"I guess that’s the paradox of being a woman: no matter what path you choose, chances are you’ll feel invisible."

Anna Marie Tendler is a woman, who like many women, have had the misfortune of bad experiences with men. There was a comfort in reading this, like it wasn't just me. While experiences vary person to person, there's still the solidarity there.

I appreciated the fact that her life story wasn't just focused on her ex-husband. Instead it was the culmination of all of her experiences. From checking into a hospital to dating older men at a young age, at least her story was exactly that. Hers.

This was raw and emotionally hard read. But at the same time, I am thankful for it.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is a deeply intimate, raw, scathing testament to Anna Marie Tendler’s lifelong struggle with mental health, and as the title suggests, men.

We are given front row seats to the passionately troubled mind of an artist from adolescence through adulthood. The unfair societal situations women are placed into and how that molds/defines them.

It is beautiful but it is heavy and is the memoir to read this year. I could not help but resonate with so many different scenarios played out in this book. For that, I will think about this memoir for quite a while.

Thank you to NetGalley and Simon and Schuster for allowing me to read and review Men Have Called Her Crazy.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is an excellent and moving memoir, and Tendler is an exceptional writer who injects humor and hope into the heaviest of subjects.

This book may not be what you are expecting, if you are expecting Anna to talk about her famous ex-husband. However, it's an even better book than I expected. It's extremely honest and transparent about her time spent in a psychiatric program, amongst her experiences with men and her history with her trauma. It's a very frank discussion of mental health and similar subjects, but ends with a glimmer of hope. I loved it.

Anna Marie Tendler’s memoir is an eloquent narrative of her brief stay in a mental hospital. Her crippling anxiety, self-harm, and disordered eating have pushed her to crisis. Following her therapist’s advice, Anna enters this facility voluntarily to get a comprehensive diagnosis and to keep her safe. She has a profound distrust of men, and any encounter is triggering.

That’s why she chooses the woman-only house. The tender descriptions of her experiences with her housemates are inspiring. This is possible because of how important a well-functioning facility is for healing. This story is an exemplar of a good treatment model and the power of friendship no matter what your age.

Growing up, Anna’s fierce intelligence and irreverent wit isolated her from her peers. Her home life was fraught, and she explored the music scene which puts her in the path of predatory males that cast her aside the moment she argues. That’s where the book title comes from. This woman is not crazy; she’s worn out and wants a new way to live.

After my second read, I discovered the concept “strain trauma” and how this affects adult life. The book is packed with helpful insights on how to persevere and heal. I think of Anna tending her Cuban Oregano and remembering to “Look Up.”

4.5⭐️

Wow. I do not know what I was expecting going into this, but it exceeded everything I imagined. As a woman and as someone who has struggled with mental health, I could see myself in every aspect of this book. I will definitely be buying a physical copy when this comes out so that I can annotate it because the way she writes about her thoughts and experiences pertaining to her mental health perfectly put into words what I never could. This was so strikingly honest in a way that made it hard to put down, and I cannot wait for others to get their hands on this so that Tendler can get the love and support she deserves.

Thank you to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for this advanced copy!

Wow, did this book blow me away. From page one, Anna had my attention and she didn’t lose it for the entirety of the book. This was one of those amazing stories that keeps you in its grip and begs for you to read it in one sitting, which I almost managed to do. Her story is so compelling and unique, while also managing to be universally relatable in the ways she expresses her loss and heartbreak at the hands of men. Even without naming a very central player in her story, Anna tells a complete story of survival and acceptance that makes me want to reread it all over again.

This was the most relatable and heartbreaking memoir I’ve read in my 30 years of life. I highly recommend it to any millennial woman (and others) because it encapsulates our shared experiences that many of us did not know were even shared.

Anna truly is a designer and visionary of her own life and of her art. I really needed this in my 30th year and in dealing with my own struggles with anxiety and depression. I cannot wait to share this with my friends when it is released.

Thank you to Anna for giving me confidence in some of my own feelings.

