off the victim, and instead place the blame where it belongs - on the perpetrator. This novel is frank and self-effacing, with a protagonist who makes no qualms about the fact that her love interest is arrogant and demeaning. Even though Enola can’t see that her partner is horrible for her, he is written in such a way that it is glaringly apparent to the reader, and you will find yourself rooting for her to stand her ground and finally leave him for good.

What It’s Like in Words is a journey of a thousand tiny steps with a young woman coming into her own and discovering her worth. It is an eye-opening, reflective ride through hell, and a courageous and committed testament to learning how and why to choose yourself.

Recommended to fans of Carola Lovering’s Tell Me Lies.

3.75

This book gaslit me, and I feel entitled to compensation. 

Enola's life is a meaningless wreck. She can't finish her manuscript, she isn't speaking to her mother, she misses her father, and she's never been in a serious relationship but is desperate to be. When she meets an older writer whose condescension makes her desperate for his approval, she falls into a toxic relationship with him that will bring all her past traumas to light. 

The story is told in several timelines, with Enola reflecting back on their relationship as well as living it in real time. I struggled with rating this because it really pissed me off, but it was really well done. The writing was beautiful and thoughtful, but this man MADE ME SO ANGRY. And Enola's choices were painful, no matter how much they made sense for her character. It took me a bit to get into it, but once I got swept up in the cycle of abuse along with Enola, I finished the rest of the book in a night. I think anyone who's struggled with finding themselves in their work or losing themselves in a relationship will find this story uncomfortable but relatable. Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the advance copy in exchange for my honest review.

Omg this book!

It was a hard read bit I am sure this happens more than you think!

Powerful, thought provoking and just a great read!

Thanks NetGalley for letting me read and review

Enola is closing in on her thirties and she doesn't have much to show for it. No writing career, no romance, a tenuous (at best) relationship with her mother. She meets a writer and completely falls under his spell, neve knowing when (or if) he'll call, not knowing what their relationship really is. Enola is completely and totally wrapped up in this relationship.

What Moss did here, feels like a feat. Enola is messy and confusing and the writing shows that. But it's deftly managed and we are drawn into Enola's perspective, just as confused and tortured by the relationship as she is.

There will be a lot of people that are not a good fit for this book but I think many who give it a chance will find it truly satisfying. For those who don't mind a complicated protagonist and lots of unreliable perspective, this debut novel will be a treat.

What it’s like in words follows Ebola, a woman who is approaching 30 years old feels like she has not accomplished what she has set out to. She wants to be a writer but cannot finish a first draft and she wants to be in love but has never had a serious relationship. This is when an enigmatic writer enters the picture and Ebola instantly swoons. However it seems there is a dark side to this man, he doesn’t answer for days, hangs out with exes, and has dark moods. But Enola feels like she’s a cool girl and a go with the flow girl so she sticks it out longer than she probably should. This book is for the girls who have tried to love/change a man that just wasn’t a good person. This book was heartbreaking, eye opening, emotional, beautiful, gripping, and intense. We learn over the course of this two year relationship this man is a narcissist and manipulative. However you feel like you are in Enola’s seat. You’re being gaslit and manipulated just as Enola is, which is part of what makes this writing so powerful.

Through Enola’s perspective, What It’s Like in Words explores the nature of memory and relationships (familial, friendship, and romantic) with emotional intensity and, at times, gut-wrenching relatability.

I appreciated a lot of the stylistic and narrative choices the author made, like keeping the romantic interest nameless, having a somewhat unreliable narrator, and using non-linear storytelling. I loved the way the narrative slowly unveiled pieces of Enola’s past.

I also think it can be tricky to write characters that are writers, but Moss did so convincingly and to the benefit of the narrative, and the concept worked well with themes around memory and self-determination. I also found the writing itself to be quotable, and I was highlighting a lot as I went.

The themes here are definitely on the darker side. In terms of themes and style, this almost feels to me like a cross between Genevieve Wheeler’s Adelaide and Sally Rooney’s Conversations with Friends. Fans of either would probably enjoy this book. In general, fans who enjoy psychology- or relationship-focused fiction with flawed main characters would enjoy this one.

*Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt & Company for the complimentary eARC for the purpose of an honest review!*

This was somewhat of a Sally Rooney copycat, even down to the "creative" use of grammar and punctuation. The writing style was probably the primary thing that didn't stick for me, but I also quickly became fed up with the protagonist's choices. The story is a good, realistic portrait of the slow decline of a relationship into abuse, but didn't add anything very new to the genre. I wouldn't consider this a romance novel, but I'm also not sure how else I'd shelve it.

