This was a good book, and I appreciate the author being so open and honest with their experiences. I think it was eye opening to read about trans rights and how people are affected. I think the book was well written and informative!

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for this complimentary ARC in exchange for an honest review!!

A poignant and timely memoir. Maines claims her life and tells the rest of what you might have read about her in either the press or a previous book about the case that made her famous. I was not familiar with her so this was all new to me. It's well written and reflective, even given the relatively short time frame covered. Thanks to netgalley for the ARC. This will speak to many.

I realize that as a straight, white, CIS female I'm privileged. However, having trans family members this book struck a cord with me. I'm grateful to Nicole being brave and tenacious enough to share her story with the world.

Back like 9 years ago I read the book Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt. I liked it, but I found myself wanting it to be more about Nicole’s perspective on her transition rather than being mainly focused on the parents’ POV. So I was so excited when I learned about this book and the fact that Nicole Maines was going to be sharing her story from her point of view.

Watching interviews with Nicole shows off her lively personality and sense of humor. I feel like the writing in this book really captured her voice. There are so many asides and little jokes that made it feel unique and not just like some generic writing. While a lot of the book is fun, there are plenty of serious moments as well when speaking about bigotry and the struggles that she personally faced with legal battles and discrimination. She also makes sure to share facts about the wider trans community and acknowledge her privilege when it comes to certain advantages she had.

One part of the book that I really appreciated was when Nicole was talking about her time being on Supergirl and feeling let down by how some fans crossed the line when campaigning for their ship. She discussed how she felt like people were brushing aside the queer representation that was actually on the show in favor of hoping different queer rep would come. It just felt like something I haven’t seen an actress discuss quite as in depth, especially when she was talking about how she felt betrayed at times when fans would call her out specifically as a queer person saying that she needed to do more. But she also made sure to mention that it wasn’t everyone and there were plenty of fans who engaged with shipping in a positive way. I just love discussions of fandom, and this was a very interesting angle.

There are some parts of Nicole’s earlier years that feel a bit glossed over, but she mentions that they were covered more in depth in Amy Ellis Nutt’s book. So readers who haven’t picked up that book might feel like they’re missing out on the full context. But overall I think this is a really engaging memoir about growing up, transitioning, fighting for change, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.

Nicole Maines had her happy life, but it never lasts, right? Nicole tells her story of finding her true self and the fight for that self in a way that is humorous and very honest. This is a wonderful, and unique look on finding happiness in this world.

It's been days of me attempting to write this review but I can't put into words how much I loved this book without making a whole ass brain dump essay, so you know what that's what you're going to get.

I've been a fan of Nicole's since supergirl, and beyond her acting & activism I'm honestly just a major fan of her sense of humour, which shines through brilliantly on every page. I genuinely laughed out loud and read sections to my wife because, as always, Miss Maines did not come to play. I can't wait to share some of these quotes more widely when the book is released.

This is the most highlighted book I've ever read, so so much of what Nicole said about the state of the world, queer and trans rights and experiences, and her own feelings through her journey, resonated with me. I felt honoured to read so much of what she has been through in her life and how becoming a public family felt to her and how it effected their family dynamic. To know that she felt imposter syndrome and like the 'trailblazer' descriptor didn't fit after everything. Self described as a private person Nicole still shared such raw vulnerability in every page, and it was an honour to get to read it.

I wish I could put a book like this in front of people, transphobes and allies alike, because getting to read the actual events of someone's life and how it made them feel, the frustration and anxiety and pain, I really do think it would open some peoples eyes and make them see things differently. And as well as Nicole's own experiences, she includes many facts, figures, legislation, and resources.

I LOVED the discussion of trans representation in media. About how Dreamer was the first trans person in the arrowverse, and for a lot of people, the first trans person they saw on TV. The pressure to make sure Nia was 'good' representation was huge. But what does good mean? Taylor Swift clean, or accurate and messy and three dimensional? How 'evil' can a queer character be without making people think every queer person is evil, do we have to make all our queer characters good guys to ensure we don't further tarnish our reputation to those looking for any kindling to the fire? I agree with Nicole that Nia should have just killed the transphobic cunt, we love a messy well rounded bitch that stands her ground and we know he deserved it. I hope as time goes on we get to see more and more representation across all ends of the good/evil spectrum.

