4.5 stars ✨

I’m Sorry For My Loss is a deep exploration into reproductive healthcare and experiences in the US, written by childhood friends who both found themselves in a club no wants to be part of; people who have suffered pregnancy loss. This book examines the issues American women face during pregnancy in a reality after Roe V Wade has been overturned, and how abortion restrictions truly hurt everyone.

I was pleasantly surprised by two things when reading this book: the intersectional lens the authors write through and the sheer amount of research and interviews that were incorporated. The authors stress constantly throughout this book how women of colour overwhelmingly have negative experiences with the healthcare system in relation to pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period, and some of the factors contributing to the higher maternal morbidity and mortality rates. Like most white people (I hope), I am always working on being the best ally I can be and trying to de-centre myself in feminist issues, so I really appreciated the work the authors put in to sharing this perspective and including firsthand accounts from women of colour. Important discussions are also included about people who do not identify as women who experience pregnancy and how they are often erased from the conversation. These were just a sample of a huge stack of interviews that were conducted and weaved into this book, the authors spoke to so many people including other loss parents, medical professionals, abortion and pregnancy loss advocates, and operators of grief support services. I was impressed by how much I learned from this book as someone who already considered myself pretty knowledgeable on the topic.

I was expecting a purely contemporary dissection of abortion rights but I’m Sorry For My Loss has a huge scope spanning hundreds of years, all with the purpose of figuring out how attitudes around abortion and pregnancy loss formed in America. I found this history lesson, if you will, completely engrossing as we explore pregnancy experiences of enslaved women, how birth moved away from an all-female experience as healthcare became increasingly commodified, and the dawn of pharmaceutical contraception. As attitudes towards abortion evolved, so did the way people experienced miscarriages and stillbirths. I particularly liked how they talk about the role capitalism and consumerism has played on pregnancy and birth.

I enjoy a bit of well-placed humour as a respite when faced with confronting topics, but I felt like the authors tried a little too hard on that front. I completely see the vision but a lot of these lighthearted comments just didn’t land. The other thing I didn’t like was a couple of times this book actually plays into misogynistic stereotypes which will always rub me the wrong way, but ESPECIALLY in a book about a woman-centred issue. One I can remember off the top of my head was a snarky comment about women who give birth with a full face of make up… so what?

I have experienced pregnancy loss which is why I read this book and I absolutely connected with it as expected. There were plenty of weepy moments throughout, partly because it dragged up a lot of my own grief, but also because of the way this book talks about the community of families affected by pregnancy loss and how we are essentially tricked into thinking we’re alone in this when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I highly recommend I’m Sorry For My Loss to others who have faced these struggles and want to know more about that experience in the context of the world around us. The authors have done a phenomenal job of helping their community be heard and highlighting real issues in reproductive healthcare.

This should be required reading. It’s informative and heartbreaking and eye opening. You can’t have empathy if you don’t listen to people’s stories. This was a personal read for me but such an important one and I’m glad the voice was given towards this issue

I know a book is going to be good when it starts off with the way language limits or distorts our understanding of a subject. Recommended to absolutely anyone, with or without a uterus, with or without the intention to procreate. It’s ostensibly about pregnancy loss and miscarriage/stillbirth awareness, but that overlaps with many things—abortion, grief, medical misogyny, racial injustice, human rights. The authors treat a sensitive topic with care and respect, and fury when called for.

U.S. laws around women’s bodies, pregnancy, miscarriage, or abortions are rooted in a lack of understanding of how it all works, and it’s no coincidence that the women I know who are anti-abortion were raised with abstinence-only education. As the authors bluntly put it: “if you don’t even really understand how the fetus gets in there, you don’t sweat the details of how it gets out. Birth, miscarriage, abortion—it’s all a mystery.” Books like this go a long way toward rectifying that lack of understanding, and if we’re gonna stop the spiraling reproductive care crisis, it’s not a moment too soon.

How do you review something like this? Two women who are so honest and open about something that has become less and less a personal thing try to balance the fact that this is not something that should be shamed and hidden with the fact that reproductive rights are personal. A good read for anyone concerned with the post-Roe world that has been thrust upon us.

Thank you, NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS (non-fiction) | Sourcebooks books for this book for review. This was a beautiful and heart wrenching book about pregnancy loss in America, Post Wade and how it affects so many people and the choices or lack of choice they have. Pregnancy loss is difficult for anyone to deal with and then when you take away the ability for a person to get the care they need, like Post Wade, people are worse off. There is more shame, there is more loss, there is even the possibility of more death as women's lives are put in danger as we have seen Post Wade.

Thank you NetGalley and the publishers for an eARC in exchange for my honest review. This book is a dire, time-sensitive examination of post-Roe America. Little and Long walk the reader through an in-depth exploration of reproductive rights, starting with the language used, the history, and the persisting racial and political landscape. There are chapters that touch on legality, social disparities, misconceptions, and the all-out lies weaponized to delegate and dictate bodies. If you want to understand reproductive care in America, this is a one-stop shop.

As this is hitting shelves right before the 2024 election, this book captures a pivotal moment in time. Due to its extensive notes, interviews, and academic sources, I believe this has the makings of a powerhouse when examining reproductive history in the United States. I could easily see it being taught in schools. There are stories and personal accounts that humanize those affected. Despite the weight and grief imbued throughout this book, I sincerely enjoyed reading it. It is a fraught and terrible history. Yet, we persist, and look towards a collective future focused on autonomy and humanity. Beautiful stuff.

I want to also point out that the authors did an excellent job in trying to be inclusive when talking about reproductive rights, specifically from a trans and LGBTQ+ framework: “We respect the fluidity of gender and identity, and we try to allow for fluidity in our language as well. While a lot of these problems are as old as time, the language around gender and binaries is changing quickly. We want to draw attention to the inadequacies of the language while also doing our best to use what is most appropriate in each context.”

I'M SORRY FOR MY LOSS is a timely and necessary addition to the reproductive health conversation. If the authors' goal was to empathize and enrage the audience, then mission accomplished. There was a nice balance of research and personal narratives, punctuated by the gallows humor to break up the heartbreaking stories and data. I appreciated the candor in which the authors openly spoke about their privilege as white women, and the efforts made towards inclusivity with the selected narratives.

All in all, I would recommend this book to my coworkers and friends.

Such a great resource and guide to help fill a gap in women's health and reproductive care. I am absolutely here for more attention on women's issues.

The authors do such a great job connecting themselves to the content and why we should take their word for it. Also, this book does not pull any punches when it comes to current issues and could read as political, but I have always wondered why women's health has to be political?! Basically, just know this isn't completely touchy-feely and sunshine. They keep it real.

Truly enjoyed the genuine voice and feeling like someone was finally hearing me and listening.

The book you need on reproductive health that encompasses it all, with authenticity and companionship. The reproductive journey may not be what you thought it would be, and there is confusion, grief and possibly a lack of support from the medical community and beyond while we are on it. This book can be a helpful resource for women who have been confused, have felt lost or unsupported as they have struggled with their own journey. The authors give much history around the politics of the female body and reproductive health that at this time as really not served the health of the woman. It is honest and filled with compassion and I believe will help many.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC!

I’m Sorry for My Loss: An Urgent Examination of Reproductive Care in America by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long is a multi-faceted portrait of pregnancy loss. The authors write, “It’s about the hope that no one else ends up almost dead from a miscarriage before medicine will intervene or feels lost and isolated in a confusing knot of grief, or knows nothing of pregnancy loss until it happens to them.” Little and Long are journalists who met in fourth grade. Rebecca Little is a freelance writer and former contributing editor for Chicago Magazine who has written for the Chicago Tribune and other publications. Colleen Long is an Associated Press White House reporter and a former New York City police reporter.


In addition to their professional credentials, both women experienced pregnancy loss as they explain early in the book. “Rebecca has been pregnant six times. She is raising three boys and buried three others. She had a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage at eight weeks, and following this a stillbirth experience in 2014. She would go on to have a medical termination at twenty-three weeks with identical twin boys who had a fatal heart condition in 2015. That delivery would go catastrophically wrong and end with a uterine rupture, a near-fatal hemorrhage, and an emergency hysterectomy.” Colleen, who was living in New York and was six months pregnant, went with her husband for a sonogram and “a doctor she didn’t know came in and told them the baby was dead and she should go see her own doctor. They were quickly shuttled into a taxi and up Manhattan’s West Side Highway, the goop still smeared on her abdomen.” She was told she could wait to go into labor or because she was still within the legal limit in New York State, she could go to an abortion clinic. “They chose the clinic mainly because Colleen felt like if she had to deliver a dead baby, she’d never be able to handle being pregnant again. Colleen’s two subsequent, successful pregnancies “were defined by anxious months of sadness and dread.”

