Thank you so much, Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell, and NetGalley, for the chance to read this book in exchange of an honest review.

TW: Death, loss, grief

Ezra Friedman is able to see ghosts and growing up in a funeral home wasn't easy at all, mostly since his grandfather's ghost is still there. When is dream job is put on hold since they have to refurbish the whole building and his mother announces she's running away with the rabbi's wife at Passover, he's convinced to work again in the funeral home, helping his family. Not only that, but he's recently moved in the same building of the husband's ghost he started to see. This ghost is the only one who can speak, determined to help his loved husband find happiness again, maybe with Ezra. For Ezra, though, opening himself up is the most difficult thing to do. Trying to keep his flailing family togethere, between financial problems, ghosts problems, marriage and divorce, Ezra is determined to do anything. But helping himself, feeling worthy of love is part of his own growth.

I LOVED reading this book! It has everything! Family drama, messy family, sibling relationships, ghosts, falling in love, queer love, found family, community, accepting, loving and embracing oneself and a huge diverse cast, with a trans and gay MC.
Rules of ghost is part romance and part ghost story, set in a Jewish family and community, and it's funny and moving and so sweet. Ezra is a brilliant MC and I loved Ollie, Jonathan, Nina...I loved them all. I loved the tight community and the wonderful sibling relationship. I adored reading of small Ezra fighting to be himself and his relationship with his grandfather and the funeral home, how he started to see ghosts and how Ben's ghost defied every single rule he thought he knew, pushing him out of his comfort zone, not only with his siblings, but also with Jonathan and himself.
This book is a cuddle, moving and so intriguing. I loved every single thing, and mostly how much Ezra grew in it, embracing himself and his passions, realizing how much of himself he was giving, so accepting help and others in.
The family drama and the love story were absolutely perfect and well meshed and I loved everything.

LOVED IT.

A fabulous debut!

I am so delightfully surprised this is a debut novel. It's incredibly well-written and inclusive.

This book has a lot going on. The MC Ezra is a trans bisexual man who helps run his family's funeral one, can see ghosts, and has a huge crush on his neighbor whose husband's ghost is hanging around. Family, grief, love and identity are big themes here. I think Shore does a great job weaving all the themes together without making it seem preachy. I think the author blends the serious/heavy issues beautifully with humor and heart.

I think the love story was really beautiful. It moves at a good pace and seems to develop naturally, especially considering the ghostly presence.

Definitely recommend if you're looking for LGBTQ+ representation filled with family, love, and ghosts.

Thank you so much Random House, NetGalley, and Shelly Jay Shore for the ARC!

Release Date: August 20, 2024

Ezra can see ghosts, his family owns a funeral home, his mom drops some news on passover and Ezra is laid off of his job due to renovations. He also maybe think his downstairs neighbor is cute.

I think this was really good. The characters had so much personality and seemed like real people. The paranormal aspect was there but it wasn’t the entirety of the book even though its intertwined with the whole plot. Theres a doggo in this book as well. It was kind of slow for being a shorter book, but that was okay because quality over quantity. I do recommend when it comes out!!

I loved this book! So excited to enjoy a romance with a trans main character! (My son is trans and I love seeing positive representation.) The characters were so dynamic that I could barely put the book down. Ezra is the MC and he sees ghosts. Unfortunately for him, his family owns a funeral home. To get away from the ghosts, Ezra is a yoga teacher and a doula! From growing up with death to caring for people giving birth!

The story begins with Ezra moving the same day his family is having their Passover Seder. He meets a cute guy who lives down stairs and is wearing a wedding ring. He also sees that the new place comes with its own ghost. (A story where the main character sees ghosts but there are no jump scares is my kind of ghost story.) That night at his family’s Seder he sees the ghost again, which breaks Ezra’s rules about ghosts. They don’t usually follow him. Then Ezra’s downstairs neighbor comes in with the Rabbi and his wife to join the Seder. Ezra’s mother drops the bomb that she and the Rabbi’s wife are having an affair and want to be together. This forces Ezra to go back to the “chapel” in order to pick his mother’s slack in the office of the funeral home. Turns out Jonathan, his downstairs neighbor, volunteers there.

Ezra hasn’t shared with anyone he sees ghost and doesn’t really want to start now. But with seeing Ben, Jonathan’s dead husband, everywhere and Ben actually breaking another rule and talking to Ezra…our MC has so much on his shoulders and ends up needing to share his sightings with someone!