I had the pleasure of meeting Nicole at a few cons in the past, and I was happy to see her voice came through so clearly on the page, I can't wait for more people to read this because I know it will be beloved.

And remember, we are all in the middle of our stories, there is no happy ending, only the journey. May we all find as many joyful sidequests along the way as possible 💗

This was an engaging, fast read detailing Nicole Maines's childhood, adolescence, and acting career. She writes with her own very distinct voice, which makes it feel like her story is being vocally told to you as you are reading. Her recountings of significant life events make it easy to read between the lines and pick up on all of the trauma and emotions that may not have been explicitly listed out. I also appreciated how every chapter is very short, which makes it easy to pause, take breaks, or digest the previous chapter. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for an impactful example of someone telling their own story exactly the way they want to.

I was excited to read “It Gets Better . . . Except When It Gets Worse
And Other Unsolicited Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me” by Nicole Maines simply based on the cute cover. I knew this was an autobiography but I have to admit I’d never heard of the author. Nicole Maines is an actress and transgender activist and I’m glad I got to know more about her.

This books was real, raw and emotional. The author hit on topics many of us can relate to in some ways though we will never know the challenges she faced in our daily lives. Nicole writes about her life very honestly from growing up in a small to Hollywood fame, the fandoms and the current political climate. Nicole always knew who she was and stayed true to herself. This book is personal and vulnerable. I appreciated the facts and statistic sprinkled in to help give a deeper understanding of her experience. I hope there is a second book because I would have loved more stories and personal insights. This book is enlightening and eye opening and we all ought to read it to get someone else’s perspective.

Thank you to the Nicole Maines, Random House Publishing and NetGalley for providing this digital ARC in exchange for my honest feedback.

I will be updating Goodreads closer to publications with my review. Rates 4 stars already.

5 stars

This is a fantastic memoir that I sped through and thoroughly enjoyed.

Prior to reading this book, I had no idea who Nicole Maines was, though I did come to learn (through the read) that she has recently been featured on a show I love. I'm sharing this because I cannot speak to the experience of knowing this writer through her celebrity, having incoming expectations, etc. Prospective readers like me (i.e., those who are not already familiar with Maines's work) can also find a great deal of enjoyment in this memoir.

Maines's story is captivating for many reasons. She details her family relationships as well as the isolation she often experienced in school, largely at the hands of ignorant adults (and sometimes their ignorant offspring). It's incredible to learn what an impact she had on trans rights, even as a very young person (though I was familiar with this case, I was not aware of the connection here). Maines also shares a detailed account of her medical transition, which will be enlightening for some. She also discusses her experiences with fame, fans, and surrounding challenges.

Though Maines covers many elements of her life and identity, the throughline is always clear, and the pacing never slows. I will be recommending this one enthusiastically to incoming fans, lovers of memoir, and those who generally appreciate an intriguing narrative.

Nicole Maines uses this book to communicate a very personal journey, one which unfortunately will probably not be read by the people who most need to, those who are in positions where they seek to define who others are and limit their rights without any understanding or empathy. For myself, I'm thankful that she chose to open herself up with this revealing autobiography.

While I can't directly relate to Nicole's specific experiences, it's certainly not at all difficult to empathize with what she's gone through, particularly as she's very open about how she's felt about everything, from the ways different people have tried to impose their views on who she is over her own confident sense of identity to her physical transition into the body that matches her identity, as well as her professional journey into being an actress and an author.

I did find myself relating in a very direct way to her self-professed imposter syndrome, where I've experienced many of the same feelings, though in relation to different professions. So the book spoke very deeply to me, though not necessarily in the specific area which she may have intended (though, to be fair, the whole book did resonate with me).

