I was excited to read “It Gets Better . . . Except When It Gets Worse
And Other Unsolicited Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me” by Nicole Maines simply based on the cute cover. I knew this was an autobiography but I have to admit I’d never heard of the author. Nicole Maines is an actress and transgender activist and I’m glad I got to know more about her.

This books was real, raw and emotional. The author hit on topics many of us can relate to in some ways though we will never know the challenges she faced in our daily lives. Nicole writes about her life very honestly from growing up in a small to Hollywood fame, the fandoms and the current political climate. Nicole always knew who she was and stayed true to herself. This book is personal and vulnerable. I appreciated the facts and statistic sprinkled in to help give a deeper understanding of her experience. I hope there is a second book because I would have loved more stories and personal insights. This book is enlightening and eye opening and we all ought to read it to get someone else’s perspective.

Thank you to the Nicole Maines, Random House Publishing and NetGalley for providing this digital ARC in exchange for my honest feedback.

I will be updating Goodreads closer to publications with my review. Rates 4 stars already.

5 stars

This is a fantastic memoir that I sped through and thoroughly enjoyed.

Prior to reading this book, I had no idea who Nicole Maines was, though I did come to learn (through the read) that she has recently been featured on a show I love. I'm sharing this because I cannot speak to the experience of knowing this writer through her celebrity, having incoming expectations, etc. Prospective readers like me (i.e., those who are not already familiar with Maines's work) can also find a great deal of enjoyment in this memoir.

Maines's story is captivating for many reasons. She details her family relationships as well as the isolation she often experienced in school, largely at the hands of ignorant adults (and sometimes their ignorant offspring). It's incredible to learn what an impact she had on trans rights, even as a very young person (though I was familiar with this case, I was not aware of the connection here). Maines also shares a detailed account of her medical transition, which will be enlightening for some. She also discusses her experiences with fame, fans, and surrounding challenges.

Though Maines covers many elements of her life and identity, the throughline is always clear, and the pacing never slows. I will be recommending this one enthusiastically to incoming fans, lovers of memoir, and those who generally appreciate an intriguing narrative.

Nicole Maines uses this book to communicate a very personal journey, one which unfortunately will probably not be read by the people who most need to, those who are in positions where they seek to define who others are and limit their rights without any understanding or empathy. For myself, I'm thankful that she chose to open herself up with this revealing autobiography.

While I can't directly relate to Nicole's specific experiences, it's certainly not at all difficult to empathize with what she's gone through, particularly as she's very open about how she's felt about everything, from the ways different people have tried to impose their views on who she is over her own confident sense of identity to her physical transition into the body that matches her identity, as well as her professional journey into being an actress and an author.

I did find myself relating in a very direct way to her self-professed imposter syndrome, where I've experienced many of the same feelings, though in relation to different professions. So the book spoke very deeply to me, though not necessarily in the specific area which she may have intended (though, to be fair, the whole book did resonate with me).

Reading Maines' book felt like catching up with a friend you haven't seen in a few years. Her punchy, unexpected humor held the container for her life story. I unexpectedly loved when she went through her acting career, and her role on Super Girl. I don't think I've seen anything she's been in and tend not to like actor/memoirs. The heart, clarity, rage, and honesty seeps through every page. Thanks to NetGalley and The Dial Press for an early read in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to the author and NetGalley for providing this ARC for my voluntary and honest review!

I really enjoyed this memoir despite not being familiar with the author or her other works prior to reading this. The writing was engaging and very casual, like you were chatting with a friend. It was incredibly sad at times and super hopeful/motivating in others.

3.5

This is a hard book for me to review. I really really enjoyed the author's perspectives on what it was like being trans and having to not only experience the gender dysphoria but also family and community support (or not support). And I really liked reading about the Dad's journey of understanding what having a trans child meant and how the dad was able to embrace Nicole and the whole family fought for her rights to use the right bathroom at school etc. On the other hand, I felt like the second part of the book (mainly once Nicole was cast in Supergirl) wasn't as engaging and felt a little bit forced. There were moments of repetition in the first half, too, but I felt like it dragged the story down more in the second half.

Overall, I appreciated Nicole's vulnerability and candidness about her experiences and how her varying emotions throughout the experiences (especially when it came to her gender-affirming surgery). While I struggled with the structure and writing in the second half, this is an important perspective and voice we (society) needs to hear.

Thank you to NG and the publisher for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

Overall, this was a good book. I was hoping for more life stories from the author about her experiences of being trans. The stories she shared were interesting, but I feel like a deeper dive would have made things more interesting. I appreciated the facts and historical viewpoints on transgenders through the years, but in the end, it became more political, which, on a personal level, isn't something I generally go for when reading.

I loved how this felt like you were reading her diary, yet was also very informative. Her perspective on life is incredible. She approaches tough topics with humor and is so candid about her experiences. I particularly enjoyed reading about her father’s journey and transformation through all of this.

