- Whew, this is A BOOK. I knew next to nothing about Tendler other than her highly publicized divorce, and now after reading MEN HAVE CALLED HER CRAZY, I feel a deep kinship with her.
- Tendler’s writing is a bit removed, but her prose flows so beautifully it took me awhile to clock it. It’s somehow both clinical and deeply insightful.
- She flips between present day at the hospital and looking back at past relationships. I would have liked a bit of a sharper line drawn between the past men and current mental state, but it is all there.
- PS: There’s virtually no mention of said ex-husband. It plays somewhere between “I signed an NDA” and “you don’t matter enough to include.” Plenty of Petunia though, which made me both laugh and cry.

This is one of the best, most interesting, well thought out memoirs I’ve read in a long time. There were so many parts that felt deeply relatable and others that were inspiring. Incredible work!

1.) Incredibly readable, but somehow not fully engaging for me. She did a great job describing the events, but there was little reflection until the final (brief) chapter.
2.) Pretty sure we learned sharing our height and weight stats were a bad idea on 2012 tumblr? A very odd choice for an eating disorder/mental health recovery book.
3.) I haven’t read this much gender essentialism since 2016.
4.) I thought the therapist’s insights and her responses about her mother were the most interesting part, but the author definitely did not and they got lost in the shuffle.
5.) Petunia :( :(
6.) We get it, you have small wrists.

2.5/5 stars

Thank you to the publisher, the author, and NetGalley for an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

A fantastic memoir. Anna is unapologetically honest about her mental health and inpatient experience, about loss and grief, love. A very emotional read!

I loved this. I related so much to the feelings in this book, both towards men and about myself. What a triumph of a memoir!

(Although, you won’t find juicy celebrity gossip here!)

This book is so good! It is well written but also heartbreaking to know what the author has experienced. I have been saying this often, but i would love to see this book dissected in a women’s studies class; there’s so much here. Thank you to the publisher for inviting me to read this book!

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the ARC. I was so excited to get my hands on this and get to know Tendler better.

Imagine your best friend's impossibly cool, mysterious, and creative older sister wrote a memoir, giving you a snapshot of her life and maybe a glimpsse into her unknown mental health struggles. You realize just how much you didn't know about her beyond the anecdotes that her husband regaled large audiences with or what you could glean from her art.

The book opens as Tendler, recognizing she's in crisis, checks herself into an in-patient mental facility. From there, it vacillates between her descriptions of day-to-day treatment at the facility and seminal moments and relationships that affected her life, her outlook, her personality.

I went into it knowing that it wasn't going to be about John Mulaney or her relationship with him. And, while I respect that none of us are owed the details of her marriage, it's the elephant in the room. It's hard to imagine that her marriage--the relationship that preceeded her stay in treatment, didn't have as profound an effect and wasn't worth mentioning. Maybe it was intentional. But, she's so honest about so much so it's noticeable that she's not willing to be honest with readers about that. Not that she's lying. She just omits it entirely save for a couple of vague references. I think about how honest she was about her mom and how painful that must have been to write, how painful it had to be for her mom to read. She's willing to be brutally honest about her mom and herself, but not her relationship with her ex-husband?
It creates this void in the book that's hard for the reader to overcome.

The ending doesn't exactly offer a resolution as she dissects the diagnoses and notes. Books don't have to follow a traditional arc to reach a resolution, and I think it's possible that someone completely unaware of her might pick this up and really appreciate such a personal account of mental health. A lot of people (who are aware of her and who she was formerly married to) are going to struggle with what she leaves out, though.

Wow. This book was simultaneously heartbreaking, cathartic, insightful, vindicating, and so much more.

I waited for the audiobook to release before doing my readthrough, and I'm glad I did because listening to Anna narrate this was an experience -- possibly one of the best reading experiences I've had to date.

Being a woman, or a person raised socialized as a woman, in a patriarchal world is unsafe and honestly maddening. We are conditioned to be quiet, to not take up space, to make others comfortable even to the detriment and harm of ourselves, we're taught to normalize our pain, to never be an inconvenience -- and it's so much worse for those of us who are queer and melanated. And sometimes it's not until we have some kind of mirror held to our faces in media like this that we can truly unpack the reality in which we live and the patterns and dynamics we fall into that uphold it. I'm thankful for the vulnerability that went into this, it was obviously a labor of love and I'm glad she was brave enough to share it with the world.

I loved her method of storytelling, intertwining stories of her past with her more contemporary experiences. And I know that many will likely complain about her memoir not focusing on her divorce, but those who will are completely missing The Point and are doing themselves a major disservice.

This is a book I will think about at least once a day for the rest of my life.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for providing this eARC.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is a memoir that discusses the author's experience in a psychiatric hospital and reflects on moments in her life which lead to and resulted from this experience.

