Kathleen Smith’s True to You is a compelling and practical guide that encourages readers to embrace their authentic selves while breaking free from unhelpful emotional patterns. Smith, a therapist known for her relatable approach, masterfully blends humor, real-life anecdotes, and professional insight to make complex psychological concepts easy to understand and apply. Her warm, conversational tone makes the book engaging and accessible, offering readers a thoughtful and supportive path toward greater self-awareness and resilience. It’s a must-read for anyone seeking to live more genuinely and create a life that reflects their true values.

thank you to NetGalley for allowing me an early copy in exchange for an honest review!

True to You was a really helpful audiobook. I appreciated the advice given and can use it in my everyday life.

This was great! The author did a really good job of breaking down concepts into easily understandable parts. Then, she would use real world examples from real people to further illustrate her concepts. Finally, she would give exercises for the reader to complete to practice the concepts. I really enjoyed the audio book, but I think a physical copy would have been helpful, so that I could go back and do the exercises out of order, when I felt I needed specific concepts help.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ She's done it again!

True to You focuses on the tendency for humans to seek reassurance from others which leads to inauthentic relationships and burnout. The book offers guidance in recognizing the different ways we mask to deal with anxieties in relationships. She gives tips for interrupting bad relationship patterns and solidifying a stronger sense of self to handle anxieties instead of avoiding them. Each chapter ends with a summary and three exercises to apply what has been taught.

There is overlap with Everything Isn't Terrible, but this one gives a lot of solid examples that helped me understand the principles more. As a people pleaser, I appreciated concrete examples and steps to self-confront.

𝐀𝐧 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝑻𝒓𝒖𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐃𝐫. 𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫; 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐃𝐫. 𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞’𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 (𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡) 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐲! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫-𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫, 𝐈 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.

𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝒶𝓉𝒽𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝒮𝓂𝒾𝓉𝒽, 𝑀𝒶𝒸𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒶𝓃 𝒜𝓊𝒹𝒾𝑜, 𝒮𝓉. 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓃'𝓈 𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈, & 𝒩𝑒𝓉𝒢𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓎 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒜𝑅𝒞! 𝒜𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝓅𝒾𝓃𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝑜𝓌𝓃.

I rarely give five star reviews, but hear me out on this one. This book surprised me. I was expecting standard self-help fluff, delivering a brief dopamine hit of affirmation without providing tools that might lead to lasting improvement.

Instead, I found a firm examination of common difficulties people face when relating with others—some of which were uncomfortably familiar. At the same time, the tone remains encouraging, focusing on our capacity for growth toward a more satisfying life. These insights are grounded in solid psychological theory and research. To help the determined reader apply the book’s insights, each chapter ends with three simple exercises.

Kathleen Smith accomplishes all this with remarkable humility. The presence of the therapist in the case studies that accompany each chapter is nearly invisible. Little time is spent establishing the author’’s credentials, which are instead verified by the calm confidence with which she approaches her subject. The writing is clear and compelling, to an extent not usually found in books by subject experts, even those that top bestseller lists.

Tangent: One gripe I often have with popular nonfiction is the tendency to end books with preachy conclusions that depart from the subject matter into the author’s personal beliefs about what needs to change in the world. When Smith introduced her conclusion, I dreaded that it would sour my otherwise meaningful experience of the book. Instead, Smith presents modest, research-based observations about society-wide tendencies in our approach to relationships and possible pitfalls to watch out for.

I think everyone can benefit from reading this book. Even if you don't find anything that fits your own life—an unlikely proposition, but let's humor it—you'll find yourself equipped with a conceptual framework useful for understanding the people you relate with in your life and why they relate with you in the way they do.

Kathleen Smith has gained a devoted fan in me. I plan to read her other book, and later to purchase my own copy of this book to reread in the future. I hope you’ll find as much value in it as I did.

To comment on the audio edition specifically, my experience was mostly positive, with one gripe. The version of the audiobook I listened to had very harsh S sounds, something that is usually fixed in post-production. I hope that this will be remedied for the final retail version, but perhaps it would be worth checking the sample ahead of time in case this would get on your nerves. The audiobook should come with a PDF containing various exercises, lists, and charts, though I did not have the chance to view it myself.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy of this audiobook.

I was not expecting to be blown away by the insight, helpful tips, and explanations of human behavior provided in this book. I learned so much and will have to read this again. The book is approachable, an enjoyable listen (audiobook), and educational. I had more than a few aha moments and am now researching some of the topics and theories discussed. Highly recommend!

Probably the best therapist written book I’ve read in a while! They do a great job of giving examples of “if you say or think this…” “try this instead”. The chapter nuggets at the end of each chapter were also fantastic and a great wrap up before moving on to a new topic. Highly recommend this book.

“True to You: A Therapist’s Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself” by Kathleen Smith, narrated by Christine Lakin, is a compelling and insightful audiobook that delves into the intricacies of human relationships and self-identity. This review will explore the key themes, narrative style, and overall impact of the audiobook, providing a comprehensive analysis of its strengths and areas for improvement.

** Key Themes and Content

At its core, “True to You” is a self-help guide aimed at individuals who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and the constant need for external validation. Kathleen Smith, a seasoned therapist, uses her extensive experience to offer practical advice on how to break free from these patterns and develop a stronger sense of self. The book is structured around several key themes:

1. Interrupting Relationship Patterns: Smith emphasizes the importance of recognizing and disrupting unhealthy relationship dynamics. She provides actionable steps to help listeners identify patterns that keep them stuck and offers strategies to create more authentic connections.
2. Building Self-Reliance: One of the central messages of the book is the need to rely less on praise and approval from others. Smith encourages listeners to develop their own principles and values, fostering a sense of self-worth that is independent of external validation.
3. Navigating Anxiety: In today’s fast-paced world, anxiety is a common issue. Smith addresses this by offering techniques to build resilience and maintain a solid sense of self even in anxious times. She combines scientific insights with practical exercises to help listeners manage their anxiety effectively.
4. Creating Authentic Relationships: The book also explores the science of our social nature, explaining why we often try to be what others want us to be. Smith provides tools for building more genuine and rewarding relationships, emphasizing the importance of being true to oneself.

** Narrative Style and Delivery

Christine Lakin’s narration of “True to You” is a standout feature of the audiobook. Her clear and engaging voice brings Smith’s words to life, making the content accessible and relatable. Lakin’s delivery is both warm and authoritative, striking the perfect balance between empathy and expertise. Her ability to convey complex psychological concepts in a straightforward manner enhances the overall listening experience.

Smith’s writing style is another highlight. She uses a blend of storytelling, humor, and scientific explanations to keep the listener engaged. The anecdotes from her therapy clients add a personal touch, making the advice feel more tangible and applicable to real-life situations. Smith’s humor lightens the tone, making the book enjoyable to listen to despite its serious subject matter.

** Strengths

One of the major strengths of “True to You” is its practicality. Smith doesn’t just offer theoretical insights; she provides concrete steps and exercises that listeners can implement in their daily lives. This makes the book not only informative but also actionable. The exercises are designed to help listeners build a life based on their own best thinking, rather than being overly responsible for others.

Another strength is the book’s relatability. Smith’s use of real-life examples and her conversational tone make the content feel accessible. Listeners can easily see themselves in the stories she shares, which helps to reinforce the book’s messages.

The audiobook also excels in its holistic approach. Smith addresses the psychological, emotional, and social aspects of people-pleasing, providing a comprehensive guide to personal growth. Her emphasis on self-reliance and authenticity is particularly empowering, encouraging listeners to take control of their own lives.

** Areas for Improvement

While “True to You” is a highly effective self-help guide, there are a few areas where it could be improved. Some listeners might find the book’s focus on therapy clients’ stories to be repetitive at times. While these anecdotes are valuable, a more varied approach to illustrating the concepts might enhance the overall impact.

Additionally, the book’s exercises, while practical, might benefit from more detailed explanations or examples. Some listeners might find it challenging to apply the exercises without additional guidance. Including more step-by-step instructions or case studies could make the exercises more accessible.

