*SPOILERS AHEAD!*

CW: sexual assault (historical, not on page), suicidal ideation, dissociation, more

This was a really tough book to read. It deals with a lot of really heavy topics and I think it does a really good job discussing those topics, but I certainly wouldn’t say that I enjoyed this book. If you decide to read this book, please do take a look at the content warnings, because this book is A LOT.

This book is about Nathaniel and how his past trauma and guilt have completely shaped the person he is now. As I said, it’s really tough to read, because, as Nathaniel is the POV narrator, we are seeing how very not okay he is, but how desperately he’s trying to be. Or at least trying to appear okay.

I really liked his little friend group, who were able to at least partially see past the mask he was constantly wearing. I liked how he was able to reconnect with a friend he’d thought he’d lost.

I likely would have given this five stars, except that I just couldn’t buy anything positive to do with his family. The way they initially reacted when they found out that his cousin had been sexually assaulted by their uncle (they didn’t believe her at all and defended the uncle), how they constantly blamed Nathaniel for acting out without ever asking why he was acting out. Throughout the book Nathaniel is saying that his family never asked the right questions, and they didn’t. So, to see their reaction when he disclosed that he was also sexually assaulted by the uncle, their outrage didn’t seem believable to me. The way they couldn’t accept Nathaniel in any way except for the way that they wanted him to be (forcing him to dye his hair to it’s natural colour, removing his nail polish and jewelry) and forcing him into situations that he said he didn’t want to go to. As a parent of an older teen, I can’t imagine doing any of those things. His parents just seemed really terrible, so to have them just accept everything and be super supportive when he disclosed; I just didn’t buy it.

This is a very different book to Graziadei’s first book, which isn’t a bad thing, just something to be aware of.

Graziadei is quickly becoming an auto-buy author for me. In Repair is a blisteringly honest and tremendously kind story of trauma, mental health, friendship, and self worth. Nathaniel's story echoes the reality of so many young people grappling with how to be a person in a world that has hurt them. I found myself entirely absorbed by his journey to accepting help and forming community. I'll read anything this author writes!

An emotional queer YA college story about mental health, therapy, found family, second chances and sexual trauma. I loved the cast of queer characters and the exploration of sexual abuse by a trusted family member - the way it affected main character Nathaniel's relationship with their parents and their former best friend, Max, who they ended up getting into trouble with as young teens and unexpectedly reunite with in college. Good on audio narrated by Zach Barela and perfect for fans of books like The redemption of Daya Keane by Gia Gordon or This is me trying by Racquel Marie. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early audio copy in exchange for my honest review!

CW: sexual abuse, suicidal ideation

Ouch. My heart is heavy and it's been awhile since I've been on the verge of tears for the absolute entirety of a novel.

This is so so good and I wish I could be more eloquent but I'm lost for words.

It has been a week since I finished this book and still can't get over it. The feeling of Nathaniel navigating life with trauma still lingers in me. This novel was written in way that dances between the beautiful dark elements a person experiences when recognizes their victimhood and finding the support they need. Each character has their own healing part to add to Nathaniel's journey.

4.5 stars! This was an incredibly beautiful book! There was such tenderness and care woven into each sentence as we explore the unraveling and reconstructing of Nate's mental health. It was painful but ultimately so healing. I loved the side characters and the ending, the way that Nate's arc wrapped up, and the careful attention to mental health representation. I can't wait to pick up everything else that the author has written. Also, the audiobook narrator was EXCEPTIONAL! It was so well done! Thanks to NetGalley for this advanced copy in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

Please look up trigger warnings before reading.

The narrator brought the story to life in a way I was not expecting. This book made me feel the anxiety, anger, and sadness that Nathaniel was experiencing. The relationship between Nathaniel and his friends, especially Max, was a breath of fresh air. The ability to fight for your friends and be with them in their darkest moments without an ounce of judgement, is a beautiful example of unconditional love. This book brought me heartbreak and hope. Highly recommend.

Thank you to NetGalley, Macmillan Audio, Macmillan Young Listeners, Henry Holt and Co., A.L. Graziadei, and Zach Barela (audio narrator) for the opportunity to read and listen to the audiobook of In Repair in exchange for an honest review.

Nathaniel is kind of like your classic Emo kid in the way he expresses himself, which often has people looking down on him like he is a troublemaker. His past is haunting, but with his first semester of college, he hopes to keep old thoughts and feelings from resurfacing.

When another student, an aspiring photographer, asks him to be their model, a new shift of friendship surfaces. Nathaniel's self esteem challenges him, but it's college, and he wants to avoid reverting back to the person he once was, dwelling in dark thoughts. Through his newfound friendship, he also questions his sexuaIity.

This books is an excellent exploration about the transitions between who we were in high school and who we aim to be in college. It's about finding oneself and learning who your people are, whether they have been there the whole time, or are newly found. The title speaks multitudes to Nathaniel's characterization.

In a testement to finding who you are and being comfortable with who that person is, this book is great for a young adult and new adult audiance alike!

Thank you to NetGalley and MacmillanAudio for providing me with this advanced listener copy for In Repair.

This book came to my life at a relevant time. Hence, it was quite a tough read to finish. Genre-wise, I think this could be quite the game changer. In Repair gave me old YA vibes with how realistic problems are addressed, but the characters are older than the usual range. Everyone is in their freshman year of college. I honestly think that as YA evolves, the A in YA will soon get its long overdue representation. I think A.L. Graziadai did a good job of capturing this pivotal time of going to university and how different types of people come together.