I always find it difficult to rate memoirs lower than a 5 stars, but I'm happy to say this one feels deeply deserving of a high rating. Tendler is open, honest, and vulnerable, and though her individual experience is not relatable to all, she ties much of her experience to the broader, more universal experiences of women in society, and the pressures and pitfalls we face. And, despite everything that she does go through, difficult and harmful as it was, Tendler ends the book on a hopeful and positive note. It is clear that this memoir was written very intentionally, painting a realistic and nuanced portrait of mental health without coming off as pessimistic or dark.

Also, props to Tendler for not mentioning Mulaney by name once. My favorite thing about this book is that there is a person here who is so, so much more than the men in her life would ever paint her to be.

Absolutely loved this memoir! Anna beautifully crafted this story focused on a period of her life, not all that long ago, surrounding her own mental health journey. The chapters switching between her younger years to now was so fluid. I love how direct she when talking about her mental health, and all of the realizations she came to throughout the journey.

I loved how Ms. Tendler told her story, and am so happy she had the courage and voice to do so. She was able to take back the narrative in an eloquent way.

Your mileage on this memoir is going to vary drastically depending on what your mindset is going into it. If you want to read a commentary on mental illness that tackles harsh topics like suicidal ideation self-harm and eating disorders while exploring the ways that men can shape a woman's mental health based on the way she was being perceived by them, then you will enjoy this book. If you want Anna's ruminations on how men have shaped her experiences and her thoughts on reckoning with this while going through treatment and dealing with depression, you'll enjoy this book. If you want an expose on her relationship with John Mulaney, you should just not even bother. The conversation around this memoir has irritated me immensely, because people are so wrapped up in wanting to know the drama and are not giving this book the respect it deserves as a memoir about a woman struggling to understand and unlearn the nonsense men have wrought upon her life and her headspace. This is an important read but you'll only get it if you come in with the right priorities.

Men Have Called Her Crazy begins with Anna Marie Tendler’s arrival at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. After five years with her therapist, the two have come to an impasse. By taking a more intensive approach to her mental health, Anna discovers her therapist’s evaluation of her intense suicidal ideation, self-harm, and disordered eating is much more nuanced than that.

Anna’s forthright manner makes the reader comfortable with the in-patient setting. She not only explains what goes on in the admittance process, for example, but why it’s necessary. After all, readers are curious! She describes what the daily structure is like and how patients interact within this bubble. So, it is not something terrifying like Girl, Interrupted nor a luxury detox rehab.

Anna arrives at the medical campus angry and distrustful of men following a failed marriage. She refuses to live in a co-ed dorm and eating meals with men makes her uncomfortable. Most of her doctors are men, however. As Anna correctly explains, the standard for modern psychology is based on straight, white, cis-gendered males. Using clinical testing techniques in a live-in setting—and most importantly, explaining their conclusions to Anna—the doctors help Anna start to rebuild her foundation. And while her experience is generally positive, it’s a harsh reminder of how doctors—and men in general—oversimplify the complexities that women present, often with little context.

Part of dealing with psychological issues is confronting the past. Anna weaves in scenes from her traumatic childhood, age-inappropriate exploits, artistic endeavors and failures, lavish parties with a condescending millionaire, and hanging around Hollywood sets. Men are featured as vignettes that explain her psyche, while her nameless ex-husband hovers in the book’s shadows.

By writing her memoir, Anna regains her own power. Throughout it all, she relies on the strengths of her female friendships and the love for her dog Petunia. She chooses the narrative—instead of letting the tabloids do it.

Thanks to Simon & Schuster for the ARC.

This may be the first memoir I have ever read where I was just so speechless at the end of it. I really resonated with so many things Anna talked about in here, I learned things I had never even considered before, and really just felt like this book spoke to me in ways I don’t even know yet lol. I read a few of these chapters multiple times. Fantastic. Powerful.

Thank you so much to netgalley & the publisher for the early copy of this! Will be at the bookstore asap on release day.

Men Have Called Her Crazy is Anna Marie Tendler’s long awaited memoir. Many of my female friends and I (and a lot of the internet) have been awaiting for a dishy tell-all. We wanted the full story after claiming Anna in her messy public break up. We all followed along on her viral social media and tabloid journey of heartbreak seemingly caused by the betrayal by her famous ex. Following Tendler exposed us to quiet resilience and healing through art and a nod to the women we all want to be when the road is low. Also Anna, she’s just like us, healing through dog kisses and housewives binges. This memoir is not that, it’s not what I expected but entirely something else that is beautiful, poignant and reflective. It’s also an important book on mental illness and the experience of seeking help and treating mental illness.

Anna’s memoir is reflective of her stay at an in-patient facility while attempting to diagnose her current mental state and simultaneously stabilize her current crisis situation. TW: Anna has attempted suicide and self-harms. She also really, really hates men through much of this memoir. The telling of her in-patient experience is intertwined with flashbacks of various relationships with men (professional and personal) especially those who have indicated or led her on to think she is ‘crazy.’

