I’ve been in a reading slump, so I am shocked that a nonfiction book is what got me out of it! Anna Marie Tendler has a simple and raw way of writing that really worked for this memoir. I related and empathized with her mental health struggles. This book really shone light on how women are viewed by the world when they feel ‘uncomfortable’’ emotions. Thank you Simon & Schuster and NetGalley for this ARC!

Men have called her crazy is a memoir. I had never heard of Anna Tendler before. Now I know she was married to John Mulaney who is a comedian and who used his wife’s mental health issues in his actual routine. He left his wife after impregnating another actress.

We begin this story with Anna having checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for self harm and Suicidal ideation. She spends much of the book there sharing her journey to determine how to “fix” what she feels is broken within her.
We meet several of her friends in the hospital who are along on their own personal rides. We also go back to other aspects of Anna’s life (men she dated) to understand how she got to where she is in the present.

Anna Marie Tendler is a smart, insightful writer. I like how this book has no mention of her ex husband John at all. It’s all Anna and it gets to be her story. I loved this memoir and found Anna’s writing really honest and raw. She’s very open about the struggles she has and I commend her for that! This book talks about self-harm (cutting specifically), disordered eating, statutory rape (was it consensual?), and more. It's a journey in healing, but not in being healed.
Men have called her crazy debuts in August 13th and i would recommend this one for sure.
Thank you to Anna Marie Tendler, Simon & Schuster, and NetGalley for the opportunity to read Men Have Called Her Crazy. I have written this review voluntarily.

This is truly one of the most beautiful books I've read in a really long time. Tendler is a phenomenal writer who ties together excruciatingly deep topics and universal experiences for many women. "Men Have Called Her Crazy" stuck with me on a level I truly didn't imagine because frankly, I couldn't relate to most of it. I've never been hospitalized and I don't have similar experiences to her dating life. Yet when she details her lessons and the humanity of the situations, I felt such a connection to the universality of hindsight being 20/20 and the desire to better yourself. I actually talked about this book with my therapist because of how well it does presenting a more uncommon theme when it comes to mental health and hospitals: they're not all dangerous places, and not everyone is there against their will. For the sake of not making this about my experience with seeking mental health help, I just want to say that I think many people, regardless of gender, will find truly touching and relatable lessons that will help challenge their own line of thinking on a personal and universal level. I pre-ordered this book before I received my ARC, and I plan on reading it again when my physical copy arrives in August.

I love the title. It's simple yet classic for this type of memoir. I love that she found comfort in other women at the rehab. Recently I read Nellie Bly's memoir and The Great Pretender where the treatment of patients is horrific. I'm glad that Anna Marie was able to find some comfort and support in her team.

I found myself connected to Anna and I think many other readers will feel that same connection. Especially in a society that calls a woman crazy before smart.

The moments with Petunia, her dog, brought me to tears. A moment I think so many of us can relate to. It is never easy no matter how logical you try to be.

I will say that I didn't really know who Anna Marie Tendler was before reading but I did a google search and realized she was John Mulaney's ex. Even after only knowing a little bit about that situation, I was already on her side. But if you are going into this for tea on the divorce...it's not there.

Thank you to Anna Marie Tendler, Simon & Schuster, and NetGalley for the opportunity to read Men Have Called Her Crazy. I have written this review voluntarily.

Thank you to Net Galley for the ARC! Men Have Called Her Crazy will be out August 13th, 2024.

i cannot give this book justice in a review, so i’ll just tell you about how it made me feel. i feel blessed to have read it, blessed to feel a connection to a woman like amt. i finished it sweaty and teary-eyed on metro north. thank you amt for letting me laugh with you, cry with you, and unpack complicated (and extremely validating) feelings with you. in another life i feel we could be kindred spirits. you are wonderful and brilliant ♥️

Anna Marie Tendler's powerful memoir, "Men Have Called Her Crazy," bravely confronts mental health challenges and the profound impact of men on her life. Following a year of intense anxiety, depression, and self-harm, Tendler shares her journey through a psychiatric hospital stay in early 2021. In candid prose, she recounts therapy sessions, connections with fellow patients, and personal breakthroughs. Throughout the memoir, Tendler reflects on pivotal moments impacted by men, navigating relationships from high school to her thirties and the decision to freeze her eggs. Her narrative offers a striking examination of societal pressures on women today, yet amidst the challenges, she finds hope. From grappling with self-destructive urges to ultimately finding resilience, Tendler's journey culminates in a powerful message of inner strength and healing.

