Set in a Jewish family and community, Rules of Ghost is a humorous, touching, and incredibly charming blend of romance and ghost story. This remarkable book delves into loss, mortality, romantic relationships, the difficulties and demands of being the eldest daughter, and the existence of ghosts.

This novel has such wonderful characters, and Ezra really won my heart. I felt the relationship between Ezra and Jonathan was adorable, and I loved learning about the specifics of Ezra's family. And as a non-Jew, I also enjoyed learning more about Jewish traditions and festivals from this book.

The presence of ghosts in the story enhanced its charm. The way that mourning was handled and the spirits' involvement was wonderful, and it was good to watch how Jon and Ezra became closer and more understanding of one another. Additionally, every turn and twist was incredibly fascinating and even surprising in the greatest manner possible.

I believe that a wide range of readers would find this book to be insightful, endearing, fascinating, humorous, and even a little foolish. The concept of losing who you are and bearing the weight of others was addressed in an original manner.

Considering that this is Shelly Jay Shore's debut book, I am really impressed. I can't wait to read more books by this author.

Ezra can see ghosts... and when he starts seeing the ghost of the dead husband of the guy he's currently crushing on while dealing with the financial issues, his family's funeral home business, and family drama... it's definitely going to be a complicated time. This was a really soothing story about a family drama and a trans character who can see ghosts with a touch of romance, healing, and grief. There was so much happening in this book and I did appreciate that the story dealed with love, loss, and family all while discussing Jewish culture. It's a really warm read overall and deals with a lot of heavy topics. It's nice but not exactly what I was expecting and felt a bit slow. However it was an nice read overall and one that I would recommend to others. Ezra is an interesting character and I did enjoy his friend group so much. The romance was very light and the rep was fantastic.

Release Date: August 20,2024

Publication/Blog: Ash and Books (ash-and-books.tumblr.com)

*Thanks Netgalley and Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

Ezra Friedman sees ghosts, which was especially hard growing up in a funeral home. His grandfather’s ghost disapproves of his HRT-induced puberty, and living family members judge every choice he makes. As much as he wants to stay away, his mother announces that she’s running off with the rabbi’s wife, leaving Ezra helping out at the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel. His life is further complicated by his crush on Jonathan, who volunteers at the funeral home, and the ghost of Jonathan's husband Ben. This ghost breaks all the rules about ghosts that Ezra knows, so he tries to figure out why while keeping his family together as best he can.

Ezra is a messy trans bisexual Jew, used to being the one to act as a go-between in his family. He never felt comfortable revealing that he sees ghosts, so he's used to avoiding certain aspects of his reality and simply not talking about it. When the community center where he works as a part-time yoga instructor has to shut down for renovations, he doesn't tell his family about it when he steps up to help them after his mother leaves with her girlfriend. He doesn't discuss Ben or how different he is, talking to Ezra and showing up in different places he once was in. He's so busy taking care of everyone else that he ignores his own needs.

His entire family is just as messy with emotions, and no one really talks about their emotional needs or the problems that were stacking up within the funeral home. It's only when Ezra leans on his friends and family for help that they come together to solve those problems. The happily ever after to the romance and to the family situations is less of a neat solution and more that people are working together and determined to make each day better.

If you’re looking for a queer and Jewish romance, this book will blow you away. If you’re not looking for a queer and Jewish romance, and you stumble upon this book for the ghosts, this book will blow you away. I think this is a debut romance, and @shellyjayshore ate and left no crumbs.

Ezra Friedman is a trans man, yoga teacher, birth doula - but he was once an eldest daughter born into a legacy of death, that is, a Jewish funeral home started and owned by his Zayde (grandfather). Oh, and one more thing: he can see ghosts, which doesn’t put the fun in funeral.

Ezra has been the caretaker of his entire family, including his older brother Aaron and younger sister Becca, and the mediator between his parents. When the family dynamic explodes, he’s suddenly back in the swing of things at the funeral home, the finances, the Jewish rituals, the death.

He’s moving from his place into a new roommate situation orchestrated in part by his ex, Ollie, also recently furloughed from the Queer Center where he teaches yoga, so that’s already a lot going on. It’s probably not the time to develop a huge crush on his Nice Jewish boy neighbor Jonathan, but Ezra is an overachiever.

