Just when Ezra has (mostly) gotten his feet under him, everything starts to fall out from under him. He loses his job, his mother announces that she's had a long affair and is running away with the rabbi's wife, and the family funeral home is in financial trouble. As someone who can see ghosts (and doesn't love it), Ezra has stayed far from the funeral home, but he steps into his mother's position to do what he always has: hold the family together and clean up messes. On top of that, his new neighbor is incredible, but Ezra is being haunted by the neighbor's deceased husband, a ghost who breaks all the rules that Ezra knows for ghosts. Will he be able to hold it all together? Or will things fall apart?
It made me laugh, it made me cry, it felt like a warm hug from my family, chosen and blood alike. Even though it was slow at times, it was beautiful throughout. Ezra is such a relatable character in a way that made me reconsider myself. His housemates, especially the texting and social media exchanges, felt like when I lived with my friend group. It was warm and chaotic in such a familiar, homey way. Ezra's relationship with his siblings felt much the same way, familiar and warm. This whole book felt like a nice sweater, like a honeyed tea. And don't get me started on Jonathan the dreamboat. Their relationship is adorable. And we can't forget shared-custody dog Sappho, either. She's a show stealer. As a whole, if you couldn't tell, I loved this book.

I love books about death and Jewish identity so this feels especially targeted towards my interests. It suffers from being overstuffed with ideas and char@terre and plots, but when it’s good, it’s very good.

This was such a fun book. It was the first I have read from this author. I will be looking for more. I would definitely recommend this book.

I was hoping for more out of this book, I think. The found queer family and the romance and even the ghosts took a backseat to the family drama and family business in a way which made reading the book feel like a chore. Perhaps if I had been prepared for a family drama rather than expecting a nice queer romance with a side order of ghosts I may have enjoyed it more? Or perhaps if the book had been edited to reduce the monologuing and family drama down? Who knows. Unfortunately the book we got was a more boring than it should've been considering the whole ghost thing.

3.5 rounded up. Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This book was nice, but I definitely struggled to finish it at a certain point. It simultaneously felt like a cozy read and a book that was trying to have multiple plots happening all at once. I struggled to really care about the main romance and Ben, and would find myself trying to keep up with which plot point was going on at the time. I wish we got a little bit more worldbuilding on the ghosts and why Ben was different, and a more central storyline. I did really like the main though! He was wonderful and I really liked him. I think for a debut this was a great start.

✨ I received this book as an ARC for my honest review✨

Rate: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had pretty mixed feelings about this one. The blurb made it sound like it was going to be a fun, ghosty, light-hearted story, but it ended up being a lot heavier on grief, family drama, and deep emotional stuff than I expected. Ezra, a trans man who works at his family’s Jewish funeral home, can see ghosts. The book goes deep into his struggles with his identity, family issues, and the rituals around death. But honestly, the ghosts didn’t play as big of a role as I thought they would. Ezra’s ability to see them is just kind of there, and when he finally tells people, everyone just shrugs and moves on.

The romance with Jonathan, a widower who lives in Ezra’s building, felt kinda forced at times, especially with Jonathan’s late husband Ben showing up as a ghost. It created a weird tension between them, but the whole ghost thing didn’t get explored much, and the focus was really on grief. The pacing also felt slow, with lots of long monologues and unnecessary details that didn’t really move the story forward.

On the plus side, I did enjoy learning about Jewish funeral customs and the dynamics in Ezra’s family. Ezra’s "found" family and friends were really heartwarming, and those relationships brought some light into the story. By the end, I was hooked enough to finish, but it just didn’t feel as fun or spooky as I’d hoped. It was more about family, forgiveness, and dealing with grief than it was about ghosts or romance. There were some touching moments, like when Ezra and his community come together for a funeral, but the ghost stuff kind of felt like an afterthought.

I can see why some people would really connect with this book, especially if you’re into exploring deeper emotional themes or different cultures. But for me, it just didn’t quite hit the mark.

Ezra grew up with long hair and dresses, but never felt comfortable with who he was. The one person who accepted him was his grandfather, who managed the family funeral home. The first time that Ezra experienced seeing a ghost was the day that his grandfather died. He always hid his ability from family and friends, fearing their reactions. Now he teaches yoga class and works at a support center. When he loses his apartment, Ollie, his ex-boyfriend, finds a place for him in the same building that he and some of their friends live. One of the other residents is Jonathan, a widower suffering the loss of his husband Ben. At a Seder dinner Ezra’s mother comes out and reveals her affair with Judith, a family friend. When she moves out and leaves the family business, it is up to Ezra to take over the accounts. Working at the funeral parlor he discovers that Jonathan is also a volunteer at their services. There is an attraction there and they become close.

Over the years Ezra has developed a set of rules that the ghosts seem to follow. He only observes them in one place that has significance and they do not communicate with him, but observes a ghost close to his home and sees him again at the funeral parlor and other locations. When he sees a picture of Ben he realizes that this is the ghost that keeps appearing. He is shocked when Ben’s ghost tells him that they have to talk. How does he explain to Jonathan that he is in contact with Ben without destroying their promising relationship? Shelly Jay Shore’s tale is a ghost story, a look at family relationships and a romance. She beautifully describes the Jewish traditions involving death and celebrations of life. She fills her story with humor and surprises as Ezra learns to open himself up to family and love. I would like to thank NetGalley and Random House - Ballantine for providing this book.

Thank you to Shelly Jay Shore and Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book.

This book was a quirky, heartwarming read with a fun mix of humor, romance, and supernatural chaos. Ezra, who can see ghosts, is juggling family drama, a second puberty, and a crush on a cute funeral home volunteer. Along the way, you also get a glimpse into Jewish traditions and funeral practices, which adds a unique layer to the story. The relationship between Ezra and his siblings feels really real, and the romance with Jonathan is sweet and relatable. If you're looking for something light but with some emotional depth, this book is definitely worth picking up!

Queer, Jewish, and ghosts oh my! Ezra is such a refreshing and unique main character! I was, however, thinking this book would be spookier with ghosts, but turned out to be more like a lit fic with family drama, grief and love. Overall, I enjoyed this book and could not put it down!

This was definitely different than I thought it would be.
I did read it with an open mind. I thought it would be more about ghosting than the relationship/family dynamics.
All in all wasn’t bad. I think I’ll reread it at a later date .

Rules for Ghosting is the debut novel for queer Jewish author Shelly Jay Shore. The book is advertised as a queer Jewish romance (and Jewish family drama) and that's exactly what it is - with a minor fantasy element of its protagonist being able to see ghosts. And so we get a story dealing with the rituals of a Jewish Funeral Home, our trans male protagonist Ezra dealing with new roommates and a crush on a hot recently widowed funeral home volunteer Jonathan, family drama incited by Ezra's mother admitting at the seder that she's actually in love with the Rabbi's wife, and oh yeah, one of the ghosts Ezra is now seeing everwhere is Jonathan's dead husband Ben. If that sounds like a lot and a mess, well, that's the point and honestly, that only makes the book feel more Jewish.

And as a Jewish SF/F and romance reader who reads a lot of queer works, well, I kind of loved Rules for Ghosting. The story deals with Jewish Guilt and Obligations and family messes in very realistic ways, has a really lovely romance between Ezra and Jonathan and doesn't do the annoying third act temporary breakup I hate in many romances, and just is pretty lovely in the end. I'm not sure how the book will work for non-Jewish readers (probably still pretty decent, but honestly who cares those readers have plenty of non Jewish romances to read) but for the Jewish and especially the Jewish and Queer romance fans, this one is definitely going to appeal.

Plot Summary:
20 Years Ago, Ezra began to see ghosts...like the ghost of his Zayde, recently deceased. This was a particular problem for Ezra because A. no one else could see them and Ezra thought he'd considered crazy if he admitted it and B. Ezra's family run a Jewish Funeral Home, where ghosts - including his seemingly always disapproving Zayde - appear constantly. The ghosts seem to follow particular rules - they stay in one spot, appear for usually inscrutable reasons, and do not talk - but they often creep Ezra out....so he stays as far away from the family business as possible working partly at the Providence Queer Community Center (PQCC) and partly as a birth doula - so he can be around new life, not death.

