I went into Rules for Ghosting expecting something lighthearted. What I got was a tender, emotional family drama about a trans, Jewish man coming to terms with grief, trauma, and his issues surrounding always being the emotional support person for everyone around him.

I fell in love with Ezra right away and just wanted to wrap him in a blanket and give him a hug. His story resonated with me, particularly through the discussion of "Eldest Daughter Syndrome" and having to bear the weight of managing the emotions of others. I found it interesting to learn about traditional Jewish funeral practices; the supporting cast was fun and real, although there were perhaps a couple characters too many for every one to serve a purpose; and I loved the family dynamics where all the members loved each other even though they don't always do right by each other.

The ghosts didn't come into play as much as I thought they would, which was fine since I could view them as an allegory for the issues Ezra was dealing with. The romance also didn't take as prominent a position as it does in most contemporary romances/rom coms, which I was also fine with as I was more focused on Ezra himself.

I absolutely recommend Rules for Ghosting, but would caution readers expecting a fun paranormal romance that they're going to get something very different. This is not really a ghost story and the love story takes a bit of a backseat to the family drama and Ezra's own coming of age. Pick something else if you're looking for lighthearted, but when you're ready, give this one a try. I enjoyed it from start to finish.

3.5 stars

Third person, single POV.

Ezra is the middle child born into a small business mortician family. He can also see ghosts, but always had to keep it to himself. The ghosts can’t speak to him, and tend to vanish as quickly as they appear. Mostly, he sees his grandfather at the business so, when he got older, he tried to distance himself from the business of death and became a doula.

He moves in with a group of people, including his ex. They’re a funny cast of characters. After moving in though, a new ghost has been appearing to Ezra. One that can speak to him and seems to be breaking all the rules. Soon, their widowed neighbor catches his attention and a shakeup in the family forces Ezra back to working at the funeral home.

Overall, it’s a slower read that felt a bit long and the writing is a bit choppy. There’s also an undertone of almost eeriness. It’s a good fall read.

Also, among a LGBTQ+ cast of characters, Ezra is trans. There’s definitely a diverse cast of characters and getting that kind of seamless representation was cool.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for my advanced digital copy!

Ezra is Jewish, Trans, and also sees ghosts. Growing up around his family’s funeral home, once a place he adored, it became a place of avoidance. He didn’t want to be there much at all, not with all the ghosts lining the halls.

A couple decades later, Ezra is working at a Queer Community Center teaching yoga & as a doula, moving into a new apartment. His ex lives there with roommates, so he feels safe in knowing there aren’t any ghosts. He’d been there before, he’d have seen them. He meets their downstairs neighbor immediately, and, as it turns out, his late husband’s ghost shortly after.

A particularly eventful family Passover seder changes all his plans. Filling in for his mom at the funeral home, Ezra comes face to face with the ghosts of his past, and of his present.

This book is a beautiful journey of family chaos, confronting your ghosts (both literal and metaphorical), love after loss, and found family.

Such a beautiful read, I’ll continue recommending this for years to come.

I wanted to like Rules for Ghosting so much, but it never landed with me. I'm still willing to take the blame for that; I started it over the summer when I was really busy and couldn't settle into it, and then continued it in the last few weeks when that same situation was happening again. I never connected with the characters, but I wanted to. I would still recommend it, even though it never landed for me.

3.5⭐️

Thank you so much to Dell, Netgalley, and PRH Audio for providing advanced copies of this! All thoughts and opinions are still my own.

When this book appeared on my radar, the mix of queer romance, Jewish rep, and ghosty elements immediately caught my attention. I've been on the hunt for some contemporary, slightly paranormal romances and this fit perfectly.

Overall I enjoyed this. I thought the ghost elements were well done, there is so much Jewish culture woven throughout, and I liked all the family/community relationships explored alongside the romance.

This just didn't leave me with much of a lasting impression. I'm writing this review about a month later and almost all of the details have disappeared... It's one of those books that I will recommend and I think a lot of readers will enjoy. It's just not something that will go down as an all-time favorite.

Ghost stories are usually not my thing and I have recently bounced off of similar works. But the writing in this is so vivid and engaging that I immediately became invested in Ezra's journey. The found family and Jewish family dynamics with just good people being good to each other all around was just the right cozy combo I needed going into spooky season. More trans adults coming of age stories with strong family and culture dynamics, please!

There is a lot happening in this book. Ezra's family owns a funeral home and at a family Passover seder his mom announces she's running off with Rabbi's wide, which means Ezra has to step in to help his family business. Oh! And Ezra sees ghosts, specifically his grandfather who passed when Ezra was a child.

There were a lot characters to keep track off, a lot of back plot and explaining that didn't feel like it was always necessary and in general made the book too long. I think this was an ambitious story but had spotty execution.

Thank you to Netgalley & Random House Publishing Group - Ballantine | Dell for the advanced reader copy.

I honestly don't know how to talk about how remarkable Shelly's book is, other than to say it is one of my favorite books of all time.

RULES FOR GHOSTING is... a tender comedy about family and grief and love. A layered exploration of life and death and how they are intertwined and constant. A queer trans coming-of-age. A subtle romance where there are no soulmates, but instead overlapping loves and connections and the fear/joy of being known.

Also included: ghosts, doulas, a dog named Sappho.

Rules for Ghosting is first and foremost a novel about love, and how that love can become grief without us ever learning truly how to process it.

