What does it look like, and truly mean, to belong somewhere? And what do we do with the deep desire within, the longing to belong, when connection is complicated? I appreciated the stories shared within Westfall's debut book, and look forward to reading another from her one day,

What a delight to read. Sarah brought me in right away by acknowledging that the "easy" answers don't actually always address the heart longings. You can do all the right things and still not feel like you belong. And so instead she goes deeper and looks at the heart questions. She doesn't answer all of them, so it doesn't feel like an over-prescriptive book. There are sections at the end of some chapters which invite a new rhythm into our lives. The way she talks about God, He feels loving and true and faithful and not in the trite ways. She talks at length about the story of the prodigal son. The question she asked stopped me in my tracks: "Why talk so much about being like the sons when the real question is: Are you interested in being like the father?". I have a full three pages of quotes that I could list here, but I'll leave you with one more: When we reach the limits of our own capacity to love, community means trusting that someone else will be available to the person in need."

One of the paradoxes of relationships is that we can be together but still feel alone. Yearning for meaningful connections, many of us still struggle with maintaining relationships, let alone building them. Even families have problems with this. The Genesis story of how Adam and Eve hid from God after they sinned was a precursor to how we hide from one another today. Author Sarah Westfall admits that while we all desire deep relationships, we prefer to retreat to our shells of comfort. She describes this as "I belonged everywhere and nowhere all at once." Such conflicting push-pull experiences resemble a ubiquitous enigma in society. With this as impetus, Westfall embarks upon a journey to discover more about oneself before progressing toward how we relate to others. The author qualifies her work by maintaining that "belonging is not linear and cannot be prescribed." She gives us ten chapters on how we can relate to others. Hopefully, readers will find a relevant application in at least one or more. If we are honest, we will reject self-dependence in isolation and admit we need relationships with other people. Some ways to reimagine who we are and how we relate are:

- Getting to the source of our names; Naming our feelings;
- When people become vulnerable in their honest sharing;
- Learning to accept others who are different from us;
- Avoiding the superiority complex in us when relating to others;
- Personal stories of ups and downs;
- Humility in our doubts; Contentment amid uncertainly;
- Shared Curiosity with mysteries;
- Courage to move from the safety of shallowness to overcome fear of depth;
- Creating circles of vulnerability like the layers in Russian Matryoshka doll;
- Moving from Consumer to Creator;
- Practice Celebration;
- etc.

My Thoughts
==============
At first, this book seems like nothing special. We all need relationships. It is better to give than to receive. We need to grow beyond ourselves. Many of these common beliefs are often talked about in society. For all the familiar statements, there is a strangely unfamiliar domain that many are either too shy or too afraid to make: Take initiative to connect. This book does not exactly tell us anything new. The reason why it is still necessary is because of non-action. Too many people know what is needed but are afraid to go beyond their comfort zones. Westfall reminds us constantly about the many ways in which we can branch out of ourselves into flourishing relationships. If all is good, then this book might not be needed. Unfortunately, we all need our asses kicked from time to time. This book does that.

Secondly, this book brings to mind that life is often a paradox. In getting relationships, we need to learn how to give. Relationships thrive not in individual silos but in vulnerable connections. Belonging comprises both inward and outward movements. We need to take the initiative to reach out. One big paradox today is the technological phenomena. We now have more ways to connect but people still need help to connect meaningfully. We have more apps and cellphones but they do not guarantee better human connections. Sherry Turkle from MIT has observed how technology can seem to bring people together but not fill the vacuum of loneliness. She notes that underlying this problem is the tendency of people to "expect more from technology and less from each other." Other commentators on our modern way of living like Andy Crouch. He notes with horror how he spends hours scrolling through updates of strangers and matters beyond his control while spending relatively less time with people within his own circles of influence.

Finally, if there is anything unique about this book, it is the authors' vulnerability. It is not easy to open up and share one's life with the wider public. It takes courage and openness to all kinds of comments. She was not afraid to share her struggles with loneliness, moving out of her comfort shell, admitting she does not love meeting new people, feeling small amid her gloomy moments, her struggles as a new college student, messy emotions, recognizing our needs are not much different from panhandlers, etc.

Thank you Sarah Westfall for the gift of sharing.

Sarah E. Westfall is a writer, speaker, and host of the Human Together podcast. Her previous work includes serving as director of community for online writing groups and as a student development professional on college campuses. She has been published in RELEVANT, Fathom Mag, and (in)courage. Sarah lives in Indiana with her husband, Ben, and four sons.


Rating: 4 stars out of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of InterVarsity Press via NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

Every single person seeks belonging. The hunger to be one of a larger community drives us to or away from The Holy. How much beauty and pain comes from this need.

I enjoyed this book. It is a creative approach to seeing our need and drive to belong. This is not a book of quick answers, but a story of finding the right questions to ask ourselves.

I am grateful to the publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to read this book.
#TheWayofBelonging #NetGalley

I requested this book because of its bold cover and the intriguing title, "The Way of Belonging: Reimagining Who We Are and How We Relate". The premise of this book by Sarah Westfall is that so many of us feel out of place despite being surrounded by people all the time. Westfall decided that instead of asking, "What does it look like to belong?", she should ask, "How can I be a place of welcome?" She goes on to assert that "belonging it not something to attain but someone to become. It is not about finding the right place or the right people but about embracing our worth as God's beloved and then extending the welcome."

This book contains Scripture, personal anecdotes, a liturgy, and even suggestions of what to do. This would be a very helpful book for anyone who is looking for a way to belong. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

This book is wonderfully written. Packed full of personal stories, discovery and advice. Tied in with bible verses for biblical context and quotes that drive each main idea home, its a wonderful book for those wanting to find their place. And realizing that who you are must first be rooted in God and from there we can navigate this life.

This is a book about belonging...and it also is very much not. I think that anyone who picks this book off a shelf is looking for one thing - to satisfy in their soul the ache that comes from feeling like you have never really fit anywhere. The author acknowledges this, but never really addresses it. The bulk of the book seems to have two suggestions: to know your belonging with God and to make yourself a place of belonging for others. Both of these are great, but they are not sufficient.

There is still the ache.

And what it boils down to is what we already know - that we simply do not and cannot control others. We can't make anyone welcome us. We can't make any group accept us. We can't force others to act in a way that satisfies our need for belonging. We can do everything right, form the groups, attend the gatherings, push our way in, but being present doesn't mean being welcomed and having the photos that show that we were there doesn't mean that we felt like we belonged. Belonging is a fragile thing that we simply do not control; it is only a gift that can be received and treasured. We can offer this gift to others, as this book continually suggests, but being a person that others enjoy being around doesn't mean necessarily that we are a person who others enjoy having around. This is an important distinction.

So I think many who pick up this book will be disappointed. Disappointed because they have tried to be the nucleus of a social group only to discover that even their own group didn't truly welcome or want them. Disappointed because they have tried to be satisfied with knowing how deeply God loves them, but still aching in loneliness. As the author admits, God Himself admitted it was not good for the man to be alone, even when the man was in full and unblemished fellowship with God Himself. At some point, we have to just confess what is true - that belonging is vulnerable; it makes us vulnerable, and it doesn't always work out for our good. The question is...what do we do with THAT?

Perhaps that would be a good subject for another book.

A lot of this was fairly straightforward, but nevertheless it was good as a reminder and a reflection