“Different circumstances, different cities, and different women, but very similar emotional and traumatic side effects as we would soon discover.” Their research for the book began with text messages as they continually supported each other. The difference between these two women and other women dealing with such overwhelming loss was that these two were accomplished journalists who began using their skills to bring the sad state of pregnancy loss in America to light. Their research is impeccable, yet they write with humor that makes the book extraordinarily readable. They acknowledge this: “The Venn diagram of laughter, rage, and sorrow is our wheelhouse. We hope to meet you there.” At that, they are eminently successful. While their research, footnotes, stories of other women who experienced loss, and medical explanations fuel this book, it’s their accessibility and snarkiness that made the book most appealing to me. I felt like I was sitting in the room as my daughter and her friends, who had fertility issues, used gallows humor to survive despite their fears. While Little and Long offer their personal feelings, they also cite statistics, lots of statistics, that show why we need to learn about and address our unique problem. They note: “America is the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing. The U.S. has 32.9 deaths per 100,000 live births, the highest in the developed world. Maternal deaths across the U.S. more than doubled over the course of two decades.” And it’s getting worse.

They also talk about the terms we use and how they influence us. “Nobody throws a fetus shower. Fetus is a medical word devoid of any emotion. But baby? Now that’s evocative. But what’s considered a baby? An infant that’s emerged from the womb? A fetus past twenty weeks gestation? Whatever’s brewing up when the stick turns pink? Or that embryo you are rooting to make it to day five blastocyst at the IVF lab?” Yes, the words we use matter, and Little and Long give us the medical and historical information we need to understand what's at stake in our failing maternal healthcare culture.

Despite all their outstanding research and the numerous interviews they did with women, in the end, for me, it was their Appendix that broke my heart, made me chuckle, and helped me feel that there's hope. The Appendix has two sections of lists: One is titled “Did You Seriously Just Say That To Me?” The other is “Here’s What to Do and Say Instead.” This is where their humor makes us pay attention. One example is their advice on responding to someone saying, “You can always try again/have another baby. You don't know that's true. And whether it is or not is none of your business. Also, babies aren't mufflers; you don't swap one out for another.” I loved this book.

Summing it Up: Read I’m Sorry for My Loss for an intimate, yet fact-based exploration of the deteriorating state of reproductive care in America. Savor it for the way Colleen Long and Rebecca Little make you feel like they're bringing you into their real, wry, irreverent, and heartfelt conversations. This book is important and everyone should read it. Luckily, these women are outstanding writers so their words will capture your attention. You won’t be able to put it down. Select it for your book club and you'll talk for hours.

Rating: 5 Stars

Publication Date: September 24, 2024

Category: Five Stars, Grandma’s Pot Roast, Nonfiction, Super Nutrition, Sushi with Green Tea Sorbet, Book Club

Author Website: https://www.alittlelong.com/

Interview: https://chireviewofbooks.com/2024/09/23/im-sorry-for-my-loss/

What Others are Saying:

National Public Radio (WBEZ): https://www.wbez.org/books/2024/09/26/pregnancy-loss-stillbirth-book-rebecca-little-colleen-long

Kirkus Reviews: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/rebecca-little/im-sorry-for-my-loss/

“Sobering and well researched, this book lays bare major fault lines in a maternal reproductive care system in dire need of radical transformation.... Necessary, thoughtful, and heartfelt." — Kirkus Reviews

Little and Long aim to open a much-needed conversation around pregnancy loss and reproductive health care in America; both survivors of loss themselves, they intend to give words to the experiences of as many other survivors as possible, while providing a historical perspective on how we got to this point, considering the many health and grief challenges faced by pregnant and/or grieving people, and, hopefully, help see a way forward. It's conversational, including inserted comments by one or the other of the authors, because what they want most is to get us all talking about our experiences, risk, grief, and fears. I particularly appreciated the many comments from other survivors and the opening chapter about the words we use to talk about pregnancy loss and the way they need to be dictated by the person experiencing the loss, but also how none of the currently available terms summon up the whole experience. The writers try hard to include everyone. I did feel like the historical sections tended to gloss over some situations and apply a current view to past mindsets, but overall, I think this is a timely book that will speak to many people.

