Williams was perhaps an odd candidate for the Marines: raised LDS, she had been taught that girls were less-than and that her purpose in life was to be a wife and mother—to support her husband to be the best LDS man he could be. She joined the Marines in part because it was a world away from her upbringing, because in the Marines a woman could be strong.

But in the Marines she learned something else: in the Marines, she learned, she could be a bitch, a dyke, or a whore—those were her only options. She could not be one of the boys (though that was a lesson learned much later), and she would never, ever be allowed to forget that she had a female body. And she learned that the eating disorder that she thought maybe she could rid herself of in the Marines was not ready to be rid of her.

"Of all the scars I carried as I sat twitching at my desk over my Arabic, perhaps the most disorienting was this: I did not believe I had the same right as men to dissent. The aftershock of a male clergy, an absolute lack of female spiritual leadership: I'd learned to trust men more than women, including myself, including the discomfort of my own body." (loc. 1757*)

This is a 3.5-star read for me. I found the early parts of the book slow, perhaps because so much of her early time in the Marines was a rude awakening regarding how poorly women in the military were treated; it is—through no fault of Williams—unpleasant reading. It serves its purpose, though, as throughout the book Williams gradually gets desensitized to the insults and degradation and direct or indirect threats of violence...and then, finally, starts to understand that what she is hearing and experiencing just isn't right.

"Males had their standard to prove. Be like Him.
Females had our standard to prove. Don't be like Her." (loc. 1321)

The Marines are not a good place to have an active eating disorder. I mean, no place is a particularly good place to have an active eating disorder, but it's so easy to see how the setting played into the worsening of Williams' bulimia—heavy emphasis on appearance, constant degradation of "females", constant sexual harassment, and absolutely zero understanding of what eating disorders are or how they should be addressed.

Because Williams was assigned to study languages, her trajectory in the Marines was different than one might assume; years passed spent in the States, struggling with Arabic and then being moved on to Farsi and beyond. It's hard not to wonder how her experience might have been different (better or, quite possibly, even worse) if she'd been on a different track; but then, it's hard also not to wonder how her experience might have been different if layer after layer of higher-ups had responded to her calls for help with "let's figure out how to get you the help you need" rather than "but if she's still showing up to work, why does it matter if she's throwing up X times a day?"

"Mostly the ghost months blurred as my body quietly began shutting down." (loc. 3996)

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

Hollow is a eye-opening memoir about a woman being in the Marines and the memories that your body carries with you. Bailey Williams went through hell and back, but she came out of it stronger, more vulnerable, and more human than before.

I've not read a memoir quite as incisive as Hollow in a long while. Having a family member in the Marines, I was interested to now hear from a woman's perspective. Williams writes fluidly and with a level of engagement that memoirs sometimes struggle with for me, but Hollow was anything but.

It always feels strange giving a star rating to someone's personal story. I will, for the sake of it sometimes being a deciding factor for people to read a book. While this was a tough read, it was full of a lot of heart. The author's story of her struggle as a female Marine with an eating disorder pulled hard at the empath part of me. I hope by Bailey sharing her story that others will feel the courage to do so as well. I cheered for her the entire time. This kind of story doesn't just happen in the Marines, but happens all over the world in many other situations. Women struggling in a world created for the white man to be successful. I'm very happy I was able to read an advanced copy of this!

This memoir is so inspiring, because the author takes so many personal risks and just keeps on going. Bailey Williams enlists in the Marines as a teen, right out of high school. Her upbringing has been a combination of being sheltered as a young Mormon, and being terribly abused by a stepmother. She is also dealing with the beginnings of an eating disorder, which just gets worse and worse as time goes by. After boot camp, she goes to Monterery, CA to the Dept. of Defense language institute to train as a crypto linguist. This is a wonderful indepth look at what it might be like to be a very young woman enlisted in the male dominated Marine Corps, dealing with an eating disorder, misogyny, and a total lack of response when she tries to get the medical help she needs. As a reader, you are basically glued to the page, cheering for Bailey the entire time.

For certain personality types, the order of the armed services is a powerful lure. For someone like the author, who grew up somewhat chaotically and struggled to control herself and struggled against eating disorders, it makes a kind of wild sense to try to give that control to something bigger. But the armed forces also reward discipline, stoic behavior, and perseverance, which can be taken too far.
This was a great read, but also a difficult one. All the author wanted was to be a good Marine, and that desire and the value system in the Marines fed a vicious cycle with her eating disorders. I'm glad she's alive, and I'm glad she told her story.

Wow. SO well written and so powerful. I couldn't stop turning pages. This is an important book on so many levels - women and eating disorders, sexual trauma, military culture, dangers of ingrained sexist practices in the marines, repressive religions, childhood trauma. What's really impressive is the skill with which Williams handles all of those huge issues and doesn't overwhelm the reader or ever come across as whining or patronizing or even, complaining. The reader will root for her and even while FURIOUS at the way the majority of males in the marines treat females, they will still love these characters and be grateful for their service and commitment. Outstanding read. Thank you to Net Galley and the publisher for the chance to read this incredible book.

This book was a tough read. I struggled a lot because my heart broke each time Bailey would make herself sick. What should have been a young woman proud of herself and accomplishment of being a Marine was overshadowed by her constant negative thoughts. I would recommend this book to young women who struggle with self image.

I found this memoir to be so powerful. Hearing William's story is impactful and it was a moving story. The emotion can be seen in the writing and it is clearly a journey that people can learn from when they are struggling

This was a good book full of all sorts of informative stuff of what recruits go through in boot camp.