AT DARK, I BECOME LOATHSOME
By: Eric LaRocca
Release: 1/28/25
Page count: 175
KU: No Hoopla: No

Synopsis: Ashley is working through a death or two by helping others see the beauty and gift that is life… after he buries them in a coffin. But one client will test his limits and humanity.

First line: “At dark, I become loathsome.”

Favorite lines: “Sometimes pain is earned.”
“Children lose their innocence when they realize that adults
can hurt them.”

Thoughts: As with every LaRocca story, it’s an emotional read. (Especially for parents.) Somehow, LaRocca finds the humanity in the darkness while pulling back the uncomfortable curtains on grief, loneliness, and impure minds. Are we an Ashley or Ashley’s clients?

Rating: 5/5

Other recommendations: YOU’VE LOST A LOT OF BLOOD, WE CAN NEVER LEAVE THIS PLACE

This gruesome take on death and the nature of evil asks some dark questions and the climax offers some answers that might seem bleak to some and hopeful to others.

Thanks to NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for the ARC.

TW for child abuse, sexual violence, murder, claustrophobia, homophobia. This very much feels like a character study of a broken man who manages to both hate himself and have a savior complex at the same time. As much as his need to 'destroy' his image with piercing and body modifications stems from some conservative upbringing, his bringing it up every chapter got old quick, and it'ssuch an outdated view. Ditto for the title drops every other paragraph. The two chapters of short stories about extreme fetishes destroying lives, told through online forums, were interesting, albeit extremely disturbed. One connected to the overall plot better than the other, and they both felt edgy for the sake of shock value, which ironically makes it less edgy by trying too hard. Overall, I didn't enjoy this one as much as LaRocca's other book that I read. I just couldn't care about the main character. He put me off beyond just being morally grey, and I didn't care what he did or how it would turn out for him, it just didn't seem to matter in the end.

A short, slightly disturbing novel that I just could not put down. Thank you for the ARC! I will definitely suggest this to some of my clients who love the darker books.

actual rating: 4.5/5 stars

eric larocca has absolutely knocked it out of the park with at dark, i become loathsome. this novella is his darkest, most complete work yet, blending grief, human depravity, and raw trauma in a way that sticks with you long after finishing it. if you’ve read larocca’s earlier books, you’ll notice some of his signature themes — religion, sexuality, loss — but here he brings them all together in a way that feels like the culmination of everything he’s done before, and then some.

from the very first page, the story grips you and doesn’t let go. the protagonist is deeply flawed, a person who's as unlikable as they are fascinating. he’s struggling with grief, but in a way that makes you question if he’s even capable of empathy or understanding the weight of his actions. the whole thing plays out like a fever dream — unpredictable, spiraling, and uncomfortable in the best way. the story shifts between nested layers that heighten the tension and make you feel as if you’re drowning in his twisted thoughts.

this isn’t your typical horror. it’s the kind of horror that makes you uncomfortable and unsettled because it feels so human, so real. larocca takes you into some pretty disturbing territory, but it never feels gratuitous. the violence, the sex, the brokenness — all of it feels like a form of searching, a desperate attempt to find some meaning in the chaos. and even though the protagonist is difficult to sympathize with, there’s something about larocca’s writing that pulls you in despite all that.

while this book shares some of the same elements as his previous works, it feels like a full novel, not just a short story or novella. it’s the perfect blend of everything larocca does best. that said, i did feel a bit let down by the ending. it leaves some things unresolved, and i would’ve loved a bit more closure. but honestly, the way larocca handles the themes of grief and loss is so damn powerful that it more than makes up for it. the whole thing is just so emotionally raw and dark that it’s hard not to appreciate the way it sticks with you.

at dark, i become loathsome is brutal, thought-provoking, and haunting in the best way. it’s definitely not for everyone, but if you’re a fan of horror that digs deep into the human psyche, this is a must-read. it’s easily one of larocca’s best works, and while it may not be perfect, it’s still an unforgettable ride.

thank you to blackstone publishing, eric larocca, and netgalley for an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review.

A voice like no other. A 1/1.. as only Eric Larocca can provide. Not for the faint of heart...Will always support him, but would not recommended this one to everyone (not a bad thing!)

idek what i would rate this but my heart told me to click 4 stars. this is the most i’ve enjoyed a larocca book since things have gotten worse since we last spoke. i need to reread. the gore was intense and perhaps not what a youth librarian should be listening to at work but nevertheless we proceed

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of the most disgusting and intense books I have ever read. It is a ride the whole way through. The story of Ashely Lutin's grief and the ritual that comes from it are both interesting and disgusting to behold. It is an intense ride all the way to the end. Be aware of the trigger warnings and intensity of the depravity of this book before reading but if you can handle it, it may give you an interesting perspective on life, death, grief and revenge.

As a long time fan of horror fiction, it takes a lot to get me unsettled. That being said, Eric Larocca always finds a way. The way he's able to weave together a suprising and enjoyable story while keeping the reader on edge throught the piece consistently leaves me stunned. I'm always excited to see what he does next.

Eric Larocca has become an auto-pickup author for me. While this book had a slow start for me, the writing and beautiful word choice kept me interested until the fascinating end.