However, I do think that the beginning premise of Nathaniel feeling a need for attention by extravagance instead of crime could have been more flushed out. Might be a nitpick, but I did not think of him as that crazy at the beginning like how he wanted to present himself—according to him.

Another bit that I’m confused about, it wasn’t quite clear to me what Max was referring to that one night which Nate doesn’t remember. While Nate seems to have come to a realization, there was no flashback or further explanation.

I plan on buying the official publication so hopefully I’ll catch a detail I might have missed.

A. L. Graziadei’s sophomore novel IN REPAIR is a poignant yet hopeful character-driven narrative about a college freshman’s attempt to re-invent himself, only to run into someone instrumental to the criminal past he’s trying to run from.

This book gave me more of everything I loved about ICEBREAKER: an accurate portrayal of college students and life on campus, heartbreakingly accurate descriptions of mental health, the importance of supportive friendships, identity, and the transformative power of second chances. And, cameos! I didn’t know when I started that it was set at the same college in-universe, but it was a pleasant delight.

This book is sure to leave a lasting impression on readers, myself included, I have to commend Graziadei once again.

Thank you to Godwin Books for providing a review copy.

This was a fantastic and harrowing read, handling a wide range of topics with grace. From mental health struggles and trauma to sense of self and relationships, there was never a single point in this book that wasn't honest and raw.

"It's not that I actually want to die. Not really. It’s more that I don’t want to exist anymore. There’s a difference."

I appreciated that Nathaniel was given space to exist alongside his trauma, as well as to process it, really depicting that trauma is a constant, ongoing thing. So many times, I just wanted to reach in and shake the characters, beg them to wake up to what was happening around them. Even so, the ending feels like a realistic resolution - there is a sense of hope, but the blanket of sadness still lingers.

I recommend this to anyone who is looking for an engaging, touching story. But, regardless of who you are and your experiences, remember to take breathers throughout the book and let yourself process it.

In his childhood Nathaniel experienced a trauma he can’t talk about with anyone. He relies heavily on disassociation to cope. He doesn’t feel real unless he’s doing something outrageous with all eyes on him. This results in a history of criminal activity and broken friendships. When someone from his past unexpectedly pops up in his new life, he’s pushed closer to facing his past. When he’s finally able to share what happened with his family it’s like a weight has been lifted from his chest and he finally can see a future for himself.

In Repair by A.L. Graziadei is beautifully written and emotionally devastating.

"I don’t know who I am as a person, but whoever it is, I don’t think I like him very much. Or maybe, Sometimes I don’t feel real and, honestly, I think I prefer it that way."

Nathaniel Conti doesn't feel real when he's alone, he needs to be seen. Well, the version of him he wants people to see, because underneath his eccentric persona, he's struggling. He's attending university where he almost accidentally makes friends who he's drawn to but also never feels worthy of. When he runs into an old friend from his past, it becomes even harder for Nathaniel to cope with his feelings of despair and guilt in relation to his past trauma.

Reading this book was hard. It deals with a lot of heavy topics like depression, childhood trauma, and suicidal ideation, and I highly recommend paying attention to the content warnings at the beginning of the book.

Icebreaker by the same author depicts depression in one of the more realistic ways I've read, and In Repair does the same - to an even deeper and and heavier extent. As someone who struggles with similar issues myself, I had to take several breaks while reading because some things hit too hard. Both for Nathaniel but they also felt too recognizable and I needed a breather.

Despite, or maybe because of, how heavy the book was, it was an incredible read. Being in Nathaniel's head felt harrowing at times, his feelings and thoughts were so raw, and you couldn't help but truly feel for him.

"Because it happened to me too. But I was a boy, and no one thought to ask me."

While the book was gut-wrenching, it was also hopeful. Nathaniel never feels worthy of good things but his new friends refuse to give up on him, something he's never experienced before. Watching him continue to struggle and fight to get better, even when he's been let down by so many people in his life, and the road to recovery is brutal and non-linear, felt both devastating and inspiring. He's *trying* and he's finally got people in his corner who're there for him, who he can't run off though he attempts to, and those friendships were so beautiful.

In Repair does an amazing job with themes like depression, childhood trauma, anxiety, loneliness, as well as the stigma surrounding CSA, especially for boys.

"It's not that I actually want to die. Not really. It’s more that I don’t want to exist anymore. There’s a difference."

An incredible read that I highly recommend. Just make sure you're in the right headspace for it. I was fortunate enough to get both an eARC and audio ARC, and the narrator for the audiobook was fantastic.

In Repair is a story that the world, especially young folks, needs.

Nathaniel is a character many people will find heavily relatable. Through the story, we know he is using his outgoing and at times obnoxious personality as a shield and his risky and irresponsible actions as a cry for attention. Knowing this, you cant help but immediately start to feel protective over him. I loved that this novel took such an intense emotional journey and showed us the results of years and years of repressing the truth, and how it not only impacts the person, but those around them. Especially the ones that love them most. I adored the friendships Nathaniel made as well as the rekindling of his friendship with Max. I didn't love some of the things Nathaniel's new friends said and did, but I do feel like those things were always addressed and that it is important to highlight the fact that even folks who have our best interest at heart can make mistakes, too.

If I had to change anything, I would have loved to see more with Nathaniel's family, especially his parents. To be honest - until the very end they acted like total jerks. I hated how they were so dismissive of him as a person and it felt like even if he wanted to, they never gave him a space that felt safe enough for him to be honest.

Overall, I thought this was an excellent and important story.

I really liked how the author dealt with depression and trauma. The characters were all lovable. Writing was great. Narrator did a good job as well.