Ezra Friedman is a trans, bisexual, Jewish man who sees ghosts and with his family in the funeral business ghosts abound. Just when he feels like his life is on a track he likes, great job, new roommates (with zero ghosts in the apartment), a solid friend group, and his family more settled into their routine, it all implodes in one day with his job stability going out the window along with his parents' marriage. With that Ezra finds himself back in the family business, and seeing the volunteer, and his new neighbor, way too often.

This novel is about love and grief and how to two can be so deeply interwoven that we don't fully see it till it explodes in our faces. With the messy family dynamics, the queer central core, and the messy relationships and found family that the book reenforces this novel had everything it needed to be a tear jerker. I found myself more than once deeply connecting with the emotions of Ezra and his need to both care for everyone else, and self-hatred that left him feeling as if he did not deserve anything good.

I would pick this one up if you are looking for:
- Found and Birth family dynamics
- Moving on after grief
- Possessing grief from multiple sources
- Queer and Trans MMC's
- Extremely Diverse and queer core
- Ghosts but not spooky or scary
- Queer RomCom vibes

I received an advance review copy of this book, and I am leaving this review voluntarily and all thoughts and opinions are wholly my own and unbiased.

Thank you to Netgalley for a chance to read this eArc in exchange for an honest review.

I'll admit that the beautiful cover + ghosts drew me in at first, but there is so much to love about the book.

Most of the characters were flawed and lovable. It's nice reading something where the people feel real. The representation was incredible and while I am not the target audience, I really learned a lot and it was very interesting.

Did I expect it to be a little lighter? Yes! There was a lot of grief and trauma handling within these pages that I wasn't completely expecting. I will say that the pace was on and off for me. I think it picked up really good at 70% and I couldn't stop. But it was slower going before that.

Oddly, the story would have mostly been complete with or without the ghosts. I am still curious why Ben was able to break the rules and I wish the ghosts more involved. It is clear that the use of ghosts in this story is very much a metaphor for the grief everyone is dealing with. The author just made that grief come alive with the use of ghosts as a physical manifestation of it.

Overall, it was a good read. I enjoyed most aspects of it and would read more by this author.

This book is truly unique! the mix of mystical, family drama, grief, healing, and romance with just the right touch of wit. While the beginning felt a bit rushed, by Chapter 4, I was fully invested in the characters and their journeys.

The LGBTQIA+ representation felt authentic, and the themes of life, death, and transitions were woven in beautifully without feeling forced. The friendships were engaging, and the family dynamics made me feel instantly connected. Overall, it’s a hopeful and heartwarming read, perfect for the fall season.

While this book dealt with much heavier topics than I expected, I still really loved it. I found myself needing to take a few breaks from it because there was soooo much drama happening constantly. I loved the found family but feel the idea of Ezra's found family was introduced, but then left aside as the drama with his biological family took over the plot. Overall, I did enjoy the characters and would recommend this book to others.

I truly enjoyed this book and the concept of this. I loved the different representations among the characters and the story overall. It had me hooked early on. Had a literal GENTLY throwing my kindle to my chest moment.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

This was funny, cute, and a good mix of romance and paranormal.

I want to reread this now that it is out and I'm hoping to get a physical copy or it again on my Kindle.

I enjoyed all of the different representation that was presented in this book, and overall this was good for a debut.

I loved this book. It is one of those books where if you try to explain what is going on, it sounds like a lot, but everything came together so seamlessly. There was romance, family drama, and supernatural but somehow everything just works The characters were well developed.. I will recommend this book to anyone that will listen.

Rules for Ghosting is a charming romance story mixed with a ghost story. I am looking forward to reading more from Shelly Jay Shore.

This is not a feel good, happy go lucky read, as I was expecting. This is a fairly serious, make you feel things story, and probably unlike anything I’ve ever read before.

Great for Jewish and or LGBTQ+ audiences, which I am not, but it was interesting to read the cultural differences.

Good writing, but not what I was expecting.

I'm just so glad that I was given the opportunity to read this book. I am probably not the most targeted audience, but that's the beautiful thing about books. I learned so much about the Jewish faith and their practices regarding death as well as some of the struggles that transgender individuals might come across in their every day lives. I found this book to be just heart warming, thought provoking and hard to put down. The characters were so well developed. What I thought I was getting in to with this book was reading about how Ezra is haunted by the ghosts in his family funeral parlor that he had to return to follow a scandal involving his mother and the rabbi's wife. What the book really is is an examination of family dynamics, how it is to live as a queer individual in a family unit that is dealing with their own hardships including keeping the family business running. It wasn't necessarily a spooky season read like I thought it was going to be, but it was certainly an important one. I highly recommend to read this book! 4.25/5 stars.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher Random House Publishing Group - Ballentine for an advanced readers copy of this book. All opinions within this review are my own.

If you found yourself drawn to this beautiful book based on the premise (and, let’s be honest, that cover art), I think you’ll be just as fulfilled as I was when I read the last page. RULES FOR GHOSTING is a quirky love story… that’s also a ghost story… that’s also a story about identity and faith. It’s as close to a reassuring hug as a book can be. There is no ugliness or bigotry in this book despite many openings for it. It’s about navigating our own identity within our families, both biological and chosen. And it’s about finding a way to come to terms with the things that haunt us - literally and metaphorically. Some parts felt rushed and there may have been a few too many characters than necessary beyond the family but that’s all irrelevant because I’ve got a full heart and a big grin on my face after finishing it. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the advance copy. All opinions are entirely my own.

DNF. Too many characters introduced too quickly and it all just felt very confusing and hard to keep track of. I was really excited about this one but it just felt very overwhelming right up front.