** Overall Impact

“True to You” is a valuable resource for anyone looking to break free from people-pleasing tendencies and develop a stronger sense of self. Kathleen Smith’s expertise and Christine Lakin’s engaging narration make this audiobook a compelling and practical guide to personal growth. The book’s emphasis on authenticity and self-reliance is both timely and empowering, offering listeners the tools they need to build more fulfilling relationships and live more confidently by their own principles.

In conclusion, “True to You” is a must-listen for anyone seeking to understand and overcome the patterns that keep them stuck in unhealthy relationships. Smith’s blend of storytelling, humor, and practical advice makes this audiobook an enjoyable and transformative experience. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, seeking more authentic connections, or simply looking to build a stronger sense of self, “True to You” offers valuable insights and actionable steps to help you on your journey.

For a non-fiction book, this one was really good. I have a lot of self doubt and low self esteem. I worry a lot about what other people think of me. Friends. Coworkers. My boss. A person I met at a get together. This book really helped me without making the topic boring. It was interesting and I found myself wanting to hit play. The narrator did a fantastic job of narrating this book. I loved the What to do about it parts. This was really helpful. Overall, a well written, well put together self-help book. Thanks to Macmillan audio and Netgalley for allowing me to listen and review this audiobook.

The moment I started listening to this audiobook, I felt it was talking about me. And you know what—it felt good to hear that others think and act like I do. It was comforting and validating. What also felt good were the "What to do about it" sections in each chapter. They provided practical, actionable advice that I could immediately apply to my life. This book was so impactful that I need the written copy too.

I am so grateful to have been given an advanced copy to review from NetGalley. Kathleen Smith's expertise as a therapist shines through, making this a highly credible and valuable resource.

If you are a perfectionist, which I am—this book will blow your mind. While many people have mentioned the term people pleaser, I want to broaden the audience for this book to include perfectionists and narrow it a bit to anxious perfectionists. Now, I know you may be too perfectionistic to admit you're anxious but hear me out—this book will help you chill.

The narration was great. I suggest buying both the audio and the written versions so you can follow along and fully comprehend what the author is saying. The chapters are well-organized, and the exercises at the end of each chapter are incredibly useful for self-reflection and growth.

PS: I liked the book so much that I signed up for the author's newsletters.

Overall, "True to You" by Kathleen Smith is a standout self-help book that offers practical advice and deep insights into overcoming perfectionism and people-pleasing behaviors. It's a must-read for anyone looking to improve their mental health and build healthier relationships. Highly recommended!

True To You: A Therapist's Guide to Stop Pleasing Others and Start Being Yourself by Kathleen Smith was a surprisingly enjoyable listen. Self-help books can be hard to make engaging via audio, but Christine Lakin's narration, pacing, and gentle tone were the perfect fit for this 6 hour listen.

True to You builds on the concept that human beings are "master pretenders" and that this pretending can lead to excessive reassurance from our loved ones, from strangers the internet, and that this inauthentic way of living and people-pleasing can lead us on a pathway to burnout.
As a therapist in the mental health field, I often crack the spine of a self-help book with a lot of skepticism. I was pleased to find that Dr. Smith's book was grounded in family systems theory and that she also tied in cognitive behavioural therapy strategies and attachment theory to make this a very well-rounded resource for readers. The writing is very accessible for folks wanting to work on a variety of topics like how anxiety influences our decisions and how we have the tendency to purchase stability in our relationships at a great cost. Dr. Smith provides questions for further processing as well as "Chapter Nuggets" at the end of each chapter, helping the reader to take the concepts presented and apply them to their life in a meaningful way.

Overall, I think this book is a great addition to my self-help shelf and has concepts that I plan on using in my own life as a therapist and someone who is recovering from a life of people pleasing.

4 Stars.
Release Date: July 9, 2024

Thank you so much to the publisher and MacMillan Audio for providing me with an arc of this book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you NetGalley for allowing me to listen to this audiobook in exchange for my honest review.