Reading Maines' book felt like catching up with a friend you haven't seen in a few years. Her punchy, unexpected humor held the container for her life story. I unexpectedly loved when she went through her acting career, and her role on Super Girl. I don't think I've seen anything she's been in and tend not to like actor/memoirs. The heart, clarity, rage, and honesty seeps through every page. Thanks to NetGalley and The Dial Press for an early read in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to the author and NetGalley for providing this ARC for my voluntary and honest review!

I really enjoyed this memoir despite not being familiar with the author or her other works prior to reading this. The writing was engaging and very casual, like you were chatting with a friend. It was incredibly sad at times and super hopeful/motivating in others.

3.5

This is a hard book for me to review. I really really enjoyed the author's perspectives on what it was like being trans and having to not only experience the gender dysphoria but also family and community support (or not support). And I really liked reading about the Dad's journey of understanding what having a trans child meant and how the dad was able to embrace Nicole and the whole family fought for her rights to use the right bathroom at school etc. On the other hand, I felt like the second part of the book (mainly once Nicole was cast in Supergirl) wasn't as engaging and felt a little bit forced. There were moments of repetition in the first half, too, but I felt like it dragged the story down more in the second half.

Overall, I appreciated Nicole's vulnerability and candidness about her experiences and how her varying emotions throughout the experiences (especially when it came to her gender-affirming surgery). While I struggled with the structure and writing in the second half, this is an important perspective and voice we (society) needs to hear.

Thank you to NG and the publisher for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Overall, this was a good book. I was hoping for more life stories from the author about her experiences of being trans. The stories she shared were interesting, but I feel like a deeper dive would have made things more interesting. I appreciated the facts and historical viewpoints on transgenders through the years, but in the end, it became more political, which, on a personal level, isn't something I generally go for when reading.

I loved how this felt like you were reading her diary, yet was also very informative. Her perspective on life is incredible. She approaches tough topics with humor and is so candid about her experiences. I particularly enjoyed reading about her father’s journey and transformation through all of this.

I really enjoyed reading about Nicole’s journey through life to us far. I loved how this felt like you were reading her diary, yet was also very informative. Her perspective on life is incredible. She approaches tough topics with humor and is so candid about her experiences. I particularly enjoyed reading about her father’s journey and transformation through all of this and his struggles and support as well.

Thanks Netgalley for allowing me to read this book. Nicole gives an open and honest depiction of her life of a trans gender individual. She describes the struggles she had to endure while growing up in a small town. A nice read.

Thanks to NetGalley, Nicole Maines, and Random House Publishing Group for allowing me to read It Gets Better... Except When it Gets Worse in the return of an honest review. I received an advanced reader copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

I chose to request this book because I adored the CWs version of Supergirl and Nicole Maines played the character of Nia/Dreamer on the show. Here, Maines is open, honest, and unapologetic about who she is. I love how raw she is in the descriptions of her life. It is heartbreaking with some of the stuff she has had to deal with, but look at where she is now. Living her truth to the fullest.

I read the first few chapters of this book because putting it on pause and picking up Becoming Nicole (which I've reviewed here).

Note:You don't need to read Becoming Nicole before reading this memoir because there's a lot of overlap.

Whereas Becoming Nicole was mostly about Nicole Maines's parents learning how to raise a trans child and the behind-the-scenes details about the landmark case of Doe v. Regional School Unit 26 (in which Nicole was the anonymous plaintiff), this book covers most of that but instead, is told from Nicole's perspective with more personal details.

If you've already read Becoming Nicole, you'll find that the first half of It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse pretty much paraphrases everything from the previous book but is told in a fresher, more entertaining and humorous way.

Going into this book, I knew it would be a fun read (despite the anger and frustration that often emanates from the pages - more on that later). I follow Nicole on social media and love her fun personality and the balance that she strikes between being a down-to-earth geek and a sassy Hollywood diva. She's a fantastic storyteller and I love her sense of humour and how she's able to inject some of that humour into this book despite the frequent angry rants about trans rights.

