"Ten Men" by Kitty Ruskin is a compelling and introspective novel that delves into the complexities of love, relationships, and the search for identity. Ruskin’s writing is both thoughtful and engaging, offering readers a deep exploration of the protagonist's journey through her connections with ten different men, each relationship revealing different facets of her personality and life.

The novel is structured around the protagonist’s encounters with these ten men, each chapter peeling back layers of her past and present, showing how each relationship has shaped her into the person she is today. Ruskin expertly navigates the nuances of each relationship, from the fleeting to the deeply impactful, capturing the messiness and beauty of human connections.

"Ten Men" isn’t just about romantic relationships; it’s a broader exploration of how interactions with others can define and redefine who we are. The protagonist's journey is relatable and deeply human, reflecting the universal experience of searching for meaning and self-understanding in the people we choose to share our lives with.

Kitty Ruskin has crafted a novel that is both introspective and emotionally resonant, making "Ten Men" a thought-provoking read for anyone interested in stories that explore the intricacies of love, identity, and personal growth. This book is perfect for readers who enjoy character-driven narratives that offer deep insights into the human experience.

Thank you, Kitty, for sharing your honest and unfiltered experiences of your year of dating. You illustrated today’s society-driven perils of a woman trying to live freely perhaps too well. There are many women who will read this book and heavily relate - and you may have just given them a voice to speak about it.

A powerful, brave and heartbreakingly sad book about Ruskin’s year of casual sex as a form of empowerment.

Firstly, I loved Ruskin’s writing style. She writes like she is chatting with a friend which made for a quick read and possibly enhanced the empathy I felt for her. That being said, I did get frustrated at her naivety and innocence at times although I also found some of her reactions to be understandable.

As for content, this book is a harrowing read. My heart broke for her many times and I feel she’s incredibly brave to write this book, particularly with such honesty.

I’d recommend this mainly to younger people in the dating scene but with a trigger warning of rape, sexual assault, suicide and abuse. Not an easy read by any means but an informative one.

Thanks to Icon Books and NetGalley for the ARC.

I do not wish to use the word ‘fun’ for this book because of the sensitive themes it contains alongside the humorous and raw anecdotes, but it is an engaging and quick read. The length and scope are ideal for this context, and Ruskin’s prose flows so well.
I picked it up based on the blurb, but the author’s introduction makes the context extremely clear and either relatable or understandable (I wrote clear before, but are they the same?).
Although I found the length ideal, I wish I could get to learn more about what this resolution and the particular experiences led to - this could be achieved with different editing, and the inclusion of more of the author’s feelings.
I recommend this book to especially younger women.
It is raw, honest and unapologetic. Kudos to the writer for her bravery.
3.5 stars

I absolutely loved this book. It was so insightful and written so well. Completely capturing the modern dating scene.

Even though the author was a little naive in her choices I loved the epilogue where she discussed the sensitive topics that arose.

I'll definitely recommend.

Thanks for the arc

Honestly? Naive and inexperienced narrator tries to exorcise childhood sexual abuse by sleeping with random strangers and wonders why she gets hurt. Men are portrayed as monsters and Feminism is not advanced in this book. It should have remained a private diary rather than a published book. Odd blend of self-help and salacious which just doesn’t work. I’m no prude, this is just really sad.

‘Ten Men’ is a gruelling non fiction depiction of the author’s year of having casual sex, as a way of reclaiming power over the concept of sexual activity after a childhood sexual assault incident.
I seem to have picked up a number of these types of titles recently, novels where women recount their relationship experiences, the path they led them on and where they have ended up as a result of choices made or not made, etc.
As other reviewers have said, there’s nothing new in the anecdotes that Ruskin recounts; as the author says herself, the book is her act of defiance, her way of talking about the things that happen to women on a daily basis. And from that point of view, it’s a very brave book to write.
I will say, that as each horrible experience occurred, and the author vocalised her inexperience and naivety, I struggled with the idea that the author had no presupposed understanding of the dating world she was walking into. This was 2019, post-MeToo, and I just couldn’t reconcile the idea that someone working in media, having grown up through the 2010s was so shocked by the behaviour of some (most) of the men she went out with.

My thanks to Icon Books for an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Brave, brutal, a little sad in parts and lots that resonated! I’m still thinking about this book a lot rek on….

Thank you to the author, publisher and Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Deciding to start a new year channeling her inner Samantha Jones (from Sex and the City), Kitty details the ten men she dates and has sex with during her 23rd trip around the sun.

This book was a lot more shocking and thought-provoking than I expected. I thought this would be more of a lighthearted look at the modern dating scene and 20 years post SATC - how women still try to 'have sex like men' and navigate no-strings attached sexual encounters.

