This book was a super interesting read! The history and information provided was all very interesting and insightful!

According to the book information a transgender woman (once a man) will examine the differences between men and women in present day America and how life has changed since she came out in 2000. However, what this really is is a follow-up to Boylan’s first memoir, SHE’S NOT THERE that came out in 2005; there’s much about the author here and less about arm’s length comparisons of then and now.

First off, don’t let what you read in this review mislead you. Boylan is a hero by any estimation. Coming out publicly as transgender in 2000 was an incredibly, incredibly brave thing to do. Many people were still terrified to be publicly gay then, much less transgender. And Boylan was out and willing to publicly speak on the issue. So, thank God for her and people like her.

However, I get a sense that perhaps Boylan is feeling a bit left behind these days, maybe too much of an elder statesman, and not enough attention paid? She was a cast member on Caitlyn Jenner’s reality show, which I believe I saw once, and I don’t recall her. Bi get the impression she was there to try to guide Caitlyn, to help her make a positive impact as the nation’s best known transgender person (I don’t think that worked since I believe she’s a Trump supporter.). She doesn’t mention having done much advocacy work since, but I may not be remembering correctly, or she may feel like she’s done enough, dammit (I know that feeling. After years of serving in what felt like every board and committee in our city and President of this and that, I feel like I’ve done my time. Let the younger people with more energy take over now!)

The book and I did NOT get off to a wonderful start since for about the first forty pages Boylan talks about her obsession with weight. Well. I guess she IS a woman now (insert eye roll here). She gives lip service to how it’s “something she wants to fight” after she tells you how badly she feels about herself for going from a size twelve to a size fourteen (which I believe is the average size for women in America…and most women are not six feet tall, like she is.)

As mentioned this is her second, maybe third, memoir, so at this point she is just giving bits and pieces of her life. Regarding her sons: “Having a father who became a woman has helped make me children into better men.” I would think that is likely true as to being more accepting, and it’s likely also accurate to say the boys were better parented when their father became herself.

One very interesting thing about Boylan is that her marriage survived her transition. I would assume the statistics for that are fairly low. Then, in her 50s (I believe Boylan transitioned at around age 40, but I could be wrong) she and her wife get a very big surprise. No spoilers here, but it definitely makes Boylan look at things differently and the reader may too.

The book was interesting. I have to admit, I had no
idea who Boylan was before reading the book (which would surprise Boylan, I think. I think she thinks she’s very well know. She’s kind of a big fan of herself. She seemed to get a little huffy when people said her wife was actually the big hero in their story.). As I said, she is to be lauded for what she did, but it appears she was lucky enough to have the money to pay for the transition and all related surgeries herself, which is nice. I enjoyed reading about her life. 3.5 stars.

Jennifer Finney Boylan writes from her heart with empathy and humour. Her thoughts and feelings about transformation, both in gender and soul, are deep and passionate. With her latest book she includes stories she has shared before, as well as new issues put before us as this issue has become a political hotbutton.

Also in this book is her transformation as a parent, as her son becomes her daughter, and musings on parenting a trans son or daughter. She seems mostly to be preaching to the choir. She makes attempts to discuss the historical and literal inclusion of trans people for centuries, mainly to court the interest of those uninterested or opposed to transitioning, and parents who have negative reactions to their child coming out as trans. But that's a whole other book (which, hopefully, she will write).

Returning to the topic of what it means to identify as female or male, and the myriad ways people approach this, is articulate and probing.

Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC.