Content Warnings: Child Abduction, Sexual Assault, and Murder; Gore; Animal Abuse & Animal Death; Burying Alive, Terminal Illness (Cancer), Terminal Illness as a Kink, Cannibalism (Off Screen), Suicide Attempts & Suicidal Ideation

For the sexually averse, there are two or three scenes I remember as being explicit, as well as in depth discussions of terminal illness as a kink. They are not super well telegraphed.

I always feel conflicted reading Larocca's work. On the one hand, his skill as a writer is evident in his strong, vivid descriptions, and the psychology behind his characters is often interesting. This book is no exception. Main character Ashley has a story that I wanted to watch unfold, and his twisted psychology was well done. The main plot I found very absorbing.

On the other hand, I often find his books contain a lot of the details and descriptions that are unpleasant -- not necessarily scary or horrific, but just gross. I can admit that's a me issue; gross horror just doesn't do it for me. Relatedly, at least in this book, it feels so repetitive. The phrase "at dark I become loathsome," for example, is repeated to the point that it loses both meaning and power. I do recognize that the repetition and style of the narrative are purposeful, but it more made the book feel long than offer the intended resonance.

This book is a quick read, so if the premise sounds interesting to you (and the content warnings not an immediate turn off), then I see no harm in giving it a try.

I really wanted to love this one, as I am already a big fan of Eric Larocca, but this one was just really slow moving for me. I didn’t love the pacing, but it did have the creep factor that Larocca is great at.

As much as this book had a lot going on, I had to see it through to the end. I feel like this was icky just for the shock value, rather than adding to the overall plot.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca
4.5/5

I’m obsessed with Eric’s works, so it was an absolute honor to get the chance to read this ARC copy of his newest novel. The writing is hauntingly beautiful, almost poetic even in the most grotesque moments. I love it.

I was hooked from the start, as I always am, by his ability to make a character that you can’t help but connect to for one reason or another, even in spite of every increasingly unsettling thing you learn about them. Ashley is… well, he’s doing his best to cope in the only way that works for him. He’s suffered unimaginable losses and that drives a gut instinct of compassion from the reader.

Even if he is burying people alive. But don’t worry, he digs them back up… usually. Because grief does funny things to people, and sometimes all it takes is one piece of information to send someone into a spiral that effects everyone around them.

Everything changes when Ashley meets Jinx - someone whose own morbidity fascinates she draws Ashley in beyond the professional boundaries he normally sets. But what happens when the secrets Jinx has to offer are more personal than Ashley ever could’ve imagined?

You’ll have to read to find out.

Well-written, but even as a horror fan, this one was not for me. The content was a little too extreme, especially being a parent.
Thanks for the copy to read and review!

I’m terribly disturbed in the coolest and weirdest way 🤣. This was my first Larocca experience…. and it’s quite the experience. I have to admit this is probably the darkest thing I’ve ever read. Well, probably close to it. You know, and I just couldn’t put it down.

Ashley lost his son and wife. It has sent him into the darkest places of hell within his mind. He struggles with the deepest grief imaginable.

What he does… is put up a forum online where you can purchase his services. Ashley feels the need to surround himself with others who feel just like him. The service? Read and you’ll find out.

His writing is gut wrenching beautiful and poignant. I felt all the emotions! Disgust, sorrow, empathy and more. I highly enjoyed this dark tale. Can’t wait to read more from him!!

CHECK ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS—-
4 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Eric LaRocca keeps coming up with hugely uncomfortable stories, shocking tales deserving the description of 'extreme horror' - though the characterization is not grounded on gore, graphic violence or scenes of gag-inducing torture. LaRocca's books are undeniably brutal, bleak and nihilistic; but their extreme features lie in the emotionally transgressive, the introspectively disturbing - their visceral impact is felt slowly, the story growing tendrils and creeping under your skin till it can no longer be denied admittance into your darkest, most shameful, inner thoughts.

"At Dark, I Become Loathsome" fulfills those elements brilliantly, from the distressing iterations of the titular mandra, to the toe-curling ambiguity of the ending. Theme-wise, the book goes through grief horror and queer lit, embedded in a sort of spiritual porn (for lack of a better word) revolving around sickening desires and perverted ideas of salvation and redemption. The writing style, besides the familiar LaRocca lyricism and in-your-face, deceptively simple prose, also adopts the chat format and extended diary-like sequences of introspection. Information is sparsely given directly, and the reader has to do some work to fill out the whole picture underlying the main character's story. Soon grief and guilt, framed as a bizarre ritual of 'fake death' experience, gives way to homoerotic desire and self-destroying sexual pressures of self-denial and self-doubt. The emphasis on "self-" is intentional: this is a first-person POV tale, forced on the reader, take it or leave it. Psychologically, the story is grounded on trauma and fuelled by personal loss; this makes for some huge non-sequiturs, rationally speaking. I can easily imagine readers feeling exasperation and confusion by the behavior of the cast - but it's important to keep in mind that these are people who've been severely traumatized: rationality does not belong in this realm. So complaints about their 'irrational' and contradictory behavior would be misplaced.

My favorite part of the book, however, was the stories-within-stories technique of one's expressing trauma and pain. Twice I found myself enjoying the stories more than the main plot. It felt like a very original perversion of the epistolary horror format. And as far as the ending is concerned, I'm still thinking about it, trying to riddle it out.

In sum, the book is to be treated with kid gloves: it pierces the heart exactly when you least expect it, sometimes not even realizing until much later. Highly recommended.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this eBook ARC.
The first quarter of the book drew me in, and I really wanted to like this. But when it went off the rails I did not like the rest of the story.

