Dedication hit close to home:
"For the eldest daughters, current and former—this is your reminder to exhale."

Queer / Trans MC rep
Death / Grief
Family Drama
Third Person Single POV
Found Family
haunted funeral home
bi trans main character (the book's POV)
romance is a sub-plot
hurt / comfort / grief
the best dog
jewish humor + culture

I was so excited for the ARC of this one! Thank you to NetGalley and Ramdon House Books (Ballantine | Dell) for the eARC.

I wish I could say that I loved this one, but I didn't. I was sort of disappointed. I feel like the vibe was presented wrong? Based on the cover and title you'd expect more light-hearted ghost stuff, but it was pretty heavy on emotion and grief (and long-winded monologuing in the MC's head) and low on ghosts.

I AM glad that I did not decide to dnf when I got frustrated with it and finished it - I did enjoy all the Jewish customs and rituals. The sibling dynamics. The group of side-character queer friends. And I cried A LOT. There's a lot of grief, but when you're dealing with a funeral home and someone that sees ghosts, their new roommate/love interest that is a widower- I guess it makes sense!

This book had so much potential - but still has its bright spots.

Even the "rules" the title references weren't a huge part of the story? Like I honestly forgot about them and then they were brought up again and I was just like oh? lol.

I think if you go in knowing it's slow and heavy you could enjoy it a lot more than I did! Don't expect a Dead Romantics-esque story or you'll be pretty disappointed as well.

This is messy book with interesting characters that talks about interesting themes. More than a romance, the story is just Ezra on a journey of learning about himself and tons of family drama. When I say tons, I mean bucketloads, with so many characters and emotions, and the surrounding chaos that comes with it. There's a lot of discussion about Ezra's background too, with him being Jewish and growing up in a family with a funeral business. I appreciate the well fleshed out MC that the author created, but his journey felt as though he was being pulled into several directions at the same time. The book does have some triggering topics, including extramarital affair. The possible reason i didn't enjoy this book was that I went in expecting something completely different which also isn't my type of a read.

I was honestly expecting a fun ghostly romcom based on the cover of this book, but it turned out to be an incredibly moving story that really took me by surprise by its depth of emotion.

The story follows Ezra, a young man who spent most of his childhood at his family’s funeral home, where he quickly learned that he could see and communicate with ghosts. He couldn’t wait to grow up and get away, but as an adult, is asked to return and help save the family business, which is on the brink of going out of business.

Ezra develops a crush on Jonathan, a young widower who volunteers at the funeral home. One day Ezra finds himself face to face with Jonathan’s dead husband Ben, and it is then that he realizes he can actually communicate with Ben, who has some things on his mind. Talk about awkward!

What follows is a beautiful story about love, death, grief, healing, and most importantly, about second chances. Ezra also happens to be transgender, which adds another layer to the story. He’s a sympathetic character who is really easy to root for.

Overall, I really enjoyed Rules for Ghosting. I thought the writing was lovely and that the transgender rep was very well done.

I alternated between the physical arc and the audiobook and would definitely recommend either format. The audiobook is narrated by Petey Gibson and the author, and it’s a wonderful listen, very poignant.

Ezra Friedman can see dead people which is slightly inconvenient considering his family owns a funeral home that he must unexpectedly work in after his mother drops a bombshell at Passover Seder that threatens to rip his family apart. But no worries because Ezra’s new crush is a widower whose husband definitely isn’t haunting Ezra absolutely everywhere.

I was not at all expecting to learn so much about Jewish funeral and burial customs when I started this book but it was really interesting and moving to learn about Tahara (the washing of the body for purification) and shemira (watching over the deceased until they are buried to protect their body and spirit).

My only real gripes about this book are that 1. I kept being really thrown off by this being in third person. I felt like this story lent itself more to the first person style but that’s just really a preference so do with that what you will and 2. I was getting REALLY annoyed with Ezra’s “I’m so broken. Why would anyone ever love me?!” When he’s a perfect person. I get that Jonathan is an actual angel on earth but Ezra acting like he didn’t deserve love from Jonathan is bonkers. This is a phenomena I come across a lot in romance novels and it bothers me every time. Why do so many main characters have imposter syndrome about their entire life? Ezra was pushing a wonderful group of friends away for literally no other reason than he didn’t feel deserving of friends. Wild. The following are some quotes that really hit the imposter syndrome point home:

“You don’t have to do penance for needing help.”
“Why are you acting like nothing you do is important?”
“I am so fucking mad at you but believe it or not, you deserve a little good.”


I want to add that I LOVED that there was absolutely no transphobia in this book with a trans main character. Ezra had other struggles and that didn’t need to be a part of his story. There was a death of a trans college student but the circumstances of their death were not discussed and they were treated with the utmost respect in death which was very healing to see.

Content warnings: death, car accident, infidelity, gender dysphoria, death of a trans person, fire, medical content, minor self harm

Adorable! I loved all the elements of this story and I’m not usually the biggest fan when paranormal is mixed with romance.

the sweetest ghost story about love, loss, and acceptance!

it’s pretty slow in pace and not quite as lighthearted/humorous as anticipated, and it feels overwritten at times, but at it has a cast of quirky, lovable characters that draw you in. i loooove a messy family drama and the queer representation is superior.