I followed Anna Marie Tendler on Instagram in 2016. Here’s what I knew: she is Jewish and made really cool lampshades. We also learned, from a secondary source, that she is a total badass and has a French bulldog named Petunia.

I relate to Tendler on an uncomfortably high level: This is a book for the girls who had to grow up too fast. Every word penned tells our side of the story: the heartbreak, the confusion, the exhaustion, the trauma, and the desperation for betterment of a significant other before ourselves. If it comes across as bitterness, reread it. If it comes across as hopelessness, reread it. Lastly, if it comes across as giving up, then maybe memoirs are not for you. Not only has this book caused a severe parasocial relationship (it was just that. well. written.), but it was nice to hear that I wasn’t alone in growing up. Anna’s relationship with her mother, her foundation of Judaism, her anxiety’s hostile takeover, her connection to addiction, and even the way she discovered she was allergic to latex (seriously?! Why isn’t this taught in school??) is all weaved into my own identity. Men Have Called Her Crazy is beyond a memoir. It’s a collective experience.

Thank you NetGalley, Simon & Schuster, and Anna Marie Tendler for this beautifully heartbreaking ARC of Men Have Called Her Crazy. Available August 13, 2024

I will be preordering my signed copy, now

Thank you Simon Books for an a-ARC of Men Have Called Her Crazy.

tw/ self harm, anorexia, depression, suicidal ideation, relationships with older men while she was a minor.

"Men have judged me and men have called me crazy, trusting in their own neutrality. But when neutrality is only accepted by the one who has created it, it is an illusion"

In 2021, Anna Marie Tendler checks herself into a week-long inpatient program after a year of increased depression, anxiety, and a lifetime of self harming. While undergoing psychological testing, therapy sessions, and bonding with her fellow female patients at the hospital, there is one undeniable fact: she has a deep distrust towards men.

What transpires next across Anna Marie Tendler's memoir is the unraveling of a young woman: an investigative dive into all the ways she has been let down and manipulated by men. From the older men who preyed on her while she was still a minor, to the downright-terrible hinge dates post-divorce.

Men Have Called Her Crazy, as implied by the title, narrows in on the negative; but it also reveals a steadfast love that has carried Anna since her adolescence. She shares the deep connection she has with her group of girl best friends, her art, her messy but loving relationship with her mother, and the true love of her life: Petunia the french bulldog.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is an essential read. Prepare a highlighters, notebooks, and a bottle of wine to split with a group of your closest friends. This is a memoir that begs to be discussed.

“Men Have Called Her Crazy” by Anna Marie Tendler was a very intriguing read. The author describes her time at an inpatient psychiatric treatment facility and intersperses this present day story with the past struggles that culminated in her hospital stay.

There are several elements to her mental health problems, including suicidal ideation, anxiety, depression, and a brief mention of an eating disorder.

I found myself in so many of her childhood and family struggles. For one, the way she's sometimes treated by her parents reminds me strongly of my own youth. One striking similarity is the lack of medical care, in particular the ear infections that progress without antibiotics. This exact thing happened to me as well, along with many injuries that were ignored. Would you believe that I'd find my own demise in a book someday?

I also found myself in her experience at the hospital. I voluntarily signed myself into a facility for an eating disorder myself and connect strongly to her reporting on her inpatient care.

I discovered other similarities as well, and together with Tendler’s poignant writing, I devoured the first part of this book and couldn't put it down. There are many passages that I'd love to share but can't, given the advance nature of my review copy.

I also loved the mention of a so-called “strain trauma”, another element of my own life, resulting not from one most horrible, succinct event, but rather from a long time of sustained anxious arousal. I guess this is perhaps hinting at the difference between PTSD itself and the more complex cPTSD, as the name suggests.