Thanks to the authors, the publisher, and Netgalley for my free earc in return for an honest review. My opinions are all my own.

Thank you to NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS for the eArc in exchange for an honest review.

I'm honestly at a loss for words. There is so much emotion behind my thoughts, I don't think I can adequately or justly give this book enough praise in a single review. For starters, I have so much respect for Rebecca and Colleen. They not only laid themselves bare for readers regarding their own personal loss, they've managed to shed light on an aspect of reproductive justice that is often overlooked.

Through exhaustive research, personal narratives, historical accounts, input from experts and a brief history lesson, we learn more about what people go through when suffering loss with an emphasis on how race, gender, and status can have an impact on how a loss is treated. Whether you code it as a miscarriage or an abortion it is all the same - a loss. This is where the line should stop.

"...your support for abortion should never have a but. Not 'I support abortion but only until this or only if that.' Abortion is needed and wanted at all stages of pregnancy for a long list of reasons"

One of the most critical takeaways from this book is that a miscarriage and an abortion require the same medical procedure (D&E) yet one is considered a tragedy and the other is considered a sin. There are so many important topics covered in "I'm Sorry for My Loss", I wish everyone would read it. Maybe then they would see things from a different perspective.

There are accounts from woman who have suffered loss throughout this book that were at times really heavy and really hard to read. But that is nothing compared to those who have gone through that loss let alone in a country that chooses not to step in and help them. There is no support or guidance or allowance for certain situations in a lot of parts of our country. Women are afraid to get pregnant and doctors are afraid to help pregnant people.

"I just can't advocate for a governmental system in which the response is to punish. It solves no problems"

A few things I especially enjoyed while reading:

1. The humor strung throughout at the most appropriate and expected times. It felt like talking with a friend and I appreciated that this book wasn't stale and academically written. It was the perfect balance of fact and feeling.
2. The "Making Your Own Ritual" section presented near the end of the book. It felt so genuine and authentic to include a variety of ways in which people individualize in how they memorialize their loss. Grief can be honored and I think it's so important to highlight that.
3. What not to say and what to say when someone goes through loss. I found myself in a sort of reality check when a few common phrases were on the "what not to say".

I can't recommend this book enough. I can be hesitant to pick up a non-fiction as they can tend to be out of order with a jumpy timeline but Rebecca and Colleen do such an incredible job at ensuring a consistent and cohesive story is being told with nothing being left out. I have nothing left to say other than, read it. For your wife, for your sister, for your friend, for your neighbor.

Quotes from "I'm Sorry for My Loss":

"It's really easy to talk about saving my daughter and really hard to talk about saving me. But I for sure saved me too, and I've saved myself over and over again since then because I realized I was worth saving"

"I do not approved of the messaged that God or the universe has done this to you so greater good can come out of it"

"America is also the only developed nation where maternal mortality rates are actually increasing"

"Outlawing Abortion doesn't decrease abortion, it just makes it more dangerous."

"Nothing brings people together like a common enemy, and there are few enemies more Biblical than "Woman."

"A D&C procedure is used for an abortion and miscarriage."

"Carson says she was given the option of giving her baby only one of two precious gifts: peace or life. She chose peace."

"If a baby lives for ninety minutes and is struggling, do we feel good about that?"

"The U.S. has 32.9 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. (The next closest, by comparison, is the United Kingdom with 10.9 per 100,000 births.) The data for Black women is 69.9 deaths per 100,000 live births."