Thank you NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to review this title. This has so much going for it! Ghosts. Family drama. Family trauma. Ghosts. LGBTQ relationships. New crush. Ghosts of said crushes dead husband.... SO GOOD!

Gosh this book was a cozy read! Not since "The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches" have I just loved a cast of quirky characters like this. This book is a love story, a found family story, a grief story, a ghost story. The character-driven plot is filled with a loveable cast of queer characters. This is a book I will absolutely need to buy for my favorites bookshelf. What a fabulous early September read!

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This was a sweet but not spooky ghost story with great queer representation. I also liked the way Judaism factored in.

The characters were great in this one, which is a good thing because it's definitely a character-driven story. The main relationship was really sweet. The family ones were too - both found and biological. I liked how complicated and realistic everything felt. It made the ending that much sweeter.

I read an ARC of this book from NetGalley. All comments are my own.

This was absolutely stunning.

I definitely took my time with it, but not for any other reason than savoring RULES FOR GHOSTING. Shelly Jay Shore’s debut is a magical combination of heart, humor, and ghostiesssss! It was so so beautiful.

I was beyond intrigued by the premise of the MC seeing ghosts and the plot was just beyond. I loved that Ezra seeing ghosts was a big plot point but never felt Too Big or never overruled the story. It was subtle enough to be entirely pleasing and gave me chills quite a few times.

Ezra and Jonathan were so freakin’ cute and experiencing them fall in love was sublime. I loved how time felt as if it slowed down whenever they were in a scene together. Gave me goosebumps!

The entire chosen family was incredible. The biological family was incredible. I was not expecting all of that drama but wow, it was delicious. Every page had me excited for the next.

RULES FOR GHOSTING is an atmospheric triumph. I am better for reading it!

A touching queer romance meets family drama meets ghost story about grief and what it means to be haunted.
I'll admit, it took me a moment to connect with Rules for Ghosting but once I did, it was quite the emotional journey. Ezra, a Jewish trans yoga teacher/birth doula who is riddled with insecurities, carries the weight of his family on his shoulders, and also happens to see ghosts, is a very relatable narrator. After his job teaching yoga at the local queer community center is put on hold due to structural issues at the center and his own family implodes when his mother exposes her ongoing affair with their Rabbi's wife, Ezra returns to help out at his family's funeral home business out of both financial necessity and familial obligation. Ezra has purposely avoided the funeral home due to the burden of keeping the ghosts haunting him a secret. Only between the funeral home and his new apartment, there is a living resident that seems to be haunting him - the very attractive Jonathan - alongside the ghost of Jonathan's late husband, Ben.
The author does a nice job of making these many obstacles in Ezra's life feel genuine rather than outlandish. The personal journey Ezra goes on as he explores his relationship with his family, friends, new love interest, and most importantly himself, is intense but so real. I found myself connecting to many of his struggles, as I am sure many other readers will as well. The seriousness of that journey is nicely balanced with comedy, provided by Ezra's found family of friends and his sister.
Would certainly recommend.

“Not all grieving has to hurt”

I somehow keep (intentionally/unintentionally??) reading books that center around grief and death, which I, unfortunately, have a decent amount of experience in. The characters in Rules for Ghosting have conversations that feel so healing for me. This is one of those books (much like The Christmas Orphans club by Becca Freeman) that I want to crawl into and become a part of the friend group.

Rules for Ghosting is going to be a book that I won’t shut up about for the entirety of fall. Thank you to the author for referencing the IKEA in Stoughton and other local hot spots.

Ezra Friedman can see ghosts, but his psychic ability comes with rules. In the midst of his family falling apart, one ghost breaks those rules.
The ghost of his new neighbor's dead husband speaks to him, and begs him to fix things. Johnathan, the neighbor, is cute, and definitely seems to be interested. But is Ezra the right pick for him to overcome his grief and try to get back out there? Especially while Ezra is working to unravel all the hurts and secrets within his family and their funeral home.

There is so much more to this book than just the romance and the ghosts. There's family drama, body dysmorphia, a queer found family, and learning to accept help from the people who love you. I really enjoyed most of the aspects of this book, but the build-up to the romance felt... unearned. There were a few scenes with Ezra and Johnathan, and then suddenly... they're together? I somewhat felt the same about the friendships with his roommates. These relationships felt underdeveloped and we're just told that they exist, rather than seeing them come to life on page. So much focus was placed on the funeral home and the family situation instead. It felt more like several subplots were competing for the main stage, rather than a single strong plotline to follow. Otherwise, the writing was beautiful, and the love and acceptance I felt from the side characters for Ezra, our trans lead, was palpable. I did enjoy the way things played out, especially with the family.