The author also goes through a conflict with her long term outpatient psychologist, from the patient perspective rather horrifying and destabilizing, as they're looped in on some of the hospital meetings. I thought this was a very valuable addition to the book because it shows in so many ways how hard it can be to feel seen and validated when going through mental health struggles.

The latter portion of the book became a little harder to follow because it intensified in a sort of hatred for men, understandably so due to the many difficult experiences the author went through. Tendler began to describe almost all of her relationships in detail, connecting her mental health struggles with a desire to be loved and in striving to achieve that by pleasing and catering to a man's desire at the detriment of her self worth.

The writing became more and more erratic as if the hatred towards men went into the words and even punctuation that was used.

I also found my focus wandering in the sections where the detailed day-to-day of the clinic was described, such as the beading and gardening classes. I'd have probably preferred hearing more about the talk therapy or the things that the hospital team diagnosed and helped with.

What was most confusing was perhaps the final chapter. The last few pages sounded like a big outburst of anger at both men in general and at one of her male doctors in particular. This happens right at the end, when a reader expects to learn how the story arc directs itself towards closure. In the very last pages, Tendler then abruptly pivots and tries to deliver this closure by explaining how she has healed and grown into a new person.

It makes me sad to say that this just doesn't come across as very believable, even though the effect is probably only a product of the unstructured writing in the last chapter. Maybe the rather crude language that seems to suggest healing by going from “I f*ing hate them so much. I don't even know if I want to f* them anymore.” in chapter 25 to “I don't hate men. I still want to f* them.” in the last chapter leaves me a little uncomfortable when it's all said and done.

Overall though, I applaud Tendler for her courage in writing this vulnerable memoir. It touches on so many points that are vital to mental health awareness, and I think that many people will be able to see themselves in these pages, as did I.

Thank you Simon & Schuster and Netgalley for the Advance Reader's Copy.

A brave memoir that explores the author's life with mental illness. Tendler's storytelling fascinated me, and I loved how she told her story. She is courageous and insightful. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. Five stars.

Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler is a stunning memoir that lives up to the hype. Anna is an incredible artist and storyteller. I was gripped from the first page and couldn't stop reading! I loved the way the chapters alternated between her time in the hospital vs stories and moments from her upbringing that tied the present together. I was incredible moved by the chapter abut her dog, Petunia. I have followed Anna on social media for years, so I knew how special Petunia was but I enjoyed learning more about her quirks and how loved she was until the very end. Thank you Simon & Schuster for the opportunity to read this book!

This was insanely good. Anna is able to convey the anger, depression and anxiety that can plague a woman in better words than I’ve ever been able. This was real and raw and everything you’d want from a memoir. Told in both a flashback narrative to different times in her life, this was beautiful and made me feel better about womanhood and growing older,

A buzzy memoir that I think many readers will feel lives up to the hype.

I am glad I read this - Anna writes an unflinching account of her stay at a psychiatric hospital and of several formative experiences (with terrible men). Her writing has a sort of detached, matter of fact tone. I appreciated her introspection and sharing of insights and there were also moments or chapters where it would have been great to have more exploration.

Thank you to Simon & Schuster and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.

This book was great. I'm so glad I gave it a chance because when I read the description, a part of me thought: another memoir by a woman struggling with mental health; do I really want that right now? But I saw how highly Men Have Called Her Crazy was rated and signed on. It is so good.

Anna Marie Tendler is a smart, insightful writer. Men Have Called Her Crazy alternates between Tendler's experience at an in-patient psychiatric hospital and some of the experiences that brought her to that point. While Tendler's life experiences are varied and unique, she writes in a way that is entirely relatable. And for a dark topic, there is a surprising amount of humor and wit. Tendler's relationships are deep and meaningful, even the ones that are brief; if Tendler lets you in, she's opening herself to vulnerability and pain, and also saying that, even if those vulnerabilities and pains feel out of proportion, it's totally okay to feel them. I loved reading about her relationships with her girlfriends, her dog Petunia, and the ups and downs with her mother.