He starts seeing Jonathan everywhere, which is great, except he’s also seeing Jonathan’s deceased husband Ben everywhere, which is not so great.

If this hasn’t sold you, I should tell you that this book is warm, funny, a little sad and a little spooky. It’s a lot Jewish, and a lot queer, talking about bisexuality and being trans, dysmorphia. This book, at its heart, is about how it’s hard to need other people when you’re used to being the one they need, and how to see yourself as worthy of love WITHOUT being needed to do something. It’s a delightful ode to being an eldest daughter (even if that’s not what you are anymore), and the transformation of your identity as you break through your own walls.

But I’d be remiss not to point out my personal favorite micro tropes: sibling bonding, a queer friend group, disgruntled commentary about “the straights,” Jewish holiday shenanigans, and last but not least, adopted girl pittie mixes that take up too much space in the bed. This book is magic.

They can’t speak. They can’t move. They can’t hurt you…But Ben can speak. He can move. And as Ezra tries to keep his family together and his heart from getting broken, he realizes that there’s more than one way to be haunted—and more than one way to become a ghost.

Rules For Ghosting is a beautiful debut about love and loss and family. Ezra has been able to see ghosts since he was a child, and has done his best to stay out of his family’s funeral home business, but when his mom implodes things he finds his way back to help. His grandfather’s ghost is lurking and Ben is there too…and at his apartment building, an anomaly he’s never encountered before. To further complicate things, Ben’s husband Johnathan is volunteering at the funeral home.

Ezra and Johnathan grow closer and honestly they gave me such warm fuzzies. The way their relationship developed was so beautiful to watch.

There is humor in this book. Ezra’s family, blood and found are a constant source of humor (and stress because families) and keeping him grounded…but there is also death in this book, just given the setting at a funeral home. Everything is portrayed with care and love and tenderness.

It’s a romance, and I loved the romance aspect of it, the fact that it also deals with heavy topics, but it’s real and grounded without feeling like it’s too much at any point is a true testament of Shelly’s talent and skill.

If death is a hard topic for you, I would keep that in mind before picking this up, but again, it’s handled with such love and understanding that if you’re in a good mental space for it, I think it’s worth checking out.

The family story at the heart of this was very good, with lots of great touches both realistic and unrealistic. The whole family was interesting and a lot of fun (though the main character was a bit of a sad sack). The ghosts were all much less integral to the story than the title, cover, and synopsis indicated!

3 Stars
One Liner: An under-baked cake smothered in icing

Ezra Friedman’s family owned the Friedman Family Memorial Chapel, which made it hard for him as he saw ghosts. The ghosts (dead ones and personal) made him leave his home to make a new life. Being a trans male with unprocessed trauma was hard enough.
However, Ezra meets a ghost who defies all the rules he has understood about them. It doesn’t help that the ghost is Ben, the dead husband of Jonathan, a part-time volunteer at the Chapel and Ezra’s new neighbor. Ezra needs to face his trauma instead of avoiding it if he wants a chance with Jonathan. Can he do it?
The story comes in Ezra’s third-person POV.