This brings me to my next point - the anger and frustration. I suppose a memoir written by a trans author wouldn't be complete without being packed with information and research about trans issues and a ranting session about internet trolls and bigots, politics, and all the anti-trans legislation that has been popping up across the USA.

I would also like to applaud Nicole for getting personal when describing her range of emotions when it came to portraying Dreamer on Supergirl. Most of all, she did a great job expressing her disappointment at the fandom's critique of the show.

Full disclaimer, I loved Nicole on Supergirl and fully agree with her that Dreamer's arc could have been explored in even more detail on the show! But portraying the first trans superhero on television comes with its challenges including dealing with feelings of 'imposter syndrome' and managing the expectation of fans and the queer community, which were all huge burdens to carry.

Nicole also gets personal and vulnerable when discussing her transition, getting the surgery, and revision surgery.

She also touches upon the infighting within the queer community (and even within the trans community), expresses her disappointment, and calls out on people's hypocrisy. I love that she unapologetically calls out on people's BS!

My only complaint is that I was hoping for more details about Nicole's relationship(s). She does provide some information about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Nate, but I was really hoping for more. At the end of the day, I fully understand her desire to maintain her privacy. She probably only felt the need to mention Nate because they had a pretty public relationship.

Overall, this was a very self-aware, introspective and reflective memoir told in a fresh and humourous way while also emphasizing and explaining the importance of trans rights. I would have loved more personal details about her familial and romantic relationships (spill the tea, girl!) but at the end of the day, I'll probably still read (and love) anything that she writes.

I hope there will be an audiobook version narrated by the author because I'm almost 100% positive that it will be a really fun and engaging one to listen to.

As an adult, Maines is a successful actress, but she first made headlines at a far younger age—when she and her family sued the school district to allow Maines to use the bathrooms that fit her gender. Some of that story was told in "Becoming Nicole", but (as Maines notes) that book was never really *her* story: it's her family's story, and maybe especially her father's story from a black-and-white conservative thinker to someone who would fight for his daughter, again and again and on a public stage.

"It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse" is doing double-duty here: first, it's Maines's story as she wants to tell it rather than a story that is being told about her and her family; second, it's written for a different audience than "Becoming Nicole". I highly recommend "Becoming Nicole", but I recommend it mostly for adult readers who want a deeper dive into the American landscape of trans rights and family dynamics. "It Gets Better..." is much lighter and more informal in tone, with plenty of slang and the occasional emoji, and definitely written with a more teen/young adult audience in mind. Your mileage may vary with the voice (I am too much an old and cranky millennial to stomach emojis in books, oh my dear god, I thought we'd finally gotten over people putting "omg" and "lol" in their books, and now this—Gen Z, what am I supposed to do with you), but there's no denying that Maines has a strong voice here, and strong opinions. This feels like a reflection of someone who has had to be so careful for so long and finally feels able to use her voice at full volume, and I'm here for that.

The structure is something like a series of interconnected essays. I typically respond better to memoirs that are less segmented (I'm quite a fast reader, so essays and short stories often feel like they end just as I'm getting into them), especially because some of the chapters here feel more soapbox than story. They're generally quite valid soapboxes, mind, and occasionally the stories Maines tells took my breath away:

"My school's response to the bullying was to institute the 'eyes-on' program, just for me, which meant a teacher's aid [sic] was assigned to be my bodyguard each day, and they followed me around school. Not to protect me—I repeat, not to protect me—but to make sure I only used the bathroom they'd assigned to me. They'd follow me from class to class. If I had to use the bathroom during class, the teacher would stop me at the door and tell me I had to wait for whoever was assigned to escort me that day." (loc. 718*)

Overall I'm just happy that this is likely to reach a wide audience—both Supergirl fans and young adults who are interested in LQBTQ+ topics—and that Maine is finally in a place to make decisions for herself. The US is a scary place politically right now, and I hope Maine's voice only gets stronger. Emojis and all.

Thanks to the author and publisher for inviting me to read a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.