Tendler shares the good, the bad, the ugly. She shares her inner dialogue. Her poor decisions. How she repeats those poor decision. And eventually learns from those decisions. Tendler frequently details her loathing of men, while admitting her desire to have male relationships and the challenges within them. I was most touched (and appalled) by Tendler's relationship with her therapist, Dr. Karr, and how absolutely abusive that relationship was.

This book talks about self-harm (cutting specifically), disordered eating, statutory rape (was it consensual?), and more. It's a journey in healing, but not in being healed. Read if that sounds safe for you.

Highly recommended. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Favorite quotes:
“I was raised culturally Jewish. Not religious. I’d say there was an appreciation for latkes over an appreciation for God."

“'I think the age of consent here is eighteen, so maybe, like, don’t tell anyone about this,' he said, laughing. 'Oh really? In New York and Connecticut it’s sixteen.' I knew this because Amanda and I had looked it up right before I had left for California. Doing this made me feel powerful. Pop culture had taught me that being the Lolita meant being in control. It meant being bad in a cool way. I wanted to know, numerically, how bad I was being. I never considered how bad he was being.

Here is the thing about men lying to women while telling them they are crazy or overreacting. The lying, the underplaying on their side, makes us doubt our intuition and intelligence, so eventually when suspicions are confirmed, when we find out we have been correct all along, we do go batshit fucking crazy. And it is warranted.

"'Actually, according to the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, epiphanies generate from hard, unconscious work the mind is doing while we are at rest. Rest creates space for unconscious thought to reach the surface of consciousness. All of a sudden (or so it seems) we have a great idea. It’s not God, it’s a confluence of so many factors—hard work, rest, necessity, intelligence, time, to name a few.'”

On having (or not having) children: "They’re also shaped by the particular ways I want my life and my time to be my own. I’ve never woken up at eight a.m. on a Saturday and thought, God, I’d love to take a kid to soccer practice right now."

"Plus, my gendered life experience caused me to second-guess myself before questioning the figure of authority."

I watched a ton of John Mulaney standup specials between 2015-2020, and I always thought his wife sounded unpleasant by the way he spoke about her. “Bossy little Jew.” Mean wife doesn’t want him to get a Best Buy rewards card. Girlfriend guilt trips him into proposing. Complains a lot. He made an entire career off poking fun at his wife and their very challenging dog, Petunia.

So when several years later, I finally saw the wife - the willowy, quiet mannered, gentle Anna Marie Tendler - on an episode of COMEDIANS IN CARS GETTING COFFEE - I asked myself how this could possibly be the same person John Mulaney mocked so unkindly in many of his specials. She didn’t come across at all the way he described her. She seemed like a mild mannered, kind soul experiencing a lot of pain and insecurity under the surface.

This book is where we get to know the Anna I knew existed beneath all his tired wife jokes.

Most people picking up this memoir are aware that John Mulaney spectacularly hurt Anna. He impregnated his girlfriend while still married to the woman who fueled so much of his material for years (women, if you count their dog Petunia! And I do!).

This memoir isn’t about John, though. He’s barely mentioned. And there is SUCH POWER in Anna’s move to give him so little air time in her pages. This is her story. She gets to call the shots. We hear about all the crappy men besides John Mulaney - all the men who hurt her before and after he did what he did.

This is such a valuable story about inappropriate therapist relationships as well - the abuse of power and condescension that unfortunately play out in therapist patient relationships. The fact that women as well as male therapists can do harm.

There’s so much maturity in the way Anna looks at her traumatic childhood. Anna is indeed a soft spoken person because she had a mother who flew into rages and screaming fits throughout Anna’s life. And yet Anna shows empathy and compassion for her mom, who gave up everything for her kids only to be thrown away by her husband. Anna has a lot of love for her family.

I related so much to Anna. She struggled finding a career and admits to being financed heavily by wealthy romantic partners. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard to feel directionless and insecure in one’s career. Anna was belittled by wealthier figures throughout her twenties - a diva director, a backstabbing acquaintance who said Anna didn’t deserve to date a wunderkind millionaire because Anna was only a hairdresser. I know what it’s like to feel insecure about career status well into one’s thirties. For me and Anna’s mom, motherhood did it. For Anna, it was most likely having a husband whose career sucked all the air out of the room.