I really enjoyed reading about Nicole’s journey through life to us far. I loved how this felt like you were reading her diary, yet was also very informative. Her perspective on life is incredible. She approaches tough topics with humor and is so candid about her experiences. I particularly enjoyed reading about her father’s journey and transformation through all of this and his struggles and support as well.

Thanks Netgalley for allowing me to read this book. Nicole gives an open and honest depiction of her life of a trans gender individual. She describes the struggles she had to endure while growing up in a small town. A nice read.

Thanks to NetGalley, Nicole Maines, and Random House Publishing Group for allowing me to read It Gets Better... Except When it Gets Worse in the return of an honest review. I received an advanced reader copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

I chose to request this book because I adored the CWs version of Supergirl and Nicole Maines played the character of Nia/Dreamer on the show. Here, Maines is open, honest, and unapologetic about who she is. I love how raw she is in the descriptions of her life. It is heartbreaking with some of the stuff she has had to deal with, but look at where she is now. Living her truth to the fullest.

I read the first few chapters of this book because putting it on pause and picking up Becoming Nicole (which I've reviewed here).

Note:You don't need to read Becoming Nicole before reading this memoir because there's a lot of overlap.

Whereas Becoming Nicole was mostly about Nicole Maines's parents learning how to raise a trans child and the behind-the-scenes details about the landmark case of Doe v. Regional School Unit 26 (in which Nicole was the anonymous plaintiff), this book covers most of that but instead, is told from Nicole's perspective with more personal details.

If you've already read Becoming Nicole, you'll find that the first half of It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse pretty much paraphrases everything from the previous book but is told in a fresher, more entertaining and humorous way.

Going into this book, I knew it would be a fun read (despite the anger and frustration that often emanates from the pages - more on that later). I follow Nicole on social media and love her fun personality and the balance that she strikes between being a down-to-earth geek and a sassy Hollywood diva. She's a fantastic storyteller and I love her sense of humour and how she's able to inject some of that humour into this book despite the frequent angry rants about trans rights.

This brings me to my next point - the anger and frustration. I suppose a memoir written by a trans author wouldn't be complete without being packed with information and research about trans issues and a ranting session about internet trolls and bigots, politics, and all the anti-trans legislation that has been popping up across the USA.

I would also like to applaud Nicole for getting personal when describing her range of emotions when it came to portraying Dreamer on Supergirl. Most of all, she did a great job expressing her disappointment at the fandom's critique of the show.

Full disclaimer, I loved Nicole on Supergirl and fully agree with her that Dreamer's arc could have been explored in even more detail on the show! But portraying the first trans superhero on television comes with its challenges including dealing with feelings of 'imposter syndrome' and managing the expectation of fans and the queer community, which were all huge burdens to carry.

Nicole also gets personal and vulnerable when discussing her transition, getting the surgery, and revision surgery.

She also touches upon the infighting within the queer community (and even within the trans community), expresses her disappointment, and calls out on people's hypocrisy. I love that she unapologetically calls out on people's BS!

My only complaint is that I was hoping for more details about Nicole's relationship(s). She does provide some information about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Nate, but I was really hoping for more. At the end of the day, I fully understand her desire to maintain her privacy. She probably only felt the need to mention Nate because they had a pretty public relationship.

Overall, this was a very self-aware, introspective and reflective memoir told in a fresh and humourous way while also emphasizing and explaining the importance of trans rights. I would have loved more personal details about her familial and romantic relationships (spill the tea, girl!) but at the end of the day, I'll probably still read (and love) anything that she writes.

I hope there will be an audiobook version narrated by the author because I'm almost 100% positive that it will be a really fun and engaging one to listen to.

As an adult, Maines is a successful actress, but she first made headlines at a far younger age—when she and her family sued the school district to allow Maines to use the bathrooms that fit her gender. Some of that story was told in "Becoming Nicole", but (as Maines notes) that book was never really *her* story: it's her family's story, and maybe especially her father's story from a black-and-white conservative thinker to someone who would fight for his daughter, again and again and on a public stage.

"It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse" is doing double-duty here: first, it's Maines's story as she wants to tell it rather than a story that is being told about her and her family; second, it's written for a different audience than "Becoming Nicole". I highly recommend "Becoming Nicole", but I recommend it mostly for adult readers who want a deeper dive into the American landscape of trans rights and family dynamics. "It Gets Better..." is much lighter and more informal in tone, with plenty of slang and the occasional emoji, and definitely written with a more teen/young adult audience in mind. Your mileage may vary with the voice (I am too much an old and cranky millennial to stomach emojis in books, oh my dear god, I thought we'd finally gotten over people putting "omg" and "lol" in their books, and now this—Gen Z, what am I supposed to do with you), but there's no denying that Maines has a strong voice here, and strong opinions. This feels like a reflection of someone who has had to be so careful for so long and finally feels able to use her voice at full volume, and I'm here for that.