Ezra’s family and found family in this book are nearly the best part. Ezra’s dog Sappho was up there too. Frankly the growing friend/relationship between Ezra and the amazing Jonathan is what kept me riveted.

Thank you to Random House and Net Galley for this ARC and the opportunity to give my honest review.

Es una dulce historia. Por la sinopsis pensé que la historia giraria en torno a que Ezra ve fantasmas, pero no fue así, es un tema importante para el desarrollo de él como personaje, mas no el centro de todo, hay tantas cosas con las que Ezra carga a raíz de ver los fantasmas, pero también cosas que carga por la dinámica familiar y que son importantes de arreglar.


No se como sentirme acerca de que Jonathan se quitara su anillo de matrimonio de dedo hasta el final y ponelo como collar.

Lo de la mamá primero de dejó en shock, pero luego pase al enojo porque la señora es una cobarde y se hacia la víctima paga que le perdonarán lo que hizo. No me gustó como al final todos la perdonaron y hasta la amante se unió a las reuniones familiares, me sentí mal por el papá.



Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher and the author for the ARC in exchange for and honest review.

I don't use this term lightly, but I would dare to call Rules for Ghosting "cozy."

It is a romance and a family drama, yes, but foremost it's a story about Ezra navigating his (gender transcendent) "eldest daughter syndrome."

Ezra has spent his entire life playing mediator and tying himself in knots to make other people happy. He is the emotional center of his family. We follow him as he slowly finds his voice and his self-worth, in his romantic, platonic, and familial relationships.

Even while right in the melodrama, this book still feels like a warm hug.

This was so cute ! Perfect if you liked the dead romantics or the undertaking of mercy and hart ! I love a good paranormal ghostly romance !

Very original, and an entertaining read. The inclusivity in this book is something you don’t normally find and was handled wonderfully

The most beautiful book I’ve read in recent history. This family dynamic was fraught with drama but the relationship between them was dynamic and strong. The inclusivity brought tears to my eyes on more than one occasion, I was so exhilarating to see all types of people so beautifully woven in to each other’s lives without pretense or prejudice. The ghost aspect only added to the beauty of this story. Where some ghost/haunting stories can error on the either cheesy or creepy side, this was utter perfection. I would give anything to be able to experience this book again for the first time.

This is an utterly stunning debut novel that has easily won a top spot from me.

Ezra is trans and Jewish and has a host of normal human problems and he can see ghosts, but this story really isn't about the ghosts he sees. This book is about family and how it can be messy and wonderful and difficult all at once. This book is about found family and how the people we choose for ourselves can be those things too. This book is about death and loss and how to live with those concepts. This book is also a romance novel, even if it doesn't always feel like the romance is at the center of the story.

I am eagerly waiting to get my hands on a physical copy upon the official publication, thanks to NetGalley and Random House for the eARC I was provided.

I always love being able to see trans characters in romance novels, because there are never enough of those– however, I spent way too much of this book experience wondering how Ezra’s ribs are not crushed from excessive binder-wearing (there is one point at which he does not take it off for eighteen hours straight) and I do think that that is something worth pointing out. More seriously though, I did like the book and the way that religion was also incorporated in it, even though I am pretty unfamiliar with Judaism. Good book, fun read, the characters are fun although definitely millennials.

"Guidelines for Ghostly Encounters" delves into the delicate balance between celebrating life and bidding farewell to cherished ones, exploring the profound impact of grief and love on our lives. It blends tenderness and humor reminiscent of "You Should Be So Lucky" and "The Prospects," infused with the comforting presence of caring spirits.

From the very first page, I found myself drawn into the narrative, eager to delve deeper with each passing moment. This tale had me laughing aloud, shedding quiet tears, and experiencing a mixture of both emotions in between. While it revolves around encounters with spirits, don't let that deter you if paranormal tales aren't typically your cup of tea. At its core, this is a contemporary romance—a delightful, funny, and poignant one at that.

Shelley Jay Shore's writing shines brightly in this fanfic-style narrative, presented in the third person and present tense. The ensemble cast of characters, both primary and secondary, is exceptionally crafted. Ezra captured my heart from his introduction as a six-year-old, while Jonathan's kindness melted it. And Ben—his vulnerability during Ezra and Jonathan's first kiss tugged at my heartstrings; I wished I could embrace him, but alas, ghosts don't hug! The first part of the story was enjoyable, but the second part elevated it to new heights. The romance depicted was simply... indescribable, and Ben—oh, Ben, I can't stop thinking about him.