I hope she got half in the divorce settlement, and I hope this book is a number one bestseller. I love that it’s not even really about the guy we all assumed it be about at all.

This is where the cool, smart, beautiful, thoughtful woman behind the hackneyed wife stand ups finally gets to show us who she is. I loved every word of this book.

Anna is a gifted storyteller who is honest and witty as she shares her journey focusing heavily on her mental health struggles. Many will connect with her feelings and views on both herself and on society at large. Personally, there were moments where the book felt a bit disconnected and I felt like I couldn’t connect with aspects. All parts about Petunia though had me in tears and Anna’s love for her was so endearing.

This was such an honest examination of mental health and how social structures and patriarchy exacerbate trauma and anxiety. Really illuminating.

On the first day of 2021, Anna Marie Tendler checks herself into inpatient treatment for depression, self-harm, suicidal impulses, and anxiety. Though she's struggled with these for most of her life, the pandemic, as well as additional factors of her personal life have conspired with the chemicals in her brain to a dangerous mental crisis. Chapters about her stay at the hospital are interspersed with her experiences with men growing up. From her family life to the men she's had relationships with, she connects these experiences to how she views the world and her attempts to find tools to create a healthy mental state.

I devoured this book. In awe of the vulnerability and strength to share this experience with an audience, I snuck pages in where I could and binged large sections each evening. Many of the beliefs Ms. Tendler expresses, particularly in regard to men, made me uncomfortable. I felt so because, while her feelings are deeper, stronger, and more absolute, I recognized that at times I had felt many of those things. In detailing past relationships, Ms. Tendler reclaims them for herself. Her marriage, however, is noted only in the periphery of her inner life. As this particular relationship is the reason many recognize the author's name, I wonder why she doesn't mention more about this major relationship. To me, it looms large over the narrative in its absence. I will attribute this omission as an assertion that Ms. Tendler is framing her life outside her former husband. That, though we may know her because of this relationship, her life will no longer be defined in culture in relation to men.

A feminist declaration of selfhood and existence, I appreciated what it must have taken to read this book. Ms. Tendler clearly and heartbreakingly expresses the deep and terrible feelings in this short period of time and how they have transformed her life. I will pass it along to women I know and love.

Anna Marie Tendler does a beautiful job of discussing her struggles with mental health in this memoir. The story begins with her describing the check in process at a psychiatric hospital during the pandemic. I literally got chills reading the first few pages and felt immediately drawn in by her story. The timeline of the book alternates between her time spent at the institution and chapters that address traumatic childhood experiences and various toxic relationships with men that played a large role in her eventual hospitalization. Her approach to this memoir is brutally honest. She is very introspective and doesn't shy away from telling the reader about her own flaws. The topics addressed in the book are very heavy and I would strongly recommend looking at trigger warnings (there are many references of self-harm) before reading, it's definitely not for everyone. However, I think that women who have experienced toxic relationships and who have struggled with depression and anxiety will find her writing relatable and even therapeutic. Despite the heaviness of the topics, she also recounts lighthearted moments such as her love for her dog, friends, and the relationships she develops with other patients at the hospital. I will say that those who are interested in this memoir solely for tea on John Mulaney will be sorely disappointed as she barely references her relationship with him in the book. Overall I really enjoyed this book and would strongly recommend it to readers who enjoyed "I'm Glad My Mom Died", it has a similar feel.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is Anna Marie Tendler’s account of the time she spent in the psychiatric facility she checked herself into in 2021 and the ways she had to adjust to life after coming out of treatment. She provides the reader with a stunningly vulnerable account of the things she experienced while being treated there including the things she learned about herself, stories about time spent with the other women she met, and her treatment sessions. Although I would say Anna’s mental health is the primary focus of this book she also discusses in alternating chapters the men who have mistreated her throughout her life.