While some of the authors experiences were at times fun, a bit weird and bad (in terms of the sexual enjoyment), some of the encounters were frightening and shocking. I read Kitty's brave and honest personal accounts of these interactions with sadness and dismay. The fact that consent is still such an issue baffles me. As a mum of two boys it is something I have spoken to them about when having the birds and the bees chats on multiple occasions.

I am mot sure anything I can write could do this book justice. It is Kitty's story and you need it read it in her words. It needs to trigger debates and change and it isn't for me alone, to pick apart here on my blog.

At times I found the writing a little slow-paced, meaning I wasn't reaching for it at every opportunity. The end was a little lacklustre and I thought more of the reflecting on the different situations Kitty found herself in could have maybe been held back for the end of the book. However, as I have described, this book really is a tale for our time and people need to read it to see what the modern dating scene for women can be like. As a woman, it's scary to realise these sorts of encounters are still so prevalent and as a mum of boys, I just hope I've done the best job I can to ensure the boys are respectful, kind and honest in their future relationships.

Kitty's writing style is great - it is like you are listening to a friend. As I've said, I'd definitely recommend a read but beware - there is a fair few trigger warnings for this one including sexual assault and suicidal ideation.

In my opinion, this book was written too early. And it's a challenge to criticise it and not sounding like you're victim-blaming, so bear with me, I'll do my best.

"Ten Men" is a first-person account of a period of time in which the author tried to emulate or channel her inner Samantha Jones from "Sex and the City" - being sexually explorative, shameless, free. Here we encounter the first problem: lack of media literacy. SATC was a curated fantasy set in late 90s and early 2000s, in which sexual boundary crossing did not take place, as far as I remember. Sexual landscape was not yet informed by widely accessible internet porn, and the main characters were not uni age - most of them knew what they wanted to get out of sexual encounters. Sex was portrayed as a consensual, fun and empowering experience.

Nearly 20 years after the last episode of SATC was aired, the author goes on a journey to sexual fulfilment, inspired by Samantha. It's completely fine and expected to experiment with sex and relationship structures (or lack of thereofs) in one's 20s. Some of these encounters will be positive, some neutral, some will be bad. Here, however, we have an author with an experience of sexual trauma that didn't seem properly addressed. This, combined with a plethora of men who at first seem dreamy, being models, working in media or being tv presenters (which is also quite telling), but cross many a boundary in bed, is a recipe for a bad experience. Consent is a two way street - one person is responsible for communicating their wants and needs and at the same time the other is responsible of not only receiving this communication but also examining power imbalances that may be in place that impact expressing wishes freely (for example physical strength).

So there's a lot of exploration of bad and quite appalling men's behaviours, and yet very little on what author's needs were fulfilled by selecting them, being in their company, being desired by them. Why was there so much alcohol consumed during some of those initial meetings that would mute inhibitions of both parties involved? What sense does author made of what happened to her? What is the "me = lost and good / men = predatory and bad" narrative protecting? What did the author do to actually assess her sexual boundaries or realise her needs?

This book ends abruptly without much reflection on what actually happened, what power dynamics were there in play? I think this story would have benefitted so much if was accompanied by a professional narrative about the aftermath of trauma or even statistics on how viewing porn informs men's sexual behaviours and fantasies. In this form, it just lacks certain literary maturity.

Sexually assaulted at the age of ten, Kitty shied away from intimacy until 22. “Ten Men” takes us on a journey discovering and exploring modern day casual sex and the problems she encountered along the way. Looking up to Samantha, from Sex in the City, can Kitty find her confidence and the sex without shame that she’s looking for?

“Surely promiscuous women shouldn’t have to factor in the possibility of violence”

This was a lot deeper than I was expecting it to be. Kitty explores many important and emotive issues like the problematic word of porn, dating apps, consent, love bombing, ghosting, dating apps and the misogyny surrounding sex itself. She really got me thinking about some of my own experiences. It made me laugh, it made me cry. A very thought provoking read.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Icon Books for my advanced copy.

Disappointing. A story about a girl having first sexual experience at 22. Then decides to sleep with as many men as she can. Not exciting at all. One of the few books I didn't finish. Got to 80% and then could read more. Sorry

My thanks go to NetGalley and Icon for a review copy of this book in exchange for my honest feedback.

A new year begins, and Kitty Ruskin makes the decision to use this year as the time to become adventurous with her sexuality, getting onto various dating apps and going on numerous dates to find out more about herself and the desires and needs she holds. This can’t really happen, however. Yes, she can meet lots of new and interesting characters, and sure, she have sex with different people from different walks of life, but there is a cloud over everything, and that cloud sits directly above the one thing she’s interacting with – men.