This book put me into a book slump. My mouth literally dropped at some of the things that happened and the gaslighting..wow! This has to be one of the most heartbreaking and frustrating books I’ve read in awhile. Will i recommend this? Absolutely. But I do feel like a book of this magnitude needs to be handled very cautiously.

What It’s Like in Words is a heartbreaking examination of narcissistic abuse in a relationship, and it packs a massive emotional gut punch. The narrator, Enola, is nearing 30 and feeling adrift in her life when she meets “him” at her writers group. She falls in love with him quickly, but it’s clear from the beginning that he doesn’t have feelings on the same level as hers. He gaslights her and criticizes her and ignores her before apologizing and drawing her back in, starting the cycle all over again. It was such a Taylor Swift-coded book for me, so here is a description of Enola’s relationship with him, as told in Taylor Swift songs: “I Knew You Were Trouble” --> “Say Don’t Go” --> “tolerate it” --> “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived.” The Swifties know.

Enola is the heart and soul of this book, and when I say that she was absolutely infuriating, I mean it in the most loving way. She was so believable and sympathetic and utterly frustrating in the way she let him walk all over her but yet I UNDERSTOOD. It’s a true testament to Eliza Moss’s writing and character development that I was so drawn in, feeling every emotion Enola felt and justifying her poor choices right alongside her. Moss uses Enola’s utterly devastating experiences with him to bring her to a deeper understanding about herself, and to finally acknowledge the childhood trauma she’s been carrying for decades. It’s a journey to the best version of herself, through her worst experiences.

It’s hard to get a book like this right, but Moss does. She gets it exactly right, and it’s so emotionally resonant and profound. Thank you to Henry Holt and Co. for the early reading opportunity.

Some comps: Tell Me Lies, Adelaide, and A Very Nice Girl.

"What It's Like in Words by Eliza Moss is an intense, dark, and compelling debut novel that shares what happens when a young woman falls in love with the wrong kind of man. Here you will meet Enola who is almost thirty and she is anxious that she hasn't met some life goals yet. She desperately wants to be a writer but can't finish a first draft; she thinks often about her childhood but won't speak to her mother; she has never been in a serious relationship and is seeking out the comfort one could give her. Emma falls in love with a writer from her local writing group and starts to imagine their life together. The issue is he is aloof and - at the very minimum - nonchalant with her feelings. Emma's feelings grow, while he pushes her away, begs her back, plays mental games, and unravels any stability Emma was hoping for.

I really enjoyed many aspects of this book. I think this would be a great book for anyone that enjoys literary fiction because the depth of the emotional expression here made the story truly stand out to me. The characters although frustrating at times were well developed, multi dimensional, and possessed strong voices.

Thank you to Henry Holt, Macmillan Audio, and NetGalley for the opportunity to enjoy this book before it's release on 12/3/24.

This book was a very tough read about Enola, a girl in a very toxic and abusive relationship. Enola's boyfriend abused her, and she unfortunately tolerated the relationship. The whole time I was just hoping for Enola to see her self worth, and realize how worthy she is of deserving the right love. The book was well written, but it's definitely a tough read.

I unfortunately am dnfing this book at almost 50% — I don’t think this book/plot is for me. I was unaware of the triggers and key topics of gaslighting and abuse in this book and will have to shelf for a different time. The writing is very captivating and I would be keen to read another book by this author! Thank you NetGalley for the digital ARC!

This was an incredible debut despite how triggering it was for me. Moss does an excellent job of putting us in the mindset of Enola, an emotionally dependent woman who doesn’t seem to know herself or her worth and who subsequently chooses partners who don’t fulfill her needs and are downright abusive. I wanted to shake her multiple times while reading but also found myself relating to certain thoughts she had. We find out why she made those decisions towards the end of the book although I wish this had been expounded on a little more. The alternate realities and timelines were a bit confusing at times but I believe served an important purpose in showing the difference outcomes of her life based on potential decisions. I think Moss is obviously an excellent writer and I was very impressed with her ability to craft this story. Definitely check CW but I do recommend.

What It's Like in Words tells the story of its main character, Enola, coming into herself. She is getting close to 30, she wants to be a writer but hasn't written anything in ages, she works in a cafe with her best friend, and she wants to fall in love. One evening with her writing group, she meets another writer and everything changes. He invites her to get a drink and Enola can't help but get wrapped up in him. After a few months, the two take a trip to Kenya, where Enola spent part of her childhood, and it seems like things start to fall apart as Enola tries to confront her childhood trauma and her kind-of-boyfriend doesn't understand how to help her and only seems to make her doubt herself even more. She is inspired by him and torn down by him in equal measures. This story explores Enola's romantic relationship, her friendship with her best friend Ruth, and her relationship with her parents in really beautiful, emotional storytelling.