It's for this reason that new apartment hunting is so difficult and Ezra winds up moving into a house that contains his old ex Ollie and a bunch of other queer friends of Ollie's. And that's where he meets Jonathan, tenant of the downstairs apartment, who is really attractive and has those "nice Jewish guy" vibes that draw Ezra to him. But Jonathan is recently widowed - his husband dying in an accident - and Ezra doesn't quite want to be a rebound....or so he tells himself.

But when an explosive family revelation at this year's Passover seder - Ezra's mom is in love with the rabbi's wife - puts his family into disarray, Ezra finds himself taking his mom's job managing the family funeral home. The job puts him in frequent contact with Jonathan, who volunteers there, and Ezra finds himself falling for him....and also with a problem: because following Ezra, and not following any of the rules, is the ghost of Jonathan's husband.....

Rules for Ghosting is a very Jewish (and queer) story, especially in its family drama (but also its romance). Ezra and his family don't quite (to my mind) fit easily into one of the major US Jewish movements (although they're clearly Ashkenazi) I'd guess they were roughly somewhere between Conservative and Orthodox Jews and their funeral home attempts to cater to all Jews of any denomination and to give them all the traditional funeral rites, although sometimes adapting those rites to the peculiarity of their clients (such as the interaction of gender roles involved with preparations for burial with the fact that their clients and their families may not fit into the typical gender roles). And Ezra's family is entirely accepting of his being trans - something that's not so easy for many real life Orthodox families. Still despite the uncertainty of what movement they might fall into, Ezra and Ezra's family follow Jewish traditions, customs, and holidays in more specific ways than Reform and many other Jews (counting the Omer and Lag B'Omer celebrations being a part of this book, for instance). And their Jewishness, and Jonathan's Jewishness as well, spreads throughout this book.

This is a whole lot of words for something that won't matter to many people but well, it matters to me. There's queerness spread throughout this book as well, I don't want to neglect that: Ezra is of course trans with a loving family, his mom turns out to love another woman, his love interest is Jonathan, a gay guy, he works at a Queer Community Center and his friends are mostly if not entirely queer, etc. etc. In one really moving moment, Ezra and his family help arrange a funeral with Jewish customs for a Jewish Trans Girl who was ostracized by her religious family. In another moving moment, Ezra's job as a doula has him helping a trans male with a difficult birth. So yeah this book is very Jewish AND queer.

None of this would matter if this book wasn't good, but well it is thanks to its very excellent main character (and side characters). Ezra is a Nice Jewish Boy (TM) who is full of Jewish, Queer, and other anxieties. He cares so much for everyone - whether that be his family, especially his siblings, or his friends or the queer community at the PQCC or Jonathan, the boy he just met but is clearly so so attracted to - and his first instinct is to self-sacrifice, to take on the burden so as to try to help all of those people. This leads to him bearing so much of both responsibilities and secrets, and the pressure of it all, as well his own anxiety, really crushes him...with it not being helped by ghosts who can't even speak seeming to sometimes judge him (or with Ben, Jonathan's dead husband's ghost, the fact that he can speak that makes it even worse). Ezra cares so so much and sees his own inability to make every else's life better, to be the perfect person they can trust and rely upon, as a personal failing that makes himself feel not worth love in and of itself. And so much of the plot here is Ezra learning that he needs to realize he has his own value in and of itself, that he is worthy, and that sometimes the limits of what he can do are good enough. In fact it's MORE than good enough, it truly is wonderful.

And well the same is true of some of the side characters. Ezra's siblings have to deal with the bombshell revelation of their mother and how it changes their lives and interactions and understandings of each other, and have their own anxieties and issues. Jonathan struggles with the fact that he was on the verge of splitting from his husband before that husband died and he feels conflicted over grieving and the conflict that he feels over that he feels this way. There's also the conflict over running the funeral home in a way that CAN be helpful to the Jewish community - all parts of it - even when such a manner threatens the ability of the funeral home to stay open in the first place.