My Thoughts:
So… I fell in love with that wonderful cover. The mention of a funeral home and its ghosts was enough for me to request the book. I went into it hoping for an entertaining paranormal romance. Unfortunately, I got a slow-paced family drama with meandering narration.
This is a debut book (from what I see on Goodreads) and reads like one. There’s no denying that it deals with some important themes. But it should have been marketed as an intense read, not lighthearted. (You see me use the word trauma twice in my summary. I’d have appreciated it if the official blurb said it at least once)
The rep is terrific. There are several queer characters in the book. Some of them have been wasted, though. It would have been better with just one or two of them present and well-fleshed out than a blurry of names.
I love the found family trope and hoped it would be prominent when we were introduced to a bunch of housemates at once. While they do play a small part, I felt the potential has been wasted in too much monologue and heavy exposition. It gets lost in the drama of the existing family.
This is a book about a sort of dysfunctional family. However, the members clearly love each other. Communication is a big issue, but otherwise, it’s not horrible. The focus is so much on family drama and the MC’s response (or the lack of it) that it doesn’t leave space for anything else.
Jonathan is a lovely guy, human and flawed obviously, but also someone with a beautiful heart. Ben, despite being a ghost, shines better than some other characters.
The Jewish rep and the details of the rituals were great to read. I learned a lot about their funeral practices, so that’s well done.
I really wish the ghostly aspects were more prominent in the story. I wanted to see the MC explore his talents. Without ghosts, the story wouldn’t be much different. Also, it was too easy with Ben being a talking ghost and all.
The narration is super slow. I zoned out whenever the MC spaced out. Yeah, not assuring! Readers who enjoy such kind of meandering narration will like this book more. IMO, I’d have loved it if it was 30-50 pages shorter. The first half could have benefitted from toning with surgical precision.
The author calls this a family drama with ghosts, queer rep, romance, and humor in the interview at the end. The book was intended to be a family drama. It should have stuck to that aspect (along with the queer rep, of course). There really isn’t much of the dark humor I was expecting. The whole book is heavy and exhausting, unlike the cover, which is vibrant and cheerful. Anyway, thank you for not finalizing the version with the ‘twist’.

To summarize, Rules for Ghosting is the story of a family that finally learns to communicate properly and an MC who realizes his self-worth after a lot of monologues. I think the book needed a ruthless editor for the main plot to stand out and shine. Right now, it is, unfortunately, a kitchen sink.
Thank you, NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell), for eARC. This review is voluntary and contains my honest opinion about the book.
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More links to be updated later.

Rules for Ghosting explores family - found family and your nuclear family, Jewish joy and guilt, grief and more. Main character Ezra is so used to being haunted, literally, that he forgets how to live. Life still finds its way to sneak in, friendship, family, community, and romance.
Characters are relatable and I felt like they could come to life from the pages.
One interesting side benefit from this story is all the new Yiddish words I know, I highlighted them so I could look them up!

Rules for Ghosting is a completely unexpected story about life, death, families, and ghosts. And it’s an emotional queer romance too. Shelly Jay Shore combines all these disparate elements into a fascinating story that I couldn’t put down .

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫

Doula and yoga instructor Ezra is trans man whose family runs a Jewish funeral home, and he sees ghosts too. Along the way, he’s established some rules in this paranormal universe, like ghosts stay in one place and they never actually speak to him. All that changes when he meets Jonathan, whose husband Ben died more than a year ago. Soon Ben’s ghost starts showing up everywhere. Ezra feels a connection to Jonathan that he can’t ignore. But can he even think about romance while trying to manage his family upheaval and while Ben’s ghost is following him around and talking to him about Jonathan?

I wasn’t sure what to make of this book, but I found the premise fascinating. I’m so glad I checked it out! Along with lots of detailed information about Jewish death rituals, there are lots of thoughtful conversations about identity and being comfortable or not in your own body and your metaphorical own skin. Ezra is not comfortable with himself, but tries to make up for it by acting as his family’s caretaker. And Jonathan is a sweetheart who sees the best in Ezra, even when Ezra can’t.

Ezra’s family plays a huge role in his journey. From his close knit siblings to his somewhat clueless parents, their roles within their family dynamic are distinct. Aside from all their drama, though, I like the way they all easily support Ezra through his queer trans journey.

Rules for Ghosting focuses on aspects of both the Jewish and trans experience that don’t always get discussed in romance books. Shelly Jay Shore’s detailed and haunting (no, really) story is unexpected in all the best ways, and will stick with me for a while.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This ended up being much more about the family drama instead of the romance I thought it would be.
It was decent, but not exactly what I had anticipated going into it, and some of the family drama was just boring to read sadly :(

Definitely would still recommend to friends but would sell it more as a family drama novel about a funeral home.

I can’t believe this is a debut novel. Absolutely brilliant!

LGBTQ romance is probably how it is being described, but it’s also a humorous and sometimes tense family drama. Also includes an amazing found family and a bit of paranormal activity (he sees dead people) to round it out! Was such an amazing read.

Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review. Watch for Rules for Ghosting to come out August 20, 2024.