Finally, I must applaud the incorporation of Jewish death customs throughout the narrative, beautifully depicted and fostering inclusivity.

Overall, I'd rate this book 4.5 stars without hesitation.

Heartfelt thanks to Random House Publishing Group/Ballantine and NetGalley for the delightful ARC!

**SPOILER FREE** Get ready to fall in love with the characters of Rules of Ghosting! These characters are flawed but lovable. While there are many storylines and plots to follow, you will enjoy each character arc and journey. I cannot express the amount of joy I felt while reading this cute book. It is so important to have characters that represent the trans community. We need more and more books written from their perspective. Thank you Shelly for including characters of all walks of life.

Very strong debut! An unconventional romance novel that is heartwarming, quirky, and funny. I always enjoy a Jewish family dynamic, and a somewhat dysfunctional one is always entertaining to read about. Add in some sweet paranormal activity and I am totally sold! Very original and charming. Looking forward to more from this author. Thank you Netgalley and the publishers for the advanced copy.

I made the mistake of starting Rules for Ghosting right before bed, thinking I would only read a chapter or two and then sleep. That was NOT the case though, and I highly recommend not following in my footsteps because I stayed up until 5am to finish reading it. That being said, please, do yourself a favor and pick this book up. I absolutely adored everything about it, from the family dynamics and trauma, humor, grief, and all of the little details about Jewish burial traditions (seriously, those were really interesting to learn about). Ezra was so sweet and loving while still having problems and flaws of his own, and it was easy to love and root for him. Also, his relationship with Jonathan was SO soft and adorable, that man deserves nothing but kind things. We need more love interests like him, I love soft, kind men so much. And Ben? Ben was perfect. Oh my god I'm lowkey sad this wasn't a polyam ghost romance because there's one scene that had me on my SWOONING over how much I'd have loved them as a trio (I get why it wasn't, but please, know I would commit federal crimes to read the chapters of what could have been).

I think this is the first book I've read that really examined the long term damage that happens from Eldest Daughter Syndrome (for reference, this is the term used in the book), and it was emotionally destroying in the best way. I cried over multiple things throughout the book (not just EDS lol) and I am so glad that this was a part of my week of emotionally damaging media consumption (Thank you Nora Sakavic and Taylor Swift).

The TL;DR for this is go read this book ASAP and bring a box of tissues so you can wipe away tears of laughter and sadness. It reminded me of a Casey McQuiston novel but with ghosts and Judaism and I mean this in the best way. I'm so impressed with Shore's writing, and can't wait to see what they write next - if it's half as good as Rules for Ghosting is, I'll have a new auto-buy author!

Thank you so much to Random House Publishing Group and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book early in exchange for an honest review.

Rules for Ghosting follows Ezra, a trans Jewish boy who can see ghost as his life and his family begin to fall apart around him.

This is an adult novel set mostly in a funeral home with complicated family dynamics and connections between the characters that I really enjoyed reading. This is not a book that I would have chosen on my own (I prefer sapphic to achillean) but after receiving an email from the publisher it looked just interesting enough to give it a try.

I specifically like the way Ezra’s trans identity was incorporated into the book. It’s not a main part but it’s clear how it affects how he sees himself and his relationship to other people. And from my perspective as a non binary person this was done very well and respectfully.

This is a debut book and there were a few times I was confused about tiny plot points but the love story between Jonathan and Ezra was so beautiful as well as Ezra’s relationship with his siblings and friends that I just couldn’t put it down. And all the twists and turns were so interesting and at times unexpected in the best way possible I had to reread sections to make sure I had it right.

Overall I was pleasantly surprised by Rules for Ghosting and am excited to read it again once it comes out!

4.5 stars rounded up to 5.

Ezra and his family, both found and biological, are a beautifully dysfunctional and loving team who I could read about for days. Being set partly in a funeral home, Shore's beautiful and gentle treatment of death and funerary work was honestly a breath of fresh air. Ezra is such a loveable ball of stress it's impossible to not feel for him at every twist and turn in life, positive or negative as they may be. Anyone who has ever found themselves in the throes of "eldest daughter syndrome" will empathize with Ezra's instinctual protectiveness even as it proves unhealthy for himself. The depictions of Jewish celebrations and rituals are so lovingly written and provided in context for the unfamiliar that I barely noticed the gaps in my own knowledge. This book made me emotional in the best way and I would heartily recommend it to anyone wanting a story of queer joy and triumph.

