As others have said, this book is a lot heavier than I was expecting from the blurb and the cover. However, I'm not totally mad at that. I actually kind of like that it dived deeper into some more complex themes. It really made me love the characters more, as I found myself connecting with them deeply. The characters really drive this story and make it what it is. And the queer rep in this is fantastic. I always love queer romances and this delivered. Really enjoyed this even more than I was expecting!

"Rules for Ghosting" by Shelly Jay Shore is a remarkable debut that intertwines themes of love, grief, and family drama within a unique setting—a Jewish funeral home. The story follows Ezra, a reluctant clairvoyant who navigates his complex feelings for Jonathan while dealing with the pressures of saving his family's struggling business.

Shore's writing is vibrant and engaging, capturing the intricacies of human connections with a mix of humor and poignancy. The portrayal of Ezra as a trans individual adds a significant layer of representation, making the narrative not only relatable but also educational regarding queer and Jewish identities. The incorporation of Jewish customs surrounding death is handled with sensitivity and depth, enriching the story without feeling didactic.

The characters are well-developed, with Ezra and Jonathan's relationship evolving beautifully throughout the book. Their chemistry is palpable, and the exploration of their bond amidst the backdrop of family obligations and the presence of ghosts adds an intriguing twist. Readers will find themselves emotionally invested in their journey, as well as in the dynamics of Ezra's family and friends.

While many readers appreciate the book's cozy ghost elements, some have noted that the ghostly aspects could have been more prominent. The narrative sometimes leans heavily into family drama, which may detract from those expecting a more traditional paranormal romance. However, this blend ultimately serves to highlight the themes of loss and healing that resonate throughout.

"Rules for Ghosting" is a heartfelt exploration of love in its many forms: romantic, familial, and chosen. Shore's debut is not just a ghost story; it's a reflection on what haunts us in life and how we can find solace in connection. This book is highly recommended for readers looking for an emotional yet humorous read that offers both depth and charm. I look forward to seeing more from Shelly Jay Shore in the future

I loved this novel. The plot was unique, the writing was great and I loved the characters. Can’t wait to read more from this author!

I was super excited about this book due to the cover and cute name, definitely heavier than I thought it would be! Still a great story, but definitely had different expectations going in.

Wasn’t a huge fan of this. The cover and the storyline don’t match at all. I thought this was going to be a cutesy witch story but it is so heavy.

I absolutely adored this book. Between the loud Jewish meddling family the means well. The discussions of grief were handled so beautiful.. the diverse and accepting group of characters. Ezra learning to ask for help. Honesty they’re wasn’t anything in this book I didn’t love.

Rules for Ghosting wasn't the fun and light ghost-y romcom I was expecting, rather a complex web of family drama, grief, friendship, and queer love (of course with some ghost-y elements) and was an absolutely incredible debut!

Ezra has always carried the weight of his family's expectations, being the confidant for his siblings, his own personal struggles with discovering his queerness and being transgender, all while hiding from everyone that he can see ghosts. The fact that his family owns and operates a traditional Jewish funeral home obviously poses a lot of problems with that last point, and as soon as he could he got as far away from the family business as possible. Ezra is such a charming character and comes across incredibly genuine and likable, as well as being hilarious and surrounding himself with equally loveable and silly friends - many being queer and POC.

There is certainly a lot of heavier topics, with grief, death, traditions surrounding Jewish death practices, and family drama, but I absolutely loved how all of it was handled. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone!

Rules for Ghosting by @shellyjayshore is one of my top reads of the year. I'm still thinking about it and I read it umm, well back in August I think. I'm so behind! Anyway!

First and foremost, in my opinion, this is NOT a rom-com. It has vibes but overall, if you are looking for a rom-com, this is not one. I feel like the romance was secondary to the family drama aspect of the book and I, a romance lover, was 100% okay with that. I loved Ezra. I loved their siblings. I loved reading about Jewish funeral rites and customs and overall, was in love with this book from start to finish. It's one of those books that sat with me for long after I was done with it.

Ezra - trans and bi
Jonathan - gay gay gay
Friend group - everyone is queer
Funeral home - haunted
Book - perfection

This debut pretty much cemented Shelly as a just read for me from now on.