While the premise was nice, the writing was... not what I expected. I wanted more from the characters because I felt that what was on the front cover and the front flap was not what we were given.

Provocative exploration of grief, trauma, and the depths of human depravity, with poetic prose and graphic violence. Fun!

LaRocca at his BEST! Included in BookTrib Chill Quill monthly round-up: https://booktrib.com/2025/01/29/the-chill-quill-witches-hauntings-and-dark-thrills/

Trigger Warnings: Violent, sexually explicit, suicide ideation, death

As far as the splatterpunk genre, this is mild. However, don’t make any mistake, At Dark, I Become Loathsome is not for the faint of heart. Ashley Lutin is a narcissistic, tortured, and miserable soul tormented by the twin losses of his son and wife. To find relief, he offers clients relief from their own suffering through a dark ritual with the intent of saving their lives. “At dark, I become loathsome.” Instead of being a savior, Lutin becomes executioner, presumably to offer the stricken ultimate release. Told from Lutkin’s point of view and his client’s journals, readers will learn about the depraved actions and thoughts of what people hide from the daylight. What Lutin may believe to be benevolence turns out to be a disguise for his own pure egoism and hidden desires.

Listening to the audio version, Andrew Eiden (aka Teddy Hamilton) gives the perfect voice to the suffering and darkness of the characters. Lutkin’s “at dark, I become loathsome” and LaRocca’s title is meant to carry the theme throughout the book but becomes a tiresome, repetitive chant. The book is violent and readers should be wary of picking up At Dark, I Become Loathsome. It is not merely horror, it is psychological terror - sexually explicit and sadistic containing adult themes, suicide ideation, and animal brutality.

Rating: 3 stars!

To fully understand this book, you would have to read this book.. Its dark, twisty, full of absolute terrors. Ashley and his story are a whirlwind of madness.

Thank you NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for an ARC in exchange for an honest review

Allegedly Ernest Hemingway once described writing as sitting down at the typewriter and bleeding -- and honestly, I can't think of another modern writer who seems to live that philosophy as much as Eric LaRocca. As a writer, LaRocca always lets his intrusive thoughts win; and that means as a reader, you're in for unimaginable amounts of darkness and devastation when you pick up one of his books.

"At dark, I become loathsome." This is a mantra that Ashley Lutin frequently repeats to himself in the depths of his grief. After his wife died of cancer and his son disappeared, Ashley developed a ritual for others who find themselves caught between their wish for death and their desire to live a more fulfilling life. Through this ritual, he meets a man named Jinx, and their connection sends both men down a dark and brutal path towards the possibility of redemption.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a pitch-black journey into the tortured soul of a man that has been battered by grief, guilt, trauma, and shame. It's emotionally raw and devastating, full of misery and tragedy and depravity. No other writer is telling stories the way LaRocca does, and stories like his and voices like his are so incredibly important -- as long as you are in a strong enough place mentally to consume them. I feel like I don't always get what LaRocca is trying to convey behind all the shock and awe in his books, but I definitely got it this time; in At Dark, I Become Loathsome, LaRocca is writing at the top of his game. Thank you to Blackstone Publishing for the complimentary reading opportunity.

LaRocca’s ability to relate the grotesque in terms of such beauty never ceases to enthrall me. Reminiscent of surrealists like Lautréamont, Bataille and Cocteau, deeply disturbing and yet redemptive.

Highly recommended.

This is an incredible book that I would not recommend to anyone, ever, without a whole list of content warnings and the knowledge that they are *actually* interested in extreme horror. It's heartbreaking. It's gross. It is also so compelling, an artful and unflinching examination of the worst parts of grief. I don't know if I can say I enjoyed reading it, but I'm certainly not sorry I did.

Eric Larocca writes some of the most heinous, disturbing stories that also somehow wrap you in a warm blanket and hold you close as you read. It is truly a fascinating writing style that always pulls me and demands it to be finished.

Ashley Lutin is going through the motions after his child has been stolen and his wife died from cancer. Believing he can help people, he's developed a ritual of burying a person alive to give them a new lease on life. He hates himself for it, hates his life, but he can't give up though he's tried before. Sharing stories within the story about others finding pleasure in the destruction of others, in the complete breakdown of someone's body and mind, and the question of how can he even be human when he feels like this. It's a story of grief, and pain, and pleasure, and the conviction that you're going to know the right thing to do and then not doing it.

It is a terrifying story and a heartbreaking story and you feel like you're in the coffin waiting for the soil to be removed, for the lid to be opened, for the chance to breathe again. Amazing.

Rating: 1.67 leaves out of 5
-Characters: 1/5
-Story: 1/5
-Writing: 3/5
Genre: horror, lgbt, thriller
-horror: 0/5
-lgbt: 5/5
-thriller: 0/5
Type: Ebook
Worth?: no

I want to first thank Netgalley and the publishers for letting me read this.

First off, gore to me is not horror. That being said I have read Eric's work and he has written some good books. Sadly this one wasn't it. It is a quick read, yes, but it felt so long. I just really didn't vibe with this book.