It might be surprising to learn that the emotional qualities that allow you to remain close to others, empathize, collaborate, compromise, perspective-take, and easily resolve conflict, in most healthy relationships, can actually backfire with a toxic person.
Why? Because you see the good. You trust. You empathize. You take things "on the chin," for the betterment of the group. These emotionally intelligent attributes serve you well with non-narcissists and allow you to remain close and connected to others. They may also help you resolve conflict amicably and maintain healthy relationships. Yet, with a narcissist these EI features are often manipulated and exploited.

Unfortunately, a narcissist typically garners your trust before they do anything else. Once they have it, however, they abuse it by unscrupulously working behind your back against you. Before you realize what is happening, they have quickly convinced you that you are the "real" problem in the relationship.

In the absence of a solid education about your vulnerabilities regarding this dynamic and specific emotionally intelligent strategies to inoculate the narcissist, you may endure an inhumane amount of emotional abuse in almost every area of your life -- work, dating, marital, and familial.

I found this to be extremely informative and helpful. Will recommend to others.

Really helpful advice on how to protect yourself from narcissists

This is one of the best books on the subject I’ve read. Many books on narcissism focus on the behaviours but offer little in how to handle these individuals. Erin provides very clear explanations of how narcissists act and, most usefully, the best ways to deal with these individuals across all areas of our lives - from home to work.

I found this a wonderfully supportive book and would heartily recommend it to anyone having to deal with narcissistic people.

I was given this book from the author via netgalley only for the pleasure of reading and leaving an honest review should I choose to.

I was interested in this book as I have suspected my boss is a narsassist and or psychopath. Over the years I have witnessed unbelievable behaviour in the workplace with him and his relationships with other employees. This book gives a great insight into narsassistic traits. It helps to deal with behaviours sometimes if you know what is happening psychologically. This book also tells you how to deal with them and 'let them make their bed'.

I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.

How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an enlightening self-help book for anyone experiencing/dealing with narcissistic behaviour in their lives or wanting to learn more on this subject. The case studies used were both interesting to read but did trigger some flashbacks for me from a past relationship I escaped from, so it has taken me a while to finish this book. The advice and strategies are supportive and helpful, and I wish I'd have had this book many years ago. It was definitely worth the read.

I’ve always been fascinated by narcissists, both their behavior and the terminology that defines them. What makes them who they are? How do they act? And as someone who (at least as far as I know) isn’t a narcissist, how do you deal with them? A newly published book answers exactly these questions.

The book is structured around various behavior patterns typically exhibited by narcissists, as well as the types of relationships in which “ordinary” people might encounter them. These could be in the workplace (e.g., colleague-superior, colleague-colleague), in romantic partnerships (e.g., extramarital affairs, spouse-spouse, spouse-ex-spouse), or within family dynamics. While the author focuses on the most common scenarios, there are, of course, countless other possibilities. Each situation or relationship is explored in depth, with a focus on typical narcissistic behaviors in that context—what they might do, want, or aim to achieve. To help illustrate these points, every chapter includes case studies that are analyzed throughout, offering insights into what happened, what could have been done differently, and how to move forward. In essence, it’s a handbook for navigating interactions with narcissists.

Reading this book was an emotional rollercoaster. Each time a new case study began, I could feel the adrenaline building. When it reached the point where an injustice was done, I felt as though I were right there, a witness to the situation. The anger and disgust I felt toward these characters were almost palpable. Horrible situations, horrendously awful characters. On one hand, I had to remind myself that it’s just a book, a work of fiction. But at the same time, the scenarios presented are likely all too real for many people. I felt genuine empathy for those who have experienced this in real life, and I sincerely hope they find a way through.

In summary, this is a well-written and expertly structured guide that offers a comprehensive look into this uniquely toxic world. While there are undoubtedly countless variations of the situations described, the book’s main goal is to raise awareness. Be cautious, be observant, and don’t let it weigh on your heart. Stay strong and brave—you’ve got this! 😊

Thank you so much, NetGalley and Hachette UK, for this incredible reading experience and for the ARC copy!

Review in Estonian: https://brixieblog.wordpress.com/2024/09/19/how-to-outsmart-a-narcissist-erin-leonard/

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.

Erin Leonard’s How to Outsmart a Narcissist is a timely and insightful guide that offers practical strategies for dealing with narcissistic individuals in various aspects of life. Drawing on her extensive experience as a psychotherapist, Leonard provides readers with the tools they need to protect themselves and regain control.

The book is well-organized, beginning with an explanation of what narcissism is and how it manifests in different relationships—whether with a romantic partner, a colleague, a family member, or a friend. Leonard delves into the specific tactics narcissists use to manipulate and control others, such as gaslighting, projection, and emotional blackmail. 

One of the book’s central themes is the importance of emotional intelligence in dealing with narcissists.

Leonard emphasizes that the very qualities that make someone emotionally intelligent—empathy, trust, and the ability to resolve conflicts—can be exploited by narcissists. She provides actionable advice on how to recognize these manipulative tactics and respond effectively. 

Leonard’s writing is clear, concise, and engaging. She avoids jargon, making the book accessible to a wide audience. Her tone is compassionate and authoritative, reflecting her deep understanding of the subject matter.

The book is filled with practical exercises and self-assessment tools that help readers identify their vulnerabilities and develop strategies to protect themselves. Leonard’s advice is grounded in psychological principles, but it is also highly practical, making it easy for readers to implement in their daily lives.

How to Outsmart a Narcissist is an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with a narcissistic individual in their life. Leonard’s expertise and empathetic approach make this book informative and empowering. By combining emotional intelligence with practical strategies, she provides readers with the tools they need to regain control and protect their well-being. This book is a must-read for anyone looking to understand and outsmart narcissistic behavior.

Erin Leonard wrote a book that so many could benefit from. Not only does she outline the qualities of emotional intelligence and help you identify the two types of narcissists you encounter in life, but she also provides helpful tools for understanding why you might attract narcissists in the first place. There are a lot of personal stories in the book that I could have done without, but I realize that other readers might resonate with those more than I did. Otherwise, this book was a fantastic resource for protecting yourself from manipulation in relationships. *Advance copy provided by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

I really enjoyed this book a lot. There is a lot of useful information and suggestions on how to deal with a narcissist.

Thank you to the publishers, author, and Netgalley for allowing me to read this digital arc.

This book was pretty interesting. It had a lot of information - a lot of it 'common sense' and a lot that felt like waffle. However, there were also a lot of good useful info.
I left a job due to a Narcissist boss, and so there was a lot in this book that i could resonate with- i found myself reading going 'yes!', 'yes!' to a lot of the points.
I think this book would have been better if it was 100 pages shorter and a bit more concise, so there was less waffle. Never the less, I did get something from reading.

Life with a narcissist it’s horrible everyday you go home snd never know who you’ll meet, you only know that that person will do everything to beat you!

I found this book too be extremely helpful. It explains how narcissists use a person's emotional intelligence. Having this knowledge and insight will help people to navigate the challenges you face when dealing with a narcissistic person. I will suggest this book to others trying to deal with a narcissist in their lives.

This is a well-structured book about recognising narcissistic behaviours in others’ communication and the possible decisions we can take accordingly; what we can tell them and how, what we can choose to do, why and how.
I am not qualified to offer scientific feedback here however, what is clinical narcissism, what the prevalence is (one debate goes that it is more common than most studies show because of how it may be masked, or goes without being reported) and if all the examples in this book belong to the clinical narcissism category however, I picked this book up with no expectations about finding any discussions that claim they have the answers.
I solely picked it because it seemed a well-written book about challenging social and emotional situations that offers practical advice. It did not disappoint. The range and the relatability of situations and themes covered is great. I recommend this as a means to explore challenging situations even you do not deal with people with narcissism. Of course, the examples and possible responses are useful for self-awareness too.

What a fantastic book. I do know quite a bit topic, I still found it super engaging. I highly recommend!

ARC received from publisher to review
This is a difficult book to review. The book talks a lot about 'emotional intelligence', and starts by listing the traits of a narcissist, one being someone who likes to solve problems. Which doesn't fit the profile of people I know who I would class as narcissists, so I found it tricky to relate to at times. This being said, it is a book that certainly helps to empower the reader on how to deal with toxic behaviour they encounter.

This book is useful for those seeking to find out how to deal with the narcissist in their lives (probably most of us know one in our work or family relationships). I found it useful to understand more of why an otherwise emotionally intelligent person might be at a loss of how to respond when interacting with a narcissist because of the way the narcissist controls the conversations and perceptions. It was revealing as to how this occurs and what to try instead. I did wish for a bit more information on boundary setting because that is an important part that is mentioned but not so certain as to how this is best accomplished or what parameters are useful. The references at the end of each chapter might be better at the end of the book, as they were distracting to the flow from chapter to chapter.

I learned a lot from this book. It was written well and gave me good ideas for how to approach and deal with narcissists.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for this ARC copy.

