Habits of a Peacemaker by Steven T Collis is one of the most thought-provoking books that I have read this year.
I read this book both prior to and again after the US elections. If there was ever a polarizing event, this was certainly it. I tend to avoid all political discussions, and really anything to do with the propaganda disseminated during election cycles, I was able to watch the news, read articles and listen to discussions with an entirely new appreciation and a more critical eye and ear for traps that keep us from really hearing one another. It was a refreshing eye opener. What I like best is that as I read through each of the examples, I could see where I had fallen into traps that lead to poor communication and misunderstandings, to listening with bias and judgement rather than an open mind. As Collis is a professor, his works are widely taught at the university where he teaches. I think this book should be on the curriculum for every university student. A lesson in critical thinking, critical listening, mediation and good communication.

Habits of a Peacemaker is a must read for anyone who communicates with others.

4.5 stars

This was a very interesting and helpful book. The world definitely needs more of this approach of learning how to deal with others who have differing views from our own. The habits are logical, and I can see how they would make a huge impact in conversations and getting along with others around us. However, in my daily interactions with others, I see mostly examples of the people and situations the author refers to as just ignoring the situation/subject so that you don't have to deal with the animosity/conflict because of how tempers so easily flare and how others simply think their view is the only correct way and not being open to listening to others, so I know implementing these habits is going to take a lot of work and perserverence.

The author uses the very prominent and very problematic social media platforms as examples of many conflicts and ways to not engage or to have productive conversations, as well as in-person conversations. The author explains how our brains react to social media and smart phone usage and how problematic it can be (we know this, but did we know why?? and not just for teens but for ourselves -- so much important info explained at the beginning of this book) and how/why those online interactions flare so quickly and escalate so dramatically. Since finishing this book, I have found myself trying to slow down and think back to what I have read in this book, with online and in-person situations, although gut instinct still makes me forget to take that time! I have tried for a long time even before reading this book to not engage online, even in what I think may be a productive manner, but now I really understand what those developers are doing with their programs/apps and also why tempers flare so quickly in online posts.

This is a great book with so many helpful tools and examples of situations to use the 10 habits in to help the reader try to implement them and become better at peaceful interactions with others. The author uses humor in some of his examples and is mostly very clear in his presentation and explanations, though there were times I had to look some things up that he was referring to that weren't common knowledge to me. I really can see how the author's 10 habits would help so many situations be less confrontational and lead to more helpful conversations and solutions between not just leaders or in work situations (and it definitely would help in politics, ha ha!!) but also in every-day relationships (marriage, parenting, friendships) and our interactions. I definitely think this should be a must-read book for everyone to help us through lasting relationships and situations to become more productive and more peaceful and pleasant and form stronger foundations to deal with problem-solving and positive experiences with those around us.

I started this 2 months ago and finished before the recent election, but after the election results and reading some online comments and listening to the media, I definitely was more aware of what the author is trying to share with this book, not just the habits but how things are worded and used to ignite outrage and pique interest and capture ratings, etc. Probably the biggest take-away that I have personally struggled with accepting and not getting hung up, and it's obvious many other people struggle with accepting as well, is that it really is okay to disagree, but we can still work through things with peaceful, productive conversations and approaches and move forward in a more positive and productive manner (yes, I've used those two words a lot in this review!!). I highlighted so many things in my digital copy of this book. I am going to be purchasing a physical copy of this book to try to refer back to when I need reminders and help of how to better approach situations more peacefully so that I can hopefully have more positive and productive interactions with others.

Life changing! Everyone needs this book.

Peacemakers build bridges to other people who think differently. This book focuses on how to talk about difficult topics productively. Many simple skills are included such as asking sincere questions and assuming the best about people and their intentions.

It is not at all what I expected, it’s better. Contains much broader info that everyone can relate to presented in an extremely helpful and interesting way. I found the section on smart phones and addiction unexpected but fascinating. It is easy to read with convenient summaries at the end of each chapter. 5 solid stars! Thanks to Shadow Mountain Publishing for an ARC to use for my review.

Every person should read this book. There are so many small things we can change to bring peace into our lives.

This is a book that will have you thinking a lot of how you interact and react in situations and conversations with family, friends, acquaintances and strangers. It is filled with a lot of great advice and information to help us pause and think about how we converse with others. Do we jump to conclusions? Do we always assume that we are right? Do we assume that we know everything there is to know? And honestly, when we really stop to think about these questions and many others, we come to realize that we probably do jump to conclusions, we probably think we're right a lot of the time and that we know most everything there is to know. When in all actuality, we don't really know everything and we aren't always right. There are several ways to approach something and the angle that we look at it, isn't always exactly right, or how the other person perceives it.