Shelly Jay Shore’s Rules for Ghosting is a remarkable novel about love, identity, and family above all else. There’s something tragically beautiful in the characters’ journeys told through Ezra’s narration, likely because Shore doesn’t hesitate to confront grief head-on alongside everything else. She places love with grief side by side, as they always seem to be.
Stepping into reading this book, I had no expectations of what I’d experience. Firstly because the premise of this novel is different than any of my personal experiences. And secondly, because it’s not usually the type of book I pick up. Reading Ezra’s story though, made me feel connected to him instantly, even though we have had vastly different experiences. It’s the sign of a good story when you feel tied to a character like they’re real, like their highs and lows impact you as well. No matter the life I lead in comparison, there is a universal feeling of love and connection Shore touches on in this book. With Ezra and his family, with Ezra and Jonathan, with Ezra and ghosts like Ben – they all ultimately speak to the way we all desire connection, but must work to maintain them.
The first few chapters of the novel were heavy with setting the scene for Ezra’s life, established struggles, and relationships. It felt like there was less movement and development in this part, where we were just getting to know everything, that might have been more effective sped up. But once the story really starts kicking, I fell all in, wrapped up in Ezra and all the characters around him. Ezra’s journey is one of healing, for both himself and others, and I don’t know how else to describe the feeling of reading it but as lovely, warm, and comforting like honey.
As Ezra grows with his siblings, with his parents, and with his new partner Jonathan, we watch him face some of the rawest human struggles that are intensified by his gender identity, religious background, and his ability to see ghosts. It’s a marvelous premise and plot tool, using graveyards, funerals, and ghosts as a vessel for Ezra to explore his identity throughout his whole life and the character arc he experiences through meeting Jonathan and the ghost of his dead husband, Ben.
What makes this book most enjoyable for me is several things, but mainly how whole and encompassing it feels and Shore’s incredible way of writing complex relationships. We read about familial conflict – both with parents and siblings – conflict with friends, with Jonathan, but most importantly, the internal conflict struggle Ezra endures and must overcome to resolve the external fights in his life. The supporting characters in this novel are written with so much love for Ezra and for their values, it just creates an experience of fulfillment and safety. And these are all only made addictive to read because of the way Shore writes these characters. The way she describes their humor, kindness, and flaws simultaneously lifts them off the page and forms them into raw and real humans.
Probably my favorite part of the novel was the way Shore used Ben’s ghost in the trajectory of Ezra and Jonathan’s relationship. Ideas of ghosts and being haunted by people are things used literally in the novel as plot tools, but they still carry the same figurative weight. All of these characters are so beautiful and craving of love – and they fight for it, helping each other overcome their ghosts, let things pass and rest, so we get that satisfying ending.
It’s really just a sweet and evocative book about connection and what it takes to heal, and just reading this story to appreciate this message is something I’m grateful for.
Rating: 4.25/5
Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to read this book in advance in exchange for an honest review!

I mean, of course I had to read a book with a trans Jewish character named Ezra. And he did wind up being a very relatable character for me in a lot of ways. This book was surprisingly funny and honestly just a good read all around. It had me laughing and it had me crying and I loved it all. I liked that, while Ezra’s transness was a part of the story, it wasn’t about coming out. Coming out stories are important, but it’s also nice to read stories where we just get to exist. And Ezra had a fantastic group of queer people in his life.

I had admittedly forgotten what the synopsis said about this book and so when Ezra’s mom and Judy made their Passover announcement I felt just as blindsided but it felt a lot funnier to me than I’m sure it did to them.

It also focused on an aspect of Jewish life that I don’t feel like is normally discussed. Death isn’t something commonly talked about so it’s interesting to read a book from the perspective of someone who’s been surrounded by it most of their life.

Thank you to NetGalley for making this available in exchange for an honest review!

I was given an advanced copy in exchange for my review. This is my honest review that I am leaving voluntarily. I loved this! I'm sorry? This is the author's debut novel? It is so well written! It is a single POV but that's okay I truly had a great time. Everything was so charming and funny, it is going to be a perfect fall book. Defiantly will be following this author.