I'll start by saying that anyone who has a dysfunctional family will feel a lot of empathy for Ezra. The crazy cast of characters pulled me in and entertained me and the story was unique and fun. I'm not a huge fan of paranormal, but the ghosts aspect feels less like a gimmick and more like additional characters in the story since Ezra has been dealing with the ghosts their whole life. I enjoyed reading about the wonderful and accepting community Ezra was part of and all the interesting rituals and traditions. This is a fun read if you enjoy loving families, found family, queer representation, and, of course, ghosts!
Thanks for this review copy!

In a Nutshell: The title and the cover are awesome, but they don’t suit the content. This book is more about human issues than about paranormal entities. Too many characters, too many themes, too many traumatic events, too few “ghostly” vibes, too convenient in the flow. Great inclusivity but even that goes a step too far. Basically, it tries too hard to deliver and hence falls somewhat flat. Might work better as a family drama.

Plot Preview:
Ezra Friedman has been seeing ghosts since his childhood. This makes his work in the family-run funeral home complicated. It’s not like Ezra doesn’t have other challenges in his life as a trans + bisexual Jew who works as a birth doula. On top of it all, his mom announces during a family seder that she’s been a closet lesbian and is now eloping with the rabbi’s wife. As the funeral home has no one else to handle what his mom used to, Ezra has to step in and help out with the accounts.
After all these years, Ezra thinks he knows the ways of ghosts. So when one ghost suddenly breaks the rules by talking to Ezra and appearing in multiple locations, Ezra doesn’t understand what’s happening. Things are further complicated when Ezra discovers that the ghost happened to be the late husband of Ezra’s crush, Jonathan who works at the funeral home as a volunteer.
The story comes to us in Ezra’s third-person perspective.

As you can see, there’s way too much happening in this book. Therein lies its undoing.

Bookish Yays:
👻 The sibling relationship among Aaron, Ezra and Becca, as well as the friendship between Ezra and his friends and roommates – a great depiction of closeness, support, and leg-pulling. Some of their banter comes through text messages – I wish there had been more of this.
👻 The Jewish rep, especially in terms of death rituals - quite enlightening. I was surprised to see how inclusive some Jews are about nonbinary identities performing gender-based rituals. (This was confirmed by the author’s note.) Respect!
👻 Not all the characters come in picture-perfect fictional bodies. Love the variety and the realism!
👻 Sappho the dog – as wonderful as dogs always are. (I must add, using a photo in the book to represent Sappho was a great idea, but that was NOT how I had pictured Sappho in my head!)

Bookish Mixed Bags:
🎃 The title (with all those little Halloween-y elements on the cover) grabs the potential reader’s eye instantly. Then again, it also makes the reader believe that ghosts or ghosting would be the centre of this story. Incorrect! So it is a very misleading title.
🎃 The prologue, which establishes how little Ezra learns two things: that he wants to be a boy, and that he's psychic. A great start with a momentum that continues well until the seder with the big announcement. But one big gap in the information: if the prologue was set twenty years ago and seven-year-old “Ezra”, still a girl to “his” family, knew that “he” much preferred to be a boy, how come “his” name was Ezra (a traditional masculine Jewish name)? The dialogues cleverly circumvent his actual name through the use of endearments, but I’d have loved to know how “Ezra” decided that “he” wanted to be called Ezra.