I really liked how the author pointed out for us to have healthy discussions and learn to understand each other. That we don't have to agree for one or the other to know it all or be right. But we should learn to listen (both sides), have healthy discussions and open to learning from and understanding the other person and vice versa.

There's so much more in this book. It is definitely one I would highly recommend everyone reads. Even if they don't implement all of his advice, I think just each of us taking something from it and working on that will help lead to healthier discussions and less frustration or anger between people. Especially when social media is an easy place for people to comment and leave their opinions as law and stir up trouble and back and forth arguing over something that is not worth the "fight" that ensues.

Let's be slower to jump to conclusions and take a moment to understand. There would be so much more accomplished if we all did so.

Content: This book is a non-fiction book. The author is a lawyer and he draws from many of his experiences and interactions with people, many of which are positive due to both parties being able to follow a lot of these habits he discusses.

I received a copy from the publisher, Shadow Mountain Publishing, via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions in the review are my own.

Happy Reading!!!

Habits of a Peacemaker: 10 Habits to Change Our Potentially Toxic Conversations into Healthy Dialogues by Steven T. Collis

I received an advanced copy from the publisher via Netgalley without the requirement that I publish a review. Opinions are my own. I chose to review this book because I found the message to be refreshing and greatly needed in 2024. This challenge from the author compelled me: “Many of us have grown up in a world where we have forgotten, never learned, or were not even exposed to the skills needed to talk about hard topics in a productive way. Many of us want to be able to do it” (loc 135 of 4226).


Collis is a law professor at a major U.S. university and an expert on the First Amendment. His goal is to provide a handbook to equip those who want to bridge the widening divide in our society by fostering dialogue and healthy debate instead of arguing and attacking. This book is thorough (perhaps too much so), but is very helpful in thinking about your own communication style and how to be a better friend, neighbor, co-worker, or online commenter. He provides concrete tools and examples of how to reframe your conversations to lead to a deeper exchange of ideas and perhaps even win someone over to your point of view– or even change your own mind: “(I)t is about everyone involved working together to find a shared solution while recognizing they probably don’t have nearly as much knowledge as they thought they did” (loc. 347).


I greatly appreciated Collis’ citation and context of U.S. Supreme Court cases that I assume would be unfamiliar to most young readers. In 2024, it’s hard to imagine a Supreme Court that revisited and overturned a previous ruling as justices, upon further reflection, came to the conclusion that they had ruled in error. In West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette (1943), the Court overturned previous rulings that Jehovah’s Witnesses – along with all American school children– could be compelled to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the U.S. flag every day. In a time that the USA was waging an actual war against fascist and totalitarian threats to freedom and democracy around the world, the prevailing wisdom had been that some compulsory patriotism had to be required, and dissent limited, in order to preserve overall liberty and democracy. (I’ll just write it here as Collis does not: This is what many Christian nationalists on the right and leftists and “cancel culture” practitioners who shout down speakers on university campuses argue is “wrong” with our country: that dissent from their particular worldview is not stifled or outlawed.)


Justice Robert H. Jackson wrote a landmark opinion that argues from the evidence of world history: “Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard…It seems trite but necessary to say that the First Amerndment to our Constitution was designed to avoid these ends by avoiding these beginnings.” Jackson wrote that if freedom to differ was limited to only trivial things, and not foundational questions, then “it would be a mere shadow of freedom” and not what our Founding Fathers upheld (loc. 100).


Collis returns to the Barnette case in Habit Six, where he again cites Jackson’s words that I found prescient for our 2024 political turmoil: “The very purpose of a Bill of Rights was to withdraw certain subjects from the vicissitudes of political controversy, to place them beyond the reach of majorities and officials and to establish them as legal principles…(these) fundamental rights…depend on the outcome of no elections.”


“Peacemakers” are those who “have mastered a certain level of…’agreeableness’” (loc. 143). Some of the 10 habits may seem like common sense or not meritorious of a full chapter. But several anecdotes are included that help move the book along and make the authors’ points.


Intellectual humility tops the list and I thought Collis’ examples were good. Research has shown that “once people learn a small amount about a subject, they surge to a ‘beginner’s bubble’ of overconfidence” (loc. 229, citing Sanchez and Dunning, 2018). The Dunning-Kruger effect illustrates how we tend to overestimate our ability or knowledge in specific areas (loc. 262). Collis notes that his entire academic career is devoted to only one subject: the First Amendment, but he writes that he still knows “only a fraction” and statistically close to zero percent of the universe of available knowledge.