I really, really enjoyed this book. It impacted me in an emotional way that doesn't happen super often. Enola was a frustrating character because I thinks she has these negative characteristics that many people can see in themselves. She will do anything to make her boyfriend happy, even at the cost of her own happiness. She hides things from Ruth so that Ruth will like him, but they end up fighting over him anyway. Enola is a huge pushover and lets people get away with way too much, so if you are someone who doesn't enjoy stories with flawed main characters, this book will not be for you. Luckily for me, those are some of my favorite types of books. I really loved seeing how Enola's relationships developed over the years and it was so satisfying to see how she grew as a character. My one complaint was that at times it was difficult to tell when exactly the story was taking place and which "he" Enola was talking about, but I understand that Moss was drawing parallels between the characters. This will be a great book for readers who enjoy stories about complicated relationships, whether those be romantic or familial.

This book was so beautiful and so emotional I could throw up. In a good way. So deeply introspective and tender, I will carry this story with me always.

This was hard to read, but that is a credit to the book rather than a detriment. Anyone who has been in an unhealthy relationship will understand. The constant second guessing and assuming that you must be the one in the wrong because why would the person you love hurt you intentionally? Eliza Moss explores these emotions and coping mechanisms so expertly that I feel as though there is a man out there who should apologize to her. I felt pity, frustration, sisterhood, and more for our main character Enola as I lived inside her brain as she navigated her relationship.

The only thing I struggled with in this book was some of the time jumps. I got confused a bit at certain points, however I was usually able to catch up quickly enough! Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt and Co. for access to this ARC!

Tugged at my heart strings!!!! A heart-breaking story of love and gaslighting in its purest forms. This book sucked me in. The toxic relationship had me reeling, While I didn't always agree with Enola, she was relatable and I wanted her to open her eyes and realize that she deserved so much better!! This was a gut-punch but one of those necessary reads about the trauma suffered in relationships because in some way, we have all been there before. I still can't believe that this is a debut novel.

What a debut! Unexpectedly one of my favorite books of the year. The story centers around Enola and her relationship with a guy she just can’t help being drawn to… except it spans over 2 years and she has to come to terms with her own wellbeing before seeing the situation clearly. I appreciate how we never learn his name. A true testament to Moss’ writing is that I was routing for them for a while like - wow the passion!! (someone give me a psych eval). Ruth is a fantastic friend and probably my favorite character, I don’t know how she kept it so cool I really wanted to shake Enola (girl wake up)! Overall, very compelling read.

A few critiques: I didn’t appreciate the Donald Trump commentary, and I didn’t care for the (few) novelty t shirts.

Thank you to the author and publisher for providing an advanced copy through Netgalley.

This book made me feel SO many things. It’s the story of a late twenties aspiring author and her relationships: with her best friend, dead father, estranged mother, toxic boyfriend(s) and her self. The author does an incredible job of illustrating why someone might stay in an abusive or manipulative relationship. Even though I wanted to scream at Enola to LEAVE HIM! several times throughout, I really empathized with her and was surprised to find myself thinking “maybe it WILL get better…maybe this time IS different…” alongside her. Ultimately though, I was rooting for her, and by the end, I was so proud of her growth.

I loved how the author never referred to the boyfriend by his name. I loved how the timeline hopped around. I love how she played with alternative realities and endings. The plot was meandering but the pace never felt slow or stagnant. The writing was beautiful. All in all, a stunning debut!

(Actual: 4.75⭐, rounded up) As someone who just recently turned 31, I've never felt more seen by this book (and I mean that in honestly both the best and worst of ways haha). This book was highkey quite triggering! For those who have ever been in a push-pull, toxic, or even downright abusive relationship (myself included), WILiW can be a bit of a tough read because of how spot-on it is in depicting what it's like to be so deeply submerged in this type of relationship (as well as how hard it can be sometimes to get out). Enola may have been an annoying MC at times but, for me, that was part of her charm and what made her journey/storyline all the more impactful because, I mean... aren't we all a bit insufferable at times? Especially when it comes to love? I thought this book really succeeded in showcasing all the different ways a person can be gaslit and manipulated into not seeing what's right in front of them (otherwise known as ~red flags~), as well as all the highs and lows that come with falling in love and out of it. Enola had so much growing to do as a person [and *for herself*, not for others] that, while frustrating at times to read, it ultimately felt very satisfying (and earned) at the end when she finally did. I think this a very emotionally important book and would definitely recommend it out to others!