I am not one for self-help books, I usually tend to find them boring and a little too preachy. Kathleen Smith does an excellent job of sharing her passion for people first thinking. She makes some humerus content in the middle of helpful and informative advice. Primarily she is focused on Bowen theory, which I had never heard of but was very interesting to learn about. I really enjoyed the different stories of various clients that she had, as well as the chapter nuggets and homework to think about.

I would never assume that I would be able to remember everything from one listen. I loved listening to this book, but I would also like a hard copy that I could reference and reflect on when I want to go back to it. Overall, if you’re looking for information and tips on how to strengthen your ability to evaluate yourself and your relationship with others, this is an excellent read.

As a therapist, I rationally know how to set boundaries, but to implement them is another thing. Reading a book written by a therapist about the importance of therapists utilizing the skills we teach everyday was a breath of fresh air. I have read a few books written by therapists that seemed very invalidating, but this book was helpful and supported by Bowen therapy. I enjoyed the attachment theory portion—it makes perfect sense how people pleasing goes hand in hand with your attachment style.
Thank you NetGalley for giving me an advanced readers copy for an honest review

True to You by Dr. Smith offers a fresh perspective on creating authentic relationships and living by one's own principles. The book emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and curiosity, urging readers to focus less on others' reactions and more on their own responses in various situations. Dr. Smith's approach is grounded in practical advice, providing actionable steps to interrupt negative relationship patterns, reduce dependence on external validation, and build a solid sense of self. With real-life examples, this book encourages readers to take responsibility for their own well-being and relationships, offering insight into greater confidence and authenticity. A good read for people-pleasers!

This was a good book on boundaries and developing healthy relationships for those that struggle with people-pleasing and lack of boundaries, for a variety of reasons. The book featured a case study to go along with each chapter to help readers relate to the material, and included exercises to go along with the techniques to be more assertive and less passive. The material was presented in a way that made it an easy listen, it wasn't overly complicated by statistics and advanced medical verbiage. The narration in this audiobook was also very well done by well-known audiobook reader Christine Lakin.

I think anyone who wants to learn more about setting boundaries, wants to dive deeper into what makes people so eager to please, and wants to learn ways to improve on this would find True to You a very informative read.

Thank you to NetGalley and MacMillan Audio for the advanced copy of this e-audiobook!

This is a really solid and accessible introduction to Bowen theory, mostly illustrated by case examples. I usually find this many example stories tedious, but this book was clearly structured and the cases were thoroughly integrated into the material. I would bet that even those who don't think they are living their lives to please others would be surprised at how much more free they could be!

I read a lot of self help books and this is one of the best I've read. As an alcoholic, I struggle with boundaries and relationships. This book has explanations, studies, and exercises so you can understand what you're going through and learn how to change.
The best part is how much emphasis is in creating healthy relationships, even when we have created unhealthy patterns. The examples are so easy to identify with, and the exercises are so practical. It's important to learn how to take an honest inventory of our feelings and actions so we can change our habits.
I highly recommend this for anyone who wants to build healthier relationships with friends, family and in the community. Thanks to NetGalley for letting me listen to this audiobook. The narrator is great with just the right amount of empathy

"True to You" by Kathleen Smith isn't just a practical guide; it's a beacon of hope for those grappling with people-pleasing. Smith delves deep into why we fall into this cycle and offers a way out. Using real stories and her therapy experience, she shows us how to discover ourselves and feel empowered. Each chapter feels like a journey, guided by Smith's gentle voice and wise advice.

She emphasizes taking control of our lives by owning our choices. Mixing research with personal stories, the book is both informative and engaging. It's not just another self-help book; Listening to the audiobook felt like being enveloped in Dr. Smith's comforting voice, nudging me toward self-discovery. I know I'll refer back to it from time to time, as I normally do with self-help books. This book wasn't just a read; it was a sanctuary I didn't know I needed. I highly recommend it to anyone searching for themselves.

This book was so incredibly well written! It was so easy to digest. I loved hearing about all the studies + getting the real life examples thru the author's clients! I annotated this book + feel like I will definitely be refering back to it later in life. Overall I really enjoyed it!