Ezra has unconsciously made it his life’s mission to be everyone’s everything. The responsible sibling who can handle any emergency. The supportive grandson who hangs on his grandfather’s every word about the funeral home his family runs. The dutiful son who does all the little thankless tasks at the funeral home when necessary. With the exception of coming out as trans, Ezra has always lived life on other people’s terms. After a lifetime of Ezra molding himself into what others want, his mother drops a bombshell during the family seder: she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife. The announcement is stunning in and of itself, but her expectation that Ezra back her up out of queer solidarity is a bridge too far.

As his family implodes around him, Ezra is also trying to find how he fits in at his new apartment. With new flatmates and his ex living in the same building, he’s not sure how much it’ll feel like home. Then, of course, there’s Jonathan, Ezra’s first-floor neighbor and a stunningly attractive man. Ezra feels an instant attraction to him, but how could Ezra pursue Jonathan when Jonathan is not only a widower, but his deceased husband is the son of the woman Ezra’s mother’s been having an affair with. Staying away should have be the easiest thing, except Ezra has seen the ghosts of the departed ever since he was a small child. Now, he not only sees Ben, Jonathan’s deceased husband, but is able to engage with Ben in ways Ezra thought were impossible. As Ezra begins to interact with Ben and work through the family drama, he begins to see and understand that he needs to rethink his life’s mission.

Rules for Ghosting is a contemporary paranormal romance novel from author Shelly Jay Shore. It’s set in Providence, Rhode Island and features a broad cast of characters. Ezra is the main character and the events in the story break into three major intertwining themes: family, found family, and love. This is a story that explores how these three elements have shaped Ezra for better and for worse and takes the reader on a journey of discovery as Ezra learns how to be a family in crisis, how to find his place with his found family, and how to be loved by someone. I would absolutely encourage readers to check out the “Questions and Topics for Discussion” section prior to reading. As I went through the book, I found myself deep in reflection on some of the themes and thinking how interesting a book club discussion of this story might be. Armed with the official blurb and prepped by reading the discussion questions first, I think readers could have a transformative reading experience.

That said, I just jumped in with two feet as per usual. The story is mostly set in the present day, though there are some flashbacks to when Ezra was a small child following his grandfather around the funeral home run by his family. I loved having this insight into Ezra’s past and the way the author so beautifully and (seemingly) effortlessly establishes Ezra’s trans identity, especially in the first part of the story. Later in the story, I felt like there was a pronounced focus on Ezra’s physical body as a trans man and there was an abstract quality to the on-page love scenes. I think this mix of specificity and abstraction got me engaging with the material and Ezra as a character more deeply than more explicit sex scenes.

Speaking of romance, the chemistry between Ezra and Jonathan was palpable. They first meet at the funeral home when Ezra’s been brought in to take over the job his mother had been doing and where Jonathan had been volunteering for a few years. They dance around each other and the prospect of something more. Their romance wasn’t a slow burn so much as a slow simmer. I really enjoyed the scenes where they’re alone together talking about life and, later, trying to figure out why Jonathan’s ex is haunting Ezra. All this leads to bigger picture talks about what they want and what they deserve, and of them learning how to open up to each other about these private desires that maybe shouldn’t be private when it comes to your life partner.

Ezra’s found family are all delightful and occupy a significant portion of the book. I thought these characters provided a lovely sense of community and belonging, and were a great way of showing how Ezra grows as a character. Over the course of the book, we see Ezra shift from only seeing himself as friends with Ollie (his ex) to building friendships with his own roommates and with others that live in his apartment building. While all that simmers in the background, Ezra’s biological family goes through upheaval after Ezra’s mother declares her love for the rabbi’s wife. There was so much love and support and family-slog (checking in on siblings, discussing how to help your adult parents, dealing with your own and other family members’ grief/anger) in the story, I felt like this theme eclipsed the found family.

The family drama bomb also brought a darker theme: vilifying the two mother characters. As I read, I just kept feeling like Ezra, his siblings, and Jonathan all seemed to relish blaming the two women (Ezra’s mother and Jonathan’s deceased husband’s mother) for falling in love. Granted, the women were conducting their affair behind their respective spouses’ backs, but I found myself a little infuriated at characters who bend over backwards to show and encourage love and acceptance for some people, but incongruously think, say, and expect the worst for others. For example, everyone is extraordinarily chill when Ezra reveals that he can see ghosts, but no one questions what drove Ezra’s mother into the arms of another woman. That, for me, was one big hiccup in an otherwise delightful story.

Overall, I thought Rules for Ghosting was an amazing read. The themes of family, found family, and romance all intertwine with each other so beautifully. Ezra has clear connections to each of these groups, connections that Jonathan actually echoes. If you’re looking for an intense character exploration told from the perspective of a trans man, this is an excellent title. Readers who are fans of character-driven stories and love seeing community and family come together through communication will also find this extremely satisfying.

Rules for Ghosting centers on Ezra, who can see ghosts—but that's just one aspect of his life. Ezra has a lot on his plate, including being the go-to person for his family, which is dealing with plenty of its own challenges. His family runs a funeral home, and Ezra finds himself back working there. Despite the premise, this is a quirky story that explores themes of love, grief, and family with warmth and humor.

Thank you to NetGalley/Ballantine Books for a copy of Rules for Ghosting in exchange for an honest review.

Shelly Jay Shore’s Rules for Ghosting is a lot. But that’s by no means a bad thing.

Ezra is one of those protagonists you simultaneously love and want to shake. He acts put-upon, but it’s mostly of his own doing. But, at the end of the day, you feel for him. He’s just trying his best, and he was dealt a pretty tough hand in life. I wouldn’t want to deal with seeing ghosts, especially while dealing with being trans in the world we live in.

Rules for Ghosting does an excellent job of weaving its Jewish elements together with its supernatural ones. They’re actually not always so different. Ezra often seems to want to run away from both — or, at the very least, only minimally accept them. Throughout the book, he finds a comfort level in both those identities.

Ezra’s family life is also seamlessly integrated into the novel. The TV show Six Feet Under is kind of the benchmark for “family runs funeral home,” but Shore’s story is so different, and for how “messed up” the Friedmans are, the love shines through. It’s refreshing to read a family work through their problems rather than fall apart. While that’s not to say it isn’t OK for families to go no-contact, so much of millennial culture is about just that. Families of origin can work out the tough stuff, and Rules for Ghosting represents that well.


For all its seemingly disparate parts, Rules for Ghosting comes together into one strong, magical novel. And Ezra is the rock who carries the whole thing. Whether you’re cheering for him or ready to throw a book at him, he’ll endlessly fascinate you. Little details, such as the fact that he constantly wears his binder for several hours longer than he should and that he’s a doula, make him feel real.

I highly recommend this novel.

Rules for Ghosting is out now. You can pick up a copy on bookshop.org or at your local library.

I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy this book, but I loved it. Poignant and funny at the same time, it was a delightful read. I look forward to more from this author.

Thank you to NetGalley, PRH Audio and Ballantine Books
for providing me with this book for free in exchange for my review! I was also lucky enough to receive an ALC from the Penguin Random House Audio Influencer Program. @prhaudio #PRHAudio #PRHAudioInfluencer
All opinions are my own.

This was a delightful read for the upcoming spooky season. With that being said, I almost think the family drama took up more of the story than the ghost and romance part. However, I don't think that was necessarily a bad thing. I also enjoyed the queer representation of Ezra, and I thought he was a very well written MMC.

The book was narrated by Petey Gibson and I thought he did a great job bringing the characters to life. I wasn't familar with his voice as a narrator but I would listen to more books narrated by him iin the future.

Overall this was a heartfelt and delightful read for spooky season.

Many Thanks again to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with this book in exchange for my honest review.

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This is a humorous, touching, and incredibly charming blend of romance and ghost story. This remarkable book delves into loss, mortality, romantic relationships, the difficulties and demands of being the eldest daughter, and the existence of ghosts.

This book is so well written and engaging, I could not put it down! I loved every single character in the book and found myself engrossed in this very compelling story. While the subject matter was in fact quite heavy, it was told in such a beautiful matter that it felt light-hearted and hopeful. I’m going to be thinking and raving about this book for a long time!

I read this book when grieving and I found it to be both something of soft confrontation for buried feelings and the sense of being seen. There are sometimes too many plotlines going at once, but 'Rules for Ghosting' has this magic combination of love, loss, complex grief and the rumminations that grief brings up, that all overcome the oversaturation. It's a reflective narrative, both for the reader and the characters, and one I feel better for having read it.

I am the eldest daughter, eldest granddaughter, eldest great-granddaughter in my very Jewish family. I am also one of the only queer people in my family. From the dedication, I felt this story in my bones. There are not enough stories that showcase Jewish love, Jewish guilt, and all the little nuances in between. Rules For Ghosting helps fill in that gap. This book made me laugh out loud and made me sob. I am still crying as I type this review out. It has been a long time since I have loved a novel with the fervor of how much I love this novel. I was texting everyone to read this book when i was only about 20% of the way in, that's how good I knew it was. The characters are so beautiful and so fleshed out, I loved spending time in their world filled with love and connectiveness. This isn't a horror type of ghost story. This is the story of the ghosts in our lives, the ghosts of the dead and the ghosts of the living. Shelly Jay Shore writes a haunting beautiful novel (pun intended!) and it felt like home.

If you're ready to take one a complicated, but beautiful queer Jewish love story, pick up Rules for Ghosting ASAP! The description made me think this would be a little more rom-com-y, which it wasn't, but I still thought it was phenomenal. The wit and humor reminded me a lot of This is Where I leave you by Johnathan Tropper.

I am so grateful to Dell and NetGalley for granting me access to this powerful debut from Shelly Jay Shore.

I wasn't sure what I would end up getting with this one. It sounded like it had an interesting storyline but in the end I wasnt the biggest fan. It's still a solid story that many will like. The story starts off meeting several of the characters and then moving forward 20 ish years. This one is a story of love, loss, grief, strength to move on. The pacing of this one didn't help that I wasnt totally hooked and overall it just felt okay. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

This story had SO many plot lines yet somehow was not at all complicated. The themes that were most prevalent were: a) the supernatural element since Ezra could see ghosts, b) the queer elements, c) the Jewish culture elements, d) the family drama, and e) the romance between Ezra and Jonathan. Everything was layered so nicely and not once seemed there was too much going on. The author also did an awesome job of laying out the trans and Jewish culture elements throughout the story instead of giving dictionary definitions, which was also just seamless.

I expected this to be a lighthearted romance type novel, but got SO much more out of this. This is more of a family drama, with paranormal elements, queer identity subplots, and a realistic look at the complexities of loving people in our lives who we may not like or agree with, but love them despite it.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC.

I don't have enough words for how much I loved this book. I am genuinely struggling to capture how I felt while reading this - just know that as soon as I finished, I wanted to start the book again, because I fell so deeply in love with these characters and the world that Shelly Jay Shore crafted.

This is a romance, yes, but more than that, it's a book about learning to let others in, learning to ask for and accept help, and accepting that you don't need to be everything for everyone if it means sacrificing your own well being. Shore dedicates the book to eldest daughters, both current and former, in a nod to Ezra's complicated identity: Ezra is a trans man who can't shed the caretaker role within his family dynamic. He feels protective of his family, especially his siblings, and constantly puts his own well-being aside in order to try to help them. He brings this same baggage to his developing connection with Jonathan, the attractive widower who lives downstairs. Oh, and there's one other issue: Ezra can see ghosts, including the spirit of Jonathan's deceased husband.

The book has themes of family, both the complicated dynamics of nuclear families and the comfort and ease that we seek through found families; queer, and specifically trans, identity; and the struggle to ask for and receive help when you have been a caretaker all your life. There's one scene in particular, where another character asks Ezra if they're okay, and the resulting realization -- that he's not sure if anyone has ever genuinely asked them that, or if he's ever responded honestly -- was so resonant. The physical reaction, battling back tears, trying to hold himself together, is a near-perfect recreation of a moment I remember vividly from my own life. If any of this rings true to you, I suspect you will also treasure this story.

Rules for Ghosting may be one of the best books I've read so far in 2024. I loved it and I can't wait to see what this author does next.

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore 5/5 🪦

This book!!! I loved this and pretty much everything about it.

I loved Ezra’s character and him processing and overcoming the eldest daughter syndrome (bc same). I found his relationship with Jonathan to be so good even with the challenges. The family drama was wild but in a believable way and I found the discussion of death (bc funeral home and death rites) to be written so well.

I loved the found family with his friends and roommates and I loved that Ezra was a doula. This played a nice opposite to his family owning a funeral home. I also loved how open ended the story was!

If you enjoy paranormal romances, I think you’ll love this one!

Thank you to the author, Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine for the ARC!

#rulesforghosting #netgalley #booksbooksbooks #shellyjayshore #funeral #doula

I was looking forward to a good ghost story but this wasn’t it and had a lot going on. I had high hopes but it fell short.

Thank you to Shelly Jay Shore and Random House Publishing Group via NetGalley for the eARC of this audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

“Rules for Ghosting” is a perfectly good book that I think many people will enjoy. I found the central love story to be heartwarming. I absolutely loved the love interest and thought he was the sweetest and most level-headed person. I also like Ezra, the main character. He’s flawed in a very understandable and sympathetic way. I loved reading the love story.

Unfortunately, everything outside the love story didn’t do it for me. I just couldn’t make myself be interested in the fate of the funeral home or Ezra’s parents marriage.

Rules for Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore is a poignant exploration of life, love, and healing that seamlessly weaves humor and emotion. With a tender touch, Shore delivers a captivating tale brimming with sorrow, happiness, and longing. At its core, this novel portrays a tender love story centered around a beautiful, queer, Jewish relationship. Rules for Ghosting will evoke both laughter and tears, perhaps even simultaneously, leaving a lasting impact on its readers.

Thank you Netgalley and Ballentine for the free e-book. My opinions are being left voluntarily. I really likes this super unique fresh book. It's thebmost interesting and unique book I've read in a long time. You are rooting for everyone but especially the MCs.

Fabulous debut.

4.5/5☆

This was such a cute read! While there were moments that got heavy, i think Shelly did an excellent job tying together the elements of this story. While conflicted and sometimes complicated, the characters of this book were all so lovable, even when you didn't want to love them. What a great way to lead the kick off into spooky season!

Thanks to Random House Publishing Group/Ballantine for providing me with an eARC of this title.