4.5 stars. This book was beautifully written. I loved the story, I loved the plot, I loved the characters. Was it perfect? No, but I thoroughly enjoyed Rules for Ghosting from beginning to end.

The journey that this story took was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I found myself laughing, crying, and everything in between throughout my time with Ezra and co. First things first, our main character is a trans man, middle child, in a strongly religious Jewish family who owns a funeral home.. oh and he can see ghosts. That being said, the story touched on... a lot of tough subjects. From body dysmorphia. family trauma, cheating, loss, and accepting yourself for who you are, this book hits hard but so so beautifully done. I loved Ezra and how complex he was. While I don't relate to many things he went through in the book, he was still so easy to connect with and understand. Honestly, most of the characters were. Each and every one had a purpose and added to the story. Even Zayde, as silent as he was.

The found family and healing that you witness while reading felt so... therapeutic in a way. There were many moments where I had to stop and really think about what was happening and what I was learning. I know this was a book written for entertainment and to tell a story.. but I think it helped me open my eyes not only to more real experiences that are happening around me but also to how I can grow from my own experiences.

Truly my only complaint was that too much was happening. There were more subplots than necessary and you almost get lost remembering all of the different ones and the characters that are involved.

I said it before and I'm saying it again. Rules For Ghosting was beautiful. Thank you NetGalley and Dell Romance for the arc.

5 stars

This was such a beautiful book. It has romance, family drama, humor, found family, ghosts, and truly so much more. I was so engrossed in the dynamic of this family and their funeral home. I really liked all the looks we got into operations of the funeral home. It was so sad and so beautiful and definitely made me cry more than once.
I also really enjoyed the romance in this book. Ezra and Jonathan were both very complicated people with a lot of baggage, although theirs was very different from each other. I loved the journeys these characters went on and I especially loved their communication through it all.
There’s really not enough good things I can say about this book. It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry, it’s just a really good book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dell for the ARC!

this was one of the most unique books that i've ever read and damn i'm going to need everyone else to be reading it!! there was so much care, nuance, and layers woven into this book. i loved the found family of it all (it's giving casey mcquiston found family vibes) and the real family of it all. i'll definitely be reading more from shelly!

Ezra was a fascinating spine tilling character to follow. This book is different from a lot of things that I’ve read.

Ezra Friedman has been able to see ghosts ever since his grandfather passed away. It’s not something he ever talks about or likes to think about which is pretty hard when his family’s business is a Jewish funeral home. After some pretty significant life changes— moving apartment, scandal surrounding his parents, being placed on a job sabbatical, having to work at the funeral home, meeting a handsome new roommate- Ezra can’t take any more changes. Except, his roommate’s deceased husband, Ben, who happens to be a ghost, can talk and move. All rules for ghosting are off.

The premise of the book being set predominantly in a funeral home is one of the most interesting things about the plot. If you aren’t familiar with Jewish funeral practices, this opens a whole new world. The book really emphasizes the beauty and love surrounding death along with the classic grief.

There are plenty of ghosts in the book, which come with their own beauty about humans and their connections to life, this book definitely keeps away from the traditional mystery and horror elements of ghosts. The ghosts are more background figures, and besides Ben and Ezra’s grandfather, there are only a few mentions of the ghosts.

The romance between Ezra and Jonathan was cute and helped push along the plot, but at the heart of the story, is familial love and the dysfunction that follows in its wake. In the fallout of his parent’s relationship, Ezra and his two siblings have to step up and take over more responsibility in the business. The burdens that each of them feel eventually come to a boiling point in this new reality. The fallout will make or break them all.

While this book comes out in August, I highly recommend waiting until October to get the perfect fall vibes to match the feeling this book gives.

#netgalley #rulesforghosting #randomhouse

Ezra is a trans man and middle child in a traditional Jewish family. To take a few words from the author, “death was as much a member of his family as his siblings or parents.” Sure, this is in reference to the fact that his family runs a funeral home, but there are also SO many skeletons in their closets, which is all too common in religious families.

This book delves into tough topics of trans body dysmorphia, loss, betrayal, and the unknowns after a loved one dies. But it also soothes your soul with chosen families, healing moments within a broken family, and new beginnings.

