Bock's memoir explores the early years after the death of his young wife from cancer, when his daughter was about three. He is extremely candid in sharing their hardships, his shortcomings, and the relief that friends and family brought him. Some of the exchanges with his young daughter are heartbreaking, and it is in bringing to life their relationship that the book shines. He is also forthcoming in his stories about his first attempts at dating as a widower, but I found these stories less compelling and felt that they could have been abridged given how short the memoir is as a whole. At times, Bock's raw honesty is almost shocking, particularly in regards to his doubts about single parenting. I enjoyed the book overall, but having finished it a few weeks ago I can't say that it is one which really sticks with me.

Perhaps my most popular and controversial review here on Goodreads is of an absolutely abysmal "parenting" memoir by a blogger who lost his wife in childbirth and struggled to raise their child on his own afterwards. I have genuine sympathy for his situation -- with my co-parent overseas for weeks at a time, my experiences single parenting our three youngsters have been tough to miserable -- but the prose is atrocious and the absolute lack of self-reflection worse. So when I started this book, I had an immediate flash of "oh no, are we going to go through that bullshit again?"

Readers, to my relief and hopefully yours, we are not.

Which isn't to say that our author here, the novelist Charles Bock, is perfect. There are points in this memoir where I found this grown-ass man to be deeply and unnecessarily self-centered and irritating. But crucially as he's writing about his past experiences, he recognizes that he really sucked during those less than stellar moments he's describing. Most importantly, and as stated in the title and echoed like a refrain in the text, he affirms that he "will do better" and strives to follow through, for the sake of himself but mostly for the sake of the little girl who depends on him for everything.

Lucy Bock was almost three years old when her mother Diana died of cancer. In an effort to cheer her up on her first birthday without her mom, Charles ends up putting himself in the hospital. It's a disastrous start to single parenthood but Charles resolves to keep trying, to keep doing better. Plenty of mistakes are made along the way, but he's only human. And unlike some other oblivious parents, he knows when he's messing up, knows when he's being petty and selfish and unreasonable. He's not a natural dad, admitting his thorough ambivalence to parenthood from the start, but he keeps choosing love, even when it's hard and he's ill-equipped to either give or receive it.

There's a lot of self-owning here -- the two-girlfriend situation is clearly the acting out of someone late to young adult drama, while the weird bargaining with both Lily and another exasperated parent when Lily refuses to give an acquaintance's hairclip back is neediness presenting itself as permissive parenting -- but Mr Bock doesn't tell us these things to have us feel sorry for him or, worse, absolve him of his immaturity. Instead, he exposes the painful truth about himself to show that it's possible to fuck up, and then to learn from it and become both a better father and person. There's a particularly evocative passage near the end of the book, where he's considering punching out a guy during the blackout that came on the heels of Hurricane Sandy. I was so worried that he was going to do something stupid, but reading his in-the-moment evaluation of all the repercussions that would come if he allowed himself to lose his temper finally assured me: he's going to be okay. The Charles in the memoir is embracing maturity and accepting responsibility for his actions and learning how to be a good human being, one day at a time.

And so, ten years on (for writing the memoir, plus a few years for getting it polished and published,) he's raised a child he's proud of, and is deeply grateful for all the help he's received along the way. Life hasn't turned out the way he's expected but he's navigated the journey the best he can, accepting the existence of his negative feelings but refusing to wallow, and always, ALWAYS thoughtfully seeking to improve. That's honestly a lot to be proud of, and an excellent lesson to share with other people and parents -- and especially dads -- who are going through what he did and/or want to know how he managed.

I Will Do Better by Charles Bock was published October 1 2024 by Abrams Press and is available from all good booksellers, including <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/15382/9781419774423">Bookshop!</a>

This review originally appeared at <a href="https://www.thefrumiousconsortium.net/2024/10/11/i-will-do-better-by-charles-bock/">TheFrumiousConsortium.net</a>.