I had requested this book without really knowing who Anna Marie Tendler was. I knew very surface level of the John Mulaney having divorced his wife but not really much more after that. And it's really not mentioned much in the book either. There's no denying that Anna had depression and overall mental health issues and I'm glad she did check herself into a hospital. It's mentioned multiple times how much she hates men but it's not really explained why - a lot of her experiences seemed more like normal experiences woman go through. I didn't really feel much connection to Anna but I did like the beginning of the book but felt the second half lagged. You feel bad for her but it's like your friend you want better for but she can't see it for herself.

Smart, captivating, could not put it down. I knew her writing would be good, but this is good good. This might be the best memoir I’ve read. It has so much depth.

There are a lot of trigger warnings going into this. Please be kind to yourself. I’m listing some at the bottom, since some like trigger warnings and others consider them spoilers.

This book is not a tell-all about her ex-husband. Since she did not mention him by name in this book, I respectfully have not either. But fear not! She mentions plenty of other men who did her wrong throughout life.

This is primarily a mental health memoir. It focuses on her time in rehab for cutting, depression, anxiety, and not eating. It’s wonderful watching the beautiful relationships she builds with the women in her group. The chapters alternate between her time at the facility and stories from childhood, then after she left the facility.

We see her cutting ties with a therapist when the working relationship becomes condescending and unprofessional. When you’re taught to trust professionals over yourself, that’s a difficult thing to do.

Also, her IVF journey is included. This was raw and real and emotional.

I love that Petunia gets way more page time than her ex husband. That’s so funny to me.

TWs: suicidal thoughts, rehab intake, grooming and underage relationships, IVF journey, toxic therapist dynamic, death of pet (at the end of the book, you'll know when it's about to happen).

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for my advanced digital copy!

4.5 stars. This was INCREDIBLE! I'm so happy I got the chance to read it. It's truly such a raw and honest memoir about Tendler's mental health struggles with self harm, her stay in a psychiatric hospital, rebuilding her life after divorce, and coming to terms with wounds from her childhood. This is very well written and even though Anna is a celebrity or at least well known in the public eye, that part of her life is not a big part of the book (for better or for worse). If you're looking for an exposé, this is certainly not it but you will find a really powerful book about a complex woman and her healing journey.

Going into this, I vaguely recognized Tendler’s name, but didn’t have the slightest idea what kind of artist she was, her online persona, or that she was Mulaney’s ex-wife… and for this, I am immensely grateful. I had no expectations or prejudices for or against her. All I knew is that the title and cover, and the promise of an artist’s recollections of being institutionalized, demanded my attention.

I should also note that I am going to pretend the final chapter, in which Tendler pores over her official diagnosis, doesn’t exist, as it left me with an exceedingly negative view of the author’s takeaways, and I don’t think my entire experience (or review) of the book should be tainted by that.

Tendler flays herself open, revealing her history of personal trauma and the demons that plague her, all within the structure of her DBT-based, voluntary inpatient program. She paints herself as a sort of ‘anti-cool-girl’: she throws her entire being into her passions, losing herself in the men she chooses to be with, wearing her heart— and blood— on her sleeves. In other words, she has zero chill. But at the same time, it does feel like it’s all crafted. She wears her scars like badges of honor, proclaiming her brokenness as if it is what makes her special, because she fears there’s nothing unique under the surface. Throughout the book, there is a strong criticism of social structures— where women exist in the hierarchy, mostly at the periphery, except when they’re being put on a pedestal for examination, amusement, judgment, a way for men to exercise their control. But as the author engages in self reflection, I worry that it’s not entirely honest, though I’m not sure any dishonesty is intentional so much as an act of self creation, for the purpose of self preservation. It feels like cognitive dissonance, with a side of true healing.

All of that being said, this feels like 2024’s answer to Girl, Interrupted. It’s less explosive, as it lacks the bold characters (Lisa, most notably, but also the chicken-hoarding Daisy or pyromaniac Polly), but has much more quality in the nuts and bolts of the writing and introspection.