The author wrote a phrase that I think sums up this book perfectly. Disorganized beauty. Every main character in this book is broken and hurting in some way, but there’s beauty that comes from opening up and talking about the hard things.

—

Now to talk about the things I didn’t love.
I was a little lost in the beginning from six year old Ezra being referred to as a daughter (it clicked, don’t worry), and so many side characters being introduced that it was hard to keep up. I actually had to write the characters down to get my brain to remember.

There was a LOT that happened in this book. I feel like the financial arc could have been removed and the book would still have been fantastic. I found myself speed reading through the last 20% because I wanted to know what happened in the end, but didn’t want to spend the time reading every word to get there.

The cover of this book is very deceptive - I thought Ezra would be falling in love with a ghost, or something along those lines. Maybe a spooky little romance. Even though there is a Star of David on the cover, it’s not super obvious. I didn’t even realize it’d be so religion-focused. Don’t mistake it - this book is heavy on loss of loved ones and trauma and is much more than a romance.

I’d recommend reading this on Kindle if you aren’t familiar with Jewish and Yiddish terms. I had to highlight terms often. (I do love learning more about other cultures though - this is not a negative!)

—

All in all, I did enjoy this book. My two critiques would be keeping the side character list smaller (at least at first) and a book cover that depicts the content better.

Thank you to NetGalley for the chance to read this book in advance in exchange for my honest review!

I received this book as an ARC through NetGalley. The following is my honest opinion of the book!

Queer? Romance? Ghosts? This checked all of my boxes. Rules for Ghosting is a humorous, yet emotional, romance about a trans Jewish man that also happens to be psychic. Annnd he just so happens to be part of a family owned and run funeral home. So running from ghosts is not exactly easy. Ezra, our wonderful main character, is also good at ghosting himself because opening up to sweet Johnathan, a recent widow, seems to be difficult. This story goes into the balances of life and death, love and anger, and all the feelings in between.

Things I loved - Found Family, all kinds of LGBTQ+ rep, DOGS, funeral service (I work in the funeral industry and it's not often talked about unless it's scary. Funeral service is full of a lot of love and care too!)

Things I wanted more of - I really really wish we got any kind of scene of what Johnathan did in regards to being a death doula. It felt like it was just sort of thrown in just because it was the opposite of Ezra being a birth doula, but I really wish we could have seen or heard more about what he does. The middle of the book after the one big funeral (IYKYK) felt almost like the end of the book because it was a big climax and I put the book down for a while. But I NEEDED to know how things ended and also Becca... dear Becca scares me with that stove lol

Spice - There's only one open door scene that's mildly detailed so I'd say a 3/5

Bonus: This releases the day before my birthday so I will absolutely be getting this for myself as a gift

Ezra can see ghosts. Ezra thinks he understands how this whole ghost thing works. Ezra is wrong. One ghost has shaken things up, and it’s the ghost of his crush’s dead husband. Things get wild, family breaks and comes together anew, and Ezra finds himself and love of all kinds. A touching story of self-realization, self-love, found family, tradition, and ghosties. Pick up for a heartwarming spin on a haunted family business.

Rules Of Ghosting was more about family drama than seeing ghosts. I had to admit I was disappointed. I really wanted to read more about someone who could see and interact with ghosts. Ezra, the main character, is going through a difficult time. His parents marriage is over and now he has to help out at the family's funeral home, a place he likes to avoid since it is filled with ghosts. Ezra is also transgender and is trying to navigate a new relationship. The story is filled with ups and downs as Ezra tries to navigate his changing world as well as deal with ghosts that only he can see.
I thought the family conflict was interesting and there was some good drama in that. But, because it was so compelling I’m confused why we had the roommates and the group chat. The texting aspect was barely used when it could have been a great way to do some speedy exposition or get a little epistolary romance going. I think that Ezra should have just been living with Nina and Ollie, all the other roommates felt pointless and like too many characters to juggle.

The writing was good and the story moved along but I did not connect with Ezra. In fairness, I am not the target audience for this book and I really thought there would be much more paranormal action. It is not a bad story, it was just not for me.