This brings me to what I frequently try to remind myself and others: All of us have opinions, but none of us has much information. I learned that lesson from a much-criticized college basketball coach who admitted that when he watched his favorite NFL team he was guilty of the same fault of his own ignorant critics. Our brains are wired to take shortcuts and formulate opinions, and make decisions, based on the limited data available– such as a soundbyte or an excerpt from an article. Few of us do the research to read the entire speech or article and look up the sources. Thus, “it is a great achievement just to overcome the Dunning-Kruger Effect by reaching a point where our intellectual humility forces us to acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers” (loc. 272). Even if you really are the expert in the room, you can simply say “I’ve thought about this a lot…”


While I made highlights in every chapter, the four I find most challenging and recommend reading are Habit Three: Assume the Best about People, Havit Five: Hunt for the Best Argument Against You, Habit Six: Be Open to Change, and Habit Ten: Embrace the Discomfort of Non-Closure.


Collis notes that sometimes (historically, frequently) political opponents are friends who spend time with each other, pray with each other, and genuinely like each other. While today’s media push seems to be shunning this kind of behavior, it’s been part of the bedrock of the USA since its founding. As the author notes (in Habit Six), the Constitution is the remarkable result of the rules in writing it– all proposed amendments and votes were recorded anonymously, members of the Convention were forbidden from “leaking” proceedings to the press, and the members ate, drank, and slept in the same houses where they got to appreciate each other as people. The National Prayer Breakfast still brings people from across the aisle together for these purposes, but increasingly less for this harmful expectation that one keep himself “pure” from fraternizing with “the enemy.”


We would all be better off if we remember that even the people we find most difficult or most fundamentally opposed to our own beliefs are concerned about the same things we are– trying to make ends meet, taking care of our family, and navigating difficult circumstances that no one else knows about. “The world is not made up of people who agree with you on one side and fools or monsters on the other. Lots of intelligent, kindhearted, reasonable, logical people in this world have reached conclusions other than yours” (loc. 2721).


The author cautions “always, always hunt for the best argument against your position” (loc. 2693). You can start by asking “What is the cost to what you want to see happen in the world?” As an economist, I appreciated the reminder of opportunity cost. He also gives advice on dealing with bad arguments and straw men, as well as gaslighting, with an example from a recent political controversy. There’s a good reminder of being wary of slogans or catchphrases (“All Lives Matter” or “Defund the Police”) that lose the underlying reason or motivation behind them. Peacemakers must be open to the possibility that there may be a better path forward, no matter how much of an expert they are or how strongly they feel about it (loc. 3268).



Collis appeals to our universal senses of justice and the ideas of fundamental truths– such as accountability to a Creator– to help us consider the benefit of peacemaking. However, he hasn’t seemed to consider whether our genetic disposition, our birth order, or our upbringings have affected our proclivity to be a peacemaker. Jonathan Haidt’s work suggests that genetics explain more of our political party affiliation than other factors, and I imagine there may be similar work to how well we are willing to embrace the ten habits.


In Habit Ten, the author encourages us to “look for opportunities to feel comfortable in the space between” two polar arguments, or the space between our position and our erstwhile opponent. He calls this space the “Realm of Reasonableness” (loc. 4029). I find myself disposed to be comfortable in this space, my whole life I have been that person to say “Can’t we all just get along?” and seek compromise where others seek a fight. The author finds this a virtue, and research shows such proclivity is also correlated with education (loc. 4076). But I again wonder if there are other genetic or environmental factors at play.


Habit Ten did leave me with one of the more important takeaways in the book, which came from a fellow attorney: “The decided are always gentle.” Peacemakers are still welcome to reach conclusions on particular topics and to stand up for what they believe to be right as well as convince others of the merits of our argument. But we must be gentle.


The author does not explicitly cite the Gospels in the book, but I found Jesus often came to mind while reading it; Collis seems to truly understand the concept of work as worship. He who said “Blessed are the peacemakers,” described himself as “gentle and lowly of heart,” despite also claiming ultimate authority as the Son of God. I found the author’s work ultimately challenged to be more like Jesus in my everyday interactions with people, and in my respect for them as souls created in God’s image with the same basic needs and wants as myself.


Five stars.

Wow. This is a book that everyone should read. It was a little difficult to take at times, but that's only because the author showed me where I fall short in becoming a peacemaker. I recommended this book to my book club, and plan on recommending it to friends and family alike. If everyone followed these 10 habits, our world would be such a better place to live in. That might not be realistic (sadly) but if those who read this book put the habits into play, that can create a ripple effect in the world around us, and make our little piece of the world just that much better. I need to keep this book easily accessible so I can reference it often.