Thank you to NetGalley, Anna Marie Tendler, and Simon & Schuster for allowing me to read this book in exchange for an honest review (Unpaid).

While this book is about a journey of mental health and self improvement, it is also a love letter to art, to Tendler's dog Petunia, and to the people who listen - without judgement. Many readers who pick up this book right now will likely only know who Anna Marie Tendler through the lens of her overpublicized marriage, and I am not all that different. I went in knowing about that marriage, Petunia, and photography and I came out feeling as if I walked through Tendler's mind (though I know that this book is not the entirety of her being). It was such a vivid telling of her experience and as I am writing this, her words bounce around in my mind because reading them felt like seeing myself in a new light. I am awe of her writing and will follow her career with a new appreciation.

Anna Marie Tendler’s Men Have Called Her Crazy is well deserving of the hype. Tendler’s memoir alternates between her experience during an inpatient psychiatric hospital stay in 2021 and various key moments from throughout her life involving men. The result is an strikingly honest contemplation of mental health, womanhood, and how her experiences with men shape both.

I think Tendler’s reflections on what it means to navigate the world as a women, and the anger she often feels toward men, will resonate with many readers. Similarly, her depictions of female friendship, her complex relationship with her mother, and her interactions with her care team at the hospital were particularly moving. That said, this book rests firmly in the memoir genre and is a meditation purely of Tendler’s experiences — ones she notes are specific to her existence as a white, cis, affluent woman. Admittedly, Tendler is hard to relate to at times, and I most appreciated her memoir when I simply allowed myself to connect with what resonated and enjoy the beautiful prose of the rest, rather than asking this book to be something it isn’t, and doesn’t need to be.

As many reviewers have noted, Tendler doesn’t discuss her high-profile divorce, or mention her ex by name (or nearly at all). By completely excluding any discussion of her marriage or divorce, Tendler demands readers — who likely came to know her through her ex — to meet her on her own terms, a powerful choice that scaffolds a powerful memoir. 5*

Thank you to Simon & Schuster and NetGalley for providing this e-arc.

Readers should note that this is a mental health memoir first and foremost, please heed all content warnings.

Extensive mentions of: self harm, suicidal ideation, disordered eating, sexual violence, pet loss, divorce, fertility, patient abuse

Brief mentions of: addiction, casual drug use, COVID-19 pandemic

Thank you for the opportunity to read this book! It made me feel far more emotions than I am normally comfortable with feeling. Anna write beautifully and manages to describe feelings I never could in such amazing fashion. There were many parts where I felt devastated on her behalf and others in which I held the same feelings with her. Anna had me crying on a plane due to her beautiful description of her relationship with Petunia.

Beautifully written, powerful story of one woman’s struggle to regain her life after mental illness. This heartbreaking memoir chronicles Tendler’s battles with depression, self harm, and her marriage to a semi famous comedian who was not a nice guy. Fast paced story of hope and redemption.

A heartfelt thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Never have I related more to an author. Anna Marie Tendler had a lot of fucked-up experiences throughout her life. This led to some very unhealthy coping mechanisms and feelings of being unheard, unseen, and unnecessary. She checked herself into a behavioral health clinic for a week to have a full analysis done.

Tendler has scars. She was a cutter. Like so many who use it as a coping mechanism, it gave her a sense of control over her life. She struggles with a lot of anxiety and major depressive episodes that could potentially result in her taking her life. Taking this first step was vital for her survival.

In many ways, she led a privileged life. She acknowledges this. But operating as a woman in a world built for men slowly eats at you. It's in so many little things of everyday life and it has a lot to do with men having absolutely no consideration and understanding of the female experience. How could they? They have grown up in a world meant to be theirs for the taking. The fact that some men break this mold at all is utterly astounding.

Her struggles are my struggles. I relate to her on a cosmic level. I'm fairly certain I highlighted more passages in this book than any other book I have ever read. I felt what she said in my bones and I ached to see someone else is like this! It hurts, but it is possible to come out the other side of it as a survivor of your own self-betrayal. We can not change the lives that we are born into. We can only adjust our reactions to all of the things that trigger dangerous emotional responses.