And then there's the romance here between Ezra and Jonathan, which is really lovely and well done. The struggles Ezra has to dive into the romance even as he wants it is really understandable and well written, the one on page sex scene is solid, and the relationship's third act turn is really done well - we don't have the annoying trope of a secret coming out causing them to break apart for a while before they realize they need each other (as the book hints it might go to) but instead have revelations simply showcase how Ezra's own anxieties are holding him back and how he needs Jonathan, and Jonathan needs Ezra, to get through them. They're just so lovely nice people - honestly if the book has a fault it's perhaps that Jonathan is too damn perfect really.

So yeah, if you're looking for a Jewish romance or a queer romance, or particularly a Jewish Queer Romance and family drama, Rules for Ghosting is definitely going to be right for you. An excellent debut and I look forward to more from Shore.

This book was absolutely amazing, beautiful, poignant, and such a joy to read. I will be recommending this to all of my friends (AKA forcing them to read this book) because I loved it so much.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review of Rules for Ghosting. Unfortunately I was unable to download this before the archive date. I look forward to finding this in my local bookstore or library.

thanks to netgalley for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for a review!

this was definitely different than i thought it would be. i wasn’t necessarily expecting a family drama with a side of ghosts, but it was so touching once i got onboard and adjusted my expectations at about 20% through. ezra is an interesting main character and was easy to root for, despite his morally gray choices at times.

What to expect:
👻Jewish rep, rituals and holidays
👻trans rep
👻sexual spectrum rep
👻complicated family dynamics
👻comical friend group chats
👻open door
👻single POV

This was a cute and funny story, even while addressing messy family dynamics, drama, and grief over the death of a spouse. Ezra being roommates with his ex while repeatedly running into the ghost of his love interest's late husband is a level of awkward I'm glad I will never experience 😆 Despite these cringe worthy scenarios though, it works! The friend group formed among all the roommates was my favorite aspect of the book, as their banter was very entertaining. The actual romance between Ezra and Jonathan was more meh to me, but there was enough going on in the rest of the story that this didn't bother me much. I was hoping for more discussion on the "rules" given the title and summary of this book though.

This was a little deeper than I thought it was going to be. I still enjoyed it, but I think I just wasn't prepared for how much it would delve into topics. Obviously, I knew grief would be involved, but this went deeper than I thought. Would still recommend for those looking for a ghost story that deals in heavier topics.

Rules for Ghosting was an absolute joy of a book. Giving off Six Feet Under vibes (with less depression), it’s a book filled with so much love and joy.

For most of his life, Ezra sees ghosts. This is even more of a challenge for him since he grew up in a funeral home, causing him to leave that part of his life behind. That is until his mom drops the bomb at the family Passover Seder that she’s been having an affair with a rabbis wife (also the mother in law of his love interest, Jonathon, whose husband died a year ago). With his mom’s job on the back burner, Ezra steps up, as he always has, and dives head first back into the funeral home life. As if that’s not dramatic enough, Ezra can’t help his growing crush on his HOUSEMATE, whose deceased husband happens to be lingering around as well. Ezra is trying to help his family, the ghosts, and everything else. However, is he ever going to help himself?

Rules for Ghosting is one of those books that will make you laugh out loud, and maybe even cry! It’s a story about grief, love, family that comes in many varieties, and the joys and challenges that come with all of that. I highly recommend this!!

This book was an absolute revelation. I laughed, I cried, there was so much I could relate to. The entire thing was just beautiful - beautiful concept, beautifully written, the characters were complex and heartfelt and vulnerable and I just loved it all so much.

I decided to give this one a try on audiobook and really enjoyed listening to it and couldn't put it down. I liked seeing how each of the characters were dealing with different forms of grief. I also liked the relationship between Ezra and Johnathan that we get to see develop and how Ben appears as a ghost to ensure that Johnathan believes in love again.

I thought this one was cute! I went into it completely blind and I thought it was perfect for spooky season! I am going to be buying my own copy because I absolutely love the cover!