Spoiler Alert: Tendler does not discuss the breakdown of her marriage to John Mulvaney but that’s not to say it isn’t everywhere, hanging out like a ghost in this memoir. The relationship is a huge reason she is in an in-patient facility to begin with.

It is so hard to not judge Anna’s choices in this book but also easy to judge because we are outsiders reading about them (and human nature). It’s not a perfect memoir, it lacks some self-perspective. Her focus keeps circling back to hating men while completely missing the many important women in her life who essentially have also led her to feel invalidated or ‘crazy’ Except, as I write this, I don’t really think she misses these points. In sharing her stories and her experience she is writing them as they happened and the emotions she felt at the time leaving us (the reader) to make many of our own judgements. Tendler doesn’t take ownership while recanting because she didn’t take ownership at the time it occurred.

Towards the end of her journey in this memoir, Anna is still massively healing, she begins to reflect and take ownership for past decisions. She slowly starts to accept that there are men she loves, men who have helped and taught her but also sees more clearly those men that did truly gaslight her and made her feel invalidated. I am more than interested in continuing on this journey with her in any form. Anna Marie Tendler has a spectacular future ahead of her and is an incredible writer in addition to her many forms of art. Her experiences with men are valid and something most women have felt, the difference being we are not all mentally ill.

📚: Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler
⭐️: 3.5/5 (rounding down on #goodreads)

The gist: "My wish for myself is that one day I'll reach a place where I can face hardship without trying to destroy myself." Anna Marie Tendler writes this early in her voluntary inpatient stay at a psychiatric hospital. She goes through psychological tests, intense therapy, and makes connections with those going through similar programs over the course of 2 weeks, all in hopes of getting to the bottom of her anxiety, depression, self-harm and moving toward healing.

The good: In a similar vein of Prozac Nation and Girl, Interrupted, this memoir is a powerful, and necessary, mental health story. Tendler's experience at the inpatient hospital, as well as the community of women she created is so well written and resonated with me. Her struggle, her pain, her confusion, and her want to heal was emotional to read.

There's two disconnects in this memoir that, for me, fractured this read. One is a conflict with her then-therapist. It feels as though we didn't get the full story behind it until the final scene of the conflict, so to say. This left me wondering what really happened to cause such a divide - and that answer was never given.

The other disconnect that's apparent is her marriage and subsequent divorce. While mentioned a couple times at a surface level, there's nothing beyond that. None of the anecdotes about men Tendler dated are about her husband. (And one would think that an ex-husband would be the focus of at least one of the chapters revolving around men behaving awful.)

And then I realized that I read this entire memoir not realizing who Anna Marie Tendler is -- or who her ex-husband is. It feels like an obvious gap in narrative as a reader no matter what, but then finding that her ex-husband is John Mulaney, it feels like an even bigger missing piece to the story. While I understand wanting (and probably not being able) to have a section of a memoir read like an issue of Us Weekly, this disconnecting thread stands out as a miss.

Thank you to @simonandschuster via @netgalley for the digital ARC in exchange for an honest review. Men Have Called Her Crazy is out today, 8/13.

Interesting memoir that chronicles the journey of one woman's struggle with identity, patriarchal society, cutting, anxiety, suicide, and depression. While the topics were heavy, it was very readable.

right off the bat i must praise tendlers ability to write about her life in such a way that made me truly unable to put it down. the style and pacing is something i have never experienced in a nonfiction book before. i felt deeply for her through every chapter and several times had to remind myself that this is her real life and she presented it for the world to see so beautifully! immediately after finishing this arc i preordered a signed copy, how tender talks about her journey with her mental health parallel to the relationships throughout her life really resonated with me in a way i never expected. men have called her crazy will easily be in my top favorites of the year and i highly recommend this to anyone even if you’re not typically a memoir reader!

Right off the bat I was drawn to this book by the cover and title. Being called “crazy” by men is practically a rite of passage for women and girls. I went into this unaware of her famous ex husband and thankfully so. He wasn’t mentioned at all with only a few references to her divorce from him throughout the book. During this book, we go back and forth between her voluntary stay at a mental hospital and flashbacks to relationships and other significant moments before and after her hospitalization. My one complaint is I wish the timeline would’ve been more clear. Maybe a date at the beginning of each chapter? Aside from the timeline, I loved reading about her experience. So much I related to, also being a woman who has struggled with her mental health and has been called crazy by men, but even the things I couldn’t directly relate to I sympathized with. A wonderful memoir.

Thank you to NetGalley and Anna Marie Tendler for the opportunity to read an advanced copy.

I don’t even know where to begin. This book made me feel so many things that I’ve only felt in regards to my own experiences before, and I’m so grateful that I was not only able to read this book at all, but especially to do so prior to its release. I know that the experience of reading this book will never leave me, and I can only hope to continue following Tendler’s career in the future. This book made me emotional in a myriad of ways, and I recommend it to the fullest extent, especially to any woman, anyone who has ever experienced mental health issues, anyone who has struggled in personal relationships. You will be better off having read this, I can’t express that enough.