Bookish Nays:
⚰️ Ezra and his narration – so very frustrating. He has a poor self-esteem, which causes him to get lost into his head for introspecting multiple times. Somehow, his narration gives off YA vibes, through he isn’t in that age group.
⚰️ The blurb reveals a lot, and for a change, so does my plot preview. I had to break my rule of not going beyond the first 10-15% for the preview because there is hardly anything happening until well into the book. It is a very slow-moving storyline with barely any substance. This would have been okay had the book been character-driven, but it is a mix of character and plot, with too much of the former and not enough of the latter.
⚰️ Imagine the main character being Jewish, queer, FTM trans (who is still transitioning), bisexual, psychic, a yoga teacher, a birth doula, dealing with body dysmorphia AND having a major crush on a colleague who isn't available – all at once! It is too much for a single character arc.
⚰️ Further, there are so many minority representations. There’s the lesbian mom who elopes with the rabbi’s wife, one ace character, one MTF trans character, one trans who is pregnant by choice,... Plus, Ezra’s roommates are from various BIPOC backgrounds, including one Indian whose ethnic identity stays unclear until it is explicitly brought up and then forgotten again for the rest of the book. None of these characters’ identities are explored in detail. We just get their labels. I accept that books must be inclusive, but couldn’t some points have been kept in reserve for the author’s next novel?! It shouldn’t feel like a checklist is being ticked.
⚰️ As if all this wasn’t enough, we even have a horde of external traumatic events such as the financial struggles of a family business, the forced corporatisation of small businesses, the ghostly appearances, and a few more events (not going into these as they are major spoilers!) that create further challenges in Ezra’s life. All this is too much for a single book. I didn’t even need to look at the author’s bio to know that this was a debut work – I guessed it at the 10% mark itself. That infamous kitchen sink (which I have so often mentioned in my reviews of debut novels) is cluttered to the brim in this novel.
⚰️ I had grabbed this mainly for the ghosts. But the ghosts have only minimal importance in this novel. Except for two ghosts, the others get blink-and-you-miss-them appearances.
⚰️ With a main character who is transitioning from female to male, I’d have expected at least some part of the book to focus on the emotional upheaval of being born with the wrong body. But there’s zilch about this. In childhood, Ezra knows that “he” wants to be a boy, and in adulthood, he is a man with some surgeries still pending. That’s all we get.
⚰️ I couldn’t feel connected to any of the characters, not even to Ezra who is the primary narrator. Somehow, we see a lot of their actions, but their feelings come across as surface-level, even when the topics are intense. Difficult conversations never happen on page, or just, never happen.
⚰️ Many of the plot developments are overly convenient. The most obvious one is how Ben, Jonathan’s late husband, is the only ghost who can speak to Ezra. Why? No idea! Just because the plot wants/needs it that way. Too easy and not at all convincing. This also happens with character development, where the secondary characters have the *second* qualification/profession required at that point of the story.
⚰️ The romance is so awkward! Jonathan is shown mourning, even crying for his late husband who died a year ago. Ezra even knows that Jonathan still wears his wedding ring. Yet, he doesn’t stop lusting after him. Worse, Jonathan’s feelings swing almost instantaneously, though he still keeps proclaiming Ben to be his true love, until we learn that there’s more to this than previously mentioned. It all feels too quick and smooth to be appealing.


All in all, the concept of the book was good, but the execution needed a lot more finetuning. With so many themes and characters, it is way too messy. It might have worked far better had it focussed on a few core themes and delved deeper into those. In its current state, it is akin to taking a one-day tour covering fifty locations; you get a bit of everything and an in-depth feel of nothing.
Not for me. It might work better with those looking for a family drama with mildly paranormal, albeit non-spooky, vibes.

2 stars, mainly for the rep and the Jewish traditions.

My thanks to Random House Publishing Group – Ballantine for providing the DRC of “Rules for Ghosting” via NetGalley. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book. Sorry this didn’t work out better.

A trans man goes back to work at his family’s funeral home (where he stopped going after starting too see ghosts and ends up starting to see the ghost of his new crush’s dead husband. Ezra is haunted both literally and figuratively as he tries to find his place within his family, his peers and his career. This had the potential to be either maudlin or trauma porn, but it is neither. Ezra’s family embraces him, he has a wonderful community of friends (if only he allows himself to be known) and Jonathan is basically perfect from the jump. So the real plot here is the family drama – Ezra’s mom drops a proverbial bomb on the family and leaves the business in the lurch: Can Ezra fill the gap she leaves in running the admin? Can their dad keep it together long enough to save the business? – and the love story between Ezra and Jonathan (with a side dish of the dead spouse) isn’t really the focal point. Along the way, Ezra learns how to stop ghosting through his own life and start to live.

Shelly Jay Shore takes on a lot with Rules for Ghosting - tackling some tough issues with a feather-light touch. Perhaps too light to be really effective.

⭐️⭐️⭐️💫3.5 stars rounded down

Thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine/Dell for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This book has it all! Found family, queer community, ghosts, and so much regular family drama. It's full of wonderful side characters.
If the paranormal is not your thing do not fear! Ezra (our main character) has been dealing with the ghosts his whole life and they take a back seat to all of his personal drama.

The overall story is great. The characters pull you in, and if you have any sort of dysfunctional family then you’ll immediately relate to Ezra’s family. I personally didn’t care for the beginning of the book because there was a lot of mixing of pronouns without any clarification until later. I love how accepting of Ezra his family was and the community he becomes a part of as well, and not being Jewish myself I found it fascinating the rituals they have even if I didn’t quite understand. I was expecting more of the ghost side based off the title so that was a little underwhelming though.