Do you ever walk away from a conversation wishing it had gone differently? 10 Habits of a Peacemaker is a book I wish I’d had years ago! It’s amazing, thought provoking, & so timely for these contentious days. I wish every adult, college aged student, & teenager could read this book! If you’re wanting to know how to have productive discussions with both parties walking away edified, then this is a must read!

Steven T. Collis tackles how to approach difficult people, difficult topics, unreliable information, & differing opinions in this helpful book. He offers ten suggestions that I know will help me be a better spouse, parent, daughter, friend, & coworker.

These suggestions include:

Intellectual humility & reframing
Seek real learning
Assume the best about people
Don’t feed people’s worst fears
Hunt for the best argument against you
Be open to change
Spend time with people
Use a sliver of humor
Seek inner peace
Embrace the discomfort of non-closure

Each section was filled with real world, relatable examples that I found myself nodding my head to. I’ve been there. This book reframed my way of thinking about discussions especially with my teenager. I loved that this book focused on making changes to me before trying to change anyone else’s opinions.

If you’re tired of screaming matches, divisions over politics, religion, or world views, this book offers practical suggestions for reframing difficult conversations without having to compromise personal values. If there’s one book I can highly recommend reading this year, it’s this one! I know I’m going to be thinking about & revisiting it over & over again.

I received an advanced complimentary copy from the publisher. All opinions are my own and voluntarily provided.

After the first chapter, I thought “I need a dumb down version”. It was not the direction I thought this book would go, it seemed to be more scientific, intellectual, and not the common classic answers. As I continue to read, there were parts that made a lot of sense to me cutting back on social media, Integrating more diversity in your knowledge (As in, Don’t listen to one type of broadcast, don’t let social media algorithms control your thinking…) I also enjoyed some of the history examples to make a point. In the long run, I think everyone could pull good information out of this book. I just had to let something’s go over my head, but that’s OK. Someone else may take the information they need to hopefully make themselves a better peace builder. The one thing that drove me nuts was in the very beginning he said that you can read the chapters in any order. Yet every chapter he comments that he will go into detail at a later time. I would suggest to follow it chapter by chapter. I’m so happy I endured to the day end. It really was helpful and informative. I think I would benefit from going back and rereading many parts of it. I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

Really liked this book. Was drawn in from the start. The author explained complicated ideas simply and with good examples. That helped bring the point home. This is one I will be buying and reading again and again.

The cover of this book is very Zen, but the book is about contention. I found it very upsetting and couldn’t even finish the first chapter. The chapter summaries seem useful, however.

Thanks, NetGalley, for the ARC.

everyone needs this book. and I'll say it again for emphasis, EVERYONE NEEDS THIS BOOK!! Because let's be real, we all have stuff we struggle with and this book makes it so much easier to tackle

I loved so much about this book! I will admit that I’m a bit of a people pleaser, and I’ve often been misguided in thinking that people pleasing actions are the same as being a peacemaker. The problem is that, after a while, I usually just feel frustrated, misunderstood, and taken advantage of. I love peace. I love when everyone is getting along. I love the idea that we can be respectful and kind, even if others choose not to be.

This book and the habits taught were so different than I expected. I loved it and learned so much. I loved learning about being respectful, humble, and wise when interacting with others, as well as developing habits for an inner peace. This will be a book I get in paperback so that I can mark it up and refer back to it. I read parts of it to my husband and it was really nice to be able to compare experiences we have had, with experiences the author shared. While the author addresses different faiths in one habit, he keeps the book separate from religion, making it a guide for anyone who wants to create more peace in their relationships with others.

#HabitsofaPeacemaker #NetGalley

This book wasn't what I expected, and at first, it was a little hard to get into. The author introduces ten habits, I really like that he sums up each habit at the end of each chapter. There were some well thought out discussions about various topics, some that are hard and might go against our core values. Some of the things the author suggests are to limit access to social media, mindfulness, daily habits, reading, journaling, and meditation. Trying to listen with intention and waiting to offer an opinion.
'Ask genuine questions and listen for complete answers. Don't poke holes in the response.'

I will admit this one was a bit hard to get into. There is a lot of dense information in the beginning. About 40% in I started getting into it. Chapter 5 was the most interesting and helpful chapter to me. Some of the 10 habits and additional tips were things I already knew or practice in my life but many were new and helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who really wants to dive into being a peacemaker. And to anyone who doesn’t want to really dive in; this book is for you too. Each of the chapters end in a short summary of the chapter and I found these very helpful. Especially if you decide to skip a chapter. Collis includes many examples of different conversations and how they might go in a certain situation and how they would go if you applied the techniques taught in the chapter. This book was also helped me become more informed on different prevalent heated topics and how to handle them.