**I received an electronic ARC from the publisher through NetGalley.**

Shelly Jay Shore debuts with Rules for Ghosting, a contemporary novel with a hint of paranormal flair. Readers follow Ezra, a Jewish trans guy who has just been furloughed from his job and finds himself back at the family funeral home. Which would be fine if he couldn't see the ghosts as they come in for their services. Most go. Some linger. Like the ghost of his grandfather watching over the funeral home. And, apparently, the dead husband of the alarmingly attractive Jonathan who lives in Ezra's building. Jonathan's dead husband is breaking all the rules. He shows up different places. And he talks. Combined with Ezra's mother announcing an affair at the most recent holiday gathering, and Ezra's life is falling completely apart.

This book was initially presented to me as a romance. I would argue that it is a contemporary book with paranormal elements and a romance in it. This book is about the exploration of grief and community and truly living life to its fullest. I thought I was walking into a cutesy little funeral home romance with a haunting a la The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy. That is Not The Vibe. The romance is not the point of this book. It's featured and it's nice. But it is not the focus for... over half of the book. I very nearly DNFed due to the slow pace combined with my misplaced expectations. I am glad I didn't.

This book is emotional, raw, and delves deep into both the grief surrounding actual death and the grief surrounding the death of expectations and hopes and failed relationships. Make sure you're in a good headspace for that. This book is, as mentioned, slower paced to allow time for all that emotional involvement. I will say that despite all of the heaviness that is explored, there is hope in the ending. All the characters seem to have gotten fulfillment from where they end up. Which, for me, matters when reading books so heavily involved with grief.

This book also paid beautiful homage to queer community, to the Jewish community, and to Jewish funerary customs. As someone whose work runs death industry adjacent, several of these featured moments were rendered in a way that was respectful and moving.

I would recommend this book to fans of Under the Whispering Door specifically as well as those willing to put in the work for a cathartic ending. I look forward to future work from Shore.

This book is wholly unique! There is so much going on here! It’s mystical, it’s a family drama, it has loss and grief and healing, there’s romance, there’s wit… it’s got it all!

The book felt rushed at first, i.e. the “stage setting” but by Chapter 4, I was completely invested.

The LGBTQIA+ representation in this book was special and authentic. Paired with the conversations around life and death, doula world, transitions… there was a lot of content but it never felt like Shelly was just trying to fit pieces in- it was just woven together really tenderly.

The friends were interesting, the family was one that you felt a part of right away, it felt unbelievably hopeful… and it just had the right elements for fall!

This read definitely surprised me!

Oh heavens - I adored this book. Ezra is a sensitive soul for a number of reasons. Not only has he worked to feel comfortable in his own skin and he sees ghosts plus his family owns a funeral home.

Ezra is a beautiful person going through so many changes and dealing with pain he's never truly healed from. In addition to everything else, he's trans and not everyone around him is accepting of this. He meets new people and learns to open his heart again. Maybe, just maybe healing and love is just around the corner.

This book centers around the Jewish faith through family gatherings of holidays and the traditions of funerals and burials. I'm glad the author explained the symbolism and process. I really appreciate that.

This book is a breath of fresh air. I loved it so much!!!

Don't you hate when you're falling for your new neighbor but then his dead husband starts haunting you and making things awkward? I can't say that I've personally experienced this but man did it make for a compelling premise 😂. Poor Ezra! I adored everything about this book. From the queer friend group to the Jewish rep to the exploration of death and family issues I had a fantastic time with this book. For a story that talks a lot about the dead, it was surprisingly humorous and touchingly heartfelt. I cared deeply about Ezra and the strain he felt trying to be everything his family needed while really struggling to help in the family funeral home business when he was being literally haunted by the people they are burying. Ezra's journey in learning to express his needs felt very relatable to me as someone who also has eldest daughter syndrome (gender neutral) because the pressure to not have needs yourself and to be the one that helps to meet everyone else's can be very high. As much as I loved Ezra I think I loved Jonathan even more. He was so soft and sweet and everything he did continually made my heart melt. The author says in the endnote that they wrote Rules for Ghosting "as a way of exploring a character who became so used to being haunted by the dead that he forgot how to really live" and whoooo boy did they achieve that goal. If a book about being present for all the current joys unfolding around you both romantic and platonic sounds like your kind of book then please check out this story! I'm so glad I checked out this author and I'm hyped to see what they release next!

Overall I loved the book! The attention to detail and research Shelly put into this book is mind blowing, honestly. I would have loved to see an epilogue with a flash forward to really wrap up the book as the ending felt sudden, although not incomplete at all.

So, In Rules for Ghosting, Ezra is a trans man whose family owns a funeral home and he sees the ghosts of his zayde (his grandfather) and past “clients” of the funeral home. Do you call them clients? People who died who were buried there. Anyway, a family emergency, a job situation, a new apartment and a cute new man all get thrown into his life and chaos ensues. This book really melted my heart. I loved how everyone was so accepting. Ezra was the most lovable person ever - always trying to make everyone happy. His family and his roommates cracked me up and their bantering was oozing with snark and sarcasm. It was a sweet romance. And it was just a feel good, entertaining book, albeit peppered with grief.

This book follows a transgender Jewish man Ezra who could see ghosts. This was a story about family, death, grief, and love. I really enjoyed this book a lot!
The book was so beautifully written! It was very emotional and sad at times.

Thank you so much to Netgalley, Shelly Jay Shore, and Random House Publishing for providing this free ARC