An amazing, heartfelt memoir about an author who loses his young wife to cancer, then must raise their toddler daughter on his own. He truly struggles, and it isn't easy, but eventually he starts to get it right. I look forward to recommending this title to readers, especially those who are coping with grief.

I Will Do Better: A Father’s Memoir of Heartbreak, Parenting, and Love – Charles Bock – 2024 –
This sincere, delightful, and thoughtfully written memoir covers a two-year period following the death of Bock's beloved wife Diana Colbert, 41, of leukemia. Bock reluctantly embraced his role as a single Dad to their 3-year-old daughter, Lily. As a writer and educator, he had not studied parenting books that focused on the growth and development of young children, or read the mommy blogs, single fathers were less inclined to write about parenthood. He would contemplate Lily living with her maternal grandmother Peg for an extended time. Diana’s final wishes included the importance of Lily knowing Diana’s family.

Lily Starr Colbert-Bock aka “Silly Lily” or the “Tornado Tomato” unable to stand still, was a bright, charming, creative, inquisitive child. Bock enrolled her in a Manhattan music centered pre-school after discovering that dependable home childcare was nearly impossible to attain. Although Lily would never become a violinist, she bossed her table friends and wanted to be in charge of all games/activities. Her sympathetic teachers observed: “Lily had been through a lot.” Bock, had his own therapist, and scheduled regular appointments for Lily with child psychologist Dr. Jennifer Melfi who assured Bock: “You can’t ruin this child.”

Eventually Lily would inquire about the possibility of a new mommy. Bock vowed to never orbit areas of “mother spaces” at Lily’s school and public parks-playgrounds to check out single moms, and left dinner parties and literary events early to rush home to pay a babysitter. Despite Lily’s embarrassing toddler horror movie screaming tantrums in public places, Lily, (as a teen) was pictured with her father, and continues appointments with Dr. Melfi. Still, she seems happy and well-adjusted considering the shifts and changes in her family dynamics over the years. * Many thanks to Abrams Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

Sweet sweet book.
Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

I have long admired Charles Bock's writing, and I have been excited about this book since I first read an excerpt in The New Yorker last year. The book is a devastating but also hopeful and at times very funny close look at parenting and grief and mourning. After reading Bock's novels, it's wonderful to read his creative non-fiction.

Charles Bock writes well somehow I feel like I’ve read most of the narrative before years ago not sure why. I liked it when I first read it or read about some
of it written by a past significant other. stars based on original story. I remember liking his first book as well.

Charles Bock's "I Will Do Better: A Father's Memoir of Heartbreak, Parenting, and Love" tells an honest, engaging story about life after Bock's wife Diana passed away from a complex form of leukemia when their daughter, Lily, was a mere three-years-old.

A New York Times bestselling author, Bock writes with refreshing honesty about his reluctance as a parent. He was obsessed with his career, a happily married man tagging along for the ride of fatherhood but in many ways still a man-boy himself. Diana was diagnosed with leukemia when Lily was only six months old and over the next two plus years she would do everything she could to spend as much time with her daughter as possible.

"I Will Do Better" is no miracle story. Instead, it's the story of an exhausted widower in many ways ill-prepared for being a single parent who was left with his grief, drowning in medical bills, and having to heal himself and his young daughter.

He failed a lot. Until the two of them started figuring it out amidst playdates, music classes, temper tantrums, babysitters, and even a natural disaster. Bock shares vividly his experiences with a therapist who helped him and his child, however, most of what we see in "I Will Do Better" is a family learning how to be a family.

The story begins ten years ago - it's as if Bock had to wait to write it to make sure they really, really, really made it. They're still making it. Occasionally quite funny and other times filled with sadness and anger and unknowing, "I Will Do Better" shares a beautiful journey of two people and the family they became as they learned how to love one another.

I was immediately drawn into this one! The writing is excellent and the story heartbreaking but hopeful. I learned a lot about grief, parenting, and how to navigate life after a spouse dies. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.