This book helps you understand how your 'emotional intelligence' frustrates and triggers the narcissist in your life. It talks about how you can use this EI to maneuver through situations. Narcissism is toxic and damaging, key points as to 'how' it is such are detailed (Manipulation, lies, playing the victim, triangulation, etc.)
I've found that learning from primary psychological sources like this one has helped me immensely. To understand the scope and malignancy of narcissism really takes some research. So don't think, 'yes I have a narcissist in my life, I'll get by.' You know that isn't working. Take help and cues, and knowledge from this book and others....keep going. If you had someone in your life with diabetes you'd likely try to find out all you could about the disease. Likewise, having encountered narcissists (repeatedly, perhaps), why not learn all you can about their maladaptive and corrosive behavior.
I also find that it's vital to have God's help with this.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley. All opinions expressed in this review are my own and honest.

I think most of us have had to deal with a narcissist in our lives at some point. Whether that be a parent, sibling, friend, significant other or coworker. Leonard did a good job in explaining how narcissistic individuals prey on emotional intelligent people, because narcissists lack that emotional intelligence themselves. There were plenty of examples provided and references at the end of each chapter. Sometimes it seemed that there really was no resolution to the issues presented. All in all a good read.

Erin Leonard's "How to Outsmart a Narcissist" is a transformative guide that equips readers with the strategies necessary to defend against narcissistic manipulation and reclaim control over their personal and professional lives. Authored by a seasoned psychotherapist and attachment expert, this book delves into the intricacies of emotional intelligence (EI) that narcissists often exploit, offering profound insights and practical advice to outmaneuver them.

Leonard highlights the paradox where emotionally intelligent traits—such as empathy, collaboration, and conflict resolution—can become vulnerabilities when dealing with narcissists. These individuals have a knack for manipulating and exploiting qualities that are typically valued in healthy relationships. Through relatable anecdotes, emotionally intelligent solutions, and actionable advice, Leonard provides readers with the tools to navigate relationships involving narcissists, be they romantic partners, colleagues, spouses, co-parents, or family members.

The book aims to illuminate how your EI qualities can be twisted by those with narcissistic tendencies. Leonard empowers you to "flip the script" and leverage these same EI tools to neutralize, outsmart, evade, or, when unavoidable, coexist with a narcissist. It's an eye-opener to realize that the very attributes that help you build close, empathetic, and harmonious relationships can backfire when dealing with a toxic person. Narcissists often exploit your trust, empathy, and loyalty to their advantage, ultimately working against you behind your back.

Before you even realize it, a narcissist can manipulate you into believing you are the problem in the relationship. Without a solid understanding of your vulnerabilities and specific EI strategies to counteract the narcissist's tactics, you might endure significant emotional abuse across various aspects of your life—whether at work, in dating, or at home.

You may find yourself asking, "Why am I always their target?" The answer lies in two main reasons: narcissists are often envious of your emotional intelligence, and they derive no gratification from bullying another narcissist. Their goal is to control, sabotage, or eliminate anything that makes them feel inferior. Since they cannot possess your EI gifts through deceit, they seek to undermine and hurt you instead.

Initially, a narcissist is drawn to your warmth, authenticity, and ease. However, trouble begins when they perceive your unique gifts, triggering their insecurities. Their motives shift towards controlling you and exploiting your EI talents for their gain while positioning you as the antagonist. Escaping such a relationship unscathed is no small feat, given the narcissist's charm and manipulation.

This book serves as an essential toolkit, providing you with every necessary strategy to evade, inoculate, or surpass a narcissist in any area of your life. Each chapter unlocks critical knowledge about your EI qualities, the driving forces behind narcissists, and the tactics they employ against you. By internalizing the insights and engaging with the practical exercises in each chapter, you'll develop new skills to outsmart narcissists across all facets of your life.

Leonard's guide is an invaluable resource for understanding and utilizing your own EI qualities to counteract narcissistic tactics, enabling you to live a life free from narcissistic attacks. You'll acquire the EI skills needed to break the cycle of generational abuse and liberate yourself from maltreatment, even while coexisting with a narcissistic parent.

Remember, you are not alone. You are not perfect, but you possess a good heart, and no one has the right to exploit, manipulate, bully, or mistreat you. Breaking the generational cycle of abuse is not just permissible; it is imperative for your well-being.

How to Outsmart a narcissist: This is a cross between a self help book and a university thesis with all the references at the end of each chapter. It discusses narcissists in a variety of scenarios and not just in a relationship. The examples and case studies given are quite extreme and difficult for the victim to deal with. I think it might have been more balanced with practical advice and support for the victim. In most situations they still ended up coming away as clear losers in many respects. It was more like a 'How to just about survive a narcissist' because It didn't feel as though they outsmarted anyone in a lot of the case studies, or recovered their often damaged reputation. But it was a very good reality check and will bring a lot of people down to earth when they realise exactly what they are dealing with. It is direct and straight to the point, and I think it will be helpful for many people.