At Dark I Become Loathsome by Eric Larocca

This was dark dark dark.
Seething and inky black, we're given the story from the perspective of Ashley Lutin, a deeply damaged man who conducts a unique ritual for depressed individuals he meets online in order to give them a new lease on life

Eric Larocca has a way of writing that is dripping in style. This story was unlike anything I've read in a long while. Bleak and brooding At Dark I Become Loathsome does a lot to make you feel unsettled. This doesn't tip over into extreme horror territory but straddles the line very deftly.

This was a quick read but incredibly compelling, I had a hard time putting this down. As depressing as it was at times, I didn't want to look away. For potentially sensitive readers I would suggest checking the content warnings

Over the years Eric Larocca has become one of my favorite horror authors. This book is by far my favorite work of his. Although not as gory as some of his other writing, this book delivers a sense of uneasiness unlike any of his others. The characters are well developed and fascinating. I loved the pacing and structure of this book. Even when he would segue into side stories, I was still glued to the page. Thanks Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for the advanced copy. I will definitely be buying a copy of this as well because I enjoyed it so much.

I couldn't put this down even when it became almost too much. A deep look at the depravity some humans are capable of and how grief can warp and rot a person.

Check TW'S
I liked the idea of this book, but it just wasn't what I was expecting. It took me a bit to get into the book. I did like that it was a fast read and the idea of the ritual. Mmm yea that's all I got.

This novel was a tough read (not that it was a bad book) Talk about Dark, Heavy, Haunting and Heartbreaking. This one messed me up. Eric LaRocca does it again. With everything I said above may seem like it was was a bad book and it was but not in the way you could be thinking. It was a dark bad book that I loved if that makes sense.

if you’ve read a lot of his stuff before, this ‘novel’ (really more of a novella) truly isn’t anything really new from Larocca - but rather a blend of things i’ve enjoyed from him before combined into one banger of a book. He has such a masterful way of packing a big punch into a short novel, not only in the horror elements, but in the way he makes you actually care and feel for his lead characters which elevates the story in a way that makes it memorable. He again touches on a lot of his usual themes - (homo)sexuality, religion, and grief.

I was a bit worried going in that being with a bigger publisher would mean he had to tone down some stuff, but this is just as depraved, gruesome, and sexual as i’ve come to expect from his work, bordering on ‘extreme horror’. Not for the faint of heart yall…

this book will NOT be for everyone, but if you’ve enjoyed things from him before this one comes highly recommended by me, and like I said is kind of a culmination of all the things i’ve come to love from him and is one of his best works.

The most lushly-written new novel, in horror or any genre, I’ve read this year—and the most despairing.

Soooooo good, This was my first book by Larocca and now I'll have to go explore his backlist. I'm normally not a short stories person, but this was fun.

By nighttime, Ashley becomes loathsome, but as it turns out, he's not too pleasant during the day either. Who wouln't be? Riddled with grief, guilt, and the inability to come to terms with the unknown circumstances surrounding his son's disappearance, Ashley finds purpose in providing premature burials in an obscure location to those who need a fresh outlook on life. Every aspect of the burial is detailed and ritualized by the rules Ashley developed from thin air, typed up, and printed out.

Due to the narrative's extreme brevity, I really hoped there would be a little more movement. Readers, instead, confront 2-3 story-ceptions throughout the main narrative about random people we don't need to care about. I also wish there was a more accessible way to read pages of DMs, especially if these DMs contain one of the story-ceptions needed to understand the message of the work.

The concept is quite interesting, but I think it was not as well executed as it could have been. Ashley isn't a dynamic character, and there's nothing I feel I gained or lost from his story.

I'd like to thank Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for access to this e-ARC.

"But though humanity doesn't escape us when it's dark out, I've learned that human decency only exists when it's convenient."

Ashley Lutin has found an interesting way to deal with his grief after the death of his wife and the disappearance of his son. He has transitioned into helping others with their pain and desire to depart from life. With thoughtful planning and a detailed ritual, Ashley helps people by giving them a taste of exactly what they wanted and leaves them with a renewed purpose.  However, Ashley soon decides to change his methods, creating a permanent solution for the people he is supposed to be helping.  His upcoming appointment with a man named Jinx will test  Ashley's determination and put him face to face with the person who can answer his questions. 

At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a unique look into humanity, grief and pain.  For a shorter story, the pacing is more of a  slow burn with a known undercurrent of something going terribly wrong, eating away and corrupting Ashley.  I enjoyed how the story moved through Ashley in the present, going through the motions of his death experience along with memories of when he was with his wife and son up through his son's disappearance interspersed with Ashley's directions for the ritual.  As Ashley's narrative continues, the state of his mind deteriorates and yet he seems to see things clearly for the first time in a long time.  As Ashley intersects with Jinx, the tension rises and Ashley faces some difficult truths about himself.  
This book was received for free in return for an honest review.

Not LaRocca’s best, but certainly LaRocca’s very good. The guy buries people alive so they won’t want to die anymore. When they come out, they’re fixed. But what happens when the guy who buries people alive wants a new lease on life of his own? An awesome story, with a few mini-stories woven in (very disturbing, jarring and awesome). So much to like in this one, especially if you’re already familiar with LaRocca’s work. A few threads left me scratching my head, but otherwise, super epic.

I love eric larroca. I feel he is the new cluve barker and will do great things in his career. This is a very dark book. It made me sad in alot of ways.