Rules for Ghosting made me feel all the things!!! I teared up, laughed, held my breath (knowingly), and fell in love with these characters and their story. Shore's writing style pulls you in and keeps you engrossed in the story. Ezra and Jonathan had their own lives and trauma yet somehow fit together and I'd happily read a sequel. Shelly Jay Shore is most definitely going on my auto-buy authors list.

While I loved this story, I didn't love how many side characters we had throughout the story. Those characters could've been absorbed into others to give them more depth. Many didn't serve a purpose (in my opinion) although I would for sure read a cozy novella or two about their day-to-day. But a few too many characters for me to keep up with aside, this was an amazing novel that I'll be thinking about for a long time to come. Highly recommend!
Thank you Netgalley and Random House - Ballantine for a copy of Rules for Ghosting in exchange for an honest review.


Mini Playlist:
Forward to the Kill - Sydney Ross Mitchell
Tourniquet - Zach Bryan
Dreamer - Genevieve Stokes

The adorable cover and book description made me think this would be an amusing paranormal tale featuring ghosts hanging out at the funeral home and a budding romance between Ezra and Jonathan. It turned out to be a story light on ghosts but heavy on family drama. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but I feel like the cover and description are misleading.

Found family is my favorite trope, and there's an abundance of it in this novel. Ezra moves in with an ex-boyfriend (they've remained close friends) and several friends of his boyfriend after living with just his dog for the past few years. They're a wonderful and supportive blend of queer and straight characters who schedule monthly "family" dinners. Jonathan, a widower of roughly one year and a frequent volunteer at the funeral home, lives in a downstairs apartment. He and Ezra click from nearly the first moment. Both of them are flawed, complex characters dealing with loss in their own ways, and I immediately liked them. I also enjoyed learning more about Jewish funeral customs and traditions.

Ezra's family - where do I even start. His relationship with his siblings (older brother and younger sister) is one of my favorite aspects of the novel. Humorous, antagonistic, encouraging, loving - all while wanting to kill each other at times - the author nailed it. But everything with his parents (mother leaving his father for the rabbi's wife) is far heavier drama that I'd expected. There's also a fair amount of internal monologue that slows the pacing in some chapters.

This novel features themes of grief, forgiveness, family, and beautiful traditions. It's a novel I'd recommend for readers who are here for the hefty family drama and sweet romance and less for the paranormal aspects.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

For a deeper dive into afterlives, I recommend Shelly Jay Shore’s RULES FOR GHOSTING (Dell, 400 pp., paperback, $18), about Ezra, a trans Jewish man who grew up in his family’s funeral parlor and who also happens to see ghosts. Ghosts like the dead husband of his very attractive neighbor Jonathan, whose life becomes increasingly entwined with Ezra’s own.

The richness of this book left me breathless: how carefully Ezra works to square his trans self with the gendered requirements of Jewish rituals, the fragility of love after loss, the burden of feeling like you’re the only one who can hold a group of squabbling people together. It also brims with such delectable drama that I had to pause mid-scene to find the nearest person and dish as though it were real-world gossip.

This book is everything—queer love, family chaos, ghosts breaking the rules, and enough heart to leave you crying and laughing within the same chapter. Ezra is one of the most relatable, messy, and lovable protagonists I’ve ever met, and his journey of embracing his clairvoyance while navigating grief and identity is so raw and beautifully done. The banter (yes, even with the ghosts!) is sharp and hilarious, and the romance with Jonathan? Swoon-worthy in the aching, tender, slow-burn kind of way. Shelly Jay Shore writes with so much compassion and wit, it feels like being wrapped in the warmest hug while sobbing over generational trauma. Rules for Ghosting is a must-read for anyone who loves queer found family, a touch of the supernatural, and stories that haunt you in the best way possible.

This was DNF for me. I got to 20% but it just wasn’t for me. I have read great reviews from others so I k ow there is a market out there for it. Thank you for the opportunity to read it. I rested 3 stars because the book wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t for me.

Rules for Ghosting is a compelling read for those who enjoy stories with depth, heart, and a touch of the supernatural. It’s a book that will make you laugh, cry, and reflect on the many ways we are haunted by our pasts and how we find love and connection in unexpected places

I'm not going to lie, I didn't finish this one, because it felt too much like so many other books I've read (like The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston)