Rules for Ghosting looks like a light, spooky rom com, but it's none of those things. Instead, it's a family dramedy revolving around a Jewish funeral home and starring Ezra, a trans man with a bad case of what his best friend wryly calls "Eldest Daughter Syndrome."

Of course, there is a romance, and there are ghosts. There's also a sweet found family, a late in life coming out, and a really interesting and impressively low-angst interplay between gender-specific Jewish rituals and Ezra's gender identity. But none of those elements are the center of the story, which instead revolves around the main character's relationship with his family and his acceptance of himself.

I enjoyed this story from start to finish. Although I could tell pretty quickly that it wasn't the quick read I was expecting, Ezra's thoughtful narration drew me right into the story and - although it's on the long side, with a somewhat meandering pace - I read eagerly to the end.

Where Rules for Ghosting really excels is its ability to explore darkness - the love interest's husband is dead, the main character sees ghosts, and the characters' backstories contain a number of traumatic episodes - without getting sucked into it. I was worried that reading about a funeral home would feel morbid or depressing but it was the opposite; the family's respectful handling of their work was admirable, and the story itself was uplifting and life-affirming.

Rules for Ghosting provides a window into grief, love and loss done with a heightened sense of understanding the complexity and added layers to all themes involves. This book is so beautifully written. It touches the parts that we often keep hidden due to society's expectations or the ones we put upon ourselves to be accepted or to merely just get through another day. It uses dark humor in the best way and in true Jewish form, reminds us that laughter is often the best medicine in hard times. As an added layer, this is also a book about acceptance as the main character is part of the LGBTQIA community. The main character, Ezra, goes through a journey and at its core, this is a story of acceptance and family, whether that be the one you were born with or the one that you choose.

Ezra sees dead people...but really...and growing up hanging around his family's funeral home was nothing short of interesting! Seeing ghosts was always something that Ezra kept a secret. They didn't bother him, per se, mainly because they never talked and never wandered. That is, until Ezra moves into a new apartment with the handsome widow next door (Jonathan) and meets his late husband's ghost (Ben). When Jonathan shows up at Ezra's parents seder and a family announcement turns Ezra's family on its head, Ezra is thrust into working for his family's funeral home, trying to pick up the pieces of a broken family along with the pieces of himself.

Thank you so much, Random House Publishing Group and NetGalley, for this wonderful ARC! I enjoyed it so much!

Thank you to NetGalley and Randomhouse Ballentine for a copy of this ARC. Even with the title of this book being Rules of Ghosting, I honestly feel like there wasn’t enough ghosts in the story. Like the main ghost that we see is that presumably disgruntled husband, but then he ends up being like totally OK with the entire situation which just felt really weird. And then the other ghost is his disappointed grandpa. I really did love the characters though. The situations that they find themselves in it felt authentic and not forced. I love the diversity and how they each kind of highlighted their individuality. I just felt like the plot skipped a couple times for me that made me go back and have to reread certain sections to make sure I didn’t miss it. Maybe because it was in third person which is never my favorite. I liked how close all the characters were and the friendships and relationships that they all build together. I did feel like Ezra’s insecurities were played up too much and created weird situations that felt forced. I did like the romance aspect and felt like it was given enough space to thrive and not feel forced. Its few shortcomings make it so easy to recommend to others.

Not what I had thought this would be but very enjoyable all the same.

Ezra from a Jewish family can see ghosts, not very good when its dead family members that lay judgements on him. To top it off he works in the family business which is a funeral home.

Ezra has quit a few challenges and hurdles to jump which he has most of his life.

This is a wonderful read in which I have enjoyed and would recommend to anyone that likes a ghostly read.

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced digital copy in exchange for my honest review.

This wasn’t as paranormal as I thought it was going to be, and while that’s fine, I can’t help but be a little disappointed by the story. I enjoyed Ezra and Ben and I thought the chemistry was there. Overall, I enjoyed it, but didn’t love it.

Rules for Ghosting was a pretty great book. I have read a couple of books with trans men and this was a such a frank look at body dysmorphia and the effects that can have on ones self esteem. The story itself is about Ezra, who sees ghosts and having to help at the family’s funeral home, because of some family upset. (The books descriptions of Jewish funeral rights is handled beautifully). Ezra meets Jonathan and is instantly attracted. But then Ezra meets the ghost of Jonathan’s husband. The story has twists and turns, but most importantly it has heart. All of the side characters are full characters. And the MMCs have flaws and struggles..They earn their HEA I read an ARC

This was a surprising breath of fresh air! It had a lot of heart in it and realness, including the anxiety that Ezra felt from having to play into people's expectations of him, something I feel in my own life. His journey of realizing that he can be true to himself and doesn't have to adjust himself to fix other people's views of him was as satisfying as reading about his love journey with Jonathan. I also enjoyed seeing how he adjusted to all the changes in his blood family and accept them, as well as accept being embraced by his found one. A winner all around.

Thank you NetGalley for a free ARC in exchange for a free review.

Summary: Rules for Ghosting centers around Ezra, who is a Jewish, trans-man that can see ghosts and Jonathan, who is still greiving after losing his husband Ben the prior year. When Ezra's job becomes complicated and he has to help out at his family's funneral home, he starts to see Ben. However, Ben is not like the rest of the ghosts he sees; Ben follows him to the shared home he lives in with Jonathan and even starts talking to Ezra. Ezra must now determine if his desire for Jonathan outweighs the guilt he feels talking to Ben all while trying to sort out family drama.

I really loved our two main characters in this story! Both are built out well and it's inspiring to see their support group build each up. This book is heavy on not only grief, but self-identity and the weight of family expectations. What I liked the most about this book is there were many "messy life" moments and it highlights that it's normal to feel overwhelmed but the storm will pass!

If you are looking for a queer-person centered story with family drama this is the book for you (please check trigger warning!). If you are looking for a funny ghost story, this might not be your avenue. While ghosts are in this book, the presence of Ben is more of a side-quest than part of the main adventure.

Rules for Ghosting is a charming little book set around a family run Jewish funeral home. It has bits of found family & romance along with a healthy dose of what it means to do life and death as part of a community.

There's a pretty wide and diverse cast of characters who are on the whole very real and relatable. Our main character is a trans young man named Ezra who is in the process of learning to recognize his own worth, while figuring out which boundaries to hold and which to let go of. He's also just a little psychic, which is made more interesting by the fact that his family runs a funeral home, AND he's also starting to have feelings for a widower.

The plot was fairly messy, but mostly in a good way. It felt like real life, stuff happens, and sometimes it all happens at once. This book is just a slice of life where Ezra is in a season of a lot happening. Families are messy sometimes. That said, it wasn't so much that it was difficult to follow or overwhelming to read about. The author handles it well, and overall this was a pretty comfy read.

If you like the trend of romances set around funeral homes, this would be worth a try. If you like slice of life where people love and support each other, even if they don't always do it perfectly, you'd probably enjoy this book too.

Rules For Ghosting by Shelly Jay Shore, This is basically a book about a transgendered person name Ezra trying to make it through life after a break up. Her family owns A Jewish funeral home that he hast to come back and run when his mom has a midlife crisis. This is right on the heels of him breaking up with his boyfriend Ali and then moving to an apartment in the same building as him and possibly meeting someone new and Jonathan. Oh yes and he also sees ghost. Let me start by saying on paper I should’ve loved this book, but unfortunately for starters I am not a big fan of character driven stories not to mention the book starts off and kept going as a book where everything was just hunky-dory with the exception of a few minor setbacks and flaws sprinkled throughout the narrative I don’t know what happened because when the book 1st started I was enjoying it I thought the author had a great talent for writing the characters were wonderful but somewhere between chapter 14 and 20 I lost any enthusiasm I had for this book. When Ezra started seeing Ben I really thought I was getting into the story. I mean what a great idea to have someone who sees ghosts to date someone who has a deceased husband but I DK it just didn’t keep the stamina I found in the beginning. I do think most people will enjoy this book because for so many reasons I can see why they would I just did not.#NetGalley, #RandomHouse, #ShellyJShore, #RulesForGhosting,

I know they say to never judge a book by its cover, and I really try my best not to....and this cover did not prepare me for how heavy some of the topics in this book would be. Now, I am not complaining whatsoever, I just expected a cute little magical rom-com where someone could see ghosts and instead, it's this well-thought-out conversation about self, death, transness, relationships with ourselves, others, our family, etc. It was like an iceberg in that there was so much more below the surface than I expected.

In this book, Ezra's (a trans male) family has a funeral home to ensure that anyone who wants a traditional Jewish funeral can have one. It's been in the family for generations and Ezra loves to follow his grandfather around in the Chapel... until one day Zayde (Ezra's grandfather) is dead but Ezra can still see him....and other ghosts now too. Cut to several years later when Ezra wants to be nowhere near the Chapel and is working as a yoga instructor and full spectrum doula.... that is until the queer community center has to furlough its employees while it does repairs, Ezra's mom drops some shocking news, and now Ezra has to take over her job at the funeral home. On top of all that change, Ezra just moved into a new apartment (with his ex) and starts flirting with his downstairs neighbor, AND is being followed around by a new ghost.

As I mentioned before, there is so much in this story and I imagine that this story is going to make a lot of people feel seen (much like the ghosts in this story). With that, I did feel that there were a lot of problems for the family to get through so the ending did last a little longer than I anticipated because there were several loose ends that needed to be tied up. That's my only real "issue" with the book was that whenever I thought the end was coming, there was another problem that seemingly came out of nowhere and needed to be fixed.

If I had to choose one word to describe this book, I would choose ‘solemn.’ Another would be ‘complicated.’ It wasn’t the spooky szn romcom I was expecting but it was definitely always compelling and I never wanted to put it down.

The MC, Ezra, is a young trans Jewish man whose family owns and runs a funeral home. Death has been a part of his life for as long as he can remember. He can also see dead people. The first half of the book establishes the family drama around Ezra’s parents, their marriage, and their funeral business. It’s not until the second half that the romance begins to blossom.

I thought Shore did a good job of interweaving the religious, supernatural, and queer elements of the story (and Ezra’s character). And thankfully they are far more than token elements; they are respectfully negotiated and important to the story. I actually feel like I learned a lot.

One element I wasn’t expecting at all was how Ezra is the one child among his siblings to whom the most responsibility fell. In many ways, despite his transition, he’s still viewed as the eldest daughter of the family and as such, continues to fulfill the role of peacemaker, caretaker, and co-parent of his siblings. Shore gave us a really insightful take on how damaging this kind of burdensome dynamic can be.

I found the overall tone of this to be quite somber — as one might expect of a book about death, grief, and growing up in a funeral home. Regardless, I found this a beautiful and inspiring read. There’s also dog named Sappho, metaphorical *and* literal cinnamon rolls, and lots of great found family. ❤️ I would definitely recommend picking it up.

[review published on my GoodReads (8/18), my Instagram Stories (8/18), and my Instagram page (8/19)]

I really wanted to like this book more than I did. I thoroughly enjoyed the Jewish aspects, and yay for the gay! But I felt that there was too much going on, and that the romance kind of got lost. It took me a long time to read it--I kept putting it down.

3.5 rounded to 4.

I really enjoyed this story! A romance mixed with a funeral home, with just a touch of the paranormal? I was hooked!
Ezra's internal thoughts make him feel so real and human, even when he is dealing with ghosts!
It seems like throughout, there is so much going on at any given time - I would usually call this a fault in a book, but in this case, it worked, and it worked well. The story never feels convoluted or confusing, and it actually makes it feel more like actual life - because life doesn't just throw things to you one at a time. There is enough drama to keep the story going at a nice pace while also allowing the characters to grow.
All around, it was a quick read with the right amount of drama, growth, and ghosts!

RULES FOR GHOSTING by Shelly Jay Shore is another funeral home-themed book, also coming out this week. (What a month for death stories!)

I should have known from the cover that this wasn't going to be a romcom; covers that say "a novel" are usually weightier, you know? But that would have required me to look closely at the cover, when in reality all I saw was the title and the pitch line "To save his family's failing funeral home—and his own chance at a queer love story—a reluctant clairvoyant must embrace the gift he long ignored in this poignant and tender debut." and was like "say less."

Yes, it is a story with ghosts. Yes, it is very queer. Yes, it is very Jewish (again, when will I give covers more than half a glance?) Yes, there is found family, but also loving your family of origin even though you might be mad at them, or they mild-to-moderately messed up your childhood. There is a LOT going on, and I mean that in the best possible way. The ghost of the dead husband of the guy you've got a thing with! Your mother announcing during the Passover seder that she and the rabbi's wife are in love! These are plot points from the blurb!!

And yet, for all the ghosts and Maury-worthy drama, it feels very real and grounded. It made me cry multiple times, which is a testament to the emotional weight of the story and not how soon my period will start. (mostly.)

RULES FOR GHOSTING is out THIS TUESDAY and you should definitely check it out.

4.5 stars.

There are three rules that Ezra has established in regards to the ghosts in his life: they can’t speak, they can’t move, they can’t hurt you.

However, there is a ghost that seems to be breaking all of the rules - Ben.
Ben, the ghost of Jonathan’s late husband… Jonathan, the man that Ezra has a major crush on.

As Ezra works to keep the familial funeral home in business, all while trying to keep his family together and attempting to keep his heart from getting broken, he realizes that he is haunted in more ways that one.

Read if you like:
- found family
- LGBTQIA+ rep
- love after loss

I can’t believe this is a debut novel. This book had me both laughing and crying and I loved every second of it. Shore is able to cover a lot of hard hitting topics in a very tender, yet emotional way. Literal ghosts are only a small part of Ezra’s story — this is a story about family, community, love, grief, life, and death. I thought Ezra’s character was highly relatable. His struggles with eldest child syndrome and his self-worth may resonate with a lot of people. His relationship with Jonathan is heartwarming and beautiful. I also loved learning about Jewish customs throughout the novel.

Please check the content warnings before reading.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballentine / Dell for a free digital copy of this book. This is my honest review. Publication date: August 20, 2024.

Ezra is a queer, Jewish trans man who became a doula in order to literally escape the ghosts at the funeral home his family runs. But when a family crisis drags him back to the funeral home and he accidentally starts falling in love with Jonathan despite the fact that he can see his husband's ghost, Ezra needs to learn to let go and open up.

This was a magnificent debut that tugged on my heart. It's unapologetically queer and Jewish, and it really explores and embraces both of those identities. It somehow managed to both break my heart AND make me laugh out loud - sometimes only pages apart. Each of the characters here are messy and authentic and REAL, each hurting in their own way, each learning how to accept love.

There's a beautiful mix of both family you're born to and family you choose, and I loved how they melded together. There's plenty of juicy family drama here, but it's all rooted with a strong sense of love. I also surprisingly really loved reading about the funeral home aspects - the way that each burial was approached with such care and tenderness really moved me.

Probably one of the parts that resonated with me most was Ezra's constant desire to be a fixer and a helper and his inability to accept help and fear of being a burden - if any of that sounds like you, I think you'll also really, really love experiencing Ezra's character arc.

Charming, tender, both serious and funny - this book covers a lot, and it does it extremely well. I can't wait to see what else Shelly Jay Shore writes.

I was a little wary when starting this book because ghosts scare me a little bit 😅 I didn’t know what to expect with this book, but this wasn’t it.

I devoured it and I wanted it never to end. Such a great story of loving your family even when you don’t like them, found families, finding your own family again, and so much more. This was a great look into another culture, too. Such a comforting story and one I already know I’ll want to revisit.

I thought the premise was interesting which is why I chose it. But it’s not really about ghosts in a literal sense. Like. There are ghosts but it’s not a ghost story.

I think the writing was good but I got lost because I felt there was a lot going on. I also felt like it took a while to pick up. I kept going because I wanted to know what would happen to Ezra romantically. But. Beyond that, I just wasn’t too invested.

I do think this is a unique family drama and a story about dealing with death, moving on from the past, accepting those you love, and growing into your true self.

Ps. If you’ve lost someone this can either be a hard read or a beautiful one.

I absolutely loved this book. I went into this one not really knowing what to expect and found the book to be completely delightful. Yes it is a romance but also deals with complex family dynamics, grief, Jewish traditions, as well as the trans experience of the MMC and some of his friends. Books like this are one of the main reasons I love this genre so much. You get to peek into the daily lives of different types of people and learn about their traditions and experiences.

Rules for Ghosting is a book about Ezra, who grew up in the family owned funeral home, but has tried to stay away as much as possible since he realized he could see ghosts. A family crisis draws him back home to help with the running of the family business. There he gets to know Jonathan, a recently widowed man who volunteers at the home and whose late husband has also been making appearances.

This book was at times sweet and at times more emotional, but never felt overwhelming heavy. It deals with some intense family issues as well as grief, but overall I would describe the book as charming. Thank you to Shelly Jay Shore, Random House, and NetGalley for this ARC. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.