In Ten Men, Kitty Ruskin takes the reader on a journey into the discovery of the self along with the discovery of a large problem that hangs over the modern dating world. Chapters here are split between each man that Ruskin dates, with quick, humorous descriptions of the dates themselves, how she and the man opposite her interact, and how the date develops into further intimacy. There is an excitement to these intimate moments, and while Ruskin writes these sections with an almost too surgical lense, you can feel a passion and excitement emanating from her and the date as they progress. This is where the problem mentioned earlier comes in. These dates slowly drift into an intimacy that both parties wanted, but when the line of intimacy is met, things devolve into something far more sinister. Things become rough, unwanted, animalistic, and scary for Kitty, as she is put through an ordeal that, just five minutes earlier, didn’t seem possible.

The events described are sinister and saddening in themselves, but you find that the true horror to the book is in the frequency and regularity with which this kind of scenario happens. There isn’t only a danger to a person, a man, when he outright shows that he is a fucking creep, it can happen with a man that seems nice, innocent, angelic even. That’s the true painful side of things. If it was just the outwardly crrepy that we needed to be aware of, then you could imagine a sort of quick fix to the issues around dating and women’s safety, however the commonality of it all shows that it is part of a much larger societal issue.

A general issue I had with the book outside of the message and it’s aims is that Ruskin writes too linearly. The chapters are the same formula throughout. This isn’t in relation to how each of the dates end, as that’s obviously what Ruskin is trying to show, but the way that the dates beforehand are described feels very one note and simply put. There is a formula to how Ruskin describes the dates, a timeline as to how they move from one scene to the next, and that can sometimes feel too noticeable.

I like that Ruskin only uses her voice to highlight the problems and does not feel authoritative over what should be done about it. The issue is so large that it needs to be picked apart from all directions. Let this book be a catalyst of sorts in helping to bring to the surface an obvious problem that is commonly known and widely not talked about.

I hope that this book reaches beyond it’s immediate circle, because while there is an importance to women reading this book – it has a relatable aspect, a voice for the unheard note to it’s overall message – I feel the real importance lies in men picking this up. Men need to know how they come across and act in certain situations, how to read a person better in the moment without only thinking of their junk, how to communicate and clearly outline things in order for nobody to get hurt.

Wow.

This book was so much darker, haunting and thought provoking than I’d ever anticipated it might be. I found it hard to put down but equally in some parts I felt I had to take breaks to fully digest and contemplate what I’d read.

Kitty has written this in such a personable, friendly way it feels like you’re conversing with a friend but that equally makes some of the anecdotes and situations even more heartbreaking. This really made me consider modern dating and casual sex in a way I didn’t expect it would.

Ten Men was darker than I expected and comes with multiple trigger warnings. It's incredibly brave, scary, heart wrenching and more. An honest exploration into the world of modern dating.
5 stars.

TW: suicidal ideation, sexual assault

*a very big deep breath* I’m not entirely convinced that anything I write here will come close to summarising my feelings about this book. It was a hard read for so many reasons, some of which surprised me. One page would feel light and breathable, and the next would break me. I would cling to my tablet in dismay that the things that men have done have been done, before quickly remembering experiences of my own and of others, that no one is alone, that this vulnerability is so incredibly brave in a society that does not want to acknowledge what sexual assault can do to a person, and its warped relationship with consent.

In fewer than 230 pages, Kitty Ruskin details her casual year of sex, her attitude going in, her experiences throughout that time, and her findings. It is personable. It is so intimate. It will make you snort at certain times because sex is absolutely wild. And it will stay with you.

Thank you to @iconbooks and @netgalley for this copy and thank you to @kittyruskin for taking the time to talk about something so quickly associated with silence, and for sitting in and exploring feelings so that your readers wouldn’t feel alone.

I read this over a couple of weeks, treating it like a short story collection as when I read the first four encounters I was left slightly bereft about the state of modern dating. From a sociological perspective this was fascinating, from a female/ mother of daughters perspective it unnerved me. I really liked Ruskin's writing style and this was a fascinating read, honest, reflective and it invoked so many emotions . Wishing the author much success.

I was intrigued by the premise of this book before starting it and when I did start it, I could not put it down and had it finished within the day. It was interesting, honest and at times devastating - a must-read!
Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the chance to read this arc.

Ten Men is so much more about self-acceptance and shining a light on rape culture than the title suggests. There is discussion about rape, sexual assault, depression and suicide; not an easy read, but Ruskin brings humour and life to her experiences which truly made me giggle out loud at time.

I am really glad it ended on a happy note!

I love non-fiction that explores modern dating, and this did not disappoint. Funny, realistic and serious when it needs to be, this book explores the stigmas behind casual sex, and the importance of consent. I would recommend!