The structure is something like a series of interconnected essays. I typically respond better to memoirs that are less segmented (I'm quite a fast reader, so essays and short stories often feel like they end just as I'm getting into them), especially because some of the chapters here feel more soapbox than story. They're generally quite valid soapboxes, mind, and occasionally the stories Maines tells took my breath away:

"My school's response to the bullying was to institute the 'eyes-on' program, just for me, which meant a teacher's aid [sic] was assigned to be my bodyguard each day, and they followed me around school. Not to protect me—I repeat, not to protect me—but to make sure I only used the bathroom they'd assigned to me. They'd follow me from class to class. If I had to use the bathroom during class, the teacher would stop me at the door and tell me I had to wait for whoever was assigned to escort me that day." (loc. 718*)

Overall I'm just happy that this is likely to reach a wide audience—both Supergirl fans and young adults who are interested in LQBTQ+ topics—and that Maine is finally in a place to make decisions for herself. The US is a scary place politically right now, and I hope Maine's voice only gets stronger. Emojis and all.

Thanks to the author and publisher for inviting me to read a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

I loved Maines's voice in the first half of the book, but the second half felt forced. I appreciate so much that she shares that she had a ghostwriter, but it's wild to me that the second half of the book could be so contrived with professional help. I don't mean to hate on this book, and I really enjoyed the beginning. It left me a little soggy.

The author knew she was a girl and expressed her gender as soon as she was able to. Her utter certainty prevented her reluctant, conservative dad from denying her reality. It took him a minute, but he ended up being Nicole's biggest crusader. We don't hear as much about Nicole's monozygotic twin brother, other than apologies and gratitude. I think he's an actor, too? If you didn't know who Nicole was before looking up this book (I didn't), she's an actor who gained fame/notoriety as a superhero buddy to Supergirl on the eponymous TV show. I say "notoriety" because I don't know anything about the fandom, but Maines reports that it was dictatorial and unforgiving. People wanted a lot out of the first out trans superhero played by an out trans woman. They didn't always get what they wanted, and they were mean about it. The fans are probably unrealistic shits, but I think that's the kind of thing you need to complain about to other people in your position. Still, I appreciate the Maines's voice and activism. This book will probably go down better with people who know Maines's work. I read it because someone from Feminist Press has me on a list.

It Gets Better is a riveting story about how Nicole Maines journey through her life. From being a CW Superhero, a Disney princess, and the ups and downs of being transgender, she tells what she had to go through.

It Gets Better is a funny and inspiring memoir by trans actress Nicole Maines. I didn't think I knew who she was, but then I recognized her from the historic trans bathroom lawsuit. She's also a writer on Superman son of Kal-el, which is one of my favorite DC comic series.

I really enjoyed getting to learn about her journey. It was interesting to read and is enjoyable even if you aren't familiar with her work. I loved her father's journey from NRA conservative to supportive to spokesperson and activist. I also like that she was candid about her botched gender affirming surgery. There are a lot of heavy topics (like dysphoria and the botched surgery) but it's all written with an air of humor.

Happy Pride! And thanks to Random House and netaglley for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!

It Gets Better…Except When it Gets Worse tells the story of trans-woman actress Nicole Maines in her own words. From her earliest days when she realized she didn’t fit in the skin she was born in, to her early days in Hollywood.
I don’t typically read memoirs or autobiographies, but I’ve been a fan of Ms. Maines since she first appeared on Supergirl. I figured I’d give this book a try to learn more about her background.
I can honestly say that this book kept me hooked the entire time. There was no part where I thought I might put it down for a bit.
I’m not going to go into any details about the struggles her family went through during her childhood and formative years, that’s all in the book. But she told all of it with intelligence, wit, charm and snark (more on that later). She also didn’t shy away from self-blame for any problems that she might have caused.
This is definitely a book that you can learn something from, if you pay attention. That is something of which, we should all be mindful.
Now, back to the snark. I’m going to go back this book when the audiobook drops, so I can hear it in her own words. Snark Factor 10.

The book shows how Nicole’s life journey through her story and everything else. She was known as Nia/Dreamer in CW’s Supergirl. The book also shows some things about LGBTQ and rights about it. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for giving me an opportunity to read this book and do a review.

Love her as an actress and I love her as an author. There’s nothing this woman can’t do. Beautifully written and heartfelt story about Nicole’s life. I felt for her while reading this book, she went through a lot. I’m glad she’s able to tell her story. I think a lot of people will not only find this book interesting, but also be able to connect to it in some way.

This was a brave and interesting story. I'm glad I had the chance to learn about Nicole. Great writing. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.