While Tendler can connect a lot of her anger and chronic dissonance to the men in her life, I substituted that with a lot of self-sabotage. I don't agree with ALL of Tendler's points about the patriarchy. But I hear her experience and absolutely understand it through her eyes. That's all we really need. For someone to see our experiences through our own eyes and understand why we are the way we are without trying to correct us or fix us.

I found this read to be emotionally healing and I have a feeling many women of my approximate age would agree.

When I first received an email about this book, it included an excerpt:
"My wish for myself is that one day I’ll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself.”"

That quote alone had me sold on this memoir that empathetically and honestly explores mental health, the biases against women in health care, and the judgment women face from society as well. I loved the way Tendler explored such sensitive issues with her vulnerable accounts of her experiences.

I also feel the need to point out that, although the title has led some people to post about this thinking it will be a tell-all related to her marriage with John Mulaney, or an angry way to get back at him, that's not what this is at all. I love the title, but I think some people interpreted it expecting something different.

This memoir is a raw exploration of Tendler learning to overcome her self-harm, and a testament to her ability to observe her intense emotional states. If you've ever struggled with anxiety self-harm, or mental health in general, this is a read that will resonate and uplift you.

This was an accessibly written and beautiful memoir about Anna Marie Tendler’s mental health journey centering around her stay at an in-patient recovery center.

For the first portion of this book, chapters alternate between her stay at the recovery center and discussions of her past (mostly her teenage and young adult years). The second portion of the book follows the next 2+ years of Tendler’s life after she leaves the recovery center. Notably, any discussion of her divorce is completely skipped over and we go straight into discussing the misery and perils of modern-day dating.

The prose is very straightforward with almost clinical descriptions of the day-to-day in the recovery center. I think some readers won’t enjoy the distance that this style of writing creates, especially for something so personal and raw as a mental health memoir.

The part of the book that stood out to me the most was the saga with Tendler’s therapist, Dr. Karr. I won’t give too much away but the chapters concerning Dr. Karr were the most intense and interesting to me, especially since there are no definite answers or closure.

Throughout this memoir, Tendler discusses her lack of religious faith and some of her spiritual (though she does not like this label) beliefs. She describes how awkward and embarrassed she feels around the mentions of God as if he’s real. These feelings, she acknowledges, are judgmental and not nice but can’t be helped.

In a similar vein, I felt awkward reading through the portions of this book where Tendler describes going to a tarot card reader, burning a Death candle to break psychic bonds from a past life, creating altars with collected animal bones, and more. Though I understand that these practices give her a modicum of peace and have helped in her healing process, I am unable to suppress the skeptic in my brain and truly ‘believe’ in what they are promising.

Though I greatly enjoyed reading this memoir, I thought that the last chapter was very weak and ended the book on an off-note. As Tendler writes, it was only at the very end of the writing process that she looked at her patient files from her stay at the recovery center. Anyone who has looked at their patient files will understand that they are never accurate and each person who contributes to it has their own way of recording information. So I think the disappointing and even enraging experience that Tendler describes will resonate with a lot of people. However, I see no reason why, during the editing process, this was kept in the final chapter. It feels like the second portion of this book was building towards something but then we are right back to discussing the recovery center.

Men Have Called Her Crazy • Anna Marie Tendler

This book is beautiful. A deep look into Tendler’s time after checking herself into a psychiatric hospital & her lifelong mental health struggles. It’s so straightforward and well written. Brutal and honest and masterful. I was hooked on every word. This was one of my most anticipated of the year memoir wise and it does not disappoint. I even found my own brand of anxiety accurately reflected in these pages.

I don’t often buy physical copies of books I’ve read as kindle ARCS, but this will definitely be one of them. I need it on my shelf forever to refer back to.

Pub date - August 13, 2024. Thank you so much @simonandschuster for the ARC, it’s an honor