I'm not American, but I'm a woman who has had a termination for medical reasons. I can say that the topic was handled with care and compassion by the authors. The guilt and shame I have carried for years since my procedure was eased somewhat knowing that I'm not alone. This book is so important and should be required reading for everyone who knows or loves a woman. Thank you to NetGalley, Sourcebook, and the authors for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

As a thinking woman and mother, I'M SORRY FOR MY LOSS by Rebecca Little and Colleen Long resonated so powerfully for me. Their intelligent investigation of all the dimensions of reproductive health and compassionate care felt brave, important, and long overdue in a country where the political divides keep us from deep and honest exploration of what it means to be a parent, the choices each individual must make for themselves, and the role of the culture and the country in determining what those choices are and how we are permitted to manage through the loss, the joy, the every aspect of bringing children into the world. I can't call out any one particular real-life story used throughout the book, because they were so apt and so sensitively told. I'd love to see this book deepen and further our discussion of what it means to live well in community. I received a copy of this book and these thoughts are my own, unbiased thoughts.

I learned a lot from this book. It is so important to have this book in the library. As someone who had been through a miscarriage, I have some firsthand knowledge. I was absolutely shocked to learn how many people deal with these issues. I had no idea until I went through it myself.

Nothing AT ALL to do with the book; someone very close experienced a pregnancy that didn't result in a live baby just a week or two after my request for this book was accepted.

Still, I have no doubts this is wonderful and am happy to give it 5/5 regardless (sorry if that breaks the rules,I'm not postimg this publicly so it's our secret)

I believe firmly in reproductive care for all women, and I'm Sorry For My Loss explores that from all aspects. As the subtitle says, this is an urgent examination and one that I wish everyone passing policy in state and federal governments would read and heed. The authors cover the piecemeal medical rules, insurance policies, and laws governing what choices women can make, and more importantly, what lack of treatment they are subjected to due to their inability to make medical choices that are right for them and their situations. The language we use suffers from inadequacy, implying that all kept pregnancies are wanted, and can also serve to make women feel that they are somehow to blame for miscarriages. Post-Roe America is a scary place for women, and the statistics that Little and Long present are sobering. Twenty-five percent of women have had an abortion and the current US maternal deaths is awful at 32.9 per 100,000. The maternal death rate for Black women in the US is terrifying at 69.9 per 100,000. Reproductive care is not simply an abortion issue, but rather how the United States views women's health. This book is necessary and heartfelt.

Thanks to Sourcebooks and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book. It will be published on September 24, 2024.

Thank you to Rebecca Little, Colleen Long, and NetGalley for an Advanced Reader's Copy of this title!

"The Venn diagram of laughter, rage, and sorrow is our wheelhouse. We hope to meet you there."

This line from the opening of "I'm Sorry for My Loss" is a perfect one-word summary for what you can find within these pages. Little and Long have taken a widely complex and emotion-packed topic and managed to approach its various facets in a way that is accessible for all, and have done so in a way that feels very respectful but also managed to find the mirth in the macabre.

I think this book is an amazing primer for anyone (whether you've ever suffered a miscarriage or not, or are capable of pregnancy or not) who wishes to understand more about miscarriage and how the current American political climate surrounding abortion came to be and is causing real, unforgivable suffering for women today. There is an excellent blend of history, science, first-hand accounts, and input from experts across time and space, with a huge emphasis on the intersectional impact that race, gender, and status can have on all aspects of pregnancy/miscarriage, which is something that you don't often see in similar books.

As a medical student I have taken pains to learn about pregnancy, miscarriage, and abortion so I can be best prepared to help my patients make the best decisions for themselves and their children, and I was amazed at how much I learned from this book. I think it is a must-read for anyone who loves or cares about someone (even yourself!) who can become pregnant. It was especially poignant finishing this book this week with news of the tragic and preventable deaths of two women in Georgia who were denied access to essential, life-saving healthcare as a result of laws around abortion and miscarriage in America.

Register to vote: https://vote.gov/

This was such a vital and important book. The authors set about to write about pregnancy loss in various forms, only to have the post Roe era collide with their book. There are stories here from women with early miscarriage, late miscarriage, stillbirth, abortions for the health of mothers and of babies, combined with the history of how pregnancy loss has changed and evolved over the years. Really this should be required reading for anyone wanting to legislate about a woman's body, and for people who experience pregnancy. Vital, relevant, hard to read but necessary.

This book is a heavy hitter....It gets into topics many will try to avoid for one reason or another. Speaking on taboo issues and exploring the depths of the overturn of Roe V Wade this book grabs you and does not let you go even after you finish reading it.