Doesnt this sound so so good? Ok well let’s talk about why I didn’t like it. There’s no way to say this that doesn’t sound insensitive but… I was bored. For most of this book I was bored. To put it bluntly, Anna’s writing style does not make the experience of going through mental health treatment interesting to read about. Lots of people have written about that experience. Some have done it in ways that have had me glued to the page. Some, like Anna,… have not. And when it comes down to it I think I just don’t like Anna’s writing style. When she described her time at the treatment centre it felt a bit like she was running through a list. “This happened.” “Then this happened.” “Then this happened.” “This is what this woman was like” “This is what this form of treatment was like.” I often don’t mind that kind of writing but for a topic this deep and intimate I want the writing to be better than that. I want to it feel far more personal and less distant. Anna shared extremely personal information about her past, her trauma, and her mental health issues in this book, and I am in awe of the bravery and strength it must have taken for her to do that. But in spite of the vulnerable content in the book I always felt far removed from her because of her writing style… but honestly I think that’s only part of the issue. I think that in terms of personal taste I simply don’t get along with her writing style. And there’s nothing she nor I can do about that.

Now… I know that what I’m about to say is controversial. A major part of this book is that Anna tells us about the men who have wronged her in chronological order, from her teens to the time that the book is published. It’s almost half of the book’s content. And I just personally think… to write a book with an extensive list of the men who have wronged you and only vaguely allude to the fact that you’ve had a divorce leaves a very obvious gaping hole in your story. I’m not saying this as someone who wants juicy celebrity gossip. I would say this even if I didn’t know who her ex husband is. In terms of storytelling it’s very strange to skip over the person who was most likely the most impactful man in her life to wrong her in some way. She even writes about the first man she dated after her divorce and how he wronged her, so it’s obvious to the reader she REALLY goes out of her way to not write about her ex husband. Like I said, she gives us a LENGTHY list of the men who have been in her life. But if I didn’t know who her ex husband is and I picked up this book I would still be like “Um… Hold on… We’re talking about your exes right? So we’ll talk about the first guy you dated after your divorce but we’re skipping an entire HUSBAND? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HUSBAND? DID I IMAGINE THAT YOU SAID YOU HAD A HUSBAND FOR YEARS?” I would be so so confused. Maybe she and her ex have some sort of agreement to not talk about each other. As far as I know of them has come right out and spilled any dramatic details on their divorce. Maybe that’s the reason for this huge gap in the story. But I just want to point out that it makes the story feel incomplete. It’s a book that heavily, HEAVILY focuses on how men have hurt her. But she very noticeably skips over a man who definitely hurt her. It’s very awkward as a reader, and I imagine that it would be even more awkward for a reader who doesn’t know who her ex husband is and why she might be excluding information about him.

Personally my favorite part of the book was reading about Anna’s IVF story. I always appreciate any story where a woman is making decisions about whether or not she wants children and how she plans to have those children if she chooses to. I love stories about motherhood. And at the end of this book Anna gives us a tiny little story about her own potential motherhood. And that’s the only part of the book that I enjoyed.

Please don’t stone me for saying this: I don’t recommend this book. I think you can do without it.

Thank you to @netgalley and @simonbooks for the arc!

All the st​ars. I really didn't want this book to end. It feels hard to find the words to describe the relatability. I felt very seen and therefore very loved within the pages, and sometimes it feels strange to have so much in common with someone you've never met but it also feels like relief. Being a woman in this world leaves a lot to be desired, especially because of men, but there are moments that spark intense love, and I loved those moments in the book about Petunia, her group of friends that I'm personally envious of, making bracelets and picking stones with words of wisdom; I literally have the word soul tattooed on me because I picked that stone with my eyes closed three times in a row. There's something about other women who just know, like down to eating McDonalds! Ha.

This book is not about her ex-husband, and I really enjoyed that. It's about her. It's about other formative relationships in her younger years alternating with her stay at a psychiatric facility and afterwards. It's heartbreaking, funny, shocking, maddening, and frankly very largely beautiful. I loved going on this journey with her, whispering in my head SAME, thinking about those my life has collided with and the lessons I've learned, and truly relating to her womanhood, motherhood, and what that means moving forward. I recommend this to everyone. It touched my heart and it